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Thread: Caregiving

  1. #1

    Default Caregiving

    Why do AB caregivers enjoy their role? What are the draws? There are so many reasons why people enjoy being little. But I haven't seen the other side discussed much.

    Well, I love being a caregiver just as much as being cared for, or perhaps even more so at this point in my life. But why? Why have such a strong desire to give care to specifically an adult child or adult baby? I've separated my sexual side from my AB/Carer side. So if it's not a sexual thing, that could even further baffle people. What exactly am I getting out of this?

    I've thought about this a while. I think I'm coming up with some answers, and perhaps some of you can clue me in on other reasons you've personally come up with.

    They appreciate it. They REALLY appreciate it.
    It's no secret that one big aspect involves the fact that I started out as an AB / Little. Otherwise, I don't think I would have been able to understand the true needs and feelings of ABs and other Littles. And if there's one thing adult children rarely get, it's having that normally secret side of them loved and tended to.

    So this may fall under the category of there being no true altruism. I absolutely am tickled pink over the fact that little ones have such a deep appreciation for what is going on while you care for them. When you care for an AB, you're giving them something they may have longed for for a decade or more. It can really melt your heart to see just how powerful it is for your little one, emotionally speaking.

    You can make really big mistakes, and no one dies.
    Once, when I was a teenager babysitting an actual baby, I left him too close to the side of the bed during a change. I had to run and get the phone. The baby rolled, fell right off, and cracked his head badly into the tile floor. No, he didn't die. But he could have. That scares me a lot, even to this day.

    But with an adult little, that kind of thing would never happen. Their adult side may be distant at times, but it's there. They're not going to roll off a changing table. If I forget a bottle and they're thirsty, they'll tell me, even if it's in a squeaky childlike voice or by way of a finger point. If I am about to give them something they're allergic to, they'll stop me. It's easier. It's less scary. I'm about 99% less likely to spend all night at the ER if I make a mistake with an adult little.

    You're off the hook if you're tired or sick.
    Anyone who has actual children can tell you there's no off-button. You can't power off your toddler just because you've got a migraine. So now you've got a migraine, and an increasingly upset toddler that can tell you're not being very fun anymore.

    Adult children do have an off-button. If I'm having a really bad day, or I'm sick, or I'm just not feeling it, it's okay. They know when to stop. Even if this were to happen mid-roleplay, they would stop. They would switch off. They would turn back into their adult self. Hopefully, they'd even help me out and get me some Tylenol.

    You can get plenty of safe, non-sexual affection, with no loopholes.
    This might not mean much to male readers, or maybe even female readers, or maybe anyone but me. But it really means quite a lot to me to get affection without the tension and the confusion.

    In relationships, or even just on dates, it's a little hard to tell exactly what a hug means. It's hard to tell what a slow dance means. It's hard to tell what a kiss on the cheek is all about. Are they just dropping coins into you so that you'll feel obligated to have sex with them later that night? Are they just one move away from starting sexual activity, right then? Sometimes, it makes me feel like every hug and cuddle is more like a means to an end, rather than a display of pure affection.

    With a (non-sexual) little, it's not. Cuddles are cuddles and hugs are hugs. Kisses to the forehead won't end up on your lips. For someone who has dealt with a lot of rejection issues, and a few instances of sexual assault, giving and receiving pure affection in a safe way means the world to me.

    It's fantastically idealistic.
    Real life children can be terrible. Let's all face it. They can be cruel. They can bring their own parents to tears with words alone. They can be very manipulative. Source.

    Well, usually, not littles. They are roleplaying a fantasy. So, in turn, you are roleplaying a fantasy. They get the idealistic nurturer and you get the idealistic child. Innocent and pure, loving, sweet, and nearly unbearably adorable. Or maybe that's just mine. Either way, it's usually something you agree on, or else you wouldn't be big/little partners in the first place. The two of you get to relax in a fantasy world of your mutual creation, and no silly things such as realism will be too much of a hassle.

    ***

    Anyone else have ideas of your own? Thoughts on what I've said? I'd love to hear from little ones and carers alike.

