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Thread: Sweep??? Hello i'm new here

  1. #1

    Default Sweep??? Hello i'm new here

    So what's up, I'm new here and everything. I was wondering if anyone would mind, helping me with a story.

    I've got two stories already in mind one where I use Naruto chracters and the second where I use my own.

    Here's the summery for the Naruto one.

    Team7 was having a hard day trainning, when they were called to the Hokage tower, only to hear that a new rule was going to take place. The rule being anyone under 19 has to be with an adult at all times. So Sakura went to Shizune and Tsunade being seventeen. Sasuke stayed with Kakashi being eighteen, while Naruto eighteen as well went with Jarayia and Sai-seventeen went with Yamato The problem was though, that no one else was about, making it a trick which Team7 fall for.

    Other summery

    One popular the others not. Both hate each other, both use to be friends until high school started, spliting both of them up. One's a bed wetter the other is scarred for life. One accident, One memeber of their family dead. Both soon will start to see how the other lives, all from a accident which will pull them together and soon realize that they need each other. There mission stop the rich from taking control of there school and town. One boy comes inbetween the two, the boy, a spy for the rich, the boy holds a secret. Another accident, a death, memeory lost and war.

    What do you think?

  2. #2

    Default

    OK, to answer your question, I'm not a Naruto fan so I guess I'd have to go for the second choice. It sounds intriguing if maybe a little complicated. I say go for it.

    There are probably quite a few Naruto fans here, so you might get a groundswell in the other direction. How about developing both?

    Your profile says that your gender and orientation are private; many of us felt the same when we first joined, but most have opened up once we became comfortable that we were among friends. Some of the intro responses say "we don't bite" and this is generally true. So I hope you see that you don't really have to hide much here. It's still far more common for people to be reticent about where they live, but some (myself included) give regional data. Almost none get specific (any more than the name of a city, for instance).

    Anyway, welcome to our community.
    Last edited by skinnypuppy; 14-Dec-2008 at 20:48. Reason: slight rewording

  3. #3

  4. #4
    DannyTheNinja

    Default

    Hey, welcome to ADISC! You'll like it here, we have quite a few writers. I've got a suggestion for your story; like skinnypuppy I'm not familiar with Naruto so I'll work on your second one.

    You've got a couple of grammar and spelling bugs you'll want to clean up. Good grammar, punctuation, and spelling make a story much easier and pleasurable to read, so you should always focus on them while you're writing.

    It sounds like the paragraph above is a teaser for a story idea. That's great, because it sets the stage and brings up expectations. I've edited it a little bit to give you an example to work from:


    Quote Originally Posted by Sweep???
    One was popular, the other not. Both now hate each other, both were be friends until high school started, splitting both of them up. One's a bed wetter; the other, scarred for life. One accident, one member of each one's family dead. Both soon will start to see how the other lives, all from a accident which will pull them together and soon realize that they need each other. Their mission: to stop the rich from taking control of there school and town. One boy, who comes in between the two, is a spy for the rich who holds a secret. Another accident, a death, memory lost, and war.
    Of course, don't let my editing influence your writing style. ADISC is a great place to develop your own style and receive lots of helpful ideas and the occasional bit of constructive criticism.

    Keep up that story idea - it sounds interesting, and I think you'll be able to develop it into a great story.

    Be sure to post around, and check out the wiki!

    --Danny

  5. #5

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