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Thread: PTSD and not being able to get in "little space"

  1. #1

    Default PTSD and not being able to get in "little space"

    This might not be the right place to post this, because its a little intense, but it directly relates to my little side.

    My husband and I got robbed, at gunpoint, I had an AR15 pressed to my chest and he had a pistol to his head.
    It was terrifying, it was the longest two minutes of my life.

    Since then I had to testify against one of them in court, see him face-to-face, say I think incarceration is fair for him.

    So I'm a lot stressed, and scared all the time.

    Normally when I'm stressed I make little time, I curl up in a bambino I cuddle my stuffie, I treat myself to a new paci. But since this happened we moved, we had to pack my nursery corner, all my little stuff. We have had family helping with the move and I haven't been able to unpack any of my little stuff - and still can't becayse they keep dropping by to "help unpack" and they are using the closet we designated to be used for little space.
    But even then I don;t really feel like going into little space, I just feel scared and vulnerable.

    Anyone have any thoughts on any of this?

  2. #2

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    I can only imagine what a terrible ordeal you've been through, and though I've not experienced any danger that severe (aside from a heart attack), I know pretty well how anxiety can be an obstacle to being little.

    If I'm just dealing with routine levels of stress and anxiety, I find it pretty natural to slip into AB/Little mode. It's usually calming and relaxing, and it gives me an opportunity to channel my frustration.

    However, much more serious anxiety is a barrier to feeling little. For many of us, being an AB/Little is connected to a feeling of helplessness and a need to be 'looked after' by others. If you're having to deal with an event where you have felt helpless in an extremely distressing way, and feel that others may exploit your trust or confidence, then being a little seems like more of a frightening prospect than an appealing one. I can't give you any advice other than, don't force yourself to want to be little. If and when your mind is settled enough for your little side to feel safe again, it will.

  3. #3

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    I think that you'll have to be gentle about it. I can imagine that when you let yourself get in that space you are talking about, sometimes all the stuff that frightens you becomes so strong. All that vulnerability and fear you really are feeling comes bursting out.

    I do think that enjoying this time again can be important for you to feel like life goes on, getting back in your routine and moving past the incident. I am most certainly not qualified to speak on this at all, and can only offer what I think I would do in the situation. I think honestly though.. that I would let myself enter the space. I would understand that it will probably bring all my fears out, and make me cry. That would be kinda what I was looking for, using my more regressed state to let myself cry about it. Let me cry to mommy about how scared I was, let myself just be for a moment. I feel personally that might give me a sense of closure, to finally express such fears in such a pure way and unfiltered way.

    That might not work for you, but I wish the world for you.

  4. #4

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    It is the first time in years I haven't had t be my go-to. I don;t know if it just feels too powerless, or if its the fear of being found out. Its all just too much right now.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitteredArtist View Post
    It is the first time in years I haven't had t be my go-to. I don;t know if it just feels too powerless, or if its the fear of being found out. Its all just too much right now.
    Is there anyway you can secure even a little time to pull the stuff that would help you out, even just for a little while? I hope your situation eases up on you soon.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arietta View Post
    Is there anyway you can secure even a little time to pull the stuff that would help you out, even just for a little while? I hope your situation eases up on you soon.
    I'm hoping so, its just a crazy time.
    And the other thing is with the moving away, funds are tighter, and I'm afraid I won;t be able to afford little things anymore.

  7. #7

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    You seem like you're able to move on from what happenend, which a lot of people would not be able to do after this kind of nightmare. It's something that shows that you are strong. But don't be afraid to ask if you stumble across a barrier.
    If you feel like it's something that you cannot deal with just by yourself it's no shame to seek professional help. Experiencing a traumatizing nightmare like this leaves a kind of scar on you. This all too pazalyzing feeling of fear, which can easily incapacitate you from enjoying your life for quite some time.

    About the little things. If you cannot really spend very much, how about buying small presents for your little side? It counts too and it's not like we wouldn't be happy about small gifts too, we can appreciate them too a lot. In time you surely will have a lil bit more money again anyway. Perhaps you also need to replace something small that now could be the time for? As also for repairing some things by yourself or maybe you could try to knit if you have some free time?

    Having a hobby, or something that you're doing just to enjoy it, while keeping you busy too, is something that could help too at the moment. And since you mentioned yourself that you crave to get some little time it's surely something that would help to ease your stress levels and getting your mind off things for a while.
    As already mentioned, at least take a small little time if possible and just grab your stuff when you have the chance too. Perhaps right before going to bed in the evening would work?
    And otherwise what about your bedroom and a small little corner there as a temporal solution until everything is unpacked. And after that you can arrange everything on how you'd like to without getting a cold call.
    Don't stress yourself too much about getting found out at the moment, just grab any chance that you have at the moment.


