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Thread: Something I've noticed

  1. #1

    Default Something I've noticed

    I've been part of the ABDL community for about a year or so now, & one thing keeps coming up & I truly baffles me how it's a big deal to people.

    I've been to countless forms of ABDL websites, social media outlets, & I always see people either posting, or asking other ABDLs about coming out to friends, family etc, so that they could wear whenever they wanted to without threat of being embarrassed.

    The same could be said for folks who want ABDL awareness & acceptance in the world, similar to homosexuality awareness.

    I honestly love this community, & I think there's a lot of awesome people in it. But could somebody please elaborate to me, how telling your next door neighbor that you either fantasize about diapers, or being an adult baby really accomplishes anything?

    Same can be said for those hopefuls who want worldwide acceptance for this lifestyle/fetish, how does that change anything? There's no law saying you can't wear diapers in public, granted under some sort of pants/shorts.

    I'm not trying to cast judgment here, I'm just simply wondering; why is worldwide acceptance, for something that's none in typical private such a big deal in the community, when in reality it really changes nothing.

    Obviously the only exception to this, would be coming out to your significant other. That part of the coming out makes complete sense.

  2. #2

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    I agree with you completely on a personal level. I don't see how me liking diapers has any effect on my family or friends who are not involved, so I have no desire to tell them.

    That being said, some people just feel like they need other people to know. For them it is a key part of their personality they feel they cannot hide, or don't want to have to, its just part of getting acceptance for who they are.

    I have a friend who takes it more seriously than I do, and he has told his friends about him being an AB because its a much bigger part of his life. He will wear diapers around other people and AB/Furry items, its just his personality.

  3. #3

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    The global benefit to coming out would be to counter marginalization. Way back when only criminal homosexuals made the news, people could understandably generalize that all homosexuals were criminals. Now that a large number of homosexuals have come out from all walks of life, people have to accept that everyday people, people they know, are homosexual. In the case of ABDLs, the benefit is more debatable. Our neighbors might accept that everyone does their own thing in the bedroom, yet honestly not want to know what goes on in ours. Homosexuality also involves who we'd be bringing over with us to the neighbor's barbeque (as well as a bunch of other rights ABDLs don't need to worry about), so that isn't strictly a bedroom thing. Because of this assymetry, we can accept that coming out en masse was the right thing for the homosexual community to do - but might not be the right thing for our community.

    Individually, telling others would eliminate the fear due to risk. The simplest way to stop worrying about whether or not someone will find out is to tell them. This brings it out in the open, ending its status as a deep dark secret. Of course, if you're not fully out of the closet, you are bringing that friend or loved one into your closet. They will have to keep that secret. Of course, they might not, and you'd have to live with those consequences, but you wouldn't need to fear the risk anymore.

    This is usually a matter of moderation. At church, I've told the pastor and one elder, so it won't be some dark secret. However, I haven't told anyone else. They probably don't want to know.

    Another matter of moderation would involve those who wear regularly. Clearly, their neighbors might hope that they would be discrete, such as not going out for the morning paper in just a diaper. However, they need not be highly secretive. This permits neighbors who don't want to know to stay ignorant, and permits most others to asusme an ordinary incontinence.

  4. #4

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    I think BitterGrey covered the general group of idea of telling people. I also think ABDL is a hard one to decide what's right because there are people for whom diapers are a private, bedroom only thing, others that want to wear frequently, and still others that engage in a variety of behaviors or might want to, such as having a pacifier with them, carrying a stuffed animal around with them or wearing especially childish clothing who would love to not panic around their neighbors and friends.

    On an individual level, the rule I follow and advise others to follow is to only tell if you need to tell someone. I think there are two broad categories of need there. In relationships or with very close friends, there might be a practical, physical need. You wear enough and are intimate enough with the person that they'd be likely to discover you anyway, or you're keeping yourself from socializing or becoming close to someone because you haven't told them about being ABDL. Then there's a mental need, where you're not going to be found out, but the fact that you have a secret is weighing on you enough that you feel the need to confide in someone else.

