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Thread: Has anyone told thier vanilla SO?

  1. #1

    Default Has anyone told thier vanilla SO?

    A little curious about how others may have approached this situation :-).

    My GF and I have been dating for about 2 years, and we are discussing moving in with eachother. I have only accepted my DL side myself in the last few months, but I know I should at least tell her about my diapers before we move in! She is pretty inexperienced (really only been with me) and a little conservative herself. She is aware that I am a bit of a perv ;-) and that I have experimented quite a bit and is fine with my past.

    We have a very loving relationship, and I have a strong feeling she would still accept me, but I would like to share my DL side with her without overwhelming her.

    Would love to hear from anyone else who has been I'm that situation :-)

    Thanks all!

    Moicano

  2. #2

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    It's really so hard to know, each person and each relationship is different, and even your personal preferences may be quite different to mine. However, if you feel that she can cope with this revelation then you should probably tell her.

    I told my partner after several years of living together. I probably should have done it sooner but maybe I hadn't accepted myself properly, anyway hiding it was so hard. Plus I had the added difficulty of being very much AB as well, which I think is harder for others to cope with than "oh, I kinda like to wear a diaper"

    Either way, plan this well. Be respectful of the fact that she might freak out, after all this probably doesn't fit the image she currently has of her man. Most of all lots of talking, be open and don't lose it if she struggles to understand at first. Have some back up material to show her, and give her some direction about what to research, cause as we both know she's gonna be googling this. You want to be sure she's not misrepresenting you by reading about others who may be into quite different stuff.

    Good luck, remember that this is probably not on her list of 'what I most want in a man' but that it is part of you that doesn't take away from your other qualities. Finally, if she seems ok with this, and she probably will, go easy with it. Her initial acceptance will peak and then probably wain as the reality sinks in. Hang in there though cause if you respect her and keep talking about this, she will eventually come to accept it as part of you.

  3. #3
    CrinklySiren

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    Ive said this many times before, and i will say it again. The longer you wait, the worse off you are. One thing you have to remember that is imperative is that you come to her with precise information and KNOW what you are going to say. Have all your bases covered - dont allow her any availability for error or misdirection or misinformation (i.e. pedophilia, it being a phase, etc.) make sure you have every incorrect assumption faced with an explanation and debunked. Also, know that its better for her to know your secret instead of find out later on.. women are very trust-related when it comes to relationships, serious women at least. Both me and my wife are the type that prefer to know something ahead of time instead of live a lie for years... if me or my wife were to tell eachother something new and big (it probably wouldnt matter seeing as we're both pretty out there) but we would be more pissed at eachother because of the dishonesty rather than the situation itself.

    If you plan on including her, make sure you give her time to accept and time to adjust because you can easily push her away with this. Sometimes excitement gets the better of us and we force it unknowingly and it leads to fights and arguments. Make sure she understands that you've always done this and have felt this way for a long time and just because she knows now doesnt make you a different person, its just one more thing she knows about you. Also, don't assume she is anything either, i lived for the longest time thinking that i was a kinky freak and my wife was as vanilla as they come, and i was dead wrong.

    While I agree that you have to respect her reaction and her thought process, dont let her belittle you or talk you down or even make you feel bad because of this, always remember that you told her out of love and courage and because you wanted to be honest and share with your SO something that you would otherwise never share with anyone else, if she makes you feel like less of a man or even less of a person, walk out, because that conversation will lead nowhere fast and will only lead to argument or shamefulness, and something this harmful doesn't have to be blown out of proportion.

    I told my wife 3 months into our relationship and it was fine at first but because i didnt explain myself thuroughly enough, she thought it was a phase and that it would effect our kids and our marriage etc. it took 4 years of fighting for her to finally comprehend... and I'm an AB so it was even more difficult to explain to her that i wanted to play with other ABDLS is she wasnt going to participate or include herself, and she thought i was cheating because she saw it as only a sexual fetish.. something i also failed to explain to her. Me and her came very close to splitting up but we decided eventually that it was a silly argument to have, but the only thing that kept us from fighting any longer is maturity.. she still doesn't understand or even fully accept my ABDL/Little lifestyle, and she doesn't participate in it in the slightest.

