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Thread: Why give in?

  1. #1
    Reword

    Default Why give in?

    Everyone here says it's pointless to fight and ignore this side of us, but I am just curious why y'all say that? Is it giving up? And how do you know that no one has never been able to get rid of these desires? I tend to be rebellious and I refuse to give in. I want to have a normal relationship with my future spouse, but no matter what these desires still persist.

    The interesting thing is that I spent a week in the poorest part of a foreign country and had no ac, TV, or internet. I had zero, I repeat zero, diaper or ab desires while there, but as soon as I got back home and had internet, they came right back. These desires can't be a part of me because in the country I was in, it is impossible to act on those desires and be an abdl. I now just can't see how it is a piece of me.

    Sorry that this is long, I use adisc as my journal with my abdl desires. Helps me gain perspective.

  2. #2

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    What you're describing is a distraction. A very powerful distraction ... And only for a week. It's easy to keep busy with alternative issues for a short time. You say the internet is to blame, but what if when you got home your desires just drew you to a known source. I bet if you were in that other country long enough you'd start finding an option that met your AB needs

  3. #3

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    I expect the reason we say it is pointless is from hard-earned experience. There are all kinds of conditions under which these desires will fade for a time. Mine consistently used to disappear when I was on vacation. I think a change of setting is likely to disrupt things. Others here have reported a loss of desire upon entering into a serious relationship, but when the new normal asserts itself, they return. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but they come back.

    I doubt there are many people you will meet out there who will match the depths of your own disdain for this. It's so easy to despise ourselves for what are essentially harmless components of our makeup. In my experience, the hardest part, the thing that required the most effort, was deciding that I could be okay with this part of myself. The benefits of that acceptance have been so much greater than self-denial. It's definitely a piece of you. Perversely, what resists happiness and acceptance of your weirdness is also a part of you. You have to decide which part gets your energy and what the benefits might be.

  4. #4

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    Hi Reword! Welcome back. It sounds like you had an interesting trip. Having been on several trips to Africa, Russia, etc., I can confirm your experience of not even thinking of it why you were gone is very normal. For those of us who are DL's and don't do diapers of necessity, we all go through periods where diapers are not even thought of. Just because you didn't think about it while there doesn't mean it isn't still a part of your inner being.

    I think your real issue is guilt when you look at porn, and you're associating that with thinking of wearing. I grew up with no access to porn, as there wasn't an internet. Yet my DL-ness has been with me for all my life. I lived in guilt thinking I was the only one with these feelings. Now I know I'm not and there are normal people like me with these feelings. Please don't beat yourself up because you have these feelings. Your therapist tells you to repress the feelings, but that will lead to self-loathing. You want a normal life? I've had a very normal life--a professional career, a marriage of many years with children and now grandchildren, and am an active Christian singing in the choir. The diapers are a small part of who I am. They don't define me. I hope you can get to that point, too!

    Finally, remember, we are all pulling for you to be at peace with who you are-- diapers or no diapers! Keep talking and listening.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    Everyone here says it's pointless to fight and ignore this side of us, but I am just curious why y'all say that? Is it giving up? And how do you know that no one has never been able to get rid of these desires? I tend to be rebellious and I refuse to give in. I want to have a normal relationship with my future spouse, but no matter what these desires still persist.

    The interesting thing is that I spent a week in the poorest part of a foreign country and had no ac, TV, or internet. I had zero, I repeat zero, diaper or ab desires while there, but as soon as I got back home and had internet, they came right back. These desires can't be a part of me because in the country I was in, it is impossible to act on those desires and be an abdl. I now just can't see how it is a piece of me.

    Sorry that this is long, I use adisc as my journal with my abdl desires. Helps me gain perspective.
    The important thing to remember is that it's not that we think it's impossible to break your oath, but that we don't think you'll be happy trying. If you try to live without it, your urges will still be there. You can refuse to act upon them, but you'll still be having the urges and I do think that will lead to a lot of psychological stress (self-resentment type stuff). In my opinion at least, the only way to avoid the guilt is to accept your full self, including the stranger parts. Sometimes I have dark thoughts about the whole thing, but I've never felt happy trying to resist urges when they arise. It feels like locking out a part of myself as if it doesn't belong.

  6. #6

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    A small note I would add is that anyone who has gotten over these desires would probably not come back to ADSIC to post about getting rid of them and would furthermore not be on here for a good while before they kicked the habit neither would they be on any AB related site so none of us here would know of a story where anyone has kicked because they wouldn't talk about it at least not here. Maybe there are a lot of people who have gotten over it and we just don't know about it and they probably wouldn't want to talk about if we did know them. That's just some logical food for thought as to why you might be feeling like we say it can't be done we do ti because we don't know of anyone who has.

    Aside from that though this habit like any habit can be gotten rid of with effort albeit a lot of effort, the question you have to ask is is it worth the effort it's going to take to get rid of it and can you even go through with all of that effort. Some people call AB/DL addiction and I tend to agree with them though addiction has a negative connotation. Consider that most of america is addicted to soda and yet no one is alarmed because it is a relatively harmless addiction AB/DL is the same way. It doesn't hurt you and it doesn't hurt anyone around you at least not physically. There is some mental pain that may come with it but it's up to you to decide whether getting rid of that pain is worth the effort of getting rid of the addiction. For something like alcohol or drug abuse it might be but even then it's pushing it for some people. For me personally the amount of effort and pain it would take for me to try and not be AB/DL would not be worth it in the slightest but it sound like you have a relationship at risk so for you it might be worth it.

