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Thread: Need Help With switching roles

  1. #1

    Question Need Help With switching roles

    OK so I need advice. My daddy and I both have a little side. Mine is more demanding than his. Well lately we have been having issues with our little side letting the other one have little time. or me I am having a hard time getting into the mommy mind set. And I think my meds for seizures have something to do with it. But I still find that I can not into the mommy mind set for him. then I get mad at myself cause I do not want to be selfish and just be the only one who is the little when they need it. How do we find the happy middle. He says if he has to then he will just shut down that side of him. I do not want to have to have him do that. But I am not sure what to do.
    And then there are the times when he does decide to be daddy, he tells me no more being big for the day and snuggles me and calms me down. Then five minutes later or after I take a nap he is done. Last time it happened he told me NO potty at all for the day and that I was to be in little mode , Which I do not mind at all. But then he puts me down for a nap and goes and does his thing while I sleep. When I wake up daddy mode has been turned off. HE gets upset that I wake up with a messy diaper or something like that and makes me change myself or use the potty. My little side can not handle the inconsistency. What do I do?

  2. #2

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    Awh man, I bet it feels sad to wake up like that in little mode, too.
    But hey, first things first; tell him how you feel about it. That going for a nap and waking up with him not playing anymore feels bad and your little side can't take it.
    Would it be possible to have different kind of playtime? Like for you two being little at the same time, going for a nap together, eating something, playing video games etc..? That could break the cycle? Have some sort of big sibling/little sibling thing?

    I am not very experienced with being mommy/daddy/little but I do know about relationships. At least a bit.
    Maybe set a fixed day to have little time? Like the other one having every other weekend, taking turns. If it's a more spontaneous thing that might be a bit too hard.

  3. #3

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    Hello,

    I first would like to say I never even met you before my name is Snivy ^^

    Some flames burn out for awhile when a connection dies out but your not being selfish, it's probably a jealous stage. Everyone goes thru that stage because trust me I have done the same thing in my life time all it takes is a little understanding (heh heh little). Some adults can't handle other adults messing because it can be ridiculous sorry I know members that lost a wife because he kept making her change his messy diapers (I would lose if after it was constantly but I'm not a caretaker or anything)

    Your connection may be based on your husband's(daddy?) interests and the way he see's things and I would have a deep discussion with him about this sort of behavior your adapting. Sometime's it's best to put your little time on hold for awhile and give it some thinking time, you can still have it but if you don't want a ruined spark or connection it's recommended a break or half-time is in order. Make sure at least he is 50% with this role you two adapt.

    If of-course you can't help it and he is having a fit then he isn't the one for you. Some men can be rude and some don't think but it's all about the ways you look at it and if he get's mad he hasn't learned the #1 lesson in life, Q-TIP (Quit Taking It Personal) Another way is to show your the more mature one than he is if he acts like this.

    ~Hope I helped, Snivy

  4. #4
    Atomic6

    Default

    sounds like a dream

  5. #5

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    Trust me he is the one for me of that I have NO doubt. It is all me I am a mess right now. Me and him have been friends for years and in a relationship for almost a year. I am having medical issues and I think the meds are just screwing with my head. OUr connection is far eyond that of just the daddy and little thing. I would literally die with out him.


    Quote Originally Posted by Snivy View Post
    Hello,

    I first would like to say I never even met you before my name is Snivy ^^

    Some flames burn out for awhile when a connection dies out but your not being selfish, it's probably a jealous stage. Everyone goes thru that stage because trust me I have done the same thing in my life time all it takes is a little understanding (heh heh little). Some adults can't handle other adults messing because it can be ridiculous sorry I know members that lost a wife because he kept making her change his messy diapers (I would lose if after it was constantly but I'm not a caretaker or anything)

    Your connection may be based on your husband's(daddy?) interests and the way he see's things and I would have a deep discussion with him about this sort of behavior your adapting. Sometime's it's best to put your little time on hold for awhile and give it some thinking time, you can still have it but if you don't want a ruined spark or connection it's recommended a break or half-time is in order. Make sure at least he is 50% with this role you two adapt.

