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Thread: guys: making the first move

  1. #1

    Default guys: making the first move

    i've always been told that its the guy that has to have most of the initiative when it comes to talking to a girl or meeting a new girl (in real life, normal settings). the guy is the one who has to lead and be the first to introduce himself and ask for her number and all the rest of that awkward stuff.

    my question is why. why is it the guy that has to be the one to go up to a girl and make the first move? back when i was feeling low and envious that a friend of mine who i liked had decided to be with a jerk, i had hypothesized that the guy had to make the first move because if the girl did she would choose wrong (the "bad boy", the football star, the nerd). obviously that was a stupid illogical theory, and it ended up leaving me back at square one of my question.

    why does the guy have to be first? girls should be able to just go up to a guy and talk to them, i would think. both should be able to get digits and stuff. why does social conventions dictate a massaganist perception of introductory proceedings?

    lol i love how my last sentence had so many big words in it XD

  2. #2

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    The guy doesn't, we live in a modern society and anyone can do whatever works for them.

    That said, let me give you an alternative perspective. For me, even though I have a side of me that wants to be a little boy in diapers, a lot of other aspects of my personality incline towards dominance. I want to drive when I go somewhere, I want to be in charge of making weekend plans, I like being a person that other people come to when they need help and so forth. So, for my own preferences, I would want to be the person initiating things when I find the right woman. If I feel like a woman is trying to push herself onto me when I haven't made the decision that I want her, I'd be a bit put off.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    The guy doesn't, we live in a modern society and anyone can do whatever works for them.

    That said, let me give you an alternative perspective. For me, even though I have a side of me that wants to be a little boy in diapers, a lot of other aspects of my personality incline towards dominance. I want to drive when I go somewhere, I want to be in charge of making weekend plans, I like being a person that other people come to when they need help and so forth. So, for my own preferences, I would want to be the person initiating things when I find the right woman. If I feel like a woman is trying to push herself onto me when I haven't made the decision that I want her, I'd be a bit put off.
    same here, for some of that. i like driving to places even if i couldve taken a ride or biked, and i like the idea of being an entity of counsel, yet at the same time the idea of being girly and in diapers and taken care of. but that is where the similarities end. i would be all for a woman initiating things, and then i would either allow it to continue or stop. and i've never had a woman try to push herself onto me, though i think i wouldnt mind, unless theyre clingy. then definitely not. though i think also it may be that since i have not had much relationship experience, i really dont know how it would work. for a bit of perspective, i'm that guy who always gets friend-zoned while she's with someone else, usually for some reason thats emotional rather than logical. and also, i live out in L.A., i dont see much of that modern society do-whatever-works stuff(you'd think this would be the capital of that) or perhaps i just havent experienced much of it. i wish the girls out here were more forward, it would be so less awkward, at least compared to the couple of times that i've talked to girls i didnt know, where i ended up having to do most of the talking.

  4. #4
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterscotch View Post
    i've always been told that its the guy that has to have most of the initiative when it comes to talking to a girl or meeting a new girl (in real life, normal settings). the guy is the one who has to lead and be the first to introduce himself and ask for her number and all the rest of that awkward stuff.

    my question is why. why is it the guy that has to be the one to go up to a girl and make the first move? back when i was feeling low and envious that a friend of mine who i liked had decided to be with a jerk, i had hypothesized that the guy had to make the first move because if the girl did she would choose wrong (the "bad boy", the football star, the nerd). obviously that was a stupid illogical theory, and it ended up leaving me back at square one of my question.

    why does the guy have to be first? girls should be able to just go up to a guy and talk to them, i would think. both should be able to get digits and stuff. why does social conventions dictate a massaganist perception of introductory proceedings?

    lol i love how my last sentence had so many big words in it XD
    First thing: Misogynist** lol, sorry I had to.

    Second: Judging by your age and the part in your life you may be in, this is a situational thing, as you get older you'll see that its equal. Women and Men both make the first move depending on who wants to go first. High school is a whole different world and a lot of the stuff that goes on in highschool is BS.

    When you enter the world of adults (not saying you aren't an adult, just saying that currently you are surrounded by people who aren't yet in the full understanding of adulthood), you'll see that the world isn't as one-sided as it may seem in terms of dating. Often times, girls in highschool feel they are entitled this false sense of superiority, but they learn soon after high school that the world is a lot bigger than them. I would assume you are either about to exit highschool or just recently exited highschool, i'd say just bite down and continue to be real with people, and just ask out whoever you have an interest in.

