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Thread: Importance of Sex in an ABDL Hybrid Relationship

  1. #1

    Default Importance of Sex in an ABDL Hybrid Relationship

    So I hear from many people that they have life partners whom they love but don't indulge them in ABDL. It is not my attempt to denigrate something I do not understand. Rather it is my attempt to try to understand.

    When I look at my life, and I am single, I know that I want to meet an intelligent, attractive woman who gets my quirky sense of humor, would rather hear the Dead Kennedys than Eminem any day, who likes experimental cooking, dogs, and science fiction. Add to that, it's important to me that my hypothetical lover, whether she be ABDL or not, Kinky or not, find a way to also show love for the 4 year old little boy inside me. Being as I have stated in other threads and not to belabor the point, I'm not able to have sex normally. I literally cannot even get the least bit aroused unless I'm exposed to ABDL stimuli like a brief roleplaying session. Yes, I wear diapers too, but that has nothing or should have nothing to do with sex.

    My question is, is this too much to ask for? I've heard competing answers before and I want to be clear that I would not be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who can't learn to tolerate or even love my little boy side. Is that selfish? And am I setting myself up for failure? I really hope not but, life is lonely and it's only getting lonelier.

  2. #2

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    We all have our innate needs, and so from that standpoint it's not exactly "too much to ask" that somebody satisfy those needs. I would simply say that, the more unusual the needs, the more unusual the prospective mates. It's a simple statistics thing, really.

    The challenge, I think, when it comes to kinks like ABDL and finding ABDL-aware mates, is finding somebody that not only gets or supports the kink, but connects with and supports the rest of you as well. Now, as somebody for whom sex and ABDL are easily separated, it's quite likely that I can't appreciate your situation fully. With that in mind, though, I'd rather have a wife who shared my non-kinky interests and hated my diaper habit than one who embraced the diapers but had nothing else in common with me. Given the seeming scarcity of women in ABDL, I therefore tend to regard likelihood of finding a durable relationship via ABDL dating sites with considerable skepticism.

    Again, I know I'm not fully appreciating the challenges, but my inclination here, when I stand back and look at the totality of my own life, would be to connect with a woman on some universal level before bringing ABDL into the picture. Find that connection, see if it's something you want to grow, and based on how badly you want it, decide what, if any, concessions you feel you can make on the ABDL side and craft an individualized plan for bringing it up.

  3. #3
    CrinklySiren

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    Lets assume for a moment you find a girl who is everything you want in a girl, but not even the slightest bit interested in anything ABDL related. She tolerates your liking to it, but has no interest in taking part, and loves you for who you are.

    If months into the relationship you found a woman who you knew nothing about other than the fact that she is also ABDL or ABDL friendly, and was looking for a baby boy ~ would you immediately consider leaving your non-ABDL girlfriend for the ABDL girlfriend?

    Sometimes there are things that are more important than external desire for indulgence. My wife tolerates my Little lifestyle but wants nothing to do with it. She doesnt care if I wear around her whether we are in public or at home, doesnt care if I act little around friends or around her, but she just wont take part in any of it whether its something as simple as talking to me like a baby or as intimate as diaper changing.

    I have had multiple chances to meet both men AND women who would indulge my ABDL fantasties (not sexually for me) and would offer me a Little's dream life. But i turned it down because the only thing we had in common was our lifestyle.

    Granted, I'm still on the search for a mommy or daddy or big sister/brother, but for me its more a close friendship or family-like bond instead of an intimate relationship, and that is very hard to find. But I digress; despite having multiple chances to chase my limited dreams and desires, the connection between me and my wife is simply too strong and completely trumps anyones ability to give me a dream relationship of full acceptance and indulgence. Sometimes you have to build an overall relationship with someone before engaging in something so intimate. In many cases, you will find yourself falling for someone who feels the same way for you as you do for them, and simply out of feeling joy for seeing you happy, they will indulge your ABDL fantasies despite not being personally intrigued by them.

    There are people out there who are vanilla that will break their vanilla boundaries to see the person they care about be happy or feel special.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    So I hear from many people that they have life partners whom they love but don't indulge them in ABDL. It is not my attempt to denigrate something I do not understand. Rather it is my attempt to try to understand.

