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Thread: having to hide it all

  1. #1

    Default having to hide it all

    First I want to say sorry for my abcence on adisc the past few weeks everything has just been so hectic.
    So a couple weeks ago I asked to sit down with my mother and wife so I could talk to them both about what was running through my head. At that point I had been awake for almost 48hrs my depression was about as bad as its ever been I was up all night before this crying, contemplating how I wanted to "end it all", then something switched in my head( that's the best way for me to describe it) I knew I had to reach out for help, so that's when I told them I wanted to talk. After we talked I felt a lot better until when we were driving home and my wife and I were talking and one thing led to another, she slipped up and said she wanted nothing to do with my little side, so as much as it hurt I said fine. So after being together for 3 years and her knowing about my little side long before that, so when we got home and while she was busy I took anything that had to do with my little side and put it away and locked it up (only thing I really keep out is a couple stuffed animals, paci and a blanket) when she walked in the bedroom she looked around and noticed it was all put away and just acted like nothing was different.

    Its now been almost a month since I put everything away and she has told me that the reason she said what she did is because its hard for her to see me as a husband one minute then I want to be a 2 or 3 year old when I play little, she said its hard for her. She said this not long after our conversion in the car, she "says" that she doesn't mind my little side and enjoys it sometimes, but she hasn't made any effort to show me that she cares about it at all in almost a month. Everything is still locked up, I took anything that she bought for my little side over the years and bagged it up and put it in the attic away from my other stuff because she just made me feel like anything she bought for me was because she felt like she had to not because she wanted to and really cared.

    I'm now on a different anti depressant since the last kind was making things worse, I'm now on one called wellbutrin and a anti exitey( sorry if I spelled that wrong) medication for a week so far and now I just feel numb like I don't enjoy anything but I don't feel depressed either.
    Only thing I still have a slight intrist in my little side because it has always helped with my depression and helped me fall asleep at night. Now if I can't sleep I have to take a sleeping pill or drink a little before bed, and my wife knows this and is perfectly fine with me having to deal with this. My original plan was to just be little when she wasn't around, but for the past three weeks I've only had a hr or 2 today that she's not going to be around so since its not really much time to play by the time I get everything out and the time it takes to put it away, I figured I would post here hoping Maby someone could give me some advise.

    I just want to say that I love my wife dearly and would do anything for her, but it just hurts to have to hide my little side locked in a box to rarely ever come out when its such a big part of who I am. We recently had our aniversary and I bought her something nice and took her somewhere nice for dinner and all i got in return was a thank you and a happy aniversary, she didn't even get me a card. She works so she has money, I try to pay for everything because I work more and so she doesn't have to worry about it, but after everything she knows I'm going through she couldn't even get me a 50 cent card from the dollar store and write something nice in it.

    My mother says to look toward the future and so does my therapist because I'm going to college in a couple months.

    Sorry about my rambaling and bad grammer I just needed to vent and hope someone might be able to give me some advise.

  2. #2

    Default

    I really really hope that you and your wife do not have children. Because you have to leave her. From what you say, it sounds like she only cares about herself. If that wasn't the case she would accept your little side. Even if she didn't agree with it, she would accept it. She isn't doing that. Why do you want a relationship with someone who undermines you at every point? I wouldn't. You are only going to become more and more resentful. This won't end well. You need to take the initiative here. Your little side is important to your depression. If that's not good enough for her, then you aren't good enough for her. Don't put yourself through that. Leave while you still can.

  3. #3

    Default

    Glad to hear from you, Wyatt, it has been awhile.

    On a positive note, it sounds like there has been some progress in dealing with the depression issue since the last time you posted. I recall you just recently started seeing a psychiatrist about how to cope with it. Counselling is a long term process and things don't change overnight. It's a matter of sticking with it and trusting your doctor. You can help the process by giving some feedback to your doctor about how the medication is affecting you. Perhaps it takes time to adjust to it or the potency can be adjusted. If that fails, there may be other alternatives. I don't want to advise you any further than to say that open communication with your doctor is key to getting the proper help.

    The other positive thing is that you're going to college in a few months. That sounds great! What are you going to be studying? Many, many, many years ago I was suffering from depression and when I went back to college it completely changed me, in all the best ways possible. I was terrified and didn't think I had what it takes, but I loved the environment and getting out of a rut, challenging myself and making some valuable friends. I wish you the same experience.

    I'm really sorry to hear about the problems you and your wife are having. I would suggest that you have a serious discussion with her and let her know how this is affecting you. Your little side is an important part of who you are. It's not like she's asking you to give up a hobby or to stop leaving your clothes on the floor, she's asking you to give up an important piece of yourself. In fact, it's quite likely a crucial mechanism to help you cope with the depression. Just hiding it is not going to be helpful to the process.

