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Thread: The boyfriend found out

  1. #1

    Default The boyfriend found out

    So here's what happened:
    A couple of weeks ago I was introduced to a girl, a friend of a friend. Her name will remain unknown but for these purposes I'll call her M.

    So it started the first day chilling with friends like normal, and then the next few times we hung out it changed. She would sit me in her lap or have me lie down next to her while she sat so i would be resting upon her shoulder.
    Yes I found a mommy, sort of.

    I knew there was a boyfriend, a big thug looking guy who is one of those who fancy sparkly watches and rap music. But I didn't think much of him since he doesnt go to school here (probably not at all).

    So we texted and stuff, and this Sunday she didn't respond after I sent her a picture of me that she had requested (me in my tae kwon do uniform), until later at night I get a text saying her boyfriend got pissed at her and we couldn't talk to each other anymore. So I just said okay yeah sure bye.

    Today at school, M wasn't there at all, nor was she at the meeting place we usually all hang out at. A friend of hers named L mentioned she said I needed to talk to her.

    I know this was wrong, but it would've worked so perfectly. We're both transferring out after this spring, so it would be like it never even happened. She hates her relationship, I gave her a break from it. Ugh what a mess this is. what am I to do? What should I say when she inevitably confronts me about this?

  2. #2

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    If she hates her relationship with this guy, she's the one who is going to have to face up to it, and break it off. If you do meet up, let her start the conversation and see where it goes. I think the only thing you can do however, is to respect the direction she wishes to take. Sometimes girls, and guys for that matter, have deep seated, psychological reasons for picking the wrong mate. They may have a codependent personality, and there isn't much you can do about that, other than lend them some support.

  3. #3

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    Yeah you're right. I'll pray about it but other than that I can't do anything. *sigh* the amazing girls end up with low guys, I try to take one (I've always relished the thought of stealing a girl from another guy, as has happened to me numerous times), and it backfires. I feel bad, because this guy might have gotten upset enough to hurt her, which would be too much to bear. Ugh I feel slimy xp I'll just have to take whatever she has to say and proceed from there. This is out of my control now.

  4. #4

    Default

    Exactly: Why is this with the guy if she truly hates the relationship-
    And you shouldn't generalize - it may seem to you, from a minority sampling you've had that the amazing girls end up with the wrong guy... but isn't that the case with any girl you happen to get a liking to and isn't together with you - she's with the wrong guy ?

    I'm not trying to punch you in the gut here, I'm just voicing some persepective to it.

    Some people crave / Love the attention they get.... you gave that girl the full scale attention, you WANT her... and most people like the feeling of being "needed" "wanted"... and yet she is with "MR. Thug" who must have his "merits" towards her too... enough merit obviously to stick with him.

    and yes if my GF would do stuff like that with another guy (sexual or not) - like having him cuddle, etc... - I'd be rather pissed too... and if the boy knows about her being in a relationship and I knew... well, I don't think I would behave perfectly charming either.

    Out of your control? I disagree.
    You can of course be as active / in control as you wish - give her a phone call, try to get in touch. Talk to the boyfriend (maybe apologize to some degree but tell him if he's got any rage / issues it's not her he should be dealing with.), send her a letter,...

    Last but not least, there was no "relationship" - there was / is no obligation... she maybe was curious, liked the attention you gave her, liked you... and ultimately figured out that she isn't comfortable with breaking up her existing relationship for something new - and this you should respect and don't become one of them self-loathing brooding guys who blames the world for their misfortune ....
    there's a lot more lovely lasses out there... forget her. People who "play" With other people's emotions aren't worth the time.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    Exactly: Why is this with the guy if she truly hates the relationship-
    And you shouldn't generalize - it may seem to you, from a minority sampling you've had that the amazing girls end up with the wrong guy... but isn't that the case with any girl you happen to get a liking to and isn't together with you - she's with the wrong guy ?

    I'm not trying to punch you in the gut here, I'm just voicing some persepective to it.

