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Thread: Problem with making friends

  1. #1

    Default Problem with making friends

    I know this might surprise some people that I have got to know over the time I have spent here, but I have a real problem with making friends in real life or online, I'm not sure if it's a lack of confidence or if I'm haunted by paranoia and anxiety, but whenever I make new friends or get close to people I become terrified about saying or doing the wrong thing, the feeling becomes so strong it's almost unbearable, this leaves me feeling very unsure about myself which I find to be upsetting and my playful attitude turns to one of self doubt.
    I'm tired of making friends only to run Away because I don't trust myself.
    It's making me physically ill.

  2. #2


    Same here, That's why I don't have many close friends, I have pretty bad social anxiety. I feel like I never say the right thing, then feel like crap after I say something that could have been worded so much better. I can think and speak perfectly in my head, why can't it come out right out of my mouth or on the keyboard. I took a big leap to join this site and that Skype chat with you guys. Hell, it was really hard to open up and tell you guys the stuff I did, part of why it took so long hehe, I still feel like I could have said it so much better and added more to will be the case when I post this, it's terrible feeling this way. I wish I could just stop with beating myself up so much, I'm so judgmental towards myself, and I'm really trying to stop that. I'm also terrible with most advise so I don't know why I even try with trying to help others on here, yet somehow when I do manage to help someone, I feel really good, that's why I continue when I feel like I'm gonna fail, even though I'm probably doing just fine. I don't even know where I'm going with this, I guess what I'm trying to say is I know all too well what you mean, but I don't think I could help you because I too am struggling with this annoying issue.
    Last edited by ShAd0w10; 05-Apr-2014 at 12:48.

  3. #3


    I know what you are talking about, i myself dont have problems talking to others persons (a lot of people think i am very friendly) but i never felt that i am their friend, i am really scared when talking to them because i dont want to say something that they dont like and leave me.

    I think that i dont trust them enought to tell them about, little by little i just start to run away and even doing everything i can so i dont meet then again.

    Monkey, i dont think i can give you some advice, but right now i am triying to change that, i dont want to run away anymore even if i feel scared or want to run away, and maybe talk to them a little more about myself.

  4. #4


    I, too, was painfully shy, but have gotten better at it over the years. When I left town to go to college, I knew nobody and I knew if I was going to survive, I would have to make friends, or go back home to mommy and daddy (nothing wrong with that, just wanted my independence). So I sat down at dinner one night with a couple of friendly looking guys, introduced each other and the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by a group of 10 students! I didn't know what to do. I was petrified as I'm better at small groups than large ones. Still am. But they all made me feel welcome and they were good friends during my college career.

    My point of the story is that sometimes you have to take a chance. I have said many a wrong thing to people but if they are your friend they look the other way or will flat out tell you what you did or said wrong. "I'm sorry" works really well there. Relax, try not to come on too strong.

    I have a good working relationship with the people I work with, but rarely see them outside of work. Most of that I attribute to age and distance (miles) to them. What I found works best is to ask people about themselves. "Did you have a good weekend?, What are you doing this weekend? That's a nice car you drive. Tell me about it." Things like that. You want to get people to talk about themselves and then they know you care. Try not to talk about yourself unless asked. You don't want to be a story topper.

    Finally, be available. The old "A friend in need is a friend in deed" works well. If someone needs help moving or with homework, offer to help. These are just a few ideas off the top of my head. There will be more to follow from other members, I'm sure.

    Edit: Try not to worry about things. I looked at my advice above and am wondering if I said the right things. I'm worried someone else will come along and say "Zip doesn't know what he's talking about!" But I gave my advice - relating to people I don't know - and am taking a chance that you will find something above that will help you and make you feel better about yourselves. That's the same type of social angst I have in person, too. Did I say the wrong thing, will someone disagree with me to the point I want to run and hide. I don't know. I will stand by my advice and if someone disagrees with me, I will clarify it or add to it if needed. This place is like a good friend - we don't judge and help each other.

    I tend to ramble sometimes, too....

  5. #5

  6. #6


    i can relate to this. i have never had more than 3 friends in my entire life lolz. i am very antisocial as i have terrible social skills and im scared ima messit upo or something. that why im not so good at it.

    there was a point where i would never go out on myown and stuff. but over time i have managed to become a member at a tennis club with p[eople i didnt know and know we seem to know each other pretty well. one guy actual;l;y offered me a lift home the other week. normally i would say due to being shy and worried. but i let him as i knew him well enough. even now tho i think im still too shy. plus im constantly needing cuddles lolz what is with that ? anyways i think its something that you have trying at. its like life, the longer your here the more experienced at it you are. its the same i think with the whole makeing friends and such.

  7. #7


    Just be available Monkey and be yourself (but not all at once that overwhelms most people) I'm really shy myself IRL a proper introvert, but I can mix it up socially ... But it is a effort for me and I can only do it in short bursts.

    Because I'm a good actor lol... People think I'm more outgoing than I am, actually I'm really clever at avoiding people without them realising it. I know that sounds weird but it kinda works for me.

    Back to you, like I said be available to social groups that appeal to you, pay attention and take your time. Let them warm to your personality, don't throw it at them cause they'll probably think you a douche.

    FWIW we think your ok Monkey.

  8. #8


    we all think your a nice guy and such lolz. i hope your a guy anyway, or this comment will be a bit awkward lolz.

  9. #9


    Yes I'm a boy......thanks everyone for your advice I will try and deal with it the best I can.

  10. #10


    You're a good kid, Monkey. You've helped me more than you know. We all know you try and mean well, don't take it so hard on yourself if you mess up somehow, don't be like me and beat yourself up over something that doesn't really matter. You don't deserve it and neither do I. I know this may be dumb advise, but just be happy and have fun, don't worry about it so much.

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