    If of-course you can't help it and he is having a fit then he isn't the one for you. Some men can be rude and some don't think but it's all about the ways you look at it and if he get's mad he hasn't learned the #1 lesson in life, Q-TIP (Quit Taking It Personal) Another way is to show your the more mature one than he is if he acts like this.

    ~Hope I helped, Snivy

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by binkygirl View Post
    Trust me he is the one for me of that I have NO doubt. It is all me I am a mess right now. Me and him have been friends for years and in a relationship for almost a year. I am having medical issues and I think the meds are just screwing with my head. OUr connection is far eyond that of just the daddy and little thing. I would literally die with out him.
    Ok well as I suggested talk to him about it. There can't be a fight if it's something you can't handle. There's safer and better medicine out there although it's against the rules to offer you any suggestions on what kinds of medicine to take. You can't get yelled at if it's not your fault. Medicine can control a mind and the human itself would not realize it until it is too late. People have died from overdosing on medication because they went psychologically crazy but you I don't think that will happen to you. But when you said this.



    Quote Originally Posted by binkygirl
    HE gets upset that I wake up with a messy diaper or something like that and makes me change myself or use the potty. My little side can not handle the inconsistency. What do I do?
    The thrill is lost over that? I wouldn't expect someone to get mad over somethin like that IF you can't help it. He might be undergoing some stress about this and I'd recommend maybe seeing a therapist about this. It will end in a bad way if nothing is done about that so honestly he needs to know which is right and wrong if your told not to use a bathroom but go in your diaper anyway then he needs to think that was his fault (Even thou you can use the bathroom because even in little mode if it's too much just use a safety word like "STOP" or something)

  7. #7

    Default Long reply!!!

    It sounds like you guys just might not be perfectly, automatically compatible in this. (And that's ok! )

    There seems to be some wiggle room! I'd be hesitant to change your meds because of this, at least before trying other things. I know seizure meds are tricky, so it could be a case of "don't fix it if it isn't broken." There might be a much simpler and MUCH better solution for both of you.

    I do hear you on the "meant to be together" bit. There's PLENTY of space for, y'know, soulmates, to not have exact matching needs, yet still have a wonderful relationship together. Please don't feel like anything you learn about yourself (or him) in ABDL will instantly mean doom for your relationship! It can't, and that'll just make you scared to learn anything. Try to think of it like this: There is a solution. This is going to be okay between you two, and you will both be happy with it. It's just a matter of finding that point! Be as open as possible with each other, learn as much as you can about yourselves (and what you like/don't like, and are/are not suited for), and just look for the ways that the two halves can fit together.

    It takes time to get clarity on these things, so don't feel bad if you don't know where to start or how to explain what you really feel and want. It's OK! Words are just a starting point.

    So there are several different elements to this situation:
    Your needs as a little + His needs as a little
    His function as a caretaker + Your function as a caretaker

    I think it's important for you two to figure out how important you each find these roles.

    You're obviously very attached to being a little, and he seems to be too. But how attached are you to being a mommy? Since you can't do it right now, do you miss it? Does it make you feel happy to imagine? Or is it only important to you because it lets you meet his needs? That can be just fine too - but it's important to know.

    And how attached is he to being a daddy? Is this something that truly makes him happy, and that he genuinely wants even when he's not doing it? Or, again, is it mainly about meeting your needs? (Again, that can be perfectly ok, but it's really important to know! because it changes the dynamic and the expectations)

    These are important things for you to think and TALK about together - not assume that you already know the answers! If you seriously sit down and discuss these things, you'll probably discover the solutions all by yourselves. (But I'll go ahead and post the rest of this to give you some ideas )

    I'm going to shrink these so you can just pop them open to read

    Think about your individual needs while you are littles.


    On a more immediate level, it definitely sounds like you guys need some better communication.
    Remember, you can't do this stuff "wrong!" There's no wrong way to be a little. There's no right way to be a caretaker. It's completely individual, so don't worry if the solution you find seems a bit unorthodox. The only thing that matters is that it makes you both happy!

