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Thread: dom/sub (BDSM thread?)

  1. #1
    annierighthurr

    Default dom/sub (BDSM thread?)

    So... I've decided to start exploring this.
    I've been an AB sub for as long as I've been into ABDL and only click with Daddy Doms (which yes, really do vary from just any schmuck who claims to be an AB daddy).

    Anyway, I think I have potential to be way more into the D/S BDSM lifestyle way more then ABDL, with maybe even ABDL only a byproduct of it to be used by a dom if necessary.

    I know that is saying a lot, because I am so new at it. But the more I look into it, the more it makes sense to me that this is the sort of thing I desire, rather then being a baby or whatever. My true little side isn't sexual, but when I have a daddy taking care of me, or anybody dominant, it is usually sexual and I'm usually not in true little side anyways. I also say this because one of my biggest fantasies, even more so then ABDL, is black domination. I can explain that more if necessary. Please don't flame me for being racist, nobody can explain their own desires in my opinion.

    Is anybody a "seasoned pro"? I need advice. I have been talking to quite a few Doms and I'm somewhat not sure of the protocol that subs should treat doms, even if they're not their masters. If there is protocol anyways. The Dom I am talking to laughed when we first started talking and said it was obvious I was new by the way I approached him.

    I mean, I made my profile at fetlife and collarme, everything should be going swimmingly... but honestly, any thoughts, suggestions, advice, etc would be greatly appreciated.

    By sub, by the way, I do mean slave, or close to it.

  2. #2
    Error404

    Default

    If by 'seasoned pro', you mean EXTREMELY knowledgeable, I'm your man. What I lack in physical experience, I make up for in years of study. Ask away and I'll answer as best I can.

  3. #3

    Default

    From what I gather, both in my own forages into this lifestyles, and from reading various things online, and conversations etc, its entirely up to both you and the Dom as to how you approach them. Some people believe that simply being respectful sghould be adequate, and that a title like Sir must be earned, however other Doms seem to prefer being titled from the offset, so I think its entirely up to you and your personal choice, oh and of course what the Dom your talking to prefers.

    Another thing, don't let anyone tell you "you're not a real sub if..." because I can guarantee you theyre just bullshitting and they are not someone you want to be hanging around with.

    Feel free to ask me here/give me a pm if you want to know anything else, although I can't guarantee I have a good answer xx

  4. #4
    annierighthurr

    Default

    Somebody said I wasn't a real sub because I said I am new to it on my profile on collarme. They said you either are or aren't a sub, there are no skill levels.

    But I have never been trained, and I have never experienced it truly, so I do think I am a n00b sub anyways. I dunno. XD

    One of the things I have a problem with is how to decide who is safe and who isnt. I have gotten countless messages on CM telling me to be safe because I am an attractive naive young girl.

    But it's really hard to tell who is safe and who isn't. My normal creep-o-meter doesn't apply here, because I find most Doms are really intense from the onset. Usually intensity is one of the first things I use against a person. Also a lot of those men are really open about their desires, another thing I would normally view as creepy.

    So how do I judge this? I know it's all personal, but there most be at least TINY guidelines. I don't want to get raped or murdered. It's a serious threat that I face, because I am so damn naive.

  5. #5
    Error404

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Hypnotized View Post
    Somebody said I wasn't a real sub because I said I am new to it on my profile on collarme. They said you either are or aren't a sub, there are no skill levels.

    But I have never been trained, and I have never experienced it truly, so I do think I am a n00b sub anyways. I dunno. XD

    One of the things I have a problem with is how to decide who is safe and who isnt. I have gotten countless messages on CM telling me to be safe because I am an attractive naive young girl.

    But it's really hard to tell who is safe and who isn't. My normal creep-o-meter doesn't apply here, because I find most Doms are really intense from the onset. Usually intensity is one of the first things I use against a person. Also a lot of those men are really open about their desires, another thing I would normally view as creepy.

    So how do I judge this? I know it's all personal, but there most be at least TINY guidelines. I don't want to get raped or murdered. It's a serious threat that I face, because I am so damn naive.
    You might consider going to BDSM parties and see if you can meet someone that way, that way, lots of things are going on around you and lots of people to advise and cater to your needs and fears.

