Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Boyfriend Photoshops Coworker

  1. #1

    Default Boyfriend Photoshops Coworker

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years, and things have taken a turn for the worse.
    I'm aware that my boyfriend is addicted to porn. Most men watch porn anyway, so that part of it isn't that big of a deal. I'm used to it. What concerns me is the fact he feels he has to download it while at work (he works as a computer lab manager in an elementary school). Honestly, I felt like this was taking things a step too far, and when I confronted him about it, he denied ever downloading at work. He also blamed me for looking on his laptop that he takes to his work, saying that if I had never looked, I would have never been upset. That its not a big deal.
    I let it go. Foolishly, I admit, but I let it go, because I didn't want to argue anymore, and I didn't want to lose him. He said if I ever looked again he would leave me, etc.
    Well...I looked again, because things well, seemed off. Let me be clear, we hardly have sex. If we do its in the same position he likes, and it only happens after I beg and plead. And we never have sex more than once a week. Sometimes its hard to even get him to have sex with me once a week. Currently its been two weeks now, going on three. I feel that if he has enough to sneak around, watching porn, and hiding away in the bathroom masturbating, then he has enough sexual drive to have sex with me. I've asked him if I am doing something wrong, or if he finds me somehow unattractive, but he says that I don't do anything wrong, he finds me attractive, etc. So I don't understand the problem.
    Back to my point, on his computer, amongst the photoshopped celebs was a photoshopped photo of a coworker than had been turned into porn. I was devastated and heartbroken. I understand that if I had never looked it wouldn't have been a problem, but I was worried. Now, even though he deleted the photo, I seem to worry more and more.
    I know that photoshopping a coworker like this is not normal, but I don't know how to bring it up to him. I don't know how to express my hurt and anger to him. I know in the end he'll just put the blame on me for looking, and change he password on his laptop. Then I would worry more, because I would have no idea what he was doing. Not that its any of my business, but he keep putting thoughts into my head that shove me to investigate.
    I am not really sure what to do about seeing those photos of his coworker. I am sure she doesn't know. She has a husband and children of her own. I just wish I knew how to address the problem. I keep having nightmares about it, and nothing good has come from this. I am aware that I brought this on myself by looking, but that still doesn't justify what he's done. And that is something that I cannot find it in my heart to forgive. I just wish I knew the best course of action.

  2. #2

    Default

    Best case scenario: He gets found out and gets fired.

    It's all downhill from there. Granted, he probably isn't held to the same standard an Educator would be, but given where he works, if a parent or media gets a whiff of what he is doing, it will not be pretty.

    --sf

  3. #3

    Default

    I worked IT for a junior high school, and I never even thought about going anywhere inappropriate. For one thing, I took my job seriously and we were constantly reminded, "time on task".

    Your boy friend has a very serious problem, and unless he gets professional help, he will get caught and fired. That will be part of his record and getting employed will be very difficult. Your problem is that you said you wouldn't look on his computer and now you're stuck with that. You could confront him, but I believe that will also include that you are leaving him. You have some tough decisions to make, and I don't envy you. Sometimes, life truly sucks.

  4. #4

    Default

    Very difficult to read about your situation. Your boyfriend is putting himself in a very bad place. Furthermore, you are putting up with this behavior. Let him know how wrong this is. Ask him to seek help. Then leave him.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Your boy friend has a very serious problem, and unless he gets professional help, he will get caught and fired. That will be part of his record and getting employed will be very difficult. Your problem is that you said you wouldn't look on his computer and now you're stuck with that. You could confront him, but I believe that will also include that you are leaving him. You have some tough decisions to make, and I don't envy you. Sometimes, life truly sucks.
    By coincidence, I had dinner tonight with a friend of mine who, about ten years ago, got fired for watching porn on his computer at work. In fact, it wasn't the first time he'd done it. His boss had been unbelievably merciful the first time, and had actually warned him that he'd be fired if he did it again. He was a bona fide sex addict, though, and he did it again. And got caught again. And got fired. His marriage nearly ended, and his career did end; he went from designing audio systems for large stores and sports venues to washing windows. It was pretty much a catastrophe. He's since undergone therapy and his personal life is mostly back on track, but our conversation tonight touched, as it often has, on the fact that he's making close to nothing right now and isn't sure how to restart his career.

    To the OP: You would be right to really drive this point home, even if you're unsure whether you'll stay with him. This is not just a relationship-ruining thing for you both, it could easily be a life-ruining thing for him, especially given that he's around kids. Sexual deviance of any kind tends to be dealt with very harshly in professions that deal with kids, even if the kids aren't involved at all.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Your boy friend has a very serious problem, and unless he gets professional help, he will get caught and fired. That will be part of his record and getting employed will be very difficult.
    Yup, this isn't going to end well for him. I recommend leaving him ASAP. You can do better I'm sure.

    Good Luck.

    -Gus

  7. #7

    Default

    Well thats definitely not ok to be doing at work and photoshopping a coworker is definietly fishy I personally wouldn't put up with that no matter what the excuse is if he loved you he wouldn't do it and would go out of his way to make plenty of time for you. The way your making him sound is selfish and uncaring I would find someone else but thats just my opinion.

  8. #8

    Default

    There is just to many points to address here.

    He has a serious problem and It is not going to end well.

    Speaking as a past shop steward: he is in deep shit. HE will be fired and the co worker will be able to go after him in a lot of legal ways.

    When it happens it is not going to be good time.

    You need to evaluate your relationship and look at the need to get out for your own safety.

    Sorry to hear this

    Egor.

  9. #9

    Default

    The prospect of walking away from a relationship of 4 years sounds terrible, but 4 years into a relationship, you're presumably at a point where you're considering the question of tying yourself to this person indefinitely. Unfortunately, there are huge red flags all over this story.


    Someone who downloads porn at work and photoshops their coworkers (at an elementary school, no less), is not a stable long-term partner. It is a matter of when, not if, this blows up and he can no longer find a decent-paying job.

    Moreover, it's very much the wrong response from him to complain about you ever looking at his computer in response to finding really bad misbehavior. Yes, personal space is still a thing in couples, but a committed couple is a shared team existence. Communication needs to be strong, and all the big things need to be open and on the table. The fact that he's not open with something big like this is a lot more important that whether or not you might have found it by looking at his computer.

    Your points about problems in the bedroom also make it sound like the lines of communication are not open, and that your needs are not being met and/or being brushed aside.



    Ultimately, this sounds like a situation you're probably going to have to walk away from. Your boyfriend needs to change a lot of things, or this relationship is a dead-end of hurt and instability.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by egor View Post
    and the co worker will be able to go after him in a lot of legal ways.
    That's what I thought of.

Similar Threads

  1. Boyfriend just came out....
    By rn74 in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 26-Mar-2013, 23:26
  2. Need help for my boyfriend.
    By livekru101 in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 20-Jan-2013, 01:03
  3. Why did my boyfriend do this?
    By memorychick in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 19-Dec-2012, 06:09
  4. Boyfriend...
    By jetemanque in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 21-Jul-2011, 14:21
  5. Should I tell my boyfriend...?
    By daemon999 in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 15-Jul-2011, 22:30

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.