    On the other argument, its also possible that someone who you are into, might not be into you or might be too shy to try, or might not even know you exist until you talk to them. Things aren't always as they seem. Most of the time girls don't look for guys they want to ask out (in highschool at least), while guys think about asking out girls almost since middle school. Its in your hormones. Just get out of highschool and enter the adult world and you'll see it gets better.
    Last edited by CrinklySiren; 12-Mar-2014 at 17:03.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post
    First thing: Misogynist**

    Second: Judging by your age and the part in your life you may be in, this is a situational thing, as you get older you'll see that its equal. Women and Men both make the first move depending on who wants to go first. High school is a whole different world and a lot of the stuff that goes on in highschool is BS.

    When you enter the world of adults (not saying you aren't an adult, just saying that currently you are surrounded by people who aren't yet in the full understanding of adulthood), you'll see that the world isn't as one-sided as it may seem in terms of dating. Often times, girls in highschool feel they are entitled this false sense of superiority, but they learn soon after high school that the world is a lot bigger than them. I would assume you are either about to exit highschool or just recently exited highschool, i'd say just bite down and continue to be real with people, and just ask out whoever you have an interest in.

    On the other argument, its also possible that someone who you are into, might not be into you or might be too shy to try, or might not even know you exist until you talk to them. Things aren't always as they seem. Most of the time girls don't look for guys they want to ask out (in highschool at least), while guys think about asking out girls almost since middle school. Its in your hormones. Just get out of highschool and enter the adult world and you'll see it gets better.
    yeah high school sucked. and throughout it the girls would for the most part say no to everybody, and the few who were with guys would be with these no-good weirdo bad influence drug users who thought they were cool (unlike me who thought i was uncool but was told otherwise).

    and its okay i still see myself a teen in world of adults, i graduated last year. i wish it was like that, where both made the first move. even now as i'm typing there's a girl across from me who i've noticed kept eyeing me but now is about to leave. i wish i had said something, but oh well. it wouldve underminded this whole thing.

    i guess the point is that even still here in college girls seem to not be interested, or theyre faking it. plus its El Camino college so its got like a bunch of ratchets and barely any girls that would be good to talk to. perhaps i dont have enough confidence or something, or maybe when i get ti university it would be different. this just seems like high school but with 30,000 students.

    and i know i spelled it wrong i just sounded it out like i've heard it pronounced (femmenist friends)

  6. #6
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterscotch View Post
    yeah high school sucked. and throughout it the girls would for the most part say no to everybody, and the few who were with guys would be with these no-good weirdo bad influence drug users who thought they were cool (unlike me who thought i was uncool but was told otherwise).

    and its okay i still see myself a teen in world of adults, i graduated last year. i wish it was like that, where both made the first move. even now as i'm typing there's a girl across from me who i've noticed kept eyeing me but now is about to leave. i wish i had said something, but oh well. it wouldve underminded this whole thing.

    i guess the point is that even still here in college girls seem to not be interested, or theyre faking it. plus its El Camino college so its got like a bunch of ratchets and barely any girls that would be good to talk to. perhaps i dont have enough confidence or something, or maybe when i get ti university it would be different. this just seems like high school but with 30,000 students.

    and i know i spelled it wrong i just sounded it out like i've heard it pronounced (femmenist friends)
    You know, self-confidence can make a world of difference. A lot of times its the main thing that will proverbially "attract" girls to you like magnets. That's why girls in high school dated all the douchebags, because the douchebags were confident in their asshole ways, and confidence of any kind is an attraction magnet, not just for girls but for most people, even if they wont admit it, its a subconscious thing and a pheromone-related thing. When you are confident, your body emits a different pheromone and it subconsciously attracts the attention of others. Confidence is often the key to fix a lot of things and not just relationship related things.

    If you feel like you aren't confident enough, attempt to be more confident in yourself and you'll see a better reaction. I personally can say that there is nothing more attractive to me than someone who is confident in who they are, even if they are totally "out there".

    Another thing worth considering is that the world we live in is getting more and more anti-social. Kids these days prefer to talk online or through text first, or to "meet" on facebook instead, and THEN talk in person... Its absurd but its how it is. First year of college is always stale, especially if its a community college and not a university. I dont know if you're a commuter or staying at the dorms, but being a commuter at college is like going from 12th grade to 13th grade and so on. College is different from highschool as well, in highschool people are there because they are forced to go, and what else would you do with your time other than make friends and try to entertain yourself with a relationship. In college people are actually attending because they want to, so they aren't really concentrating on relationship things... sure they will look around and pay attention to other people and look for potential partners, but its not as fixating a topic as it once was in highschool.

