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Thread: Depression and Self Harm

  1. #1

    Question Depression and Self Harm

    First of all, this post is probably going to be kind of depressing so don't read it unless you are prepared..

    Ok, so what provoked me to post this was another short period of insanity I had last night where I just started cutting my arm. I can't really remember why I did it to be honest, it's different every time.

    But what mainly provokes these actions is just I often have periods where I just feel like everyone is annoyed with me and that everything that is bad around me is my fault..
    Nothing makes me feel happy and I also have negative feelings about my ABDLism. I have very low self esteem and I hate my appearance and personality and just my life in general. I wish I was more confident and I wish I could be more open about myself with everyone. Places like here on ADISC are the only places I can feel like I can be myself. Wow this makes no sense

    I have always had great difficulty in expressing myself and feeling like I can be myself around others (mainly family). So many things that I want to do in my life are prevented through my fear of being judged by others or being looked down or thought negatively of.

    This post is so stupid and I have no idea why I'm even doing this but whatever haha I'm confused..

  2. #2

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    There are always people around you who will support you when you need it most. I used to cut my legs to deal with my depression, and while it helped in the short-term, it was bad in the long term. It became addictive for me. Life can be tough at times, but there are people who love and accept you for who you are. You are a beautiful person! Don't forget that!

  3. #3

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    Hello, Milko,
    I'm sorry for the way you are feeling right now. I see from your profile you self identify as gay. I understand how it can be overwhelming to cope with issues around sexual identity on top of dealing with ABDLism. I had to go through all of that myself and it took a long time before I could accept myself. It also sounds like there may be a number of issues affecting you and making you feel this way.

    In my experience with cutting, I understand it can either be a symptom to suicidal feelings or a need to cause self harm as a means of punishment to yourself. I see you're from Australia and I'd like to give you a list of help lines in your region that can help you through depression or thoughts of suicide. I encourage you to contact one of them s soon as possible.

    http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/inte...-hotlines.html

    I think you clearly identified the reasons you're feeling this bad. Low self esteem, lack of confidence, and a tendency to blame yourself for everything around you. I know when you're feeling this low it's hard to think about anything positive, but I see the potential for things to change.

    First of all, call one of the helplines, or have someone to call when you need to vent. Your feelings are important and there are people who want to help if you will just give them a chance.

    What is causing you to cut right now? How does it make you feel? Are there other, safer ways of dealing with the pain you are feeling? Were there times when you felt this way and didn't cut? What did you do instead?

    Cutting can be an overwhelming urge to replace one form of pain with another. You need to process your feelings when you feel this way, and stop and think and analyze your feelings before giving in to cutting. Just starting off with practical things such as getting some sleep or eating healthy could be a step forward. Take a shower, a long walk, or eat a ton of ice cream if it helps.

    I do believe that cutting is a symptom of an illness whether it be depression or other mental health problems. It's important to develop coping mechanisms, however, I would strongly advise you to consider getting some professional help or counselling so that you are not doing this on your own. Depression can be linked to physiological symptoms that may require treatment. The good news is that it can be treated.

    You are a valid, worthwhile person, and you deserve the help available. We are also here to support you as much as we can. We're glad you're here and even gladder that you're talking to us about how you're feeling. This is exactly what this site is for.

  4. #4

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    I've never cut myself (too scared of infections and it's just not a good thing to do to your body period), but I went though a phase of depression and many month long meltdowns where I did some crazy, but legal stuff.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    First of all, this post is probably going to be kind of depressing so don't read it unless you are prepared..

    Ok, so what provoked me to post this was another short period of insanity I had last night where I just started cutting my arm. I can't really remember why I did it to be honest, it's different every time.

    But what mainly provokes these actions is just I often have periods where I just feel like everyone is annoyed with me and that everything that is bad around me is my fault..
    Nothing makes me feel happy and I also have negative feelings about my ABDLism. I have very low self esteem and I hate my appearance and personality and just my life in general. I wish I was more confident and I wish I could be more open about myself with everyone. Places like here on ADISC are the only places I can feel like I can be myself. Wow this makes no sense

    I have always had great difficulty in expressing myself and feeling like I can be myself around others (mainly family). So many things that I want to do in my life are prevented through my fear of being judged by others or being looked down or thought negatively of.

    This post is so stupid and I have no idea why I'm even doing this but whatever haha I'm confused..
    Thank you for sharing with us.
    This in and of its self is a big step and shows that you need someone to talk to and would like some help.

    Please take the time and call the number that Starrunner given you.

    You are not alone and we are hear to at least give a listening ear to help you deal with the issues.

    Egor.

  6. #6

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    Hey, there is already great advice here, but for what it's worth. Without knowing your exact situation it's hard to say, but look closely and without negativity at the people closest to you, chances are someone loves you, right. Well start by accepting that. Once you have, you are in a better position to begin to accept yourself as loveable. Heck were starting to love you and we hardly met. You really must talk to someone about what's hurting you. And you mustn't punish yourself.
    Thanks for sharing

  7. #7

  8. #8

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    There are many of us on this site who have dealt with depression and self harm, myself included. Over time, we seem to find ways to cope with life. I think during my college years, I looked into the pit of hell, and realized I had to make some changes in my life. Everyone is different, and so their journey is going to be different, but they probably have some things in common. For me, I graduated, found employment and moved. My job was as a musician and I wanted to be the very best that I could be. I had goals in mind and I made myself do what I had to do.

    I met the woman who would become my wife and we started a family. Little by little, I became more stable. I think having the responsibility of a husband and father contributed to that.

    In college I had a male SO. After graduation he was drafted and served as a conscientious objector. After his two years, he got employment as a teacher which lead to becoming a principle. He become one of the very first principles to be out of the closet and actually won a number of awards for his accomplishments, one being, A Fellow to the Kennedy Center.

    We both turned our lives around differently, but successfully. The best I can say is, get out there and do things, even small, little things. Stay busy. Get some exercise. I walk and ride my bike. I typically write as it's a good catharsis for me. I still play piano/organ and practice. I also take care of others such as my wife, my kids and people in my church. I think if you can shift the center somewhat away from yourself and toward others, you'll feel better. Anyway, that's my meager opinion, but I think there is always hope. Hang in there and know that people here care about you. As others have said, your family cares too even if they don't express it.

  9. #9

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    dogboy that's a great post. Finding something positive to hold onto is truly important. For me Milko I have religion. That helped me keep from becoming destructive to myself. I also withdrew from everyone that didn't need to have contact with me. Some things take time to heal. Things that troubled me needed to be worked out by me, so that I could be comfortable in my own skin. A change in surroundings really helped me and going to seek out people who are like myself brought me peace of mind and soul. Learning to ignore what society may think and just focus and being yourself, finding yourself is whats most important. When we are sensitive beings we feel as though everything that is bad around us is because of us in some way. This may or may not be true. You have to be honest with yourself, and find the right way to go about things. Some times it involves making sacrifices. For the time being this may help everyone around you till you find your answers.

    I had a cousin who did this after losing his mother. I could tell he could not get a handle on her loss, and it destroyed him. Don't let what troubles you destroy you. Take a large breath and find your calm space and realize your about to hurt yourself and stop. Know that there are many on here that care about you and don't want you hurting yourself. There is love in this community.

    So hang in there and when your feeling bad, post what troubles you and get it off your chest. Huge (((Bunny Hugs)))

  10. #10

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    Does this thread extend to discussion on suicide?

    To the OP: Don't hate yourself for being true to yourself, if that makes sense. Others disagree, but don't see. They can't relate. That's not necessarily your fault, unless your actions are detrimental to someone else.

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