  4. #4

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    i cant trust people enough to tell them something like this. i have tried with one of them in a indirect fashion but once it came to the subject of a messy diaper, approached as perhaps changing a baby's diaper or elderly care, the reaction is one of disgust, and that was my hint that they were very much not going to accept ab/dl

  5. #5

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    In my told my (now) wife when we were just friends, before we started dating. I was fortunate in that she is very open minded, and prior to meeting me she had a few gay friends including a couple of guys which were both gay and cross dressers. We were talking about that one night when I decided to tell her about my AB and sissy sides. She was fascinated with it rather than repulsed.

    i refused to date anyone prior to that, because I couldn't see myself trying to keep it a secret for the rest of my life. I fully expected to die a bachelor. That changed after I told her about myself, and we started dating. After a long courtship, we finally married. We will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this June.

    I wish you luck.

  6. #6

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    I love, love, love the advice that Ozbub and Crinkly Emily gave, and many congratulations to you, LittleOne. In Crinkly Emily's thought process, what are some of the other misconceptions we should be prepared for?
    AB/DL is unrelated to children or pedophilia. AB/DL is not a phase. What other things should I or anyone else coming out about this be ready to say?

  7. #7

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    Everyone will react differently to this. I made it a point to my bf (when we started dating) that i was a diapered daddy dom, that i babysat ab/dl friends as a hobby and way to relieve my parental desires. It was just so much easier to tell him in the beginning, i dont know how id have kept it a secret to him.

    He took it well. even agreed to try being babied. He hated it and thinks my kinks are strange and weird, but hes fine with me having a little girl to take care of her. He likes me being a daddy to girls, since were gay and its like uh.. insurance i wont sleep with her. I think thats what made it okay for us. For him to be allright with it, knowing i wouldnt cheat, just live out my desires.

  8. #8
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by YankeeFox View Post
    I love, love, love the advice that Ozbub and Crinkly Emily gave, and many congratulations to you, LittleOne. In Crinkly Emily's thought process, what are some of the other misconceptions we should be prepared for?
    AB/DL is unrelated to children or pedophilia. AB/DL is not a phase. What other things should I or anyone else coming out about this be ready to say?
    This is what I ran into with my wife:

    -How is this going to affect our kids? Response: why do they even have to know?

    -What if people come over and see your stuff? Response: we live on our own, i can choose to tell them not to go into a certain room.

    -Does this mean you are a baby? Response: sometimes, and only for fun or emotional purposes, I can be an adult when I have to be and I do WANT to be one from time to time as well.

    -Will this ever go away? Response: no and it never has and it never will and it never should because it contributes to my personality, i would no longer be the person you fell in love with.

    -You were never this way before! Response: yes I was, you just didn't notice, or I didn't tell you because i didn't know how.

    -(in some cases, when you indulge your AB side more and want more out of it =I.e. a crib=) Before it was diapers, then clothes, now you want furniture?! Why couldn't you just stop at diapers? Response: Our interests as we develop will change, people change and people open their minds to new things, why eat different food when you're perfectly satisfied with what you already have? because you want to try new things.

    these are just a few that i can remember along with the ones i already mentioned about pedophilia and it being a phase.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by godhelpme View Post
    i cant trust people enough to tell them something like this. i have tried with one of them in a indirect fashion but once it came to the subject of a messy diaper, approached as perhaps changing a baby's diaper or elderly care, the reaction is one of disgust, and that was my hint that they were very much not going to accept ab/dl
    You have to consider that there are even people in the ABDL world who look upon messing with a feeling of disgust... I am one of them... I dont judge you nor do I think you are disgusting.. but I think the action itself is disgusting, and you have every right to do it if it makes you happy, but this is a likely scenario for most people, ABDL's included... so you cant assume that just because someone thought a messy diaper was nasty that they dont accept ABDL as a whole... ABDL's who are opposed to messing are the perfect example of this... My SO didn't care if I wore or wet diapers but she didn't even want to imagine me messing... which is fine because i dont mess.

  9. #9

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    Thank you all for your wonderful advice! i am working on a few websites as "suggested research" (this one included) if she needs outside information, thinking about what i want to say beforehand, and preparing for the possible freakout (fingers crossed it does not happen). Now all i need is the courage to go thru with it

    I will keep everyone updated

  10. #10

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    I told my somewhat vanilla SO and she took it very well, some girls just want to support you mate, you just have to be willing to efficiently and properly communicate what exactly it is you're into. For me, I started off with what I am and then quickly interjected little things that I'm not, she's not presumptuous though. Anyways mate good luck, and I told her after only knowing her for a while so with 2 years under the belt personally I would recommend it. I would recommend it only because you two seem serious, you all love each other, and that's a need to know in a situation where she's moving in with you.

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