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Thread: A little concerned about my 11 year old son...

  1. #1

    Default A little concerned about my 11 year old son...

    Hey guys! Right off the start I want to apologize for the ridiculously long back story before i get to my point. My wife and I have 4 kids, our oldest being 11, and our only son. So, about 6 months ago, my wife and I started noticing he was taking extremely long showers, showing extra interest in girls, and even growing some peach fuzz on his face. So, we sat him down, and had "The Talk" with him. We aren't what you would call conservative parents by any means, we encourage our kids to explore their bodies and sexuality, and not be ashamed of themselves for it. So, to my point. A couple days ago, my wife was cleaning my sons bathroom for him, and found one of her bras that she has been missing for months, along with a pair of her panties, and a mysterious women's g-string, that is not my wife's, all stashed in the corner under the sink. Now, I guess the reason I'm posting in this section is, I'm wondering if he's got a cross dressing fetish. I know it seems presumptuous, but a couple months ago, I accidentally walked in to his bathroom, because I needed to go badly, and the other one was busy... He was supposed to have been in the shower, the water was running and everything, but when I opened the door, he wasn't in the shower, he was mostly naked in front of the mirror, and I coulda swore he was wearing panties... I guess what I'm really asking is, for those of you guys who do cross dress, what age did you start noticing you felt it was something you were into? Does anyone here have any relevant advice for us? Obviously, we don't want him stealing my wife's underwear, or anyone else's for that matter. But we don't want to make him feel like it's a bad thing to want to wear women's underwear if that's what he's into. It's weird, I'm an AB/DL, and all this time I thought if one of my kids ever had a fetish/special interest like this I would be able to deal with it easily. Huh, I was wrong, I'm kinda lost on the right thing to do here. Any help is greatly appreciated! Thanks!

  2. #2

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    I think 11 is a fairly typical age to start getting into this. As far as how to deal with it, I can totally understand how this is difficult, even though I currently have no kids of my own. You probably don't want to make it a big scary talk that could give him the impression that he might be in trouble (even though he's not), but it might be hard not to do it that way, especially with multiple siblings. In any case, just let him know that you are perfectly okay and accepting of him indulging in his desires and that he's welcome to buy his own panties/bras/whatever. He may wish for you or his mom to buy them for him, since it's understandable that an 11 year old boy would be uncomfortable buying women's underwear. Set up whatever rules you think are necessary here, but don't do so in a way that makes it seem like you are unhappy with him for this.

    I would also recommend not asking about the G-string or about walking in when he was supposedly showering.

  3. #3

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    The column referenced in this recent thread: https://www.adisc.org/forum/adult-ba...er-column.html has a question about a diaper wearing teen but the answer is highly relevant to your situation. In short: maybe it means something and maybe it doesn't.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nick1982 View Post
    Hey guys! Right off the start I want to apologize for the ridiculously long back story before i get to my point. My wife and I have 4 kids, our oldest being 11, and our only son. So, about 6 months ago, my wife and I started noticing he was taking extremely long showers, showing extra interest in girls, and even growing some peach fuzz on his face. So, we sat him down, and had "The Talk" with him. We aren't what you would call conservative parents by any means, we encourage our kids to explore their bodies and sexuality, and not be ashamed of themselves for it. So, to my point. A couple days ago, my wife was cleaning my sons bathroom for him, and found one of her bras that she has been missing for months, along with a pair of her panties, and a mysterious women's g-string, that is not my wife's, all stashed in the corner under the sink. Now, I guess the reason I'm posting in this section is, I'm wondering if he's got a cross dressing fetish. I know it seems presumptuous, but a couple months ago, I accidentally walked in to his bathroom, because I needed to go badly, and the other one was busy... He was supposed to have been in the shower, the water was running and everything, but when I opened the door, he wasn't in the shower, he was mostly naked in front of the mirror, and I coulda swore he was wearing panties... I guess what I'm really asking is, for those of you guys who do cross dress, what age did you start noticing you felt it was something you were into? Does anyone here have any relevant advice for us? Obviously, we don't want him stealing my wife's underwear, or anyone else's for that matter. But we don't want to make him feel like it's a bad thing to want to wear women's underwear if that's what he's into. It's weird, I'm an AB/DL, and all this time I thought if one of my kids ever had a fetish/special interest like this I would be able to deal with it easily. Huh, I was wrong, I'm kinda lost on the right thing to do here. Any help is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
    That sounds like a tough situation. Even though I'm not a parent I've thought about that a little myself, mostly in the context of what I would have wished my parents had done if they had walked in on my when I was experimenting with diapers (they never did, but I was afraid they would). Here's what I suggest.

    Have "The Talk" - body changes, shaving, hormones, feelings, wet dreams, masturbation, sex, condoms, etc, or really whatever you feel is appropriate. You know him best. And it should really be "The Conversation," since it ideally is an ongoing dialog if he has any future questions, and not just a one time thing. There are probably plenty of other places online where you can get advice about this part of it, since it's something every parent does (or should do).