    I think the mental need to confide tends to get caught up in other things. It's rarely just, "I wear diapers in private" that makes people feel like they need to tell someone. Mine was pressure from my parents to find a relationship. I think the desire or the pressure to meet other people is a big reason that many reveal their secret. I also think other life changes, like new jobs, moving, new schools, etc. are times when loneliness can be very strong and can create a need to confide in someone close to you.

  5. #5

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    Too many people judge AB/DLs and it's part of who we are and it's not something we can change. It can get exhausting to keep it hidden in your home and worry about people coming over uninvited and having to remember to keep things put away so they won't be seen by guests. I don't know how many times I have done this mistake and nothing was ever said luckily. But my cousin was once looking in my kitchen and found the baby food and luckily I was pregnant so you know what she thought and I went along with it. It would be nice if we can be ourselves and not worry what others will think and still be treated with respect and not be judged. I am not saying we all want to go out and be dressed like babies and drink from a bottle in front of our friends or co workers or neighbors or walk around with a pacifier in our mouths or wearing a diaper openly (we don't even do that with our underwear so why should we with diapers?). If you are still living at home, it's also tiring and exhausting and stressful to keep it hidden and having family members barge in your room without knocking and having to always plan when to wear diapers and when to do baby time and then worrying about someone coming home too soon or not leaving when they were supposed to like they planned.

    Even though I am mostly DL, I still like getting Happy Meal toys and I wear childish clothing and I still watch kid shows sometimes but I don't watch TV very much anymore so me watching kid shows is less often and almost never. I don't hide this part of me but me listening to kid songs would be something I do in private and I use head phones. I don't go around telling people I wear diapers or that my husband is my daddy. It's none of their business and me wearing them isn't their business either. If they find out, they do and if anyone has, they have never said anything to me about it.

    My parents know about my diaper usage and we wearing them. I don't even stress about hiding them or washing them or worry about someone coming in my room as I change or get dressed or worry about if it's obvious I have one on. My parents know it's part of who I am and they don't say anything about it and I can be myself without worrying about my mom being critical about it like she used to be. I am anxiety free now. This is why people want to come out with it.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Waldo View Post
    I've been part of the ABDL community for about a year or so now, & one thing keeps coming up & I truly baffles me how it's a big deal to people.

    I've been to countless forms of ABDL websites, social media outlets, & I always see people either posting, or asking other ABDLs about coming out to friends, family etc, so that they could wear whenever they wanted to without threat of being embarrassed.

    The same could be said for folks who want ABDL awareness & acceptance in the world, similar to homosexuality awareness.

    I honestly love this community, & I think there's a lot of awesome people in it. But could somebody please elaborate to me, how telling your next door neighbor that you either fantasize about diapers, or being an adult baby really accomplishes anything?

    Same can be said for those hopefuls who want worldwide acceptance for this lifestyle/fetish, how does that change anything? There's no law saying you can't wear diapers in public, granted under some sort of pants/shorts.

    I'm not trying to cast judgment here, I'm just simply wondering; why is worldwide acceptance, for something that's none in typical private such a big deal in the community, when in reality it really changes nothing.

    Obviously the only exception to this, would be coming out to your significant other. That part of the coming out makes complete sense.
    First off before I get into explaining...I FOUND WALDO!!!

    It does not accomplish anything. It just get's a breather off of them and make them feel comfortable knowing that people accept them for who they are. I find that quite odd because AB/DL's would tell stranger's next door about "I am an AB so you have nothing to worry about" that's kinda our business and I don't think anyone should know unless confronted about it in the first place. To your "partner" and your "best friend" are my only reasons on why you should be truthful and honest about the AB/DL thing. Yet, people take this thing way to strict and worry about what they are about to expect.



    how telling your next door neighbor that you either fantasize about diapers, or being an adult baby really accomplishes anything?
    It doesn't. Even if your good friends with your neighbor, it does not classify as a best friend unless you hung out with him like when you were kids but either way, nothing good is going to come out of that except one of two.

