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Thread: Problem, involving my orientation...

  1. #1

    Unhappy Problem, involving my orientation...

    I am currently in a very twisted situation. I am currently (you could say according to the student body) in a relationship with a girl, and have been for about a year. I have always wanted to be straight, "normal" because through my years in school(especially in middle school X.x) if you were anything other than normal, you could be preyed upon, and i was, bullied verbally very much.

    I had some gay thoughts before now but brushed them away, never really assessing them... I wanted so badly to be straight I forced myself to think that way, although I thought, and do still think, the female sexual organs (boobs ect) rather disgusting, and wondered for the longest time why anyone would want to see that. (I thought it was gross) My fantasy's that were gay in nature usually involved diapers, and some when I tried to think heterosexually, always involved diapers too...

    This was about a year ago, I have now started to come to terms with myself being gay, but after years of trying to convince my self I am straight, tendrils of doubt remain in my mind, making me doubt my sexuality so much more.

    So many of my close friends have arguments of why people are "wrong" or mentally messed up, when they are homosexual, ect (One of my friends thinks all furries are totally messed up in the head, for example)(Another example is how one of my friends thinks that people who are bisexual, are not really just kidding themselves, which makes me doubt myself, because I doubt myself about everything...). I want to be true to myself, and being gay would be what would make me truly happy. But I think logically, and when I am presented with an argument that makes sense, even if it goes against my thoughts, I consider it, and it installs doubt into my mind...

    This girl that I have been dating i guess, well, she is on my schools Rifle team with me, and has been for a year now, and being on varsity, the team is very close, and there are about.. 3/4 relationships inside the team going on right now... that is beside the point, the thing is, I haven't told anyone except one boy that I met at an chorus event (people from schools around the state area audition for this group, if they get in they perform) that I think I am gay... I have been confused for the past few months on this subject.

    I know my situation is extremely involved and complicated, but I really can't talk to anyone else about this, and I hope someone has some advice for me.

    On a side note, the boy I met and have talked to is gay, and I like him, but he lives 39 miles away .

    Overall, If anyone has any advice at all I would appreciated, or anything to say really, I don't know what to say to this girl, because I value our friendship, and we are together everyday because of the team we are on, and we have a bunch of things in common, like our love of Anime/Manga. (Although she is not a big fan of Yaoi, lol.)

    Again sorry for the involved post, and I appreciate anything anyone can say, thank you so much for reading this far anyway!

  2. #2

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    Well, can I start by saying that 39 miles really isnt <b>that</b> far relationship wise? If you really want that to work, it wouldn't be too hard. Just meet at places in between you two.

    I can't really help determine your orientation, but if your feel like you would be happier gay than go with it.


    Don't worry about whether you're bi or gay, it really doesn't matter. Just go with what you're feeling, and date who you would like to at the time; guy or girl.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Musickid View Post
    I am currently in a very twisted situation.
    Not really man, you're facing the same battles most gay people have when still in the closet while growing up. It's tough stuff, but it's the norm (unfortunately).

    Before you continue worrying about what others think about you, think about what you think about you. Are you really attracted to guys? Are you really grossed out by the thought of intimate stuff with a girl?

    If you can honestly say "yes" to both these things.... Congratulations! You're gay!

    Now, before you jump to conclusions, this isn't a bad thing. Gay people statistically have a higher standard of living, live happier lives, make more money, and stay married longer.

    Err... You don't care about that yet. You need to get through school first and deal with your peers.

    If you really are gay, you are quite welcome to keep it to yourself until you get a little older, and have acquaintances that aren't so determined to judge you on your sexuality. Just because you've decided you're gay doesn't mean that you need to hold a "coming out parade" down the halls of your high school. After all, your sexuality is only one part of who you are (and why do you need to tell your friends what you prefer to do under the sheets, anyways?).

    Joking aside, let your sexuality come about naturally. If you click with some dude somehow, it'll happen on it's own. You can then choose to keep it between the two of you, or shout it from the rooftops. In the meantime, if you're not interested in this girl in a sexual way, communicate that to her. Just say you'd like it better to just be friends.

