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Thread: To encourage or not?

  1. #1

    Default To encourage or not?

    Well, my partner slowly came out about being ABDL... Really slowly. But since I have joined this site, there's been a marked shift in the way I address this predicament. For example, I've instigated a role play over skype and through texts a few times without feeling awkward whereas before, my partner would hint and I would just ignore it and not engage. I am now actively (perhaps subconsciously sometimes) encouraging her to regress.

    As much as I want to be the all supportive partner, I worry that participating in this too much and making it feel too acceptable might be dangerous. I also worry about my partner losing her independence and relying on me too much or that I'm not able to rely on her for something when I need her. I worry that people will find out and call us freaks. Although I am generally not bothered by others' opinions on how I live my life, I am struggling to justify that what I'm doing is ok.

    What do you guys think about encouragement to regress? Do you get encouraged and reassured that it's ok by someone in your life? Or just on this site? Am I wrong for encouraging this behavior? Will there be any negative effects of me doing this with her?

  2. #2

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    If you're not doing something harmful to yourself or others, then what is wrong with that thing?

    What is it about ABDL that makes you think it's wrong and shouldn't be encouraged? What makes it about ABDL that you view as potentially dangerous?

    If it's just not your personal cup of tea, that's another thing. I don't personally see any negative side effects. She's not going to change. She's been ABDL for a long time, I imagine (most have been since childhood) and I've never seen anyone just make this behavior/fetish/desire 'go away.' So it's staying, whether you participate or not. But you're totally not obligated to participate. That's up to you!

  3. #3

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    Ultimately, I just want her to be happy. That's why I've been trying to support her with this but I still have my doubts. I can't find real reason to assume ABDL is wrong yet equally can't prove it right. My family have always disapproved of our relationship and they make this very clear when given half a chance. I guess I'm scared that they'd have a field day with this if they ever found out. Which would be pretty devastating to both me and my partner's self confidence as they would find a way to humiliate us. I suppose I'm concerned that this isn't the 'norm' and expect to be branded a pedo or something else degrading.

  4. #4

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    First, welcome to the community, Mouse. There's lots of good information here on this site, so enjoy reading up on infantilism.

    Now some comments about what you are asking. Anything done in excess can be dangerous. Eating, drinking, you name it. The key is moderation.

    Along with that, is communication and boundaries. An open and continuous liine of communication with your SO is important. Boundaries can be set. If there is something that your SO wants, but you are uncomfortable with, you need to let her know. The reverse is also true. If there is something you want but your SO is uncomfortable, then you just need to understand that it bothers her and maybe not push it. Give and take is what it is about.

    As I said, communication in any relationship means a healthy relationship.

    Your tone of your post leads me to believe that you believe that your SO could regress and at an important time, would not come back to adulthood. I know when I regress, I can snap right back if the need requires. For example, I was regressed and feeling about 6 at the time. One of my roommates had a minor but important issue and I had to address it as an adult. Was able to switch back with no problems and handled it.

    I honestly don't think there is anything wrong or harmful with being an ABDL. For me, it fills a need that I have and I use it for reducing stress. It's also lots of fun.

    You've got something that a lot of us can only dream of. A relationship with an ABDL. Good luck and enjoy.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by ScrouseMouse View Post
    Ultimately, I just want her to be happy. That's why I've been trying to support her with this but I still have my doubts. I can't find real reason to assume ABDL is wrong yet equally can't prove it right. My family have always disapproved of our relationship and they make this very clear when given half a chance. I guess I'm scared that they'd have a field day with this if they ever found out. Which would be pretty devastating to both me and my partner's self confidence as they would find a way to humiliate us. I suppose I'm concerned that this isn't the 'norm' and expect to be branded a pedo or something else degrading.
    I think further research into what infantilism is and isn't, is needed. Here's a site that may help http://understanding.infantilism.org/ I think there is a saying that says something like knowledge is power. So, learn all you can about infantilism and that will help you to understand that there is nothing wrong with this and I can say with certainty that people who are infantilists are definitely not peds. We are very protective of kids and do not approve or condone anything that would be harmful to them. Also, you can use this knowledge to answer any of your family's questions, in case any of your family does find out.

