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Thread: I just want to cry

  1. #1

    Default I just want to cry

    When I joined this site last year, I got chatting with a person who claimed to be living on the west side of the U.K. since march this year we have been chatting all day everyday, I felt that we really was getting to know each other and it got to the point where she would be the first thing I think of in the morning to the last at night, I shared everything about myself with her. She got my into trying baby things like a pacifier and a bottle, oh and a onesie. But today she suddenly came out with "I need to tell you something but pleas don't be mad, really didn't hide this from you to hurt u or anything, it's just that I feel such a loser and I didn't want u to think tht too
    I have been living in a village close to (me) for the last few months, I live with my friend and his mother, they have been helping me to get my life on track and I fell in love with him but that is another story . I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you but I don't know I just felt so stupid cos in on moment I had everything the next moment I had nothing. I didn't want u to think that I was a loser. I'm sorry I didn't told u this before. I understand if u are upset." I now no longer know if she is or ever has been who she said she was. I don't know what to think say or feel, I just want to and am crying. I have so many questions and thoughts going through my head it's poison. I feel so stupid and insecure and alone. Im thinking that it might be lesson number 2 on don't trust anyone. Am I just being silly or .. I don't know. Can anyone offer me any advice or anything please? Thanks.

  2. #2

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    Aye... had to read it twice to get this right. So only as a side note: You should've written which she was saying in one paragraph. So not mixed up.

    However... I understand how you feel right now. It's hard not to fall into a certain hole of thoughts, which only contains ideas about how this may have been a lie at all. Or that this has never been her goal... with you. That she only wanted to have some fun... that it was a silly cat (or horse in the modern way) trying to imitate a human being. (I hope this joke helps and doesn't make it worse)
    But you can only guess, I can only assume, everyone, except her know the purpose or initial intention.


    So while this is unclear at the moment, or may be forever... honestly: Don't take it as a lesson that you shouldn't trust anyone, anymore. That's wrong. You can trust people, you only need to know where the border is, which you shouldn't cross. Depending on where you are. At least that's my advice.
    Especially on the internet.... phew my my... there is a lot false. A lot of people with shady intentions. Although it's the same IRL, as a silly example a plain relationship, where you're physically or mentally abused.So not that it may seem that different, only some people feel more comfortable doing this, while they're anonymous, kind of.
    But... You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

    Perhaps it will take time to trust somebody again, which is sad, but this is also a learning process on the other hand... Do not close yourself. That's the wrong thing to do, I think. However, not believing everything ain't false too. Question things. That's the safe way.
    And besides that... don't fall into love too fast, but you're learning this right now I guess. So my advice... for these things: Take your time, fall in love if you've met a person more than once, personally. (Although this may still lead to a broken heart, since it's not guarantied that the other person feels the same.)


    A lot of babbling... So ultimately: Move on. It's not your fault. You've been naive, but this can change - you can change this. But don't fall into a kind of stereotyped thinking.

    Best wishes.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    When I joined this site last year, I got chatting with a person who claimed to be living on the west side of the U.K.

    since march this year we have been chatting all day everyday, I felt that we really was getting to know each other and it got to the point where she would be the first thing I think of in the morning to the last at night,

    I shared everything about myself with her. She got my into trying baby things like a pacifier and a bottle, oh and a onesie.

    But today she suddenly came out with

    "I need to tell you something but pleas don't be mad, really didn't hide this from you to hurt u or anything, it's just that I feel such a loser and I didn't want u to think tht too


    I have been living in a village close to (me) for the last few months, I live with my friend and his mother, they have been helping me to get my life on track and I fell in love with him but that is another story . I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you but I don't know I just felt so stupid cos in on moment I had everything the next moment I had nothing. I didn't want u to think that I was a loser. I'm sorry I didn't told u this before. I understand if u are upset."


    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    I now no longer know if she is or ever has been who she said she was.
    Frankly...you never did know, you made an assumption...IMO


    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    I don't know what to think say or feel, I just want to and am crying.
    Say, think, and feel...what you 'will'...it's what you do with your feelings that gives you direction. Give it time, cry more...if need be...keep talking it out...


    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    I have so many questions and thoughts going through my head it's poison.
    You may need a way to step back, or occupy yourself in other matters...for a bit...


    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    I feel so stupid and insecure and alone.
    How did you feel about yourself before you were introduced to this online persona?