  2. #2

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    Since I am only an ab myself, I can only really comment on your first reason. Yes, we do really appreciate it. When you open your heart to an adult baby, you tell him/her ''I accept and love you for who you are.'' There is nothing more we crave then the love and acceptance only a parent can supply. The seemingly simple actions you perform mean the world to us.

  3. #3

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    This is all part of my personality developing as I go along, so a lot of this is still new to me to the extent that I've recently begun having nurturing feelings in a "what would you do?" sense and have yet to engage in this side with another person online or RL.

    I believe you raise good points with regard to adult expectations; when a baby cries it's in a rather obvious state of discomfort and when an adult cries it's not as simple to 'fix' them. My takeaway: it's very difficult to miscommunicate with babies and toddlers, they're a bit more like machines in that regard (something I can relate to)

    Maybe I'm idealizing a bit but my impression of actual littles is that they are pure and untainted by typical mature adult BS and only learn that cruelty and manipulation through exposure to their sensible elders' radiating it into their lives. I should probably just stay out of the kitchen on this since I'm not a 24-year-old Superdaddy or something as I have no actual human caregiving experience, but the way I see it; one doesn't mind wiping a messy bottom because that's what we do when we love

  4. #4

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    I think it comes down to one simple reason. Care givers are loving a caring people. They enjoy helping others do the things they enjoy.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by MOPaddED View Post
    [snipped] Maybe I'm idealizing a bit but my impression of actual littles is that they are pure and untainted by typical mature adult BS and only learn that cruelty and manipulation through exposure to their sensible elders' radiating it into their lives. I should probably just stay out of the kitchen on this since I'm not a 24-year-old Superdaddy or something as I have no actual human caregiving experience, but the way I see it; one doesn't mind wiping a messy bottom because that's what we do when we love
    You're idealizing a lot. Nobody stops being human because they're ABDL. There are specific terms of engagement but it's still a person at the end of the day and there's no sanctifying force at work that makes someone with a little side wonderful or saintly. That said, being a caregiver to the right person or persons can be really rewarding.

    Frogsy: your list works pretty well for me. Not having spent much time taking care of real children and none with babies, I hadn't really considered the benefits of low-risk caretaking but it's a good point.

  6. #6

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    Just like a parent you can see your little grow and do cute things.

  7. #7

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    Your comment about non-sexual affection is a hugely important one to me, either as a little or as a caretaker. It's nice to be able to give someone a hug, just because you can. It's great to have a long cuddle just because someone is a good friend to you.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frogsy View Post
    You can get plenty of safe, non-sexual affection, with no loopholes.
    This might not mean much to male readers, or maybe even female readers, or maybe anyone but me. But it really means quite a lot to me to get affection without the tension and the confusion.

    In relationships, or even just on dates, it's a little hard to tell exactly what a hug means. It's hard to tell what a slow dance means. It's hard to tell what a kiss on the cheek is all about. Are they just dropping coins into you so that you'll feel obligated to have sex with them later that night? Are they just one move away from starting sexual activity, right then? Sometimes, it makes me feel like every hug and cuddle is more like a means to an end, rather than a display of pure affection.
    I couldn't agree more. For me, part of the whole "desire" to be little again is to avoid complex (and manipulative) adult relationships and return to innocence...

    Sigh... it would be nice to have a caretaker and get a hug every now and again... :-(

  9. #9

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    *That* Right there, Everything you just said, Spot. On. Thank you for putting into words the things I have been feeling lately :3 I am both a Little and a Carer, Sexual and Non sexual. I Love everything that goes with those sides of me <3 The connection between a little and their big is just purely magical. Even more so with nonsexual parings I find ^____^

  10. #10

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    I think you've laid out the reasons very clearly. Getting to try out being a caregiver recently, I've definitely found all of these to be true. It's a real way of letting out that nurturing side! I think that care giving fills the need for affection in a very different way. When you care for a little one and see how much joy they have in your actions, it does really serve to fill that need for affection and kindness. Instead of being the direct receiver of care, though, it's like you feel the warmth and happiness radiated from your little one back to you. Seeing that pure adoration, unrestrained by the adult need to act all proper, is something truly magical I hadn't expected.

    I feel like this should be expanded or added to an existing article - it beings up some incredible points that helps others to understand caregivers far better! Great post!

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