  7. #7

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    To me it all goes back to biology. The guy just has to show off and THINK they are the one in charge. It all comes down to the missing half chromosome.

    Speaking from experience. Little boys are snips and snails and puppy dog tails until the lovely stuff called "testosterone" comes into play. Then they turn into teenage mutant horn-toads. And as they age it only gets worse, and they learn the phrase "Hay y'all watch this!". As you get older things do not go backwards they get worse. Before you know it you are overweight or struggling like hell to maintain your weight, cant remember what your going to do and do not have enough oomph to do anything any way. Which just makes you mad because you aren't the stud you use to be, thus adding to the cycle of being a grumpy ol' man.

    Mean while the girl has the control portion with the full set of XX and think about what is needed for the next step, i.e. House, food, cloths, means to get around, how to keep what you have, and the last thing on the list is how to deal with the XY that they need.

    Best example of this I learned on a field trip in college at the Malheur Field Station. We had to get up at 4 F** AM to ride out into the middle of no where to watch the sage grouse do the mating dance. After about an hour of watching the males puff up there chests and dance around we all realized there was NO FEMALES around. Yes they where!!! They where under the sage brush asleep.

    Enough said.

  8. #8
    supafly

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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterscotch View Post
    i've always been told that its the guy that has to have most of the initiative when it comes to talking to a girl or meeting a new girl (in real life, normal settings). the guy is the one who has to lead and be the first to introduce himself and ask for her number and all the rest of that awkward stuff.

    my question is why. why is it the guy that has to be the one to go up to a girl and make the first move? back when i was feeling low and envious that a friend of mine who i liked had decided to be with a jerk, i had hypothesized that the guy had to make the first move because if the girl did she would choose wrong (the "bad boy", the football star, the nerd). obviously that was a stupid illogical theory, and it ended up leaving me back at square one of my question.

    why does the guy have to be first? girls should be able to just go up to a guy and talk to them, i would think. both should be able to get digits and stuff. why does social conventions dictate a massaganist perception of introductory proceedings?

    lol i love how my last sentence had so many big words in it XD
    Think back to the really distant past when everyone hunted for their food. Being a successful hunter back then meant being large, agile, and physically strong, so 99% of hunters were male and women basically depended on men for survival. Being a successful hunter also meant being aggressive and self-confident-- a lot of times you would go out hunting and wouldn't catch anything, so people had to believe in themselves and keep hunting or else they would starve to death.

    The world we live in has changed a lot since then, but our minds haven't really changed. Women are still attracted to aggressive and self-confident men, and if you aren't willing to ask them out then they'll assume that you aren't aggressive or self-confident.

    Read this guy for more details, he gives good advice on dating women.

  9. #9

    Default

    Well honestly, I don't know - my SO (been together now for +12 years) actually made a move on me back then

    Plus, amongst my friends, there are indeed a few who were "hit on" by the girl... and not the other way round.
    Last but not least I think it's a mixture of social expectations (you do not eradicate stuff like that "over night") and personal attitude towards that stuff....

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post
    When you are confident, your body emits a different pheromone and it subconsciously attracts the attention of others. Confidence is often the key to fix a lot of things and not just relationship related things.
    ...
    being a commuter at college is like going from 12th grade to 13th grade and so on.
    true, the jerkfaces in high school always pretended to know what they were doing, and i was very much (and still am not) that 'out there'. a good example is when i was in drama class. i was one of the backstage people doing stuff there instead of one of the actors. i'll do it, but i'd be scared. i've heard from pretty much everybody that confidence is key, fake it till you make it type of stuff, but its hard for me because i'm more accustomed to saying how i see it and i guess it goes along with personality (babies arent very confident or assterive and neither am i) and i just get scared of some stuff. like the idea of going over to a random girl and introducing myself scares me, yet some stuff that scares other people doesnt scare me, though i cant think of an example at the moment. i've had small boosts in confidence, like at prom where i showed everyone i could dance really well) or at grad night where they got to hear me sing like really good for the first time, or even the mission trip to mexico where i was suddenly this hang-loose-everythings-chill guy. but i guess it goes with situations. overall, i'm not the type to take a risk, other than making an account here in ADISC after being caught. i'm just shy and safe at first. hence, my conundrum.

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