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Thread: Not really sure what to do now?

  1. #1

    Question Not really sure what to do now?

    hi guys. it's been a while since I've been on the site but I really need some help with something. but before I do let me explain some good news.

    recently I came out to my fiancÚ about being who I am, babyfur, little, the whole nine yards. Not only was she kind about it but she actually said that I was silly to think that she wouldn't be accepting of it. it was a huge wait off my shoulders. something that I had been dragging around for such a long time, has come off and it's freeing. but there's something weird about it but not necessarily in a bad way.

    A few days ago I asked her how this effects our relationship, and long convo short, she says that "it doesn't need to be a focal point in the relationship to incorporate it because that's treating it as something new and abnormal. best to do what you want without acknowledging it as something out of the norm." verbatim her text. a bit confusing. no, i'm the only one. ok . but i'm not entirely sure how to do that. I bought some stuff that's going to help me get in the swing of things but I still don't really know how to progress from here.

    If anyone has any insight to something like this, it would be most appreciated. any way thank you guys for your help and for just reading this. i'm gonna see if I can talk to her a little bit more.

  2. #2

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    im not fully sure. but what it sounds like in a way to me is she is saying that she is ok with it but she doesnt wanna experiment with it or have it feel odd or different. she just wants you to do it like you have been since the start, kinda deal. thats how i see it. if i was you. i would just kinda start easing into everything little by little and just paying attention to how she reacts. that will honestly be your best bet to see how she is with it in full you know. sorry im not of more help haha.

  3. #3

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    Communication is key. I'm not her, and I don't know what she's really thinking. I will do my best to interpret this, but since I'm not her or you; I might get the translation wrong. You might want to discuss this with her more.

    I think she's OK with it. She accepts that this is a part of who you are, and doesn't want you to feel ashamed about it. To me when se says, she doesn't want it to be a focal point, she's saying that she doesn't want it to be the main part of your relationship. She may or may not be willing to participate. You'll need to talk to her more about this. My personal feelings on the matter says that she doesn't want to participate, and wants you to know that if she catches you doing something, you don't have to be embarrassed.

  4. #4

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    so I talked to my fiancÚ a bit more and while she's not really interested in the age play stuff, she's more just not sure what she do with it. I'm still talking to her about it and she's nothing if not open and accepting about anything and everything in our talks. what she meant when she said she didn't want to make a focal point was that she didn't want this to be the main point in the relationship and that she just wanted me to do whatever I wanted as if she already knew about it form the first day we meet (sorry for the confusion, I just did it to myself a little bit.) She's open to the furry stuff though and even wants to take a more adventurous side to it but i'm trying to see if I can interest her a bit more in the ageplay side of things. thanks again for your help guys and gals or fluids or what ever you wanna call yourselves lol we's all living on a giant rock.

    Update:
    ok very interesting conversation I had with her. we kinda just got down to the brass tax of it and I found that she's interested in the age play stuff but on the side where she's in the younger one. She says that she's too much of a sub to do much else but it looks like I'm might have a fiancÚ to share this side with me too. I'll keep you guys updated.
    Last edited by babymack; 21-Apr-2015 at 22:56.

  5. #5

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    So I went into my current marriage with a woman who had never never heard of any of the fetish aspects of my lifestyle. I was incontinent anyways and she was OK with that... Ice broken so to speak. I gave her time and space and never really brought it up much or asked her to participate. I let her take the initiative on anything AB/DL/BF related. Now she paints my toenails, lays out cute girly things me to wear and pours me a warm bubble bath with candles and a glass of fine scotch after work some days. Your Mileage May Vary... but the moral of the story is that if you let them take the steps, you'll go farther.

  6. #6

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    Honestly, the original post sounds like a variant of "Well, if that's what you're into", to me. On the subject of her being into it but wanting to be the sub, you could reach the point of her wanting things from you, but feeling uncomfortable with you actually doing anything of your own (as that takes away from your dominant role, which is needed for her to be submissive).

  7. #7

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    I really want to thank you guys for the support and help you'v been giving me this far. it's been greatly appreciated, thank you! I haven't had the time to give much of an update on the situation because of work and school and jack but i'm happy to day that we've got everything out in the open.

    When I did my last update, I said that my fiancÚ was into the ageplay stuff but thanks to auto correct being sneak and stuff, I didn't nknow that I made a grammatical boo-boo. What I meant to say was that she is kool wth the ageplay stuff but with the stipulation that she has to be on the receiving end and she is not comfortable with going lower than tween (naughty middle schooler stuff and the like) nor is she comfortable with being in diapers herself. Granted with all that said, she is perfectly fine with me being able to go much younger in ageplay (I've told her my oldest in that state is five and the rest is pretty much self explanatory) and can involve diapers and other things as I see fit. She pointed out that ageplay is a sexual thing for her and thus needs me to be the dominant one. Likewise, becuaseshe needs me as a dom so much in our life she's not able to get into the mind set of being a caretaker. To quote " I think that it's great that you trust me enough to tell me this, and I am completely understanding and acceptable of your little side. I just can't baby you like you want because I can't get into the caretaker mindset unless someone is an actual child."

    And to be honest I'm fine with that. I was only really looking for acceptance and understanding being that, like most of us, acceptance was replaced with opposition and crucifixion. when she told me what she told me, I could have cared less about the caretaker side of things. So again, thank you guys for all the support and help and blessings that you may have sent my way. It's places like this that help people like us keep it together, I think lol. Again thanks for all your help!

  8. #8

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    Wow, cool. Sounds like it's working out for you. Now are you interested in being the dom for her ageplay?

    Hopefully, it all works out for you guys. You're very lucky to find someone that is so open-minded and understanding when it comes to all of this.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mattew View Post
    Communication is key. I'm not her, and I don't know what she's really thinking. I will do my best to interpret this, but since I'm not her or you; I might get the translation wrong. You might want to discuss this with her more.

    I think she's OK with it. She accepts that this is a part of who you are, and doesn't want you to feel ashamed about it. To me when se says, she doesn't want it to be a focal point, she's saying that she doesn't want it to be the main part of your relationship. She may or may not be willing to participate. You'll need to talk to her more about this. My personal feelings on the matter says that she doesn't want to participate, and wants you to know that if she catches you doing something, you don't have to be embarrassed.
    This, This, and This! It's important to make sure she knows what exactly you would like. For example, if you two were having a night together, and you want to try something, its good to ease into it like, "Hey, I know we talked about this recently, and i thought we could try incoperating "x" into tonight." If she says yes! Great! if not, just leave it alone, and perhaps touch on the subject a different time. It's all about balance.

  10. #10

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    Wow, congratulations on this going so well! You are very fortunate to have such a loving and caring fiance that will share this with you to some degree. Acceptance is a huge step and one that not many clear. As others have said, I would echo that ongoing communication is key but I would run with what she said originally about not treating it as the focal point. Slowly introduce bits and pieces of the fetish and what you're into and take the time to explain it. She will likely have a lot of questions. But at this point it sounds like you two have talked a lot of about it and that is great. I wish you both the best moving forward!

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