Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20

Thread: Redefining "Adult Baby" and "Diaper Lover"

  1. #1

    Default Redefining "Adult Baby" and "Diaper Lover"

    A label is a useful way to quickly convey stereotypical information about a person. An individual's occupation is one of the more common things used to label a person. Other activities lead to labels such as hunter, fisherman, housewife, bibliophile, etc. We all know that stereotypes can't entirely describe an individual because everyone is unique, but neutral labels like these can provide a frame of reference that helps guide us in our social interactions.

    I deliberately used the term "neutral" to make a distinction from what I see as negative labels.

    Negative labels tend to cause people to focus on the stereotype to the point where an individual's other human qualities seem less significant or, in the worst cases, where these other qualities are completely overlooked. Think "pedophile".

    The question is whether the labels "adult baby" or "diaper lover" are neutral or negative.

    Within the confines of our ADISC community these labels are neutral. We accept the broad, stereotypical information these labels provide but we don't loose sight of the fact that people here represent just as wide a range of human qualities and values as the general population.

    In the "real world" these labels are negative. I am a man with a diaper fetish and on ADISC I would be labelled a diaper lover. My real world self finds this label misleading and disturbing. It is already too easy for people in the real world to make a jump to using a label like this as if it fully defines what I am. In their minds I go from being a man with a strange affliction to being a male pervert. No longer a man but a pervert disguised as a man. It seems extreme when it is put into explicit terms like this but I firmly believe this is the way many people emotionally respond to our situation.

    The whole point is this: Many people here have expressed the desire for us to have greater acceptance in the real world. The world is not ready to accept adult babies and diaper lovers, but it is becoming more accepting of the variations in human desires. We, ourselves, have to stop using those labels as if they define "what we are" if we want the rest of the world to stop defining us that way.

    Here is a suggestion to consider, when you are done choking on it. Let's define "adult baby" as a person so involved with infantile regression that he/she no longer can function as an adult. Let's define "diaper lover" as a person with some kind of delusion. Now we can discuss how we enjoy indulging in adult baby and diaper lover fantasies without too much risk of actually becoming those things and loosing our sense of adult responsibility. This is already blatantly clear to us, but the distinction is not so clear to the rest of the world when we label ourselves as "being" these things instead of these things simply being part time activities for us.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    Here is a suggestion to consider, when you are done choking on it. Let's define "adult baby" as a person so involved with infantile regression that he/she no longer can function as an adult. Let's define "diaper lover" as a person with some kind of delusion. Now we can discuss how we enjoy indulging in adult baby and diaper lover fantasies without too much risk of actually becoming those things and loosing our sense of adult responsibility. This is already blatantly clear to us, but the distinction is not so clear to the rest of the world when we label ourselves as "being" these things instead of these things simply being part time activities for us.
    eughghg~~~~~ I don't know man, I'm just thinking this ins't a great idea. So it took me some re-reading over this paragraph to grasp what it is you are saying, and from what I understand is, we should adopt the definition that the world is more likely to assume, and then use the terms "AB" and "DL" appropriately to the worlds definition. In which case a member here would say things such as, "I am a part time Adult baby," or "I'm an adult baby when I go to bed." Anything to indicate that it is only a temporary thing and doesn't cause dysfunction with normal life. So, i get that, but I just don't think it is the right way to go.

    Letting the masses define a term that is directly referencing us, just ins't how any minority or oppressed group of people have ever been successful, and this is they way i'm seeing the suggestion go. It's kinda like saying the gay community should have said they are 'part time gay,' or 'only gay in the bedroom,' because people might have not thought they could be functional in a business environment because the public thinks that all gays are flaming homosexuals who are going to hit on all the guys and talk with high pitch voices flaunting their fashionable clothing around. We know that this isn't the case though, and that being gay is accompanied by all sorts of behaviors, and that people with that label are perfectly functional in the world.

