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Thread: Fat Shaming

  1. #1

    Default Fat Shaming

    This is something I really feel the need to address, not just because I am a man of size myself, but because it strikes me as incredibly unjust.

    In my couple months here, I've read back on some older threads involving people who have come out publicly, have been on television shows, and so on, and also on stereotypes of what an AB is like. I get that a stereotype can be an annoying thing to have to counter. The stereotype of an AB is that of an obese, middle-aged, probably balding man who comes off like a creep with terrible social anxiety. I can understand why some people may be tired of that, but what I don't understand is when I read comments about someone making them feel less worthy because they are fat, or in the case of Riley Kilo, transgender.

    It's always backhanded, like when that guy Brett went on Dr. Phil, some were saying, at least he isn't obese. What the fuck is that? So, people of size should shut up and let the "beautiful" people in diapers go on television shows?

    I can understand personal preference towards a body type, we all have them. But to make people feel bad because they are big is a form of bullying and it's still very accepted to bully, harass, and shame people because they're fat. That's completely unacceptable to me.

    We shouldn't be separating ourselves like this. Members of a subculture so small shouldn't have these bullshit pecking orders. And we should all know better than to make someone else feel uncomfortable and unwanted.

    :::steps off of soapbox:::

    That is all, for now.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by MattiKins View Post
    It's always backhanded, like when that guy Brett went on Dr. Phil, some were saying, at least he isn't obese. What the fuck is that? So, people of size should shut up and let the "beautiful" people in diapers go on television shows?

    I can understand personal preference towards a body type, we all have them. But to make people feel bad because they are big is a form of bullying and it's still very accepted to bully, harass, and shame people because they're fat. That's completely unacceptable to me.
    I'm going to throw in my (unpopular) two cents here.

    Larger people give the feeling of being much more creepy than slim people are. Seeing an overly obese person wear a diaper and confess his love for them on national TV is a complete turn off, and it looks a ton creepier than if someone of average size does the same. It puts AB's in negative light to have an incredibly large and overly creepy looking man (due to their size) announce their like to be treated like an infant.

    I'm not a fan of bullying at all, and it sickens me to no end, but I'm not going to pretend like weight doesn't factor in to the creepy/disgusting feeling that people give off. Not only that, but a lot of the obese and over weight people complaining about it aren't even trying to get rid of the pounds. Those that are, bravo to them, they're doing something about it. Those that don't, and then sit there and cry when people are turned off by them have no right to complain; they're unhealthy and they're not even trying to drop the pounds. I understand being honest with yourself, and having self-acceptance, which is awesome. I happen to love chubby people, because it seems to add to their personality in some way, and most of them seem to be really light hearted and friendly people. However, if they're massively obese and they're not doing anything to try and rid themselves of the weight, it's no one's fault but their own, and they shouldn't act like it isn't.

    At least this isn't about the idiots on Tumblr spouting BS about "thin privilege." Those people need help.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by MattiKins View Post
    or in the case of Riley Kilo, transgender.
    I hope you're not referring to me here? I may have made a remark about Riley being transgender in another thread, but was pointing out the irony in another users statement about her being hot.

    I hold no quarry with Riley nor am I prejudice towards her. In fact, I think she has achieved an incredible amount in the AB/DL world and consider her as an example of the humility and meekness others should live up to.


    But if none of that was referred to me, then I apologize.
    Last edited by Note; 11-Sep-2013 at 16:28.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by IdentyCrisis View Post
    I hope you're not referring to me here?
    I doubt it. All you did was point it out.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by KuroCat View Post
    I'm going to throw in my (unpopular) two cents here.

    Larger people give the feeling of being much more creepy than slim people are. Seeing an overly obese person wear a diaper and confess his love for them on national TV is a complete turn off, and it looks a ton creepier than if someone of average size does the same. It puts AB's in negative light to have an incredibly large and overly creepy looking man (due to their size) announce their like to be treated like an infant.
    I would argue that larger people look more like infants. When was the last time you saw an emaciated or muscular baby or toddler outside of some commercial with Sally Struthers in it? Maybe it creeps you out and turns you off. I can't argue with your personal preference for body types. But to translate that into saying that being fat portrays AB's negatively and makes them creepy, I can't disagree more. Besides, it's not like slimmer AB's who have come forward have been treated that much better. People think we're freaks regardless of our size.



    I'm not a fan of bullying at all, and it sickens me to no end, but I'm not going to pretend like weight doesn't factor in to the creepy/disgusting feeling that people give off.
    So you hate bullying but you give a pass to bullies in the same sentence. Because saying that weight factors in and makes them creepy and disgusting is exactly what gives people justification to bully them.



