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Thread: Anyone else ever been very shy?

  1. #1

    Default Anyone else ever been very shy?

    I don't know what to do. I'm lonely but I am so very, very shy that I have a hard time meeting and talking to people that I don't already know very well. I feel stupid. I don't know what to say most of the time without feeling awkward. I've been hurt so many times in my life which probably plays a part in it. I try to be social but I just feel so scared sometimes. When I perform (I make a living as an entertainer) I am fine. I have never had stage fright in my life. Actually quite the opposite. I am very confident and comanding onstage and can control a sea of people but when I'm not up there I am very self conscious and insecure. It makes no sense to me. Anyone else ever been that way? I need advice. I have someone who is interested in being a mommy for me but when talking to her on the phone I get butterflies and stumble a lot. Anyone who has been through similar feelings please help.

  2. #2

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    Why not try imagining that you are on stage when you talk to her on the phone. If you feel comfortable while performing you could consider it "rehearsal" and it might relax you a bit. If you can perform on stage, getting over shyness should be a snap.

    Good Luck!

    -Gus

  3. #3

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    I've not had similar feelings myself, but I know and have worked with a lot of people that do.

    You sound similar to a lab partner I use to work with. She was by far one of the shyest people I ever met. She talked to people in such a low, awkward voice I could barely understand her half the time and seemed to stick to herself a lot. However, when she began talking about her lab work in explanation to people her voice was audible and confident and the nervous person seemed to disappear for a moment. When I see this happen to shy people like this, I notice they focus their attention away from their nervousness in social situations to that of their work, especially in groups of people. This might be a similar case for you.

    Assuming you don't suffer from social anxiety as another one of my friends does, this is probably just your personality and being defensive in these situations based on what has happened. My boyfriend is a similar way having been burned before a number of times with shitty friends and family, but he acknowledges it, is a aware, and forces himself to deal with it. The feeling never goes away from him, but he deals with it.

    So here you may always experience nervousness and shyness. BUT...you gotta sort of force yourself to deal with it or find better ways of doing so. My one friend with social anxiety has to force herself everyday to do things because she has to in order to function in this world, or else she'd never leave her house. It's one of those types of deals.

    If it's really crippling you, talking to a therapist may help give you some more tools with that.

  4. #4

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    Yes I know!

    As a child I was so shy that if I saw a stranger I would close my eyes and stop breathing. As an adult I am soft spoken, but not very much anxiety. I am very good at public reading though. I have good expression and voice projection and I have even been asked to do recordings of my reading.

  5. #5

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    I am pretty much the same. I hate going to social events where I don't know anyone and hate so called networking even more. I even have a hard time making phone calls to customers or even friends and will put it off many times before I finally do it.

    But on the other hand I have no trouble teaching a large group of people as long as I am confident about the subject.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Albertje View Post
    I am pretty much the same. I hate going to social events where I don't know anyone and hate so called networking even more. I even have a hard time making phone calls to customers or even friends and will put it off many times before I finally do it.

    But on the other hand I have no trouble teaching a large group of people as long as I am confident about the subject.
    Yes. This is me.

  7. #7

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    It doesn't work in the adult world obviously, but in the AB scene I often use my bear as my spokesperson. When I first talked to my mommy he did most of the talking. Of course it is still me, but it makes me a lot more confident, because I can always blame my bear if people don't like what I say.

  8. #8

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    I'm similar, especially in social situations. I never know what to say to people unless they're discussing a topic I am knowledgeable about. I don't do small talk and it wasn't until within the past few years that I realized I am a big time introvert. Its not that I'm shy or scared, I just have the type of personality where unless I know I can contribute, I generally don't say much and tend to listen. This may give the impression that I'm distant, cold, or just don't care. I have tried forcing myself to be more outgoing and it just brought on more anxiety and self-destruction. The thing with me is that I don't need to be around people as much to be happy. In fact being around people for too long tends drain me and I get mentally and physically exhausted. I think a lot of it has to do with my past and all the times I've been looked down upon by other people. I got tired of being rejected started keeping to myself. I developed a sense of independence and feel happier when I don't rely on others to achieve happiness in my own life. All of this came from self-evaluation and lots of thinking. I feel more comfortable being around a small group of close friends than I do a bunch of people I may or may never see again. I never spent a single minute with a therapist to figure myself out.

    This is just from my own experiences. YMMV

  9. #9

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    I am very shy!!!! but let me tell you something someone once told me!!! I was told i didnt know you where shy until you told me!!!!! so maybe try being yourself its hard i know people people cut you off when your trying to make conversation
    its the loud annoying outspoken ones that get the attention!! but after years of being shy i never even thought no one knew even being as quiet as i am!!!

  10. #10

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    I've got to side with Geno. I too am a performer as I'm a professional musician. I lead groups of people every week, teaching them to sing as a choir. At school, I taught both kids and adults as I often taught IT to teachers. I certainly didn't start out that way, as I was shy and never thought of myself as an adult. But just as Geno suggested, I made myself do it. At first I was very nervous, but I wanted to be successful in my field.

    I'm selective as to who I talk to in social groups. Perhaps it's the privilege of age. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. I think once you discover that people are interested in what you have to say, and that they genuinely like you, you will become a lot more comfortable engaging others.

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