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Thread: Identifying as the opposite gender?

  1. #1

    Default Identifying as the opposite gender?

    So, I've been thinking a lot on the sissy forum, recently. When Icey first suggested it I made no secret that I wasn't a big fan (thread here!), but I'm so glad to have seen it grow and prosper. I want to talk about why people identify as an other gender, and specifically the prevalance of people identifying as a different gender when in 'little mode'.

    A lot of people who post on the sissy forum identify as a sissy-type in other areas of their life as well as their little side, whereas for others the idea of being a sissy is soley tied to their AB/DL/little side. A lot of men/boys are reluctant to share that side of theirselves, however it seems that for girls/women, being a tomboy is much more acceptable. Why is that? Why is it so much more ok for women to dress and act as boys, than it is for guys to dress and act as women?

    And how prevailent is it for female gendered people to identify as a male in the AB/DL community? Is it a common thing? Is it an accepted thing?

    How do you identify? And how do you feel about the apparent gender gap in being able to self identify your gender? (that's a logic bender if I've ever read one!)

  2. #2

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    The first question? Largely because we still see being feminine as a negative thing which is a horribly sad thing that we should be fighting. A girl acting more masculine.. (as long as it's they are still attractive, which is also really messed up) is seen as a progression even if most people don't internalize it like that. It's still something we've been stuck on since forever.

    We really need to get away from this negative association with femininity. It's really bad for both genders.

    I have seen a few normally female people be a "little boy" in the community, although it doesn't seem particularly that common. Probably because like I said, being a tomboy is a more common experience for being a girl. I definitely don't think I need to be a little boy to like super heroes, or playing a game of basketball.

    I'm a male assigned at birth trans girl.. and I identify as a girl in all aspects of my life. Our connection of gender to physical sex is one of the most frustrating things we still do in the modern age. It doesn't have to happen.

    To me, sissy is a form of crossdressing. An expression of feminine interests in a cisgendered male. I wish there didn't need to be that though, and that masculine and feminine desires could be expressed as much as desired by any physical sex without any particular problem with it by the community at large. That crossdressing and in a sense being a sissy had no real place in our community anymore.

    While we still do not have this kind of world though, I think you'll see a lot of people "identifying as a different gender" in little space. I think they are connecting things that they are interested in the 'pink' little space with being a physical girl. Which does not have to the be case at all. I honestly do wish that most LG's who identity as male would take a stand, and be like.. yeah, I'm a Little Boy, but I like princesses, fairies, long hair, and running in the flowers. Got a problem with it? Hehe. It takes a lot of strength to be an amazing trendsetter though.

    Maybe in time it will get better.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    So, I've been thinking a lot on the sissy forum, recently. When Icey first suggested it I made no secret that I wasn't a big fan (thread here!), but I'm so glad to have seen it grow and prosper. I want to talk about why people identify as an other gender, and specifically the prevalance of people identifying as a different gender when in 'little mode'.

    A lot of people who post on the sissy forum identify as a sissy-type in other areas of their life as well as their little side, whereas for others the idea of being a sissy is soley tied to their AB/DL/little side. A lot of men/boys are reluctant to share that side of theirselves, however it seems that for girls/women, being a tomboy is much more acceptable. Why is that? Why is it so much more ok for women to dress and act as boys, than it is for guys to dress and act as women?
    I think Arietta's right here - we seem to have decided as a society that everything feminine is weaker. So men who have feminine interests are forced to hide them, because to self-identify with the "weaker" sex is seen as worthy of derision. Some would say that this is one advantage women have over men, but it really just shows how little we as a society think of women. It's really sad.

    I think I bought into this line of reasoning when I wrote my article on sissies and LGs. I think one reason that some cisgendered men identify as LGs is to express themselves in a way that would be considered unacceptable for a boy. Speaking for myself, that's part of why I do. I like being able to enjoy cuter, more feminine things and not be in a position to be judged for it. There are other reasons, such as the fact that I'd never normally have been allowed to wear dresses or play with girls' toys as a boy, but it is partly because the role feels more natural as a girl.

    It could also be for something unrelated - escaping from parts of my real childhood. I almost have a revulsion towards pictures or home movies of myself as a little boy, even though I'm happy being a man today. This may have been because I got bullied a lot when little, and I learned to really not like myself as a result. So I constructed another alter-ego to take on when regressing, and she ended up being a girl. As I write this, I'm suddenly not convinced my LG side is the most psychologically healthy thing in the world, lol. But it still makes me happy, and hasn't caused me problems.