    As for the more "fetish interest" specific items, I would probably emphasize two things in talking with him, as long as your parenting philosophy and personal values agree. Depending on your son and your own family's feelings about this, it also may be an "eventual" thing, as you may not want to bring up everything right now.

    1) Whatever you're feeling is ok, and it's ok to experiment and do whatever, as long everyone involved consents, everyone is safe, and no one gets hurt, including yourself.
    2) Stealing isn't ok.

    Whether you want to make the connection between consenting and stealing explicit or just let him fill in the blanks is up to you.

    I would also think that you don't need to be too explicit about what you saw - he knows you walked in on him, so he can probably fill in some of the blanks. Again, you know your son best, so you'll have to make that call.

    Also, I would suggest in the future knocking on the bathroom door if he's in it, or his room door. Yes, he's probably in the shower most of the time, and most of the time it's probably fine, but always knocking will both prevent you from any future surprises and show him that you respect his privacy, which is important.

    Another poster suggested that you or your wife might buy things for him. I'd say that's not appropriate - if he wants them, he can buy them himself. Of course, you could make sure he has opportunities to buy such things with some relative privacy on occasion... but you don't need to actually buy anything for him.

    And finally, it's certainly possible this is just a phase. I know most people here, myself included, were interested in diapers when they were 11. There's massive selection bias going on, however, since the people who stole a diaper or two from a sibling and experimented once or twice aren't going to be on adisc.

    Finally (really this time! I need to go to bed), there was a Savage Love column recently that might be helpful to look at:

    August 21, 2013 : Savage Love | The A.V. Club

    It was actually about a 14 year old and diapers, but the situation is probably very similar to cross dressing, with stealing, fetishes, adolescents, and parents. Dan Savage has not been the most diaper-friendly in the past, but this column was very good. There was even a thread about it on adisc a couple weeks ago:

    https://www.adisc.org/forum/adult-ba...er-column.html

  5. #5

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    This was something I dabbled in quite a bit as a kid -- cross-dressing with underthings only. My desire to do this was strongest during puberty, and diminished significantly after that. I never really reflected on it at the time, questioned my gender identity, etc., but, just like my desire to wear diapers, it was a source of some anxiety and feelings of aloneness. Obviously, for some people, doing these things is the start of some larger revelation. I couldn't tell you what it was for me. Outside of a mostly-transient affection for bras and panties together with a seemingly immutable affection for diapers, I feel like a pretty darned ordinary straight male. Who knows?

    EDIT: I'm a parent too, by the way. I'm not sure exactly how I'd react to finding diapers or opposite-gender underwear in one of my kids' rooms, but I'd like to think I'd be understanding. To do otherwise would be majorly hypocritical! I would worry a bit, however, if I found unfamiliar underwear. One item is probably ignorable, but if anything else is spotted, it would be good to have a talk with him and make sure the origin of the items is discovered. Taking that kind of stuff from another person is viewed with particular contempt under the law, not as simple theft, but as a sexual offense. Sorry to get all dark and dangerous, but it's true.

  6. #6

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    The only advice I can give - I'm not a parent - is to take special care not to make him feel guilty. I discovered masturbation at a young age, and unfortunately my parents' response was ''Stop fidgeting; don't do that,'' forcing me to indulge in this behavior I didn't understand secretly, which created guilt that was always on the back of my mind as a child.

  7. #7

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    I'm not a parent but I do know a bit about crossdressing and childhood.

    Maybe he's trans, maybe he's a crossdresser, maybe it's nothing major. Either way you shouldn't act too harshly or make him feel guilty. I think you should have talk to him about this.

  8. #8

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    Thanks everyone for the responses! Keep 'em coming! Just to clarify a few things, I ALWAYS knock before I enter any room he's in by himself. I've been walked in on when I was his age, and it sucked! I think he didn't hear me knocking because the shower was running full blast at the time. At this point, we are kinda hoping its just a pubescent phase, but we are thinking we will give it some time and see if his interest in women's underwear persists. Should it seem like it is a developing fetish, we are debating just buying him some super cheap women's underwear that he can keep hidden wherever he wants, no questions asked, so as to stop the urge for him to steal them. Our concern at this point is how to approach him about it, so he doesn't feel like we are judging him, or condemning him in any way. We feel he's free to do whatever makes him feel good in privacy, provided no harm to himself or others is done. If anyone has had their parents approach them about something like this, we'd like to hear about it, just to make it easiest for us to figure out the best way to bring it up with our son. No matter what, I'm sure it will be a very awkward conversation, but we will do whatever we can do to make it as comfortable as possible for him. It's hard enough talking to your parents about normal life issues, let alone something like this! Thanks again!

  9. #9

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    Whoa, deja vu! I remember this one time when I was 7-8?? (Cant remember) and my sister that was four years older than me caught me trying on a diaper. Anyway, she made a big uproar and told mum and that only caused me to be more secretive about it.

    Even now, I still have the urge to try on woman's clothing - although, unlike my more genuine (and to me) more natural interest as a DL and AB I have always seen woman's clothing as more of a kink, fetish, sexual orientation.