    Relationships should be based on compromise and there's always going to be some give and take. She needs to know how important your little side is to you and how putting it aside is affecting your mental health, all of which could eventually affect your marriage. Perhaps you could both come up with some sort of schedule where she gets a night out with her friends which would allow you some little time to yourself. That's what compromise is all about; Respecting the other person's feelings and finding solutions that accommodate the needs of both parties. My advice here is the same as my advice with your doctor; Keep the communication open! This is the most important part of a relationship and she needs to know how this is affecting you.

    If there doesn't appear to be any movement or ability to work it out then you might want to suggest that you both enter into couples counselling.

    Best of luck and please let us know how things are going.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 07-Jul-2014 at 23:59.

  4. #4

    Default

    I'm sorry for the late reply really wish I had more hours in the day to do stuff.
    Starrunner thank you for the sincere reply.
    Since I posted this thread my wife and I talked a few days after and she didn't know how hurt I was feeling and she apologized for how she reacted. So things are looking better now, we went on vacation over the weekend to a amusement park with some friends, we had it planed for a month or so, we all really needed it.
    Im starting at a automotive technical school at the end of September so I'm trying to keep positive and look towards the future.
    The amusement park we went to had a safari ride,and they take you around the park in the back of old army trucks to see all the animals, it was pretty cool to see giraffes so close. last time I have seen them I was to small to remember.

    Incontinentgm24 thank you for the reply.
    Luckily we don't have any kids at this time, divorce is something I would never want to do unless there was absolutely no other option and even then it would be hard to do.

  5. #5

    Default

    Hi Wyatt.

    I was sad to read this. My wife told me that your wife was one of the big reasons that she felt it was ok to baby me and look after my little side.

    I'm sorry your wife doesn't want to do this at the moment. I'm sure over time things will change. Especially if you get your depression under better control.

    It must be hard for her to have a depressed husband who also wants to regress. I know how much regression helps me with stress.

    I wish you all the luck and keep treating your wife as the special person she clearly is. She accepts you for who you are, even if she currently doesn't take care of your little side. Has she also given up on ADISC?

    There is no reason to be upset or think of falling out with her, just keep that communication going. Your relationship is inspirational to lots of people on here.

    All the best

  6. #6

    Default

    This is touchy for me because I also tend to regress when I am depressed or have lot of stress on me. My ex boyfriend didn't like it and saw it as all baby including my likes in TV shows and what games I play. I would love to tell him "Hey thanks for all the support you gave me in our relationship while I was depressed. Not." But no point because I know he won't get it and doesn't want to get it. But we weren't compatible because of it.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by babymt View Post
    Hi Wyatt.

    I was sad to read this. My wife told me that your wife was one of the big reasons that she felt it was ok to baby me and look after my little side.

    I'm sorry your wife doesn't want to do this at the moment. I'm sure over time things will change. Especially if you get your depression under better control.

    It must be hard for her to have a depressed husband who also wants to regress. I know how much regression helps me with stress.

    I wish you all the luck and keep treating your wife as the special person she clearly is. She accepts you for who you are, even if she currently doesn't take care of your little side. Has she also given up on ADISC?

    There is no reason to be upset or think of falling out with her, just keep that communication going. Your relationship is inspirational to lots of people on here.

    All the best

    Hi Babymt

    I'm glad to here that your wife saw my wife as a big reason as to why it was ok to look after your little side. Unfortunately my wife lost her password to her account here on ADISC. I asked her if she would like to try and recover her account or make a new one, but she said no she would rather not have a account anymore.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    This is touchy for me because I also tend to regress when I am depressed or have lot of stress on me. My ex boyfriend didn't like it and saw it as all baby including my likes in TV shows and what games I play. I would love to tell him "Hey thanks for all the support you gave me in our relationship while I was depressed. Not." But no point because I know he won't get it and doesn't want to get it. But we weren't compatible because of it.

    Hi Calico

    I'm sorry to here about your past experiences with your ex boyfriend, I hope things are better now since then.
    As much as I hate to admit it my wife has a lot similarities with your ex boyfriend, she won't turn on any animated cartoon movies anymore if I ask her to, like finding nemo, Rio, ect.

    It really plays games with my head when one minute she acts like she wants to have some involvement with my little side and the next she pretends it doesn't exist. We were planing to visit the zoo that's nearby and relatively cheap, but the night before we were supposed to go she changes her mind and says she wants to stay home. Really helps alot with my depression and helping me feel beter.

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