    And how prevailent is it for female gendered people to identify as a male in the AB/DL community? Is it a common thing? Is it an accepted thing?
    It is a thing. I know of a few female ABDLs who become LBs when they regress. Not just female-to-male transgendered people either. It could be for similar reasons, like not wanting to identify with a female role or interests. You'd have to ask one of them, though, to get a more complete answer. You can't find many of them online, though, and I'm not sure if this is because it's uncommon or unaccepted. Usually, the numbers suggest that about 10% of ABDLs online are female. Not all of them are LBs. So that means there aren't too many to begin with. And those I've talked to have talked about being afraid to admit it, because they think there'll be backlash. Perhaps anyone who steps out of the gender line finds themselves under attack I'm sure LGs would face it a lot more if there wasn't a fairly large community of us on this site, and I'm sure it'd be ugly in the rest of the Internet world.



    How do you identify? And how do you feel about the apparent gender gap in being able to self identify your gender? (that's a logic bender if I've ever read one!)
    I'm a mostly cisgendered male who has both sissy and LG leanings. In English, I'm a man, by physical sex and gender identity, but at times I feel more feminine, and identify more with a female role. I am also an LG (when I regress I take on a little girl role; this happens almost every time I regress) and a sissy (I have a more adult interest in being crossdressed). As for the gender gap, I don't feel it too badly, as my interests are private and I can handle not expressing publicly as female when I'm feeling that way. But I feel terrible for those who can't safely express their gender, and wish that we as a society would be more loving towards those who don't fit the mould. Everyone deserves to be respected and loved.



    Quote Originally Posted by Arietta View Post
    To me, sissy is a form of crossdressing. An expression of feminine interests in a cisgendered male. I wish there didn't need to be that though, and that masculine and feminine desires could be expressed as much as desired by any physical sex without any particular problem with it by the community at large. That crossdressing and in a sense being a sissy had no real place in our community anymore.
    Ultimately, I'd love it if society could get to this point, too. If we truly saw male and female as equal, and didn't have to stereotype them - or at least, we didn't have any negative feelings about those who choose to break stereotypes. I think that being a sissy is a bit of a complex thing, though. Speaking for myself, it's a bit of an odd psychological quirk, because a lot of it feeds into being humiliated for crossdressing. This goes back to incidents in my past, and how my brain has dealt with them. Not everyone who undergoes bullying, or being shamed for cross-dressing, develops sissy tendencies. But some do. And I think it's part of how our brains try to process what's happened. Being a sissy isn't necessarily a reflection that the sissy is sexist - but I certainly agree that a sexist culture is what makes being a sissy possible, and in a perfect world, our brains wouldn't jump to humiliation due to cross-dressing. I don't think that sissies would exist in a truly gender-accepting world. But they do sprout up from this imperfect one we live in. On the bright side, it's forced me to become aware of my own gender biases, and really reflect seriously about them.



    While we still do not have this kind of world though, I think you'll see a lot of people "identifying as a different gender" in little space. I think they are connecting things that they are interested in the 'pink' little space with being a physical girl. Which does not have to the be case at all. I honestly do wish that most LG's who identity as male would take a stand, and be like.. yeah, I'm a Little Boy, but I like princesses, fairies, long hair, and running in the flowers. Got a problem with it? Hehe. It takes a lot of strength to be an amazing trendsetter though.

    Maybe in time it will get better.
    That's an interesting idea, actually! It's never seemed natural to me (see my response to Talula above), but it would be part of subverting gender bias in the ABDL community. I may have to try this the next time I'm feeling little and see what crops up. This stuff gets into complicated psychology sometimes. But I'll see if I can consciously identify as male when little but still do my 'girly' thing. For science and all
    Last edited by Adventurer; 01-Jan-2015 at 23:24. Reason: long, bloody battle with ADISC editing system - sorry for all the notifications!

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    So, I've been thinking a lot on the sissy forum, recently. [...]
    How do you identify? And how do you feel about the apparent gender gap in being able to self identify your gender? (that's a logic bender if I've ever read one!)
    Talula,

    I think that these are wonderful and provocative questions... I'm equally pleased with the responses thus far too! When I've had more time to regenerate my energies... I'd like to add my own spin on things... Which is something of both Arietta's and Adventurer's responses, and yet something of my own too... stay tuned

    Happy New Year!
    -Marka

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    And how prevailent is it for female gendered people to identify as a male in the AB/DL community? Is it a common thing? Is it an accepted thing?
    I am a female however when I regress I do identify as a LB. I mainly do this because in my everyday life I tend to dress more masculine however to me it isn't enough to just be a tomboy. I haven't met any other female like this but I'm sure there are other out there. There are more men than women so it makes sense that sissy/LG is more common.

