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Thread: Question: Overcoming Shyness (on ADISC)

  1. #1

    Default Question: Overcoming Shyness (on ADISC)

    Hello all! This isn't exactly a super "mature" topic, but I wasn't exactly sure where to put it so... here it is lol. So, I've been on this site for a good long while now, yet, I've failed to overcome a very longstanding problem....shyness. I should start out by saying that I'm not super shy in real life. I'm usually pretty careful to pick friends that are fairly open and accepting, so I make friends a tad slowly, but steadily, and I'd like to thing that I contribute a great deal to a conversation in general. However, on this site, I've never really felt like I could be as involved as I'd like to be, which is a shame, because I feel as though I'm not contributing anything a value by sticking around, and I really want to contribute!

    This problem isn't totally limited to ADISC, as I often have the same issue on other forum based sites. It's as if some wave of fear and doubt rushes over me as soon as I think about replying to a thread, or making my own thread. I'm constantly battling with myself over each sentence that I've written, trying push through, but I wind up deleting a lot of what I've planned to post, or not even writing it at all, and it seems that only certain emotions (anger,sadness, fear) provide me with enough strength to defy my fears. Hell, I'm not even sure how I managed to post this! Maybe shyness isn't even the right word.... but I can't think of a better descriptor..... has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, how were able to beat it, and become as involved as you'd like to be in ADISC discussions? Really sorry if this winds up being a stupid/reptative thread!
    -Isabelle

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by superfly64 View Post
    ... Maybe shyness isn't even the right word.... but I can't think of a better descriptor..... has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, how were able to beat it, and become as involved as you'd like to be in ADISC discussions? Really sorry if this winds up being a stupid/reptative thread!
    -Isabelle
    Hi Isabelle! yes I completely recognise what you're talking about, I have some of it myself.
    You say you're the same on ADISC as you are on other forum sites, so I guess it's a bit of a self confidence issue? Or maybe you just don't like to be a bore who drones on when they don't have anything important to say - and that's a good thing in my view.

    I'm not a strong writer at the best of times, and I have an aversion to posting for the sake of it, if I don't feel what I have to say is important or different from what other people have contributed. I find I'm the same on ADISC as I am elsewhere on the internet, so it doesn't bother me too much. I think of it as my quality control filter, and since I've ended up as a DC I guess other people think I'm posting about as much as I need to :-p

    I guess my advice would be: when you log on, scroll through the new activity, and if something grabs your attention, read that thread and post to it. I find it far easier to write/post when I get subjects that stir a bit of passion in me, that carries me through the doubts.

    Just a thought: when you say "involved" what do you really mean? It may be that contributing to discussion threads isn't really what you're after most of the time - perhaps you'd prefer to just have a chat with someone who shares this interest with you? If so then perhaps you should try making friends with some people who are willing to PM with you. This is what I've done, and I often find it more satisfying than just posting on the general forum. I find it far easier to write when I know my audience, and I don't feel like things I say are going to be picked over by people who may be hostile. I'd chat with you this way myself if you fancy, but regardless, I'd give a personal connection a go - it's a better way to feel supported/accepted I think.

    good luck :-)

  3. #3

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    I can understand exactly what you mean, I've been involved with countless forums in the past as well as here and I always find it hard to post stuff because I believe I'm not contributing anything. I've currently got 2 blogs I want to comment on but I've given up as I just can't convey what I want to say in and it bothers me that I'm like this.

    In the great scheme of things I still can't post as much as some people seem to manage but I'm now commenting a lot more that I used to as I've learn a few pointers.

    I've learnt that I find it hard to post long comments so I'm working on making them longer.

    I realise that I need to ignore some people as they are idiots and concentrate on those posts/people that are not.

    It takes me a lot of effort to write a post so I owe it to myself to then post it.

    Practice, the more I comment on things the easier its becoming for me.

  4. #4

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    I can totally relate. I see subjects on here and want to reply but when I do, the words just don't sound right when I put them down. In addition to the above advice, have you joined a group yet? Look through them and see if there's anything that interests you and join in on the conversations. The groups are smaller than the thousands of people on here and definitely less intimidating. My Stephen King group (unintentional plug) has only 8 members last I knew. Maybe you would like to start your own group? Whatever interests you, if you don't already see a group, start one and be the moderator!

  5. #5

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    Hello

    I think you have done just fine on this thread. So you have a start. Now the next step is to do it again.

    Make yourself a set of rules/guidelines and move on from there.

    Like only two sentence posts, only a subject that you now your good at, comment on post to people you have made friends with, etc.

    Pick something that you like, such as groups (like Zip suggested), off topic (there are some things there that are just for fun) or even introductions (the newbies are just as nervous and posting there would boost both parties confidence).

    Then remember that you may get feed back. Remember this: Q-tip (Quit taking it Personal). There is a very small group that comment on grammar, and writing skills. There is also a few (except I think most that have been banned) that just love to argue the opposite side. It's ok, they are entitled to there opinion, you have done nothing wrong (Q-tip)

    Before you know it you will be as bad as me (if that is possible) and not know when to shut up.