    The thing about that scenario is, gays and lesbians are still gays and lesbians at work, they just don't manifest it when its not appropriate, just like straight people don't manifest their straightness when its not appropriate (hitting on other people in general at work can be distracting and dysfunctional sometimes). Likewise, adult babies do not manifest their adult baby behaviors when it is not appropriate, but they are still adult babies on the inside, at least for me. The public is actively moving towards recognizing the definition of what it truly means to be gay or lesbian because gays and lesbians worked really hard for it to happen. If we just up and accept the definition that the general public wants to give to Adult Babies, then it will forever remain that false definition, rather than changing to the truth. There will never be any progress at all.

    Also, the term Adult Baby is all too convenient, as is Diaper lover. Adult babies all have different levels of Adult baby behaviors that they exhibit, and so the term adult baby broadly covers all of those behaviors in a manner that helps us identify unity as a group, but individuality when observing the behaviors. It's like the term 'school teacher,' sure you are a teacher, but what grade do you teach? What class do you teach? Some things that are important to one teacher is not important to another teacher, but we can appropriately applaud teachers in general by grouping them in the same term, and saying 'we appreciate teachers'. Diaper lovers also have a distinction behind what it means to be a diaper lover. Some like it for the comfort, and some like it for the sexuality, and some like it because they have to wear anyway.

    I just don't think we can get away from the label, because it is all too useful as a means for conversation, unification, and explanation. I do see why you would want to change the way in which we use that label, but I don't think it is progressive towards our group, as it admits some amount of shame. I am not ashamed to be an adult baby. I know that when i go to work, i bring my little side with me, but that little guy has to stay asleep in the back of my conscious. He gets the choice of underwear, but the adult gets the choice of activity when it comes to day time. I feel like we need to stick to our own definition of what it means to be AB/DL.

  3. #3

    Default

    I don't think it's the label that is tainted, it's how society sees the interest/urge/activity. We could call this "life cycle juxtaposition" or "padding enthusiast" but it's still going to come down to many of us liking diapers and acting like babies or children, and to the masses, that's not cool. I don't think market research is going to help us rebrand what the uninterested person is going to find pretty darn strange. We have to sell this to those we need to tell, someone who is not disinterested, and while the label may bring some baggage, it's we who define it.

  4. #4

    Default

    This modern notion of double-speak generally upsets me.

    For instance, in the early nineteen hundreds mentally-disabled people were called idiots or morons. These were technical terms. By the fifties we were calling them "retarded" because of the negative connotations of idiot and moron. "Retarded" was the politically correct term. However, society's natural distaste for the mentally impaired poisoned that terms so we started calling them "mentally disabled" or "mentally impaired." That was too technical and implied a lack of something, so now we call them "special." Now calling a person "special" is an insult.

    This is ridiculous. Society is trying to escape ugly truths by changing words. It's pathetic and disingenuous. Hell, it's going 1984 with the Secretary of War renamed the Secretary of Defense. How long until they rename him the Secretary of Peace?

    "Adult Baby" and "Diaper Lover" have bad connotations because most of society recognizes our psychological mis-wiring for what it is. Diapers shouldn't be erogenous. Who cares if society likes this aspect of us? We don't have to be outspoken about it. Now ones going to beat down our doors to check if we're wearing diapers for pleasure. I don't need society to accept this aspect of me; I just don't want to be persecuted for what I can't help. Luckily, this society is more than happy to do what I request. No activism needed. Hooray for us. Let's not piss society off and bring their ire.

  5. #5

    Default

    To .1% of the people, the terms "adult baby" and "diaper lover" describe a range of generally harmless activities some people like to engage in. To most of the rest of the world the terms refer to deviants and perverts. It is senseless for such a tiny minority to claim the right to define these terms for the rest of the world. In our own little world we can make up words as we desire, but in the real world it is how the majority uses the words that determine their meanings. If the world defines a "diaper lover" as a pervert then anyone who is a diaper lover is a pervert by definition. And "pervert" is barely one step up from "pedophile".

    It's true that we are all fond of labels and that society will have a strong tendency to label us according to things we desire, and, in our case, these labels will be negative, but this is what I'm trying to get away from. It is already an uphill struggle to get society to stop applying negative stereotypes to people with unusual but harmless desires, and the problem is made worse when we create or accept negative labels for ourselves. I don't want to change the wording of these labels. I want to break free from them.