    When I look at my life, and I am single, I know that I want to meet an intelligent, attractive woman who gets my quirky sense of humor, would rather hear the Dead Kennedys than Eminem any day, who likes experimental cooking, dogs, and science fiction. Add to that, it's important to me that my hypothetical lover, whether she be ABDL or not, Kinky or not, find a way to also show love for the 4 year old little boy inside me. Being as I have stated in other threads and not to belabor the point, I'm not able to have sex normally. I literally cannot even get the least bit aroused unless I'm exposed to ABDL stimuli like a brief roleplaying session. Yes, I wear diapers too, but that has nothing or should have nothing to do with sex.

    My question is, is this too much to ask for? I've heard competing answers before and I want to be clear that I would not be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who can't learn to tolerate or even love my little boy side. Is that selfish? And am I setting myself up for failure? I really hope not but, life is lonely and it's only getting lonelier.

    Bartolome...

    As you probably know I am in a long term relationship (12+ years) - I am (at least to a mild degree) a DL, my SO is not.
    Now to add some stuff to it, my DL side is something I consider very personal, it's mostly my own private headspace thing stemming from a time I had to come to terms with being IC, needing diapers and going through puberty.
    I "like" diapers, I like the feeling of comfort and the almost free-of-care time they provide me concerning my IC issues and going through life almost unhindered by them, thanks to the diapers.
    And yet I do not actively wish for anyone to partake in my DL side....
    But to be perfectly honest, I consider my DLism, like my IC, like a lot of other small aspects simply that: facets, aspects, small parts of my integral personality - not something I would ever define myself by nor would put an overly strong emphasis on in any relation.

    I find that important in my following reply to your questions:

    My So is quite a different person than I am in many regards - and has her very own desires, wishes, goals, hobbies etc.. even friends that we don't share (we share a number of friends, but just because we're a couple it has never ment for any of us to do everything together... so we have a strong shared life, but also pursue our individual goals...)

    Sexually speaking, we share a LOT but certainly NOT everything when it comes to what each of us likes - fantasizes about and acts out about.
    We have our individual turn on/offs, our ways to reach climax, fantasies that the other does not by necessity share or even particularly like (head-space is a free zone in my book and I have NO problem whatever the FANTASY might be for her and vice versa - we are though very open about this and communicate a lot, even after more than 12 years.)
    Same goes for sexual kinks - we share a few, but have each our own kinks.
    And this is crucial to me - some of her stuff I don't get / don't turn me on... and it's the same the other way around... again communication and willingness to TRY are of paramount importance to both of us.
    We have limits - her limits are not necessarily mine and again same thing from her point of view - none the less we both have the UTMOST respect for those limitations.

    I also believe firmly that in life we can reach a lot of happiness, see a lot of our dreams come true (and sometimes our worst nightmares - as those are just as well a part of what defines us). And yet I have not, to this very day met a single person who could say without lying through his teeth that all desires in life, all wishes, all dreams, everything has been fulfilled - not at 15, not at 30, not even at 70+. Some dreams, some desires we probably will uphold until we are as dead as the dodo. And yet I don't think it's bad in any regard - I'm not saying we should settle for less or do not pursue our dreams, but we as human beings in my believe need to accept the art of compromise - the decisions we all face, have to make. Nothing in life comes free of consequences - the good, bad, neutral, minimal impact or a bloody dropping of the A-Bomb, short term, long term, not in our life time ...


    And to answer this question finally with all that in mind:


    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome
    My question is, is this too much to ask for? I've heard competing answers before and I want to be clear that I would not be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who can't learn to tolerate or even love my little boy side. Is that selfish? And am I setting myself up for failure? I really hope not but, life is lonely and it's only getting lonelier.
    In some way, YES - partially it is indeed to much to ask for.
    The major issue with your desire starts with your preceding "check-list" - I've seen this one a hundred times with friends and colleagues who are single and desire a companion, and it is 99% bound to fail.
    The whole list is a basically an absurd ego-trip. Finding a women who loves you isn't shopping for a new car.
    Being OPENMINDED will create an "environment" that actually leaves a lot of space open and you will be surprised how much easier it will be to find a partner, even maybe be "hit" on by the girl.
    Those check-lists are like political demands from two countries at war: You need to do this, be that, respect this, don't do this, be...
    It doesn't work that way.