  6. #6

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    I'm just echoing what others have said already, but the reason for the gender disparity for styles has to do with general misogyny. Women are stereotyped as weak, so men that have an effeminate air are also stereotyped as week. I will add there's a lot of just rote learned "men who behave as women are weak and perverted," that really has no deeper cause than accepted cultural truth. It's unfortunate, but we're getting better (in the USA) albeit slowly. Though I also think this under-emphasizes the gender restrictions on women. Saying "but women can act as men as long as they still look like girls" is sort of like saying, "guys can wear cardigans as long as the act super manly and tough." It's still really restrictive.

    I know a couple little boys. Reiterating previous points, their motivations are often the same, but gender swapped. I.e. they've always wanted to play a more butch, rambunctious boys, but were never allowed as actual children. I'm agender, but I still like being girly when I'm little.

    As far as sissies, when I joined and saw that sissies and girls were the same forum I was a little uneasy. I'm really torn about it since a lot of it seems to be based around the fetishization of negative female stereotypes and strongly implies that it's embarrassing to be a girl. At the same time, YKINMKBYKIOK; people can do whatever they want. As long as it doesn't translate to real women, it's fine ^^ It's why seeing the two conflated makes me... anxious.

    It would be great to see more men boldly stating they're okay being seen as feminine. Most AMAB people I know who would be willing are just not men, though.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoish View Post
    [...]YKINMKBYKIOK; people [...] AMAB people [...]
    For those like me... who didn't know what this means...


    YKINMKBYKIOK
    Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok


    AMAB
    assigned male at birth
    I was pretty sure the latter didn't refer to the "All Mods Are Bastards (AMAB)"... as the urban dictionary first suggested!

    Cheers,
    -Marka

  8. #8

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    This is an interesting question for me. I'm fairly comfortable as a man, I don't really want to switch genders or have a desire to make my little side be consistently a girl. However, I'm also not very attached to my gender identity. I like My Little Pony, I like the color pink (I used to fantasize wearing pink diapers sometimes, but still as a guy), and I've also got a really high voice, especially over VOIP, which has caused some people to mistake me for a girl. So, describing myself, I'd say I'm male, but my gender isn't really part of my identity, if that makes sense. I'm just not bothered at being addressed with either set of pronouns or being taken for either gender.

  9. #9
    paddedskibum

    Default

    Unlike you, ArchieRoni, I crave falling into that sissy role that transforms my indentity and gender. When you regress as a sissy you can be more free IMO and not worry about social rules. Girls tend to be more innocent by nature so this helps add to the innocence ABDLS desire. Also for me the "forced" regression into a sissy state plays a huge role in the hulmiliation aspect of ABDL. Being called a little girl instead of a little boy is like frosting on the cake.

    Do I have to regress as a sissy? No...but doing so is like going that extra mile and allows me to further dive into that little space. I've never any expirenced much time in little space but I know rping as a little girl would make things easier.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    This is an interesting question for me. I'm fairly comfortable as a man, I don't really want to switch genders or have a desire to make my little side be consistently a girl. However, I'm also not very attached to my gender identity. I like My Little Pony, I like the color pink (I used to fantasize wearing pink diapers sometimes, but still as a guy), and I've also got a really high voice, especially over VOIP, which has caused some people to mistake me for a girl. So, describing myself, I'd say I'm male, but my gender isn't really part of my identity, if that makes sense. I'm just not bothered at being addressed with either set of pronouns or being taken for either gender.


    Quote Originally Posted by paddedskibum View Post
    Unlike you, ArchieRoni, I crave falling into that sissy role that transforms my indentity and gender. When you regress as a sissy you can be more free IMO and not worry about social rules. Girls tend to be more innocent by nature so this helps add to the innocence ABDLS desire. Also for me the "forced" regression into a sissy state plays a huge role in the hulmiliation aspect of ABDL. Being called a little girl instead of a little boy is like frosting on the cake.

    Do I have to regress as a sissy? No...but doing so is like going that extra mile and allows me to further dive into that little space. I've never any expirenced much time in little space but I know rping as a little girl would make things easier.
    I admit it, I fell relatively comfortable as a adult male, and have no desire to change genders what so ever, but still I don't really mind regressing into a sissy girl, mostly because it gives me a escape from reality for a little bit.

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