    Albany Power eXchange - EXCELLENT reading. I highly advise this site. NO awkward pictures. Just pure information + some personal accounts.

  6. #6
    annierighthurr

    Default

    Wow thank you. I'm looking at it now. It seems full of the type of information I was seeking. Thanks a ton.

  7. #7

    Default

    On collarme, look for threads discussing the definition of what a sub or slave is. You should find those an interesting read. The discussions on how a sub should speak or act are also entertaining. For the most part, everyone in BDSM is an individual with individual definitions for just about everything.

    As for sub protocol, each Dom has individual expectations and desires which sometimes conflict with other Doms expectations. At a local dungeon, I have spoken with a Dominant sadist who is really bothered by being called "Sir". Most would be upset if a sub did not use such terms. As long as you are polite and appropriately respectful, most will be happy. Those that are not happy will let you know. Personally, I have found it easier to be more concerned about what is inappropriate.

    Being new is nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone started there at some time. The good people remember this and are helpful. Each group has questions commonly asked by new people which instantly flag the person as inexperienced. Here, it is asking about how to get diapers, or something similar. In BDSM, asking for the standard protocol or definition is an instant flag. Also, not being sure about where you fit into the BDSM spectrum is another flag. To be honest, this still applies to me.

    My best advice is to gather as much infromation as possible, avoid focussing too hard on what others expect, and have fun getting some experience. I have done this by reading most threads on collarme, chatting with others online, and joining a local BDSM group.


    Since I have posted advice, you may want some background information to judge the validity of my post. I have spent years searching the internet for information on bondage which usually included information on other aspects of BDSM. Several moths ago, I have started frequenting forums. A couple months ago, I started regularly visiting a local meeting place for those interested in it, and have spoken at length with several people with decades of experience in this lifestyle. I am not a "seasoned pro" by any definition, but may have enough experience to at least point you in the correct direction.

    Good luck keeping it Safe, Sane, and Consentual!

  8. #8

    Default

    leathernroses.com is also good for information.

    People do seem to be a lot more intense on sites like this, i might also recommend bdsmlibrary.com and go onto the forums/chatroom to ask a few questions. The people on there are always really concerned for people safety, and there is a wide diverse lot of people on there.

    The person who told you that you werent a sub is wrong, dont listen to them. People use words like that to manipulate vulnerable people into abusive relationships. There are skill levels, everyone always has something new to learn, and its good to see that youre admitting to being new, no one likes a self proclaimed expert, if anything its downright dangerous to say youre an expert, because people will ask your advice and then you might provide wronjg or dangerous information, either knowingly or not. But you didnt - so kudos to you

    I would recommend trying to build up a large group of ffriends/aquaintances, who have been on the sites as well. When someone approaches you, ask around about them, make a few enquiries. Find someone who is maybe a moderator of the forum, or the owner of the site - theyll have been around long enough to know all the rumours about people.

  9. #9

    Default

    My definition of sub/slave (being one myself for about 4 years) is that a submissive, is someone who only keeps it to the bedroom. Where as being a slave is a 24/7 thing. I honestly do not suggest collarme, there are way too many married guys/creepy people on there. Fetlife you would have a much better chance, there are a lot of nice people on there.

    As for how you would act around a Dom. My advice is when speaking to one, always capitalize the word You, Sir, Master, Daddy or whatever you refer to him as. But you don't have to do it right away of course.

    If you would like to know more I'd be happy to help ^^

    Oh and it's always polite to refer to a Dom as Sir when speaking to him, and do that from the start, it's just polite.

  10. #10

    Default

    Look up Safe calls. The collarme boards have a lot of information if your willing to sift it. Fetlife also seems to be good. Thing is there isn't just a single source for the information your looking for. The Topping Book, The Bottoming Book, other people swear by Screw the Roses...Since I am a dominant female it was too maledom/femsub for me. *shrug* It may be perfect for you.

    One last thing. Stay true to yourself!! Don't let dorks talk/manipulate you out of being safe, or out of your selfworth.

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