    I understand the worry about not being normal but what is normal, anyway? What is normal for one is weird for another. Normal is a relative term.

    I understand the need for approval from your family. We all want love and understanding but the two of you are adults, right? If they are getting on you, then you need to explain to them in a calm manner how hurtful they are being. If you are still relying on financial support, then yes, that will complicate things. You may have to just tolerate it until you can truly be on your own.

    Best of luck.

  5. #5

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    First off, let me say thank you on behalf of your girlfriend for being this accepting. You've even gone as far as to join this site to learn more, which could be a pretty strange thing for some.

    It's important to remember that regression will not change your girlfriend for the worse. If she can already function as an adult, regression isn't going to make her lose that. Instead it allows her to explore feelings that society normally makes her bury. It's a very therapeutic thing, and there's nothing wrong with encouraging it.

    If you want to make sure she's happy, then you'll have to allow her baby side to show. Like Frogsy said, how much you participate is up to you, but you shouldn't discourage her from expressing herself.

  6. #6

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    Part of making this work is balance. There is a time and place for most things. I'm sitting next to my wife in bed wearing a diaper and a night shirt, and I can drift back the many years, but immediately be the adult when she speaks to me. Regression is a forced state of mind, forced in the sense that we use gateway objects to regress. Mine is a diaper and perhaps my plushies. It brings me peace and comfort, if not some sort of high, but I can turn it off with ease. There are nights I wear, but more nights I don't. I might engage on a Saturday afternoon, but most Saturdays I'm out shopping, doing house chores and writing, working on a story. I have adult things that not only I have to do, but want to do.

    There are other times I feel the urge, often strongly, and then I engage. I'm an adult 95% of the time and so it all works. I would take this one day at a time and see where it goes. No one needs to know. I keep all of this within the walls of my house. It works for me and my wife.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScrouseMouse View Post
    Ultimately, I just want her to be happy. That's why I've been trying to support her with this but I still have my doubts. I can't find real reason to assume ABDL is wrong yet equally can't prove it right. My family have always disapproved of our relationship and they make this very clear when given half a chance. I guess I'm scared that they'd have a field day with this if they ever found out. Which would be pretty devastating to both me and my partner's self confidence as they would find a way to humiliate us. I suppose I'm concerned that this isn't the 'norm' and expect to be branded a pedo or something else degrading.
    There is no sense saying "what others think doesn't matter", because it does. We're social creatures and our family/tribe is very important to us. It's deeply hard-wired into us. So being worried about how others might think is totally understandable.

    Perhaps you could suggest to her that you reach a compromise at first. Perhaps suggesting something like "let's start with the diapers. wear them at home and even when we go out if you want." Slowly ease into the regression after a little while, or in short periods. Maybe something like "Let's age play on Friday nights", something with a defined boundary. It will give you the time you need to learn and adapt and adjust. It will also give her time to show you how she feels and how her AB side expresses itself.

    Slow and steady.

    You're being super wonderful trying to accept her. Don't ever forget that and don't let moments of struggle diminish that, either.

  8. #8

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    Thank you to everyone that has replied. You've all given me some extremely valuable advice and I think I will continue to take things slowly.

    We have already done a night in diapers (some slight regression, not as far as she wanted to go I think) and I made a 'love coupon book' full of things I know we talk about doing but never actually do such as romantic candlelit dinner for two. One of the coupons says these exact words: "Be treated like a baby/toddler for the day! Snacktimes, naptimes, nappy changes, kids tv, cuddles. What more could you want?!" All she has to do is show me the coupon the night before and we'll pre-agree to everything for the day. (I just think a day would really help me get into the mindset as it takes me a little while so evening sess didn't really work out)

    I think I'm starting to get the idea of the kind of things she wants to do/way she wants to be treated at times.

  9. #9

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    That's really awesome, Scrouse!

    Please always feel free to come by and talk whenever you want. Some for her, too, if she's not already here.

    c

  10. #10

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    I like the idea of your coupons. That's a very nice touch. I wonder if I should try it with my wife? We may have something new to do around here.

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