    Not only that, but a lot of the obese and over weight people complaining about it aren't even trying to get rid of the pounds.
    1. How do you know? Do you know how or why someone gained weight or struggles terribly, to no avail, to lose it? It isn't just people gorging themselves on bad food, there are a myriad of reasons as to why people are fat.

    2. Why should they have to in order to be granted basic human respect and dignity?



    Those that are, bravo to them, they're doing something about it. Those that don't, and then sit there and cry when people are turned off by them have no right to complain; they're unhealthy and they're not even trying to drop the pounds.
    This is what I am referring to, this idea that someone has to jump through hoops before they're deemed acceptable as people by others. We should be striving to rid ourselves of this kind of attitude.



    I understand being honest with yourself, and having self-acceptance, which is awesome. I happen to love chubby people, because it seems to add to their personality in some way, and most of them seem to be really light hearted and friendly people. However, if they're massively obese and they're not doing anything to try and rid themselves of the weight, it's no one's fault but their own, and they shouldn't act like it isn't.
    Usually, people who gain a LOT of weight to the point where it's a physical hindrance have medical conditions that prevent them from getting enough exercise to maintain a healthier weight. Combine that with depression and psychological issues stemming from gaining weight and not being able to do much to get rid of it besides starve (which doesn't work) and you have a spiral of self-hatred and shame and helplessness. When you add to it the sneering judgment of others who think they should just go walk on a treadmill, I wouldn't be surprised if a fat person eats an extra burger out of spite. And not to mention, those who are poor or have very limited resources/no health insurance are going to be more likely to gain or maintain unhealthy weight levels because they lack the counsel and treatment options that medical professionals provide and are more likely to eat food that is worse for them because it's cheaper. For them, it's not a simple matter of "they should do something about it". Many of them can't.



    At least this isn't about the idiots on Tumblr spouting BS about "thin privilege." Those people need help.
    There's totally thin privilege, but this isn't about that, this is about how people in our own community think that fat people = creepy and bad representation, as if fat people shouldn't be seen or acknowledged to exist.

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    Quote Originally Posted by IdentyCrisis View Post
    I hope you're not referring to me here? I may have made a remark about Riley being transgender in another thread, but was pointing out the irony in another users statement about her being hot.
    No, someone in an old thread made a comment to the effect of, paraphrasing, at least this guy isn't obese like Stanley or transgendered like Riley, stating that they were poor representations of us because of their respective characteristics. No apology necessary. Riley is great, she's beautiful, and wise beyond her years. The fact that someone would write her off for being transgendered is offensive to me.

  6. #6
    acorn

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    Quote Originally Posted by MattiKins View Post
    This is something I really feel the need to address, ,,,,,,,,,,,.
    You have now begun to see what has made me question the "support" bit. Hang around long enough and you will see that, time and time again.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by acorn View Post
    You have now begun to see what has made me question the "support" bit. Hang around long enough and you will see that, time and time again.
    I've seen it coming through, and I understand, as much as we try to be 100% supportive, we're still human and we all have our prejudices and preconceived notions and we all make judgments now and then that perhaps we shouldn't. Even I do sometimes. I just think we need to knock it off.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by MattiKins View Post
    I can understand personal preference towards a body type, we all have them. But to make people feel bad because they are big is a form of bullying and it's still very accepted to bully, harass, and shame people because they're fat. That's completely unacceptable to me.
    I think that the issue is one where people tend to be very polarized on an issue where the best path is really in the middle ground. Should people be shamed for being fat? Absolutely not. However, encouraging people to maintain healthy weights is also an important part of public health. I feel like some people take the issue of not shaming people for being fat so far that being fat becomes viewed as a benign decision.

    I remember reading /r/TwoX a few months back when a woman made a post that she was going to stop dieting because she was worried that her devotion to dieting and exercise would create an unhealthy drive in her young daughter to obsess over unhealthy body image. What was her solution? She was never going to exercise again unless she wanted to, and she was going to stop worrying about eating the foods she wanted. While it's well and good to not set an example that creates unhealthy body images, I can't believe that she would completely ignore the equal importance of modeling for her daughter the importance of exercise and a healthy, balanced diet.

