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Thread: What would you do?

  1. #1

    Default What would you do?

    I'm kind of at a cross-roads. I've talked to my parent about getting spanked. She spanks me every now and then now but not like a regular normal thing. Oh, BTW, my parent is my wife. When she spanks me it's a real spanking. She puts me over her lap and spanks me with the back or her hairbrush on my bare bottom. The hairbrush has a nice big flat back and it REALLY stings. She's really good at scolding me with just the right words and try as I might I usually end up crying. I just feel ridiculous going over her lap and getting spanked and then crying about it. It takes me to a whole different emotional level.

    The thing is though that in out discussions we have talked about using spankings more like they would have been administered in the 50's. I would get spanked a couple of times a week as needed. I hate getting spanked. They are as traumatic as they were when I was a smaller child. I agree with my parent that I deserve to be spanked and I would benefit from getting spanked. I'm really proud that my parent loves me enough that she wants to spank me. I love everything about it except actually getting spanked.

    If I accept her proposal then I can never change my mind. She has a paper she wants me to sign such that if anything ever happened she wouldn't be accused of abuse. I agree with that. The paper isn't really for compliance. She has other ways which I don't want to get into, to assure my cooperation in getting spanked.

    It's also a big step because it isn't just agreeing to the spankings but rather accepting her parental authority over me.

    What would you do?

  2. #2

    Default Erm

    I gather the following:
    • You like being spanked on a fetish level
    • You dislike being spanked on a psychological level
    • You want your spouse to fulfil the role of a mother to you
    • Your spouse wants to fulfil this role for you


    Correct?

    If so, then I would strongly advise you to at least agree on a "safe word" or the like. This would ensure that you could fulfill your desire without being seriously hurt - and without your spouse worrying about your desire for her to keep spanking you.

    I'm not sure what you really mean by the 1950's administration of spankings, but if you're going to draw up a document indemnifying her from charges of abuse (on specified regions of the body - groin, bottom, etc.), it would be a good idea for the two of you to sign it and then each take a copy for safekeeping. If you're serious, get it notarized and stored in two safe deposit boxes.

  3. #3

    Default

    I wouldn't do anything since I don't like being spanked sexually or non-sexually. Also personally I see no reason why you felt the need to post this.

    It's sort of like me going up to anyone in public and say "I like to wear diapers, would you like to try them?"

  4. #4

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    I would be more concerned why you need that much physical punishment, particularly to the point where it could cause you bodily harm. All psychologists tend to accept practices when they don't cause harm to the individual or to others, but what you are describing seems to cross the line. When that happens it is advisable to seek some understanding as to why you have a need for this. At the very least you will need to set boundaries, and yes, definitely a safe word. If your wife cannot stop at the safe word, then you need to stop altogether before you get seriously hurt.

  5. #5

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    Fire2box
    I not really sure what you said...or why you said it. We don't all want, do the same things. I would hazard a guess that the majority of big babies like to be spanked. You maybe just love diapers.

    Also personally I see no reson why you felt the need to post a reply.
    Last edited by babypants; 30-Dec-2008 at 21:02.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fire2box View Post
    I wouldn't do anything since I don't like being spanked sexually or non-sexually. Also personally I see no reason why you felt the need to post this.

    It's sort of like me going up to anyone in public and say "I like to wear diapers, would you like to try them?"
    Except that it's not like that at all, since this is a community where people talk about things like this. It may not be right in the sweet spot of AB/DL activities, but he's not the first one to ever make the connection. It's not as though he asked for our thoughts on fire eating.

    To the OP, I think h3g3l gave some pretty solid advice. This is something where you and your wife will have to proceed with some care if you want to get it right (whatever right happens to be for you). To me, an agreement that you can't change or back out on sounds good in a AB/DL story sort of way, but not so good in real life application. If you're both new to this, take it slow and be willing to adjust over time.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post
    I gather the following:
    • You like being spanked on a fetish level
    • You dislike being spanked on a psychological level
    • You want your spouse to fulfil the role of a mother to you
    • Your spouse wants to fulfil this role for you


    Correct?

    If so, then I would strongly advise you to at least agree on a "safe word" or the like. This would ensure that you could fulfill your desire without being seriously hurt - and without your spouse worrying about your desire for her to keep spanking you.

    I'm not sure what you really mean by the 1950's administration of spankings, but if you're going to draw up a document indemnifying her from charges of abuse (on specified regions of the body - groin, bottom, etc.), it would be a good idea for the two of you to sign it and then each take a copy for safekeeping. If you're serious, get it notarized and stored in two safe deposit boxes.
    Actually it's the other way around. I LIKE being spanked from a psychological perspective but I dislike the actual spanking. Calling it a fetish implies there is a sexual element to it which for me there isn't. Yes I want her to fulfill the role of mother to me and she wants to parent me. By a 1950's administration of spankings I guess what I'm trying to get is that "it's ok to spank a child." Today it is really taboo. I have a personal issue with spanking or even being physical with children. But in the 50's it was expected that you spank your children. You weren't fullfilling you duty as a parent if you didn't spank them. I guess I have a screw loose because I don't really feel like an adult, I feel like a child and by getting spanked in a very real way lets me feel like 1) I am a child. 2) She is my parent. Having a safe word for me is not workable. I didn't have a safe word when I grew up and I shouldn't have one now if I'm being spanked like a child. She doesn't get carried away but she does know how to make me cry. She has never broken the skin nor would she ever. She isn't a sadist, she's my parent.