    Your future wife needs to be attractive, she needs wit and a shared sense of humor, she even should have a specific preference in music, likes your cooking experiments, needs to like dogs (oh god forbid she's a cat person) and last but not least, she needs to know the differences between a warp drive, propulsion systems and know how to act at a klingon wedding.
    And if all that isn't enough: Regardless of her sexual preferences, fantasies, etc, she needs not only to ACCEPT (which wouldn't be that big a request) but also to LOVE and take care (indulge, play along, mommy, etc...) of your AB Side.

    As harsh as the next thing will sound:
    All of that combined as a prerequisite for a potential partner of yours is virtually impossible - it's the proverbial needle in the hay stack.
    I am not saying such a women does not by chance exist, but finding her and then having her to fall in love with you... winning the lottery twice would probably be pale in comparison.
    Mostly because if such a combo existed, you are not in the right state of mind by creating all these check-points to see her when she walks by you...
    It's like the hunter who is desperate to shoot a deer, but never does - to hectic, wrong "mind-state", not calm ... too much wrong anticipation etc...


    Any working, fulfilling relationship I have seen over the years - including my own - is a set of getting to know each other, being openminded, being tolerant, being willing to learn about the other persons desires and trying to fulfill them to a point but not at the price of giving up your own personality. To be there for each other whether good or bad times are the motto of the day and days to come. To FIND common interests, to try new stuff together, to be in constant communication,... to have no problems with the occasional compromise. To be willing to do something SOLELY for the Partners pleasure (this of course goes both ways). To be accepting of each others quirks. To respect the other person for who they are and may become. To be open to change and "evolution". Not a lot is set in stone in any persons life. Be willing to WORK on yourself, work on the relationship.
    Accept problems and accept that not everything smells like roses. To GROW together as human beings and become strong by holding on to each other when the world around one or both turns to ashes. To rise from those ashes and try to build something new.

    If you TRULY want a companion for life, a girl to love and cherish whom will love you for who you are and accept you with the quirks you have and will go through life WITH YOU - TOGETHER. then you need to find it in your heart to set aside selfish desires, check lists, demands and the perfection personified in your fantasy, you need to "open your eyes" and let life, the world, other people out there INTO YOUR LIFE - you need to start building real relationships and not just pursue online dating, kink dating etc... you don't want to put your fetish, your kink FIRST - you should not ignore or forget it either, but it's not as Omnipotent as you make it out to be. Sure from your current point of few your ABDL side is probably the one thing you have, hold dear, your retreat, your everything in times of darkness - but having another person openly in your life will be fulfilling on a different level and will probably give you the chance to ENJOY your kink.
    And if you are accepting of the other persons boundaries - maybe take it SLOW ... build from common acceptance I bet you at one point she will even embrace that side of yours, even if she is not remotely into ABDL stuff herself, and you know why? Well it's simple: BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU, she loves the man behind the mask, she loves the mask too

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartholme
    So I hear from many people that they have life partners whom they love but don't indulge them in ABDL. It is not my attempt to denigrate something I do not understand. Rather it is my attempt to try to understand.
    Life experience. I've been on many a date who a potential partner said I didn't cut out for them for whatever reason, and I've said the same. And it depends what really can one settle for or stand for a good while. It's more than likely a lot of these partners discovered their fetishy ways long after the relationship was established and they love this person's other qualities but cannot do that for them. They can let it fly. To me, that's really all there is too it. Either you're not going to be all weird about it, or it's a deal breaker.



    My question is, is this too much to ask for? I've heard competing answers before and I want to be clear that I would not be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who can't learn to tolerate or even love my little boy side. Is that selfish? And am I setting myself up for failure? I really hope not but, life is lonely and it's only getting lonelier.
    The down low is you've put yourself as only compatible with someone in that kind of niche relationship. You either don't know yourself well enough to be flexible for other relationships (or you don't have the capacity currently to), or your needs are just so specific.

    Me personally, having a partner currently that does indulge me, I can also settle for one that doesn't as long as their not weird about it. Experience with that has led me to that conclusion. Ya know' but in that same token I would prefer a kinky partner, and would actively search one out. Higher chances we are more compatible anyway.

    For someone in your position, with what I remember having little to no dating experience, this can be very challenging. I remember being there in some way when I was younger before my first sexual and dating experience. It seemed like this gigantic big deal. For me now it's like "whatever" or "who gives a hoot." You'll more than likely end up the same way.

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