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Thread: Can't be sad because others have it worse.

  1. #1

    Default Can't be sad because others have it worse.

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    I just saw this post online, and it reminded me of a past experience that related.

    Once i was having a really rough time in my life feeling quite depressed, I don't think i had accepted my AB/DL side yet, and my dad talked to me and basically told me that I should stop being so depressed because his sister had more problems than I do and she is a happy person. (Very paraphrased)

    I kinda hated him telling me that, because even though it could have been a good example of how i could approach my problems, I felt like it was used as a way of saying that my problems don't matter.

    What do you guys think about this statement?

  2. #2

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    Everyone has their own problems. Someone might really have it worse, but that doesn't invalidate your problems. If something horrible happens to me, and something twice as horrible happens to someone else... both things are still pretty bad. Sometimes people think everything is terrible, yet they might actually have less problems than you, though sometimes there are problems they don't talk about.

  3. #3

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    It's a useful phrase if not taken too literally, because essentially it's not really a reference to your problems having no significance/importance. It's very skeletal advice that is just basically used in an attempt for the overwhelmed person to try and not sink into the rather circular depression* and to get them to look at the situation more optimistically. People may have it tough or equally tough or much easier. It's simply loose advice to be more optimistic about your situation.

    *If you get depressed about your problems, it's really easy to just get depressed and overwhelmed. And you might get more depressed, because now you feel overwhelmed.

  4. #4

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    It seems like the phrase is used different ways. Some people use it as a way to try to cheer someone up, sort of. Other people use it rudely and insulting.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by ShippoFox View Post
    It seems like the phrase is used different ways. Some people use it as a way to try to cheer someone up, sort of. Other people use it rudely and insulting.
    Exactly what I was thinking. Depending on the person saying it they could mean "suck it up and quit whining" or "look on the bright side"

    When in doubt, assume the nicer meaning :-)

  6. #6

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    I generally buy into the belief that happiness is a relative thing and everyone has their own baseline.

    That said it's always annoying to hear someone making a big deal out of some problem one perceives as trivial compared to their own. Likewise I occasionally feel guilty complaining about the minor problems in my life when other people deal with much bigger issues regularly.

    What one can take from all that I have no idea.

  7. #7

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    It's interesting: I was feeling a little stressed out about some things, financial and other stuff, but when I was looking through some of the threads this morning and reading what some of my fellow Adisc friends are going through, I realized my problems really were quite small in comparison. Coming to this conclusion on your own can be a revelation when it's not thrown at you by others. My heart is really going out to several members here today.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by BoundCoder View Post
    I generally buy into the belief that happiness is a relative thing and everyone has their own baseline.

    That said it's always annoying to hear someone making a big deal out of some problem one perceives as trivial compared to their own. Likewise I occasionally feel guilty complaining about the minor problems in my life when other people deal with much bigger issues regularly.

    What one can take from all that I have no idea.
    I agree about the relative nature of emotions and I think this observation cuts or benefits both ways. My pain or happiness are my own and I realize I may be much more effected for good or ill than someone else might with the same situation or that others might have much better or worse situations. I try to use this to check my wildest extremes while not invalidating my own response.

  9. #9

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    Emotions have a way of filling people up completely sometimes. This is actually best seen by not comparing yourself to others, whose lives you can't ever truly know fully, but comparing yourself to yourself! I know that I have cried over truly serious issues (like the death of my father) and also over minor issues - like for example, a very sad scene in a movie, or a problem with a costumer at a job. Emotions are so strange that if I was to qualify those kinds of crying and sadness - it would be the same. The only difference in my case was that I was upset for a longer period of time over a serious issue than a minor issue. But still, in that moment, tears streaming down my face and pain swelling my heart, it felt the same. It was the same amount of pain. Sadness engulfed me. It just stuck around for longer when it was serious. And in that way, sadness can engulf anyone, for no matter what reason.

    No one should be denied their emotions. What an unhealthy attitude to have. In my experience, most people who say "suck it up" are people who are actually thinking about themselves. "Suck it up, people in Africa have it worse than you do!" What those people actually mean is "I have it worse than you do." I've had narcissists say it outright that they have it worse than me, but when more normal people say it they try to suggest something less rude. But in all honesty, they are more than likely talking about themselves compared to you. It's a poorly disguised sense of superiority. "You have no idea what pain is. You're so immature." ---> "I am more wise than you and therefore better than you."

    So I find it really disturbing when people say things like that. This quote you've shared is good. Thanks for sharing it!

  10. #10

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    Being reminded that your problems are relatively trivial is so damned annoying because it's true.

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