    I guess what I'm trying to figure out is should I go through this door. Do I want to be her child so badly that I can give up being an adult?



    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    Except that it's not like that at all, since this is a community where people talk about things like this. It may not be right in the sweet spot of AB/DL activities, but he's not the first one to ever make the connection. It's not as though he asked for our thoughts on fire eating.

    To the OP, I think h3g3l gave some pretty solid advice. This is something where you and your wife will have to proceed with some care if you want to get it right (whatever right happens to be for you). To me, an agreement that you can't change or back out on sounds good in a AB/DL story sort of way, but not so good in real life application. If you're both new to this, take it slow and be willing to adjust over time.
    Actually we've been married 9 years. She has been spanking (and diapering) me that long. This is just sort of a step beyond. She has always wanted to be the "head of the house" and it hasn't really worked that well for her because, frankly I don't always accept her authority. To make this work she has to be in charge always as my parent would be. For instance let's say that I was out late and I didn't call her. Maybe I come home at 7 when she expected me to call if I was past 5. Under the way it is now, I would probably have some excuse and we would argue a little and go to bed mad. Under the new arrangement I would offer my excuse, she would remind me of the rules and tell me she needed to spank me for disobeying her. She would set out the big straight back chair and put me over her knee. After she spanked and scolded me to tears she would hug me and hold me and tell me she loved me and it would be over. IF there were a safeword or I decided that it wasn't fair and reverted to adult then it wouldn't work. It's like saying you can be the president but if you do anything I don't like you can't be the president. Does that make sense? Do you see why we want it this way?
    Last edited by Martin; 01-Jan-2009 at 15:39. Reason: Merging doublepost, use the multiquote feature.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by babypants View Post
    Actually we've been married 9 years. She has been spanking (and diapering) me that long. This is just sort of a step beyond. She has always wanted to be the "head of the house" and it hasn't really worked that well for her because, frankly I don't always accept her authority. To make this work she has to be in charge always as my parent would be. For instance let's say that I was out late and I didn't call her. Maybe I come home at 7 when she expected me to call if I was past 5. Under the way it is now, I would probably have some excuse and we would argue a little and go to bed mad. Under the new arrangement I would offer my excuse, she would remind me of the rules and tell me she needed to spank me for disobeying her. She would set out the big straight back chair and put me over her knee. After she spanked and scolded me to tears she would hug me and hold me and tell me she loved me and it would be over. IF there were a safeword or I decided that it wasn't fair and reverted to adult then it wouldn't work. It's like saying you can be the president but if you do anything I don't like you can't be the president. Does that make sense? Do you see why we want it this way?
    We have a "safeword" for our president, it's a vote and/or impeachment if such becomes necessary or one may leave the country. The president isn't a dictator and there are means of redress built into the system. There just isn't a way in this society that you literally submit yourself now and forever to the will of another. I do get what you're saying though. I just think that to proceed into this without the expectation that there would need to be adjustment or setback is unrealistic.

    If I were a "parent" in such a situation and my "child" was invoking the safeword simply in an effort to avoid punishment, it'd be a very simple conclusion to stop the whole thing. You do this because it is enjoyable to you both. Even the unenjoyable parts combine into the whole thing. If it doesn't work for you both, then it doesn't work. Exercise may not always be fun, but we can enjoy the benefits of good health.

    If you are both serious about this, it requires (oddly enough) a very adult perspective benefits of the end result. It's not just does she get off on punishing you and are you psychologically cleansed by the catharsis of the aftermath (or whatever it is you're getting out of it, the details are unimportant), but what does this do to your relationship in a larger sense? Very few other aspects of a relationship with someone are served by a lack of communication, flexibility, and understanding, so I don't see how this one will be. I don't see how it can just be a binary, all or nothing decision.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by babypants View Post
    Actually it's the other way around. I LIKE being spanked from a psychological perspective but I dislike the actual spanking. Calling it a fetish implies there is a sexual element to it which for me there isn't. Yes I want her to fulfill the role of mother to me and she wants to parent me. By a 1950's administration of spankings I guess what I'm trying to get is that "it's ok to spank a child." Today it is really taboo. I have a personal issue with spanking or even being physical with children. But in the 50's it was expected that you spank your children. You weren't fullfilling you duty as a parent if you didn't spank them. I guess I have a screw loose because I don't really feel like an adult, I feel like a child and by getting spanked in a very real way lets me feel like 1) I am a child. 2) She is my parent. Having a safe word for me is not workable. I didn't have a safe word when I grew up and I shouldn't have one now if I'm being spanked like a child. She doesn't get carried away but she does know how to make me cry. She has never broken the skin nor would she ever. She isn't a sadist, she's my parent.

