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Thread: How do I Tell Parents?

  1. #1

    Default How do I Tell Parents?

    No, it's not to do with AB/DLism. *looses half the readers

    It's about my constant suicidal feelings. I really want to tell my parents but (I still live with them by the way) I feel that they won't take me seriously unless I actually do it (or attempt it). I just feel they'll just think it's stupid and that I'm trying to get attention or something.

    Also, I have exams this week and I'm afraid that they'll just think I'm trying to get out of them. I guess that's partly true since I'm going to fail them all. I haven't been able to study at all because I can't concentrate or get motivated with all this going on inside my head. Same with homework. I can't concentrate at all and my teachers pretty much hate me.

    I've always had a ridiculously hard time talking to my parents about anything but I need to talk to them. I'm more comfortable with talking to my sister but naturally she's busy and won't be in the mood anyway. Like, what do I do? I can't go on like this. Not for much longer.

  2. #2

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    Hey Milko, no good you got to talk to them, they will listen. Go to the one who'll listen most first, and let them know how sad you are and that you've been thinking dark thoughts. What ever your relationship with them is, they will surely support you....if not then you must talk to someone who will care to listen. Either way, you've got to move this from cyberspace into the real world. I'm so happy to support you here, but I'm not close enough buddy.

    I really think you're underestimating your folks, invite them in, you know they love you, no parent is going to take a chance on their kids life. Go and see them now. You can't put this off it'll just get harder. You need and actual RL hug dude.

  3. #3

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    Hi, Milko.
    I'm glad you want to talk to your parents about this. It's a positive place to start.

    I think the best way to bring it up is to let them know there's some things going on and that you need to talk to them . Tell them to set a time aside that is convenient for everybody. This will ensure that they are putting time aside specifically for you and that there's time for everyone to discuss it. Talk to your sister and ask her if she can be a part of this. If you let her know it's important, and you feel more comfortable discussing things with her, it's likely you'll feel better talking to your parents if she is present, and she could be a good advocate for your needs. Assert yourself if you have to. This is a serious issue and they need to take the time for this. And you're worth the time.

    Also, don't go into it with preconceived notions about how they will react or what their response is going to be. The purpose of these conversations is to resolve the problem. Let them know that this is difficult for you to talk about, but you've reached the point where you are in serious need of their help. Give them the chance to help! Keep the conversation open and discuss how these thoughts have been affecting you, and your school work. No doubt the topic of grades will come up, and as I said in a recent thread, grades are important, but they are affected by your health and how you are coping. Your grades need to get better, but in order for that to happen, you need to get better.

    It may be helpful if you can offer any suggestions that would help change the situation. What if they were to help with getting a counselor? Or just have regular check-ins to continue the discussion? They may also be able to open some doors in communicating with your teachers and strategizing over the school year. If you feel they haven't been listening, it's okay to express that, but keep in mind that people can be sometimes oblivious to a potential suicide if they haven't been through the experience. They might recognize a problem but right now, they don't know what to say. Just make sure you're not coming across like you're criticizing them for not taking the time to listen or understand, this will only put everyone on the defensive and could make the situation worse by shutting down any future communication. Talking openly about it may realign their responses to the problems you've been having and it should lift your burden by having opened up..

    I think talking to them is a good first step. At this point, taking any action to get some help and support is more beneficial than not taking any action at all. SO DO IT!!!! And let us know how it goes.
    ,
    ,
    Last edited by Starrunner; 24-May-2015 at 12:16.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    Hi, Milko.
    I'm glad you want to talk to your parents about this. It's a positive place to start.

    I think the best way to bring it up is to let them know there's some things going on and that you need to talk to them . Tell them to set a time aside that is convenient for everybody. This will ensure that they are putting time aside specifically for you and that there's time for everyone to discuss it. Talk to your sister and ask her if she can be a part of this. If you let her know it's important, and you feel more comfortable discussing things with her, it's likely you'll feel better talking to your parents if she is present, and she could be a good advocate for your needs. Assert yourself if you have to. This is a serious issue and they need to take the time for this. And you're worth the time.

    Also, don't go into it with preconceived notions about how they will react or what their response is going to be. The purpose of these conversations is to resolve the problem. Let them know that this is difficult for you to talk about, but you've reached the point where you are in serious need of their help. Give them the chance to help! Keep the conversation open and discuss how these thoughts have been affecting you, and your school work. No doubt the topic of grades will come up, and as I said in a recent thread, grades are important, but they are affected by your health and how you are coping. Your grades need to get better, but in order for that to happen, you need to get better.

    It may be helpful if you can offer any suggestions that would help change the situation. What if they were to help with getting a counselor? Or just have regular check-ins to continue the discussion? If you feel they haven't been listening, it's okay to express that, but keep in mind that people can be sometimes oblivious to a potential suicide if they haven't been through the experience. They might recognize a problem but right now, they don't know what to say. Just make sure you're not coming across like you're criticizing them for not taking the time to listen or understand, this will only put everyone on the defensive and could make the situation worse by shutting down any future communication. Talking openly about it may realign their responses to the problems you've been having and it should lift your burden by having opened up..

    I think talking to them is a good first step. At this point, taking any action to get some help and support is more beneficial than not taking any action at all. SO DO IT!!!! And let us know how it goes.
    ,
    ,
    well my parents are in bed and my sister has just informed me she is busy. Meanwhile I'm sitting here punching myself in the head and cutting my arm with a razor blade..

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    well my parents are in bed and my sister has just informed me she is busy. Meanwhile I'm sitting here punching myself in the head and cutting my arm with a razor blade..
    Then please contact one of the helplines in your area right away. This should be your immediate priority. http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/inte...-hotlines.html
    We can help with the other stiff, but you need help in the real world.

    Please... put the blade down, and make the call.

    We care about you, Milko.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    Then please contact one of the helplines in your area right away. This should be your immediate priority. http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/inte...-hotlines.html
    We can help with the other stiff, but you need help in the real world.

    Please... put the blade down, and make the call.

    We care about you, Milko.
    No. They have better things to do than deal with me.

  7. #7

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    Yeah so it's time to talk to your parents Milko even if they are already in bed ... Anyway it's only 10:45 it's not exactly the middle of the night. Do they even know how you feel.....have you actually told them. They might actually be very happy to hear about this.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Dude give them a chance to help you please

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    Yeah so it's time to talk to your parents Milko even if they are already in bed ... Anyway it's only 10:45 it's not exactly the middle of the night. Do they even know how you feel.....have you actually told them. They might actually be very happy to hear about this.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Dude give them a chance to help you please
    Well they do know I'm depressed and when I first told them they were all over me but they've gotten bored with the idea now and I'm sure they would rather sleep than be reminded of it.

  9. #9

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    Sometimes when all this shits going on in your head it's not as obvious to orhers as you think. So maybe they might be thinking you're basically ok atm. Just keeping to yourself or something. It's easy for parents to overlook what's going on in a young adults life....I think it must be difficult for them to balance caring with giving space and stuff. I know this stuff made a lot more sense to me once I got a bit older and moved out etc. there were plenty of times when I thought I was being ignored when they thought I wanted space...haha lol....not.

    Seriously dude, if you don't talk about this shit everyone will be confused.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    Well they do know I'm depressed and when I first told them they were all over me but they've gotten bored with the idea now and I'm sure they would rather sleep than be reminded of it.
    Question; Are your parents aware that you have been cutting and engaging in self harm? Do they know how often this has been occurring?

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