    Keep trying, you did a good job on this thread, and I will be looking for your post in the future.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by superfly64 View Post
    Hello all! This isn't exactly a super "mature" topic, but I wasn't exactly sure where to put it so... here it is lol. So, I've been on this site for a good long while now, yet, I've failed to overcome a very longstanding problem....shyness. I should start out by saying that I'm not super shy in real life. I'm usually pretty careful to pick friends that are fairly open and accepting, so I make friends a tad slowly, but steadily, and I'd like to thing that I contribute a great deal to a conversation in general. However, on this site, I've never really felt like I could be as involved as I'd like to be, which is a shame, because I feel as though I'm not contributing anything a value by sticking around, and I really want to contribute!

    This problem isn't totally limited to ADISC, as I often have the same issue on other forum based sites. It's as if some wave of fear and doubt rushes over me as soon as I think about replying to a thread, or making my own thread. I'm constantly battling with myself over each sentence that I've written, trying push through, but I wind up deleting a lot of what I've planned to post, or not even writing it at all, and it seems that only certain emotions (anger,sadness, fear) provide me with enough strength to defy my fears. Hell, I'm not even sure how I managed to post this! Maybe shyness isn't even the right word.... but I can't think of a better descriptor..... has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, how were able to beat it, and become as involved as you'd like to be in ADISC discussions? Really sorry if this winds up being a stupid/reptative thread!
    -Isabelle
    Hi Isabelle,

    As a shy person myself, I used to find it really hard to post on here. My introduction took me about two hours despite being a couple of paragraphs, simply because I was so scared about how each thought would be perceived. What gave m courage? A member I haven't seen on here in forever named wwetbed responded to me and asked me questions. He was one of the more prolific greeters in here for a while. I haven't heard from him in forever, but I'll never forget the fact that he welcomed me. And so, over time, I got the courage to post more, because people would respond to my posts. I was making contacts, a few of whom became friends, and they knew my darkest secret just by being on this site, and didn't hate me for it.

    I guess my advice comes down to just making a few simple posts on some topics. Got an opinion on the diaper someone's asking about in Diaper talk? Are you a fan of rock music? Maybe you just want to say hi to someone who's just showed up in the Greetings forum. Find a topic you find interesting and just add your thoughts. As people respond and don't bite your head off (which is why I mostly stay out of Mature Topics, BTW), you,all feel more confident. Perhaps you'll even make some good friends on here - the best part of this community! Just take a breath and post to the topic that interests you. I promise you it'll be OK!

    And don't be scared to drop someone a PM if you want to talk. My inbox is always open. Good luck - I look forward to seeing your posts when you're ready!

  7. #7

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    When I first got on this site, I was really nervous about posting anything. I hated being forced into the introduction. What did I have to say that people would reply notice or care about? I had a fear that if I replied to a thread I may get a response that I was intruding in someone else's discussion. I also don't have the time to really organize and articulate my thoughts as well as I would like, so I've learned to just go ahead and say it anyways. For the time that I do have to post, I hope that I can bring a different point of view that has not been articulated, and support the positions posted with which I agree, and be ready to take the flak when people disagree with me. I find most people on this site are quite kind and respectful of others. This is a support group after all, and you have taken a big step by opening up to us about your concerns and fears. We want to help.

    As I said, I was really hesitant about posting here when I joined, but I've come to enjoy the discussions, debate, and support available here. Don't underestimate yourself. People will respond, as we are doing here. Congratulations on starting a topic and sharing feelings that I'm sure others are experiencing.

  8. #8

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    Thanks for all the advise people! Just so everyone knows, I was mainly talking about posting on the forum, rather than participating in groups and such, however, despite being a member of several groups, I've never really posted there either, so I imagine this advise will help with that as well. A few people mentioned their introductory experience....come to think of it, I literally don't remember making one. I'm assuming I did, but nothing notable happened.....perhaps I should make a new one? I'm assuming the member list is fairly different than when I first joined, so I might as well! Just responding to some basic questions about myself might help get me a bit more comfy posting in general.

  9. #9

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    I think it is easier for us to talk here because we find so many like ourselves here.
    We find that a lot of us been though many of the same things in life.
    We became shy for the fact that we were afraid to tell others just how we felt about things that most would not understand. It is true that we are a lot different than most people , but that would make us special in a way. We can still be in touch with our child side and feel good about it.
    Because we can still be like children, should that make us a shamed, no not at all.

  10. #10

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    I used to view myself as shy and thought there was something wrong with me. It took me awhile to figure out that I wasn't shy, but rather I'm an introvert. I personally communicate better in writing than I do verbally, so its easy for me to get my point across on forums and emails. Introverts tend to be the type of people that enjoy being alone with their thoughts and generally feel uncomfortable in large social settings with lots of people. I have a small group of friends that I hold dear and maintain strong friendships with versus someone that is an extrovert and has a lot of acquaintances and gets energy from being around people. Being careful with who you select to be your friends is a good thing IMO.

    The worse thing that can happen online is people get offended and let you know they're offended.

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