Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: diapers and marriage/relationships

  1. #1

    Default diapers and marriage/relationships

    My husband and I have been married and living together since last Christmas. Overall it's going really well and my husband and I have a really intimate and loving relationship.

    but he takes care of me during the night and a lot of the weekend. I am severely disabled due to muscular dystrophy and require constant care, including diaper changes. He works as a physical therapist and used to be a military nurse so he is usually all business with diaper changes and makes them very matter of fact. He doesn't show any emotion and at times it feels cold. Even though I know what he is doing is an act of love. But I still feel self conscious and sometimes the no nonsense way he has makes me wonder how he feels

    Should I say something? Or is this just a hang up I should let go of

  2. #2

    Default

    If you are bothered enough about it to post here, you should talk to him about it. Don't let it fester inside. It could turn into a form of resentment down the road.

    My wife and I have been married since March. We've lived together since May of 2006 though. We practiced abstinence, originally due to my alcoholism (I was drunk all of the time) and after sobriety due to my Christian beliefs.She has always known of my AB/DL/LG interests as I was unwilling to hide it from my significant other. Likewise, I was unwilling to curtail my desires as I am not ashamed of them. Let me tell you, since getting married in March, we have had some of the most intense intimate moments.

    Either way, good luck.

  3. #3

    Default

    Existential, I guess my first question is what you're looking for from him. Have you defined that in your own mind? Would you like the changes to be sexual? How often? Do you want to be babied? Do you want it to just be fun? How do you feel about diapers and does he share those feelings?

    I don't know anything about you or your hubby, but to most of the world, adult diapers are an unfortunate necessity--something one must use rather than objects of desire or fun. I don't know you or your husband, but before addressing this situation, I would recommend being very clear about what you want from him, and also whether what you want is realistic to ask.

    -RMS

  4. #4

    Default

    Working in the healthcare field, it's just how we change diapers. For patient dignity, we change quickly and with minimal emotion/reaction.

    As an ex nurse, your husband probibly thinks that is how you would prefer your diapers changed. Talk to him and let him know that it is ok to be intimate during your changes. Let him know how you want to be treated.

  5. #5

    Default

    I'm not even sure what I want I guess... I mean I don't think I want sexual type intimacy during changes
    Half the time I will pee or poop during changes and occasionally that makes me cry but he will be very stoic and not really acknowledge how much it up sets me. He will just keep cleaning me up and put yet another clean diaper under me. Sometimes it takes a few tries

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Existential View Post
    I'm not even sure what I want I guess... I mean I don't think I want sexual type intimacy during changes
    Half the time I will pee or poop during changes and occasionally that makes me cry but he will be very stoic and not really acknowledge how much it up sets me. He will just keep cleaning me up and put yet another clean diaper under me. Sometimes it takes a few tries
    It sounds like it's worth discussing, even if you don't know exactly what you want. Share your confusion with him and perhaps the two of you can find something that works better.

  7. #7

    Default

    Have you tried talking to him whist he changes you he might be doing it the way he does as not to focus on it but just to get it done quickly and save your feelings, I'm sure you already know but men don't have great powers of deduction when it comes to emotions

  8. #8

    Default

    My wife is diabetic and I am her caretaker. I'm her dialysis partner as she does home, hemo dialysis, and I do wound care on her feet. After I get her on the dialysis machine, I work on her feet. I'm good at what I do, and I guess I'm also methodical. It's not something I enjoy doing, obviously, but I love my wife greatly. I would do anything to make her more comfortable and keep her walking. It's all about quality of life.

    When I do wound care, I simply do it. I don't say much as I'm concentrating, adhering strictly to my training so that I don't reinfect her feet. She knows I love her because I do this every night without complaining. She tells me she's sorry I have to do it, and I always tell her I don't mind doing it.

    I hope you can understand that your husband does what he does because he loves you. We had a friend who became diabetic, and when they amputated her leg, her husband left her. That's what some men do. Your husband cares for you because he loves just as I love my wife. You're going through a rough time and I hope your health will improve. I know all too well how tough life can be.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    My wife is diabetic and I am her caretaker. I'm her dialysis partner as she does home, hemo dialysis, and I do wound care on her feet. After I get her on the dialysis machine, I work on her feet. I'm good at what I do, and I guess I'm also methodical. It's not something I enjoy doing, obviously, but I love my wife greatly. I would do anything to make her more comfortable and keep her walking. It's all about quality of life.

    When I do wound care, I simply do it. I don't say much as I'm concentrating, adhering strictly to my training so that I don't reinfect her feet. She knows I love her because I do this every night without complaining. She tells me she's sorry I have to do it, and I always tell her I don't mind doing it.

    I hope you can understand that your husband does what he does because he loves you. We had a friend who became diabetic, and when they amputated her leg, her husband left her. That's what some men do. Your husband cares for you because he loves just as I love my wife. You're going through a rough time and I hope your health will improve. I know all too well how tough life can be.
    oh man. that has to be so stressful. One of my good friends (we met at this adult medical day care program i go to) is on hemodialysis and it really wipes him out. his mood and energy level are so dependent on what day it is and how long it's been since dialysis.

    I also tell my husband often that I'm sorry that he has to do so much for me. somtimes it's when he's changing my diapers, other times it's when he is getting up int eh middle of the night to turn me in bed. and he always says "don't be sorry, not your fault"

    sometimes my mom does things for me and she gets emotional, and cries, and stuff. It makes it hard for her to focus, which was abig reason why i had to live in a nursing home for awhile. it was too hard for her to care for me, but my husband I guess has the ability to turn that side of things off.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Existential View Post
    oh man. that has to be so stressful. One of my good friends (we met at this adult medical day care program i go to) is on hemodialysis and it really wipes him out. his mood and energy level are so dependent on what day it is and how long it's been since dialysis.

    I also tell my husband often that I'm sorry that he has to do so much for me. somtimes it's when he's changing my diapers, other times it's when he is getting up int eh middle of the night to turn me in bed. and he always says "don't be sorry, not your fault"

    sometimes my mom does things for me and she gets emotional, and cries, and stuff. It makes it hard for her to focus, which was abig reason why i had to live in a nursing home for awhile. it was too hard for her to care for me, but my husband I guess has the ability to turn that side of things off.
    Turning emotions off may be why he is a little distant when changing you. It just comes with the territory. Yesterday the surgeon came to look at my wife's half foot amputation site. He told us not to look because it isn't sewn up yet. He was pleased with what he saw and tomorrow it will be sewn and completed. While undressing the wound he was very matter of fact. It was only after he had finished that he became personable. I think a lot of it is just concentration level.

    I know MS is a tricky thing and that you may not improve. Diabetes is much the same way. My wife is wiped out after dialysis when it's done in center. We do home dialysis which is a lot better as we run the machine at a slower rate which doesn't tax the heart and cardiovascular as much.

    Hang in there and I wish you the best. It can't be easy.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 23
    Last Post: 17-Aug-2014, 07:30
  2. Replies: 26
    Last Post: 22-Jan-2014, 20:36
  3. challenge of diapers in marriage
    By astronautpants in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 30-Sep-2013, 19:41
  4. challenge of diapers in marriage
    By astronautpants in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 21-Sep-2013, 07:47
  5. Marriage/Monogomous Relationships
    By kite in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 01-Aug-2010, 20:46

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.