    Best wishes for your future.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitteredArtist View Post
    This might not be the right place to post this, because its a little intense, but it directly relates to my little side.

    My husband and I got robbed, at gunpoint, I had an AR15 pressed to my chest and he had a pistol to his head.
    It was terrifying, it was the longest two minutes of my life.

    Since then I had to testify against one of them in court, see him face-to-face, say I think incarceration is fair for him.

    So I'm a lot stressed, and scared all the time.

    Normally when I'm stressed I make little time, I curl up in a bambino I cuddle my stuffie, I treat myself to a new paci. But since this happened we moved, we had to pack my nursery corner, all my little stuff. We have had family helping with the move and I haven't been able to unpack any of my little stuff - and still can't becayse they keep dropping by to "help unpack" and they are using the closet we designated to be used for little space.
    But even then I don;t really feel like going into little space, I just feel scared and vulnerable.

    Anyone have any thoughts on any of this?
    Now you listed PTSD, in your thread title... and I would caution against self-diagnoses... I have been shot at, shot near-by, and had loaded firearms pointed at me... rest assured, I'm not simply brushing this off... and, I have not been mugged... though robbed a few times...

    You don't indicate how long ago this happened... and even if you did, I think that daLira has it right... professional help may be what's most needed...

    You might try to find alternate ways to get into little mode, under the circumstances... so, at least you'll get a better idea, if the main problem is from lack of privacy/ freedom, to express the little... or if it's a lingering problem from this traumatic event...

    The latter would indicate a need for professional help...

    My thoughts are with you,
    -Marka

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Now you listed PTSD, in your thread title... and I would caution against self-diagnoses... I have been shot at, shot near-by, and had loaded firearms pointed at me... rest assured, I'm not simply brushing this off... and, I have not been mugged... though robbed a few times...

    You don't indicate how long ago this happened... and even if you did, I think that daLira has it right... professional help may be what's most needed...

    You might try to find alternate ways to get into little mode, under the circumstances... so, at least you'll get a better idea, if the main problem is from lack of privacy/ freedom, to express the little... or if it's a lingering problem from this traumatic event...

    The latter would indicate a need for professional help...

    My thoughts are with you,
    -Marka
    I have seen a doctor concerning the anxiety surrounding the actual event ... he has me on a great deal of anti-anxiety medications, and is recommending is seek counseling. I was already being treated for anxiety/manic depressive tendencies - so getting into a doctor was pretty important.
    It happened about 2 and half weeks ago. He said at this point he expected me to become increasingly more paranoid is scared, he said when he saw me I was probably still in shock, which could last a while. But he did say ultimately given my previous medical background he said the long-term was likely to be PTSD.
    I think I would benefit from counseling but I cannot really afford it.

  10. #10

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    I have had some experience with this. It was about 20 years ago, but I was walking into work. I'm a Methodist music director, so I was on the sidewalk in front of my church, starting to turn left onto the sidewalk that would lead to the front doors, when some punk started firing a 357 magnum at me. Actually there was another idiot standing behind me, and he was shooting at that guy, but the bullets where passing by my head, the gun making a thunderous, pounding sound.

    I was carrying a tape deck, something I didn't want to lose, so I ducked my head, clutched the tape deck to my chest and ran into the church. Once inside, I ran into the office and called 911. Here's the weird part. I couldn't speak. I couldn't make my voice work. The ninny on the phone was getting mad, saying, what is your problem. After a minute of this I finally was able to talk and tell her what happened. The man firing the gun was never prosecuted and no one in the church, people I worked with, seemed to care. I eventually left that church.

    I can't say that I was traumatized beyond reason, but I became aware that one never knows how they will respond under fire. It gave me a new respect for those who have fought in foreign wars. As for regression, I don't think it had any impact. I simply moved on.

    I have company in the house this week, and I can't wear diapers or baby clothes as they are all put away. I know that soon I will be able to, once they leave, and that's okay. Things change over time. I think that your terrible experience will mellow out over time, and being patient and allowing that to happen is all you can really do. It will happen, and you will feel better. Don't let the creeps who held you captive win, by keeping you in a state of terror. Defeat them by mentally rejecting them. They will go to jail where they belong, and you will be able to walk the streets as a free person. You, in the big picture, have won. You survived and you continue on. They don't.

    Take one day at a time and try to do some regular things that will make you happy. It's all you can do. Hugs.

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