    Comparisons to the gay movement are not accurate because the issues are so different even if we assume they share some similar causes involving sexual desires. The desires of our minority are not so deeply enmeshed with the law.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    To .1% of the people, the terms "adult baby" and "diaper lover" describe a range of generally harmless activities some people like to engage in. To most of the rest of the world the terms refer to deviants and perverts. It is senseless for such a tiny minority to claim the right to define these terms for the rest of the world. In our own little world we can make up words as we desire, but in the real world it is how the majority uses the words that determine their meanings. If the world defines a "diaper lover" as a pervert then anyone who is a diaper lover is a pervert by definition. And "pervert" is barely one step up from "pedophile".

    It's true that we are all fond of labels and that society will have a strong tendency to label us according to things we desire, and, in our case, these labels will be negative, but this is what I'm trying to get away from. It is already an uphill struggle to get society to stop applying negative stereotypes to people with unusual but harmless desires, and the problem is made worse when we create or accept negative labels for ourselves. I don't want to change the wording of these labels. I want to break free from them.

    Comparisons to the gay movement are not accurate because the issues are so different even if we assume they share some similar causes involving sexual desires. The desires of our minority are not so deeply enmeshed with the law.
    You say it is an uphill struggle to get society to stop applying negative stereotypes to people, but you are the one accepting the negative stereotypes, I just don't get that. I don't accept negative labels, I believe the label of Adult baby means something very different from what you are implying. It is not negative to me in the least bit. Being a diaper lover also does not mean pervert. Please show me where you obtained this 'definition', as i do not believe it exists.

    Please also show me where you got your statistics, because that also appears to be made up. The closest statistic i can find, is in my personal life, and since there are very little studies that have been done on AB/DL's, my personal experience is the closest I can get, and so far, 8 out of the at least 10 people who know I am an Adult baby have accepted it, understand it, and have no problems with it, as well, have told me that it is not perverted. That spells 80% acceptance to me, and sure, that is a skewed number because it is only one person's experience, but there is no sociological study that has been done otherwise, and the fact that I am in a highly religious area makes me think that my numbers are not largely off. I would feel more inclined to say that 50% of the world doesn't give a shit, if you exclude places like the middle east with extremists.

    Also, please tell me why the Gay movement is so different. I, like any gay, feel like i was born this way, that I had to come out of 'the closet' on this particular issue. That my parents do not accept me for who i am, and that my religious affiliation has been largely affected by it. I have to keep my mouth shut about it to keep my job safe. Greatest of all, is that I feel it is necessary at some point for the general population to recognize and accept Adult babies for what they are, if we hope for Teens to feel acceptance and safety about their true self at all. When Adisc was still allowing Teen Babies to join, there were way too many teens contemplating suicide because they didn't feel like they fit in with society because they liked diapers. I personally experienced this very same problem. This is unacceptable, and i hope it can be a problem that is eventually approached by society. Sure our numbers are few, but we exist, and we are important too. So what is so different about us and the gay movement? The only thing i can think of, is we aren't trying to get marriage rights.

    Also, why is it that the lable 'Adult baby' should be defined by the masses? I don't agree with that at all. It is our label, we made it, we claim it, so it is ours to define. If anything societies label for us is Infantilists, let them take that, its way more confusing while using to explain our lifestyle. Your logic is saying that Goths shouldn't define goth, Asexuals shouldn't define asexual, Mormons shouldn't define mormonism, Luxembourg shouldn't define what a life is like in Luxembourg. It just doesn't work, sure, people can say what they think it is like to be one of those people, but only the members of the society know what it is like to be one of those people. What you are saying is that the definition of what a person is, should be based on a visitors point of view, rather than the inward feelings, hopes, desires, and actions that a person sees of them-self. I vote for empowerment of self worth, not societies shifting views. I vote for pride.