    I view being overweight or obese the same way I view smoking. Am I going to give you crap about smoking? Unless you're blowing smoke in my face, no, I'm not. Fuck, I even have a few cigars a year myself. But I'm also not going to pretend there's nothing wrong with it, nor will I accept that we shouldn't as a society be encouraging more healthy lifestyles.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by MattiKins View Post
    I've seen it coming through, and I understand, as much as we try to be 100% supportive, we're still human and we all have our prejudices and preconceived notions and we all make judgments now and then that perhaps we shouldn't. Even I do sometimes. I just think we need to knock it off.
    Well that's the thing- a lot of people, on this site and elsewhere, confuse support with coddling. The role of this community isn't to rock each other and say it'll be ok. In some cases, absolutely. But in other cases it isn't. Sometimes people need to hear hard truths. Sometimes people need to be told things they don't want to hear. And sometimes people need to be told outright if their behavior isn't at a standard acceptable in the community. You don't support a person by telling them what they want to hear; you do it by telling them what they need to hear.

  9. #9
    acorn

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    Quote Originally Posted by MattiKins View Post
    I've seen it coming through, and I understand, as much as we try to be 100% supportive, we're still human and we all have our prejudices and preconceived notions and we all make judgments now and then that perhaps we shouldn't. Even I do sometimes. I just think we need to knock it off.
    A thread youíve so obviously read is where Stanley in a rambling post buried the fact that he was in mourning over the loss of his partner Gypsy. Of his post, his loss was the only part I addressed. I was one of the few who did do so, warped priorities obviously. More recently a thread by babylee75 (why do doctors want to push pills for incontinence when you donít want them? ) if I were to be charitable - ďlacklustre, but par for courseĒ.

    Iím slightly further on in years than your good self and I suppose that affords me the luxury of being so cynical. Iíd rather consult with the front bumper of a speeding car than ask on here. Donít get me wrong I still like the Site and it has a lot to offer, just for compassion or empathy people would be better served going elsewhere. If others could feel offended by that statement, maybe they should reflect on how it can be said, rather than simply skipping on the age old cure of trying to shoot the messenger. I once described myself as a lone wolf, this outlook has its weaknesses and big ones at that. Then - I value self reliance, determination and the courage to be wrong.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by AEsahaettr View Post
    I think that the issue is one where people tend to be very polarized on an issue where the best path is really in the middle ground. Should people be shamed for being fat? Absolutely not. However, encouraging people to maintain healthy weights is also an important part of public health. I feel like some people take the issue of not shaming people for being fat so far that being fat becomes viewed as a benign decision.
    I agree that people should take care of themselves, but I have to say that there is a lot of hype and misinformation about fat people driven by an industry that seeks to make a lot of money off of the idea that being thin is better, healthier, and more attractive.
    I agree that there should be a middle ground. That middle ground should include help for people who want and need it. It should encourage healthier food choices and active living, with the goal to be as healthy as one can be, not to fit a certain body image standard that is vastly unattainable for most individuals.



    I remember reading /r/TwoX a few months back when a woman made a post that she was going to stop dieting because she was worried that her devotion to dieting and exercise would create an unhealthy drive in her young daughter to obsess over unhealthy body image. What was her solution? She was never going to exercise again unless she wanted to, and she was going to stop worrying about eating the foods she wanted. While it's well and good to not set an example that creates unhealthy body images, I can't believe that she would completely ignore the equal importance of modeling for her daughter the importance of exercise and a healthy, balanced diet.
    I can see where Mom here is going to the other extreme. We can reject unhealthy and unrealistic body images without sacrificing our own health and fitness.



    I view being overweight or obese the same way I view smoking. Am I going to give you crap about smoking? Unless you're blowing smoke in my face, no, I'm not. Fuck, I even have a few cigars a year myself. But I'm also not going to pretend there's nothing wrong with it, nor will I accept that we shouldn't as a society be encouraging more healthy lifestyles.
    I can't disagree more. Smoking is an addictive behavior. While some fat people are food addicts, not all of them are. Heredity plays a significant role in one's general size and proneness to weight gain. There are some people who diet and exercise like crazy and struggle to keep pounds off and some who can eat whatever they want and sit around the house and be rail-thin. There's a world of difference between choosing to take in a carcinogenic substance that one does not need for survival and being fat. To say there is something "wrong" with being fat is to oversimplify the issue and assign blame and shame. That doesn't help.



    a lot of people, on this site and elsewhere, confuse support with coddling. The role of this community isn't to rock each other and say it'll be ok. In some cases, absolutely. But in other cases it isn't. Sometimes people need to hear hard truths. Sometimes people need to be told things they don't want to hear. And sometimes people need to be told outright if their behavior isn't at a standard acceptable in the community. You don't support a person by telling them what they want to hear; you do it by telling them what they need to hear.
    Being judgmental and saying that fat people shouldn't represent the AB community because they look creepy and disgusting is not giving anyone a hard truth, it's expressing a deep personal animus and prejudice, it's a form of bullying, and it puts people down. It isn't right.
    Last edited by MattiKins; 11-Sep-2013 at 18:53. Reason: quote tag

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