    I guess what I'm trying to figure out is should I go through this door. Do I want to be her child so badly that I can give up being an adult?
    Okay, sorry, I picked up on your use of the word "traumatic" to describe spankings, and found that 2+2=5.

    You want to cast off the worries and control of being an adult. You want to do this irrevocably and therefore make it so that you are a legal non-person without your spouse (as are children).

    What I would do is not go down this road; however, you seem to want to do so: IF this is what you want, this is your path as I see it:
    • File Quit-Claim documents on every piece of property you own (real estate, vehicles) and name your wife as 100% owner.
    • Draw up legal documents giving your wife 100% legal authority (Power of Attorney) over you.
    • Have yourself declared incompotent and your wife appointed as your guardian (something along the lines of a DimCap, although I don't know if you can do this voluntarily, as in this country there are still rights you cannot sign away).
    • Draw up documents terminating your wife's Power of Attorney in the event of divorce proceedings. File these before you appoint POA to your wife, or otherwise draw up a parallel document outlining this with your POA form.
    • Remove your name from any telephone listings.


    You will want to be (I would be) very very careful about going down this road and constructing it so that you cannot return. I've built in a safeguard against divorce; the last thing I'd suspect you would want would be for things to go bad and you to be left a non-person.

    I don't think I can stress this enough, though: I'd advise against taking steps that move you "outside the home" in increasing your power-distance between you and your spouse. I think if you want to have this persist in all aspects of your life, then clearly you need to speak with an attorney (for the legal aspect of it), and sit down and figure out how the two of you will maintain your standard of living (as children don't work).

    *shrug*

    Hopefully this advice serves you well. To answer your initial question, I wouldn't go down this road, but if you must, here's how. I've not been down this road, but I think the points here are reasonable and "hang together." Good luck to you and your wife, however you decide to proceed.



    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    If you are both serious about this, it requires (oddly enough) a very adult perspective benefits of the end result. It's not just does she get off on punishing you and are you psychologically cleansed by the catharsis of the aftermath (or whatever it is you're getting out of it, the details are unimportant), but what does this do to your relationship in a larger sense? Very few other aspects of a relationship with someone are served by a lack of communication, flexibility, and understanding, so I don't see how this one will be. I don't see how it can just be a binary, all or nothing decision.
    Well-put, and something (OP) that you'll need to work out before taking this kind of a step. I had purposefully left this out of my original response, but, yes, the two of you will need to sit down and figure out what this element of your relationship does to the larger whole.
    Last edited by h3g3l; 30-Dec-2008 at 23:56. Reason: Added Trevor's quote and a quick trailing paragraph.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    We have a "safeword" for our president, it's a vote and/or impeachment if such becomes necessary or one may leave the country. The president isn't a dictator and there are means of redress built into the system. There just isn't a way in this society that you literally submit yourself now and forever to the will of another. I do get what you're saying though. I just think that to proceed into this without the expectation that there would need to be adjustment or setback is unrealistic.

    If I were a "parent" in such a situation and my "child" was invoking the safeword simply in an effort to avoid punishment, it'd be a very simple conclusion to stop the whole thing. You do this because it is enjoyable to you both. Even the unenjoyable parts combine into the whole thing. If it doesn't work for you both, then it doesn't work. Exercise may not always be fun, but we can enjoy the benefits of good health.

    If you are both serious about this, it requires (oddly enough) a very adult perspective benefits of the end result. It's not just does she get off on punishing you and are you psychologically cleansed by the catharsis of the aftermath (or whatever it is you're getting out of it, the details are unimportant), but what does this do to your relationship in a larger sense? Very few other aspects of a relationship with someone are served by a lack of communication, flexibility, and understanding, so I don't see how this one will be. I don't see how it can just be a binary, all or nothing decision.
    Well yes you're right. And I think you actually understand what it is to me. I guess maybe a better analogy would have been the real thing that I would like, a parent and a child. The child doesn't get to decide that they are adult if they don't like the situation. They are the child until they grow up. I once asked my mommy when I would "grow" out of getting spanked. She just smiled at me and said "Honey you haven't even gotten out of night diapers yet."

    You are also right about getting something out of it. What I expect to get out of it is sort of an acknowledgement/acceptance that I am a baby. I just have this huge need to stop role playing as an adult and be myself. I wonder how I will like it. Will the gratification of being myself, a baby, outweigh what I have to give up to get there or will it be even better because I have given those adult things up and it makes being a baby more real.

    It certainly will take some tuning and changes along the way. We have already talked about it. I will be allowed to bring things up and explain my thoughts to her but ultimately she is the parent and has the final say.

    It's just a big last step and I can only decide once.

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