    Acceptance or Denial and nobody likes the denial stage but you should really think about this if you really want to take the risk of Russian Roulette. That's a death wish if you tell and you have no idea where the bullet in that conversation is. If your an Adult baby, congratz but no need to go around expelling it around the world, if you want too, then that is your business but no guarantee that people are going to care about it. It does no damage to anyone or break any laws but people would get disgusted about this sort of thing which is why people should think about this before even judging an Adult Baby when stuff that goes on is 20x worse than just an Adult Baby or Diaper Lover.

    We are for who we are and that matters the most. No one should go out and try to change us and say "this is more healthier than what you are doing" but they are really just trying to change you. This AB/DL thing has saved lives I am sure of that. Who's? I don't know but I'm pretty sure it does and had. I'm more relaxed this way being a babyfur rather than going to school and doing work, chores, being yelled at, stressed, etc (I think you get the picture)

    As for the main thing, it's a private thing. It's something you should not going off to tell your parents, friends, and people you don't even know. If your caught by parents, then explain it. Friends? Explain it. But for strangers? Ignore it or them because it is none of their business. I think it is simple to hide a diaper underneath and keep it to the point where exposure is not a main factor unless you make it obvious which people try to do and they wonder why people question them. The noise of course you can't help and that's fine because diapers make noise. People like that of course but when someone says "whoops, um I have to tell you" ...don't tell them unless they confront you about it in the future but if they ask "what is that" just say nothing or something small like wrapper or plastic bags.

  7. #7

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    Personally speaking, I am fairly discrete when wearing around others. I don't go to huge lengths to hide it though. You wont catch me wearing a Huggies t shirt in public, or wearing an Abena and tights, but I most likely will have a thick disposable under my Levi's.

    I never understood why diapers were such a big deal with people. People don't go around pointing fingers and whispering if someone has a bandage on, or if their leg is in a cast. Why should diapers be any different? For me, telling someone about the diapers just alleviates the stress of wondering if they know, and whether they are casting judgment. I feel that if others knew, I could wear in peace. I think the comparison to coming out with one's sexuality is a good comparison. Both are something that you shouldnt have to make a big deal about and really arent anyone elses business, but the general public seem to make it that way.

    I recently considered wearing home for the Christmas holidays. I have been mostly 24/7 for a while now, and would love to not have the stress of doing without or wondering if my family knows. But with other people's input on ADISC, I decided against it. Why make them worry about me? My therapist put it another way, Diapers to me are no big deal, but they mean something else to other people. To some, they mean old age and sickness. To others, they mean something that you should grow out of. To me, they mean comfort and relaxation. I should respect other's feelings and not force this upon them. I decided I will definitely do that with family. For just wearing around day to day in the general public, I will wear no problem. I doubt they will notice that I am wearing to begin with, and if they do, it is none of their business as to why....

  8. #8

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    There are actually a ton of "little" activities my family doesn't mind me doing, such as watching kid shows, wearing my footie pj's around, listening to kiddie music, etc. They know it's a part of me and they just want me to be happy.

    As for diapers, my bottle and pacifier, only my friends know. So far, anyway. To me, coming out means I don't have to hide. And for me, not hiding = happiness, and I just want to be happy and accepted by others.

    If you choose to keep it private, that's cool, but I just can't do that.

    Even if my family did know about my AB tendencies... I still wouldn't do that around them. Well, I've worn diapers under clothing a couple times around my dad. He didn't notice.

    Some of my friends have told me it's ok if I wanted to around them, though. I've even managed to have my best non-ADBL friend to say he'd be more than willing to come to a Littles meetup with me, just so I would feel safe. To me, that's one of the best things a friend can say to you.

  9. #9

    Default

    For me I don't care for everyone to know I recently did tell my wife because ya know, shes my wife. This is an important PRIVATE thing for me, and I only think my wife needs to know. Other than her I don't want others to know because it is my private life.

    I do think it would be nice if I wasn't required to hide it and could just go to the store to buy my diapers. But I do like my private life to stay that way.

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