    Once you get out of high school you'll realize that at that time, the whole "gay" thing will be much more trivial, and is much less to worry about. When life isn't a popularity contest, things are different, and you can focus more on what is most important... Yourself, and you being happy with yourself.

    Remember two things...

    1. Being gay is NOT a bad thing...

    and...

    2. Being gay does not need to be a public exposition.

    Oh and the most important thing.... Have fun while you're still a kid!

  4. #4

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    Sound advice from Jay, but I'm sorry to hear you're in such a rough situation. There are a number of support groups for kids in just your position, with people going through the same thing here. While everyone here supports you, they might be able to offer more specific advice, and they also have more experiences that are similar to yours.

    Good luck with everything. One day, being homophobic will be no more acceptable than being racist, and your sexuality will be recognised for what it is--dynamic, and wholly personal.

  5. #5

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    I know the whole "convincing yourself to be straight" routine. I mean, I do like girls and girl parts, but there is an undeniable attraction I have to some guys. Eventually I just got used to it, but NO ONE in my family knows.

    However, I don't get why people say girl parts are gross. I can understand not being interested in them, but I don't get gross. Although, I'm sure there are plenty of girls that think a penis is hideous too. I just think it's silly. A few gay people I know make jokes like, "How can you be with something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die?" I know they're not really serious, but I still find it a disgusting saying. My point is, I think the human form in a work of art in all it's shapes, and I wonder if a lot of this "gross" stuff is just vestiges of childish inhibitions.

    So I ask you, imagine if girls weren't gross, then how would you feel?

    If you're gay that's fine. You'll eventually find yourself with a bf like I did, but don't do it just because women revile you. Leave the doors open, and see which one takes you.

  6. #6

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    My 2 cents is my 2 cents, take it or leave it, but please respect it, and I'll be sure to do the same. I only type what I think because that appears to be what the post is asking for. I don't want anyone to hate me. I love you guys, k? I struggle from going infantile to going serious help everyone la da da da....And my self-confidence needs improving, not attacking. I DO sometimes not make perfect sense. In which case, ask nicely for me to retype. *Disclaimer*


    What's your dad think...assuming you have one....

    Me and my conspiracies......

    In my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, every gay guy I've ever come across never had their father teach them what it was like to be a man. They weren't rised by two parents, or their mother did most of the work...Making them rather..girly....

    I am by no means bashing gay people.....I mean to say I myself have had some struggle with it...then my two lesbian friends asked me a few questions regarding another mans penis, and the answer was honestly no chance in hell. Thus, I'm straight.

    I would never do anything of sexual nature with another man, hugging and shaking hands is manly and respectable to me. But I think that's where the true line is for me anyway.

    Ask yourself honestly, what would you do with another man? Does this bother you? That will tell you if your gay or not.

    A lot of people question it (their orientation), more than we know. For myself, me and my homofriends didn't have the right family settings growing up.

    I am a HUGE believer in family values. There was a time when men taught men and women taught women and it makes more sense to me. Guys are spose to be authoritative and women to be more compassionate. I FIRMLY believe it takes one mom, one dad, to raise a kid right. It's also OBVIOUS that the NATURAL course of nature is for a girl and guy to make life.

    I'm not saying I hate you for being gay, I am providing my reasons for not agreeing with it.

    I also ironically believe if you love someone that should be good enough.


    But in the scenario of sexual and rising children, I believe it should be a guy and a girl. That's just me, and a lot of others.


    So that's my stance, like it or not.

    Recently one of my girl / friends told me she had been f'd by so many guys (metaphorically and literally ) That one day she got fed up and would only have relationships with girls. She was engineered to hate guys, she choose to be a lesbian.

    Not to say that happens in 100 percent of all cases, but every case I've encountered was either they chose/decided one day for whatever severe reason (I've had problems with both sexes that made me unsure what side I was on) OR they were raised horribly.