    Some people crave / Love the attention they get.... you gave that girl the full scale attention, you WANT her... and most people like the feeling of being "needed" "wanted"... and yet she is with "MR. Thug" who must have his "merits" towards her too... enough merit obviously to stick with him.

    and yes if my GF would do stuff like that with another guy (sexual or not) - like having him cuddle, etc... - I'd be rather pissed too... and if the boy knows about her being in a relationship and I knew... well, I don't think I would behave perfectly charming either.

    Out of your control? I disagree.
    You can of course be as active / in control as you wish - give her a phone call, try to get in touch. Talk to the boyfriend (maybe apologize to some degree but tell him if he's got any rage / issues it's not her he should be dealing with.), send her a letter,...

    Last but not least, there was no "relationship" - there was / is no obligation... she maybe was curious, liked the attention you gave her, liked you... and ultimately figured out that she isn't comfortable with breaking up her existing relationship for something new - and this you should respect and don't become one of them self-loathing brooding guys who blames the world for their misfortune ....
    there's a lot more lovely lasses out there... forget her. People who "play" With other people's emotions aren't worth the time.
    I guess not, but still there are things to consider. I will not blame myself for this situation since it was thrust upon me and I simply went along with it.

    And as has been my experience, they do tend to end up with the wrong guys, but sometimes it's not because it's not me, but because they're just bad guys. Thugs, potheads, or just regular jerks who really don't care about them. I can't/wouldn't apologize to the guy since he got in my way, and e shouldn't have been going through her phone in the first place. Te only gesture of affection I've seen is that he bought a diamond sparkly $2000 watch, which he lets her borrow. He's a mean guy, I simply facilitated a break from him.

    And yes you're right, if she's not comfortable then I'm gonna disappear. It'll be like I never existed, as is possible in a school of 30,000. Plus the girl I actually like has been put in a group I'm in for a project in one of my classes, so I'll move on and vanish.
    My only disappointment is that this was the closest to having a mommy in real life. The closest I've come to touching the dream I thought was on too high a shelf to reach. Oh well. One door closes, another opens.

  6. #6

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    If, as you said, you just let it happen then maybe that is an explanation for why you're not with her. Presumably these bad-guys went out and made sure they got their girl... and perhaps that makes them somewhat immoral but at the end of the day they got her. In this instance you've sat back and watched and you haven't got her. He has.

    Now, I'm not condoning girlfriend theft. But it is an explanation as to why you two aren't together.

    When she said we need to stop talking you had a choice about whether to accept that or not. Equally when she is cuddling you, you have a choice about whether to go in for the cuddle first next time etc.

    Action leads to reaction, which leads to results. Not necessarily the right results (morally) and sometimes not the results you expected, but if you act you can be sure that you had a part to play in what happens next.

  7. #7

    Default

    I've been on a date or two when the person suddenly made mention of someone else still being in the picture. Immediately I'm out. I don't even touch those situations with a 10 1/2 foot pole. Let this be a learning experience not to get involved with such people should it happen again. Seriously.

    As for this situation right now... don't let yourself get further involved even if the opportunity presents itself.

    That I can assure you is in your best interest.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    I've been on a date or two when the person suddenly made mention of someone else still being in the picture. Immediately I'm out. I don't even touch those situations with a 10 1/2 foot pole. Let this be a learning experience not to get involved with such people should it happen again. Seriously.

    As for this situation right now... don't let yourself get further involved even if the opportunity presents itself.

    That I can assure you is in your best interest.
    i dont know why but it gave me a slight thrill when i first learned there was someone else involved, it made it feel like i was into some sort of cladenstine operation and had to be secretive (i forgot the secretive part) or like the triangle in The Great Gatsby. and she hasnt been hanging around one of my group's spots, so we're both on our separate ways. it wasnt even supposed to be anything major, we were both gonna transfer out of this wrethched school at the end of the semester, she going to CSLB and me to a secret college in new york, so it wouldve worked out so perfectly, like it never happened. oh well, its too bad this mischief came to an end. but yeah i wouldnt do this again, not worth the time and effort and the imminent punch in the face i'll probably get today.

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