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Thread: Can there be "wrong" or "unethical" play between consenting adults?

  1. #1

    Default Can there be "wrong" or "unethical" play between consenting adults?

    Something I've been wondering for some time is whether or not there can be "unethical" or "wrong" play between two consenting adults.

    I'm talking about fantasies and means of arousal which could be construed as taboo, wrong, or even "illegal" outside of the consenting-adult factor.

    What do you guys think?

  2. #2


    Whatever you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. I just hope that if it causes an explosion I'm not your neighbor.

  3. #3


    I always practice the 'safe, sane, consensual' methodology with my kinks. As long as everyone is safe (that's no long lasting physical or emotional harm), everyone is in a safe space emotionally for what we're doing (i.e. am I/they practicing this in an altered mental state - is this something we would all consent to in perfect conditions?), and everyone consents and is fully aware and capable of consenting.

    Generally, if it's something we've done before then there's not much chat involved, and there's safe words for if something changes, then it's all ok. But trying something new means a good chat before and a good chat afterwards.

    Overall, I'd say there's nothing inherantly wrong in doing anything that follows the SSC rule. Even something like a rape fantasy/role play is still consensual in it's most basic form - at some point you'll have had to talk it over and make those desires known. In a partnership (or more!) of people who trust each other and know each other really well something like that can go well, but the key is in being aware of all the players emotional states and signals that they might not be enjoying it.

  4. #4


    I tend to agree with Talula, but would add that certain things I believe would cross the ethical boundary even if behind closed doors and consentual, such as games that would glamorise extreme prejudice for example. While no one would necessarily be harmed per se, I would be wondering where someones attitude were on such things.
    I guess I'm kind of stuck at this point when the argument brings humiliation into it...but well I think there is probably a line there somewhere.

  5. #5


    I think that's the point of consent, to make sure both parties are 100% on board with whatever is about to happen and most play involves the use of safe words in case on person changes their mind.

    I think whatever you do with your partner in a willing and safe environment is your buisness. Now I could look at someone else's play and think "no way, that's messed up!" but my opinion doesn't really matter in those cercumstances.

    I guess if you're. It forcing someone to go along with it and they know they have the right to say stop then it's all good.

  6. #6


    Consent isn't everything but it's a lot and covers the vast majority of things people want to do. Just as an example, I don't think actual vore works, even with consent. Fantasy play is something else entirely but I don't see how it is defensible to do things which lead to lasting harm or death.

  7. #7


    If both adults are in a position where they are mentally and physically able to give genuine consent - so without being pressurised, or having issues which could affect the validity of that consent - then there's absolutely no issue. I suppose my only caveat to that, is that I wouldn't encourage anything which was physically unsafe (serious choking, for example), but that doesn't mean that adults are unethical if they consent to do it together. It just means you need to be extra careful when partaking in certain sexual practices.

    So no, I don't think there can be any 'wrong' play between consenting adults. There are things I personally find creepy or gross, but they're subjective feelings which in no way reflect the morality (or otherwise) of a sexual act.

  8. #8


    If the consent is not out of fear or the desire to be harmed then not really. When you get into play that involve disfiguring or disabling injuries the jury is out.

  9. #9


    As asked, I think the answer is yes. And that yes is stuff that causes serious or permanent harm. I think even if two adults are fully consenting, it's so difficult to judge how how serious injury will affect a person's life that it's not possible to give true informed consent to it.

    However, if we're talking about things that don't cause serious harm and both adults have given their informed, honest consent, then I think the answer is no. It's private and whatever they enjoy is up to them.

  10. #10


    Quote Originally Posted by MasterPython View Post
    If the consent is not out of fear or the desire to be harmed then not really.
    For all the talk society gives to informed consent, I think that you touch on something too often left out- informed consent that's free of coercion. I'm all for prostitution provided the worker chooses to do what she does of her own volition. But say you pay to have sex with a woman who's been trafficked. She's probably aware of what's happening sexually, and she's a willing participant in such, but only because she knows that otherwise there will be consequences.

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