  7. #7

    Default

    This has been a very interesting read as we have all probably thought about this at some point. From what I gather in this thread (which I could be misunderstanding some things since I only read it once) it is being said that we need to change what we call ourselves because of the negative thoughts that our current society has to what we believe. While I agree it would be nice if we changed the name and people were more accepting, that wont happen. I do think if we try to change the terms we use (this may not really be what you mean, but that's what I gathered) all we do is give society another name to disapprove of. I do believe that eventually it will be a more accepted, but we have to first accept us and our actions.

    While I am not gay so I cannot really comment on what that means as far as acceptance, I do feel it is very similar to the current struggles we as AB/DL's are going through. The only way things will get "better" for us now is to work on acceptance for ourselves. The name that is used is just that, a name and doesn't define us.

    I remember being a teenager and feeling so much shame for my thoughts, I was suicidal for a time. Now that I am a little older and am finally coming to terms with it, I am proud of the man that I am today, regardless of what someone else wants to call me. The thing that needs to change is for society to look at the PEOPLE we are, and not that we are an adult baby or diaper lover. If someone was too look at all of our decisions in life I don't think that anyone would say any of us are "bad", or "gross" people. And until society is able to do that we should just call us what we want. And I personally like being a "Diaper Lover" as far as the name is concerned. I feel it describes what I feel very well.

    In closing. I think that Tyger is absolutely correct that we first need to work for empowerment of self worth. But I am a "Diaper Lover" full time, and act on it part time. I personally am proud of the man I am today, so I don't really care what other people want to call me. I would love it if society would be more accepting of me and my urges, but that wont be changing in the near future. All we can do is be who we are which is good people. The opinions of others will follow as long as we don't try to force it.

    Hopefully I wasn't too far off topic with this. But overall it is an interesting topic.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by derepaid View Post

    Hopefully I wasn't too far off topic with this. But overall it is an interesting topic.
    Totally on topic.

  9. #9

    Default

    I think the terms "adult baby" and "diaper lover" are so deeply entrenched in our community that it would be futile to try to get people to stop using them. Especially if the proposed replacement is something that takes more than four syllables to say.

    People with other, more socially accepted fetishes generally don't shy away from using frank terms. Foot fetishists identify themselves as "foot fetishists." Rubber fetishists identify themselves as "rubber fetishists" (or sometimes, in the gay male world, as "rubbermen"). I think "diaper lover" sounds better than "diaper fetishist," though I could be persuaded to switch terms. But if other fetishists don't bother with long phrases, like "person engaging in a foot fetish fantasy," why should we?

    Sometimes I wish we could go back to the 1990s-era terminology when we had one term for all of us, "adult baby." Having two separate terms suggests that there is a sharp distinction between two groups, when in fact there's a very blurry line. Sometimes "I'm a diaper lover, not an adult baby" means "I really only like diapers, and I'm not interested in any of the other the baby stuff." But sometimes it means something more like, "I really don't like baby talk, bottles, or kiddie TV, but I love my footed sleepers, and I'd kind of like to try sleeping in a crib."

  10. #10

    Default

    When was the term diaper lover invented? I didn't know it was a new term. I have heard it early as 2000 when I was 15.

    I do consider myself a AB/DL. I am mostly DL because I wear diapers and I don't do any baby stuff often. I just wear diapers and use them and live my normal life and not do baby things. The AB part of me is the clothes I have and pacifiers and I sometimes wear childish pajamas and I like kiddie stuff. I think anyone can define themselves anyway they want. If someone wants to define themselves as an AB because they like to color and play kid games or watch the Sprout channel while someone else defines themselves as a little than AB because they don't do diapers or cribs or baby food or high chairs or pacifiers or bottles or sippy cups, that is up to them. I don't think AB/DL is a black and white term. I do notice the media shows the extremes of it where an AB has a nursery so people may think all ABs eat in high chairs and have nurseries and they all use their diapers and never the toilet. Yeah there some out there like that but not all of us are.

Similar Threads

  1. RE: My "New" Therapist understands about "Adult Babies".
    By caitianx in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 17-Aug-2014, 21:02
  2. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 21-Jan-2014, 02:58
  3. "Coming Out" as an "Older" Adult Baby
    By caitianx in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 10-Sep-2013, 08:33
  4. Replies: 30
    Last Post: 04-Aug-2013, 19:23

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.