    I just mean to say that 1) Every human is naturally curious and wants to experiment somehow. For some it's exploring their transgendered side, for others it's sticking forks into electrical sockets. It's how we learn what works. We have learned that same sex relationships don't do much in the area of creation because of experimentation. 2) In every case I've encountered, including myself, ( I am more/less in the business of counseling/exhorting, it's apparently a gift, so I deal with this a lot even though I am not certified or anything,I'm just severely honest. Forgive me) They either GOT HURT or weren't raised properly. Same concept applies to ADHD, 10/10 times for me but 8/10 times in general. (covering my butt)

    I do not *yet* believe your actually gay. I think you may be psyching yourself out, but I could always be wrong. I really think that, from my limited information mind you, you can pick which road you want to go on. I don't know a guy that was born gay. Period. I know a lot of gay people, without a doubt.

    It's in your hands man. Granted, being gay could very well end up being the best thing for you, on the other hand it could make your life worse cause this is a very dramatic world that can't pick a side on anything.


    Another possibility: I think the diapers play a role. I don't lust after girls, I don't think about girls, I'm not worried about having a girlfriend. When I jack off I think of anything but girls. I learned that I was interested in the diapers themselves, which was making me THINK I was gay. Being a prideful virgin (Yea, I said it) I thought I was gay cause I'd rather wear diapers then have sex with a human being. (It's also a psychological thing, babies don't need to have boyfriends/girlfriends. )


    I think it's a trick. Ask yourself would you rather A) Screw a girl B)Screw a man C) Screw a diaper.


    I was really blunt and vulnerable here....I just want to be clear that I am trying to help out by offering things to chew on...In the end, your end is between you and God my friend.


    AND YES, BE A KID AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS OR ORIENTATION, IT CAN KILL A GUY. Enjoy life.

  7. #7

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    Well if you consider your self gay then you might as well be gay. I have quite a few gay friends who are open to everyone that they are gay and they accept the fact they are and have dated a girl for a long duration of time.

  8. #8

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Incomplete Dude View Post
    I know the whole "convincing yourself to be straight" routine. I mean, I do like girls and girl parts, but there is an undeniable attraction I have to some guys. Eventually I just got used to it, but NO ONE in my family knows.

    However, I don't get why people say girl parts are gross. I can understand not being interested in them, but I don't get gross. Although, I'm sure there are plenty of girls that think a penis is hideous too. I just think it's silly. A few gay people I know make jokes like, "How can you be with something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die?" I know they're not really serious, but I still find it a disgusting saying. My point is, I think the human form in a work of art in all it's shapes, and I wonder if a lot of this "gross" stuff is just vestiges of childish inhibitions.

    So I ask you, imagine if girls weren't gross, then how would you feel?

    If you're gay that's fine. You'll eventually find yourself with a bf like I did, but don't do it just because women revile you. Leave the doors open, and see which one takes you.
    Agh yes my wording was too harsh! I understand what you are saying, I was just a little worked up when typing, gross is far too strong, I had no intention of sounding that way but I was just a little rushed in typing. Unattracted to would be a better description, gosh I feel stupid, yeah I didn't mean to say it that way.

    Thank you all for the advice, any piece is helpful, and I would never be angry of someones thoughts, don't worry tbjay, I consider every thoughtful response or idea to be constructive and I respect all peoples beleifs, unless they are rediculous and hate people... But I know that's not anyone here .
    Last edited by Peachy; 08-Jan-2009 at 10:12. Reason: merging double post - put all your thoughts into one post!

  10. #10
    Mesmerale

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    Musickid, as much as I would like to think of something profound and unique to say in regards to your situation, I'm afraid that it would be pointless and shallow of me to do.

    I want you to know that I'm not being lazy, nor am I being rude by trying to make it seem as if your problems are minimal, but I've recently responded to a thread quite like yours and I'd like to direct you to it.

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/mature-to...ientation.html

    You don't necessarily have to read the entire thing, though if you think it would help, by all means do so. But I feel that even copying and pasting my post into your thread would be both disrespectful and shallow, as if I just wanted more rep.

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