    All of that is also assuming I'm right when I cal it an addiction it very well might not be an addiction and just a personality disorder or something of the like and if that's the case then there is nothing at all you can do about it you and the people you care about and that spend time with will just have to deal with. All in all though of all the habits you could be trying to break I think AB/DL might be one of least dangerous and destructive of all time heck biting your fingernails has more inherent risk behind it than diapers do so personally I think it isn't worth it but again it's situational I suppose.

  7. #7

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    Personally, I consider fetishes on par with any other sexuality; that is to say, it is an immutable part of yourself, and you can't get rid of it any more than I can stop being gay. I've tried to get rid of both sets of feelings and the results were the same. Ultimately, I could ignore them or distract myself from them for awhile, but eventually they would creep back in. Not to mention, it can be extremely unhealthy to deny attractions. In my case, trying to be straight put me through hell and back, actually putting me in the hospital at one time. So in my mind, the benefits of admitting that I have these attractions far outweighs anything that can be accomplished by trying to pretend they don't exist. Not to mention, if you find someone who's in love with you, they're not going to care if you're into this sort of stuff. They might not want to take part, but that's okay, and I'm sure they'll be distracting enough that you'll be more focused on them than this.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    Everyone here says it's pointless to fight and ignore this side of us, but I am just curious why y'all say that? Is it giving up? And how do you know that no one has never been able to get rid of these desires? I tend to be rebellious and I refuse to give in. I want to have a normal relationship with my future spouse, but no matter what these desires still persist.
    We have been there and done that.



    The interesting thing is that I spent a week in the poorest part of a foreign country and had no ac, TV, or internet. I had zero, I repeat zero, diaper or ab desires while there, but as soon as I got back home and had internet, they came right back. These desires can't be a part of me because in the country I was in, it is impossible to act on those desires and be an abdl. I now just can't see how it is a piece of me.
    I went for 8 years and thought I had concurred it, but when the binge cycle came back it was so annoying. I have gone for two or three weeks since I have joined the group. The point is that it will still comes back.



    Sorry that this is long, I use adisc as my journal with my abdl desires. Helps me gain perspective.
    This is a good idea. it is what a therapist might tell you.

    The thing is that the binge and purge cycles have no set time frame. After I joined this group, went through therapy, and have learned to accept who I am I still have ebbs and flows. The difference is that I have self-acceptance and understanding of the situation. I use the diaper needs as a coping mechanism and control the needs to a better level because of the balance that I have gained.

    So it is not to say that it is pointless to fight this side of us, but it should be stated that the benefit is being able to control this side of us and do what is needed to keep from going back to the guilt and self loathing that was part of the uniformed binge and purge cycles.

  9. #9

    Default

    All good advise and comments from above. All I can add is my own experience, that I too tried to kick this when I got married. I stayed away from it for the most part for several years. Then we moved and I had a day off when my wife worked and my kids were in school. Once I had the opportunity, the desire became strong. This also was before the internet. The only stimulus was coming from my own brain.

    I'm a believer in the theory of love mapping. There's a good explanation of this on Wikipedia, but basically, during our formative age, 2-8 years old, we begin to form associations with our sexual drive. For some of us, it's diapers, perhaps the world of the baby, one who is nurtured, etc. This is so hard printed into our brain that it can't be erased. I suspect we would have to go through another and different childhood to eradicate it. Therefore, wanting diapers or baby related things continues invade our conscious and subconscious desires.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    Everyone here says it's pointless to fight and ignore this side of us, but I am just curious why y'all say that? Is it giving up? And how do you know that no one has never been able to get rid of these desires? I tend to be rebellious and I refuse to give in. I want to have a normal relationship with my future spouse, but no matter what these desires still persist.

    The interesting thing is that I spent a week in the poorest part of a foreign country and had no ac, TV, or internet. I had zero, I repeat zero, diaper or ab desires while there, but as soon as I got back home and had internet, they came right back. These desires can't be a part of me because in the country I was in, it is impossible to act on those desires and be an abdl. I now just can't see how it is a piece of me.

    Sorry that this is long, I use adisc as my journal with my abdl desires. Helps me gain perspective.
    I'm curious how your regular sex drive was during that time. When you were in that foreign country, were you interested in women or driven to any kind of sexual pleasure, or was it that you just had no particular passionate drive?

    Anyway, to add to the broader question, there's a distinction we're all making between kicking the desire and indulging the desire. People have chosen to engage in abstinence for various reasons, religious and secular, for thousands of years. So whether you have the desires or not, you can always choose to exert your willpower and NOT indulge them. However, most of us think of kicking it as meaning to no longer have the desires at all, and from everyone's common experience, that's nearly impossible. I've wanted to wear diapers since I was a young child, less than two years out of them. I went over twenty years without ever wearing an adult diaper, and yet the desire never went away.

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