    That's all I've got for now...
    I hope it gets you feeling, well, hopeful!

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by FaennaJo View Post
    It sounds like you guys just might not be perfectly, automatically compatible in this. (And that's ok! )

    There seems to be some wiggle room! I'd be hesitant to change your meds because of this, at least before trying other things. I know seizure meds are tricky, so it could be a case of "don't fix it if it isn't broken." There might be a much simpler and MUCH better solution for both of you.

    I do hear you on the "meant to be together" bit. There's PLENTY of space for, y'know, soulmates, to not have exact matching needs, yet still have a wonderful relationship together. Please don't feel like anything you learn about yourself (or him) in ABDL will instantly mean doom for your relationship! It can't, and that'll just make you scared to learn anything. Try to think of it like this: There is a solution. This is going to be okay between you two, and you will both be happy with it. It's just a matter of finding that point! Be as open as possible with each other, learn as much as you can about yourselves (and what you like/don't like, and are/are not suited for), and just look for the ways that the two halves can fit together.

    It takes time to get clarity on these things, so don't feel bad if you don't know where to start or how to explain what you really feel and want. It's OK! Words are just a starting point.

    So there are several different elements to this situation:
    Your needs as a little + His needs as a little
    His function as a caretaker + Your function as a caretaker

    I think it's important for you two to figure out how important you each find these roles.

    You're obviously very attached to being a little, and he seems to be too. But how attached are you to being a mommy? Since you can't do it right now, do you miss it? Does it make you feel happy to imagine? Or is it only important to you because it lets you meet his needs? That can be just fine too - but it's important to know.

    And how attached is he to being a daddy? Is this something that truly makes him happy, and that he genuinely wants even when he's not doing it? Or, again, is it mainly about meeting your needs? (Again, that can be perfectly ok, but it's really important to know! because it changes the dynamic and the expectations)

    These are important things for you to think and TALK about together - not assume that you already know the answers! If you seriously sit down and discuss these things, you'll probably discover the solutions all by yourselves. (But I'll go ahead and post the rest of this to give you some ideas )

    I'm going to shrink these so you can just pop them open to read

    Think about your individual needs while you are littles.


    On a more immediate level, it definitely sounds like you guys need some better communication.
    Remember, you can't do this stuff "wrong!" There's no wrong way to be a little. There's no right way to be a caretaker. It's completely individual, so don't worry if the solution you find seems a bit unorthodox. The only thing that matters is that it makes you both happy!

    That's all I've got for now...
    I hope it gets you feeling, well, hopeful!
    Everything you just said was exactly what I just said previously, what do you mean I'm not perfect. It doesn't rely on one individual, we all stick together and plus you mushed up my words and made them sound like they were yours.

  9. #9

    Default

    May I suggest that in order to give him some little time without actually coming out of little yourself, you make a doll out of him and play babydoll. You are still little, but he is getting cared for. I know that I have no understanding of medication effect. Just an idea to ponder. Do stay in communication.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Snivy View Post
    Everything you just said was exactly what I just said previously, what do you mean I'm not perfect. It doesn't rely on one individual, we all stick together and plus you mushed up my words and made them sound like they were yours.
    ...what the heck? o.O I have no idea what you're talking about...

    I don't think I said anything about you "not being perfect"... because I didn't refer to you at all The first sentence of my post was about the OP and her boyfriend. (About not being perfectly, instantly compatible as abdl's together) I guess I should have made that clearer.

    Of course I agree that support is a group effort. That's why I assumed this thread was still open to anyone who wanted to contribute I figured I'd share my own personal experience and understanding of the situation the OP is in. I've faced this issue myself in the past and I did not handle it well, so I'm hoping to spare someone else my mistake.

    To be honest, I didn't quite understand what you were saying anyway (which happens to me sometimes, don't take it personally) I could hardly decide to steal the credit for your ideas - I wouldn't even have been able to restate them.

    So if you see similarities between what I wrote and what you wrote ... maybe we can agree that there are a few universal rules of good relationships, and we both happened to arrive at them independently

    No hard feelings

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