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Thread: Telling your significant other

  1. #1

    Default Telling your significant other

    I have been dating this woman for a while and last month we decided she would come and live with me. I had never mentioned my ic issues with her. I managed to keep it as hidden well because I am a 3rd shift worker and I sleep during the day when she is at her job. Whenever I could sense we were getting going to be intimate I would always hurry off to the bathroom and clean up and change into underwear. The other night we were both off work and she wanted to cuddle I didn't change. She was rubbing my back and I could feel her touch the top of my diaper sticking out of my pj's. I thought to myself this is she is going to freak out.. but she never said anything and didn't stop either. Later that night I explained to her about my ic issues and why I hadn't told her before. She was so understanding it was amazing... it was so not a big deal to her like I had painted it out in my head that it would be. She is bi-polar and I am very supportive for her and she wants to be the same support for me. So I was wondering for the other ic people that are dating or entering a relationship, when and how did you tell your significant other about your IC issues? Were they supportive or not?

  2. #2


    You know, I am going to go out on a limb and guess that most people one might describe realistically as "significant others" would be OK with the revelation that their SO is incontinent. It is a physical impairment, after all, and hardly a thing that is anyone's choice or fault. They may not like it any more than their SO does, not desire to deal with diapers, etc., but if life has dealt them that card in form of a person they love, well then: fine. There are a lot of far worse revelations one might make, after all. (And someone who loves you should be able to handle just about any​ of them.)

  3. #3


    as ICKaraokegirl has put it quite nicely: it's life... if it has dealt them that card...

    That is the thing, as life progresses most people collect some stuff that needs to be dealt with... most everyone has certain problems, annoying habits, weird stuff, medical problems (more when life progresses into older age-zones), some psychological "issues", etc... it is after all just human... and I believe that we were not built to get 90 years old in the first place
    Now if there is true love and you look at each other in a sense of "SO" "Siginificant other" and not just "romance" or friends with benefits, than it should not matter.
    Also keep in mind that you have been dating her for some time as you say and that your IC hasn't interfered with any of your activities - and I guess this is really good because it makes it so much easier for her.
    Because she will easily realize that it isnt' a big impact.... and that you are more than capable of dealing with it adequately.

    I've been IC my entire life and when 12 years ago I met my SO I was quite nervous in telling her... I had managed to really be discrete about my IC... but she needed to know before we got intimate as, well, it would be slightly difficult to hide the result.
    And despite the fact that I we really had bonded and got along amazingly well, I was still a nervous wreck when I faced the unavoidable aspect of telling her... to my biggest surprise: "So what? I love you... for whom you are and if that is all the problem there is, then so be it... ") (of course followed by a lot of questions, and some explanation etc...).
    But I guess if the other person is a decent human being and loves you then it is not half as big a deal as you make it out to be for yourself.

    Also what has been a keypoint FOR ME is keeping it discrete and take good care of myself.
    My SO knows (of course) that I wear pads / diapers / etc... to deal with the IC... she knows where they are, she occasionally sees me in them... but I do not run around the house in just diapers. at night I wear boxer shorts over them... when we start to get intimate I venture down to the bathroom and get out of the diaper / pad etc and clean up....
    Also I wear discrete diapers/pads during the day (not that much for her, much much more for myself (comfort, discretion) - and also at home I make sure that the diapers aren't the obvious thing....
    I keep in a good shape and see to it that I am clean and non-smelly in regards to the diapers....

    This way it only has a really minimal impact on her... I don't hide it - she fully knows of the extends of my problem... but its just that: a minor problem in my life and I don't want it to become this overbearing thing that defines me.

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