    I guess the only real advice I can give is to not make him feel victimized about it, let him know that there are no consequences by telling you, you wont tell anyone else and that you only want to know yourself because you might have an interest in something equally as weird.


    Who knows, if he does actually have that interest the more he opens up, you could even introduce him to this site.


    Best of luck.
    Last edited by Note; 07-Sep-2013 at 23:10.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nick1982 View Post
    Thanks everyone for the responses! Keep 'em coming! Just to clarify a few things, I ALWAYS knock before I enter any room he's in by himself. I've been walked in on when I was his age, and it sucked! I think he didn't hear me knocking because the shower was running full blast at the time. At this point, we are kinda hoping its just a pubescent phase, but we are thinking we will give it some time and see if his interest in women's underwear persists. Should it seem like it is a developing fetish, we are debating just buying him some super cheap women's underwear that he can keep hidden wherever he wants, no questions asked, so as to stop the urge for him to steal them. Our concern at this point is how to approach him about it, so he doesn't feel like we are judging him, or condemning him in any way. We feel he's free to do whatever makes him feel good in privacy, provided no harm to himself or others is done. If anyone has had their parents approach them about something like this, we'd like to hear about it, just to make it easiest for us to figure out the best way to bring it up with our son. No matter what, I'm sure it will be a very awkward conversation, but we will do whatever we can do to make it as comfortable as possible for him. It's hard enough talking to your parents about normal life issues, let alone something like this! Thanks again!
    My cross dressing interests started when I was ten or eleven. I don't remember exactly when, but I literally know the moment my interest in diapers appeared, and it was not long after that. It was really confusing, but the feelings were powerful. I was suddenly fascinated by the existence of women's underwear, and I wanted to wear them. And yes, my first experiments were with my mom's underwear, as she was the only girl in the house. I remember doing the same things you've described your son as doing - stashing a bra and panties for wearing in private for example. At one point, I was caught in the act by my mom, which was probably the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to me. She yelled a bit and demanded an explanation (I choked out something vague about being "curious"), and then never spoke of it again. So I kind of repressed my interests until university, which sucked. So I've lived an experience similar to this one, assuming your son does cross dress.

    Looking back years later, I don't blame my mom for not knowing what to do. It's kind of a shock, isn't it? If I could have a perfect do-over again, though, here's what I wish would've happened:

    -I wish they'd actually talked to me about sexuality. They gave me a book on puberty and let me figure it out myself. I was glad at the time - that stuff was awkward! But looking back, it only made my abnormalities more weird and unmentionable in my mind. Talking would've taught me that sexuality isn't something to be ashamed of. So good for you talking to your son - that's a big first step, that he can come to you with questions.

    -I wish they had looked into why I'd want women's underwear. Again, good for you doing this! My mom actually tried to talk to me at one point, when she suspected I'd taken her underwear but had no proof. I didn't want to talk because I thought I was in trouble. But she had no idea what it could be, and neither did I at the time. So even though I think she wanted to help (and we'd only just gotten the internet at home), she couldn't. So keep searching - and I'd your son ever comes to you, or you catch him in the act, you'll be better prepared to help him.

    -I wish they'd clarified why they were mad. At the time, I was just getting yelled at, and of course I figured it was for cross dressing. That was the weird thing, after all! But I think that my mom was mostly mad that I'd gone through her things and worn her underwear, which isn't very hygienic, obviously. If they had clarified the reasons why they were mad, I wouldn't have been left with as much shame. And we could have worked out a solution together. On a similar note...

    -I wish they'd have given me options. I tries to quit taking mom's underwear many, many times. But as all us diaper wearers know, it's not something you can just drop. So I kept going back until sheer terror stopped me. If we'd had an open space to talk about cross dressing, or sexuality in general, I would have been able to tell them that my desires weren't going away. Then they come have helped me, possibly.

    I'm not sure what "helping" would mean, besides making sure I had access to panties so I wouldn't steal them. Maybe they'd have donated an old pair. Maybe they'd have bought me some cheap undies, as you've suggested. Maybe they'd allow me to buy my own with my allowance, and driven me to town so I could do so. In any of these cases, if I could have been open about my needs, they could have given me options to help me. Give your son options. If his desires aren't "just a phase", think about ways you can help him meet his needs safely and legally.

    -I wish they'd have accepted me. Nothing fancy. No participation. Even just a simple, "Adventurer, we know you like wearing women's underwear, but we still love you no matter what" would have done wonders for my anxiety levels as a kid. I know they'll probably still be OK with me if they discover my AB/DL/LG interests...but I don't know for sure. Just that little affirmation would have done so much.

    Listen, no matter what you decide to do: make it obvious that you love your son. I know you do, but you're getting to the scary time. A lot of kids rebel as teenagers, and I'm convinced it's because they feel like their parents' love is conditional or fake. It's obvious to me how much you love him. Make sure he knows it, too. Your guys' relationship is the most important thing here. Make sure, even if he turns out to be just as different as all us members of this community, that he know's he accepted and loved by you. Keep up the great work and awesome parenting! Based on the care you've shown here, I know you can make it through together!

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