    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    Im thinking that it might be lesson number 2 on don't trust anyone.
    That's always a choice, but where is that going to leave you besides 'safely' alone...?


    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    Am I just being silly or .. I don't know. Can anyone offer me any advice or anything please? Thanks.
    Welcome to life, love, and the pursuits...

    Do we ever get an answer wrong? Likely we do, and 'hindsight is 20/20'...looking back, we may see our silliness in some of our choices, and actions...so yes perhaps you are being silly...

    Emotion tends to ignore linear-logic, and perhaps the other-way around too?

    Find balance between the two...that your heart, and mind may be satiated...

    Sympathies friend,
    Regards,
    -Marka

  4. #4

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    Thank you for your replies daLira and Marka, The ocean part is true I like it, one day soon or whenever maybe I will start to trust again and I know I should not stereotype but 2/2 people I've had feelings for in past 7 years have lied the first one was the worst. Your right I never did know but what is IMO? I did step back and take my mind off it, unintentionally though as I stabbed my hand while cooking, oops, I will give it time, let my emotions settle down and sing with logic once more, apologies for bad lay out, using broken phone and using the tapatalk app for first time. Many thanks once again, a slap with realism and a bit of time is what I need. Hugs.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    Thank you for your replies"..."IMO?"..."..." Hugs.
    You are certainly welcome, IMO=In My Opinion (IMHO-In My Humble Opinion)...and hugs back! -Marka

  6. #6

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    Maybe I'm just reading this wrong (the structure/grammar is a tad confusing) but are you upset that she lives close to you and never told you? or because she fell in love with someone else and didnt return the feelings you grew? in either case, that has nothing to do with "who she said she was" it sounds like she wasn't entirely open about her situation, but I see nothing in your post that suggests she isn't who she claims to be...just trying to understand. >.>

  7. #7

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    No one else here has left anything out that I can contribute. I completely grok the idea of being in constant contact with someone where it means more to you than it does the other. I'm living in a parallel situation where someone has become 'my world' online and realistically I can't ever expect it to advance to an actual physical partnership as much as I yearn for. For me there are just too many variables involved; oceans, hemispheres and continents apart. A considerable difference in ages and social habits. Her job in a typically male-dominated field with on-site lodging. Parents pressuring her to meet someone her age and mine pressuring me to meet a Christian girl. Even though my situation is likely to go nowhere I still fear getting Dear John'ed. It's eventually going to happen and I'm more resigned than prepared for it. Sort of like death I suppose.

    That's me though. The fact that she delayed in bearing the unpleasant information tells me she agonized about it for some time. I want to say odds will eventually be in your favor but time will tell. She feels she's found Mr. Right who in reality is Mr. Right Now. Unless this happens to be someone else she met on ADISC she is going to end up having to hide her true self from him or Disclose And Be Dumped; the best she can hope for is he begrudgingly becomes a Daddy. Not like this intense emotional history she's built up with you; no matter who comes along they won't be able to erase the stamps you've made on her heart. In a way you've already marked her, only nobody else sees it yet.
    What you can do is 'be happy for her, if you love someone let them go, blahblahblah' but also make it subtly clear (oxymoron if ever was one) that you will NOT be anyone's "Plan B". She doesn't get to have her physical wants met with Dude while turning to you to take up the slack emotionally. Nobody gets to have their cake and eat it too. Lest I sound like I'm tearing anyone down: I'm saying YOU (OP) deserve better than a hand-me-down relationship. Don't fall for the LJBF trap

  8. #8

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    imJoShuA it's both tbh she did mention about liking someone but from what she told me he treats her rather badly, ignoring her, breaking promises etc, I had it in my silly head that if o saved up my money I would visit her and show her how she should be treated so I started saving.its that she still says she is who I know but the fact she lied about her situation and where she lived made me question everything. MOPaddED bless for saying I deserve better than a hand me down, if I knew she was actually happy then I would be happy for her. She says (and I would like...I think) to continue being friends. Thank you both for your replies hugs

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by dlboyuk View Post
    a slap with realism and a bit of time is what I need. Hugs.
    I guess you have been slapped in the face already by realism, so a little optimism can't hurt ^_-.
    No joke by the way! But I get that you're hurt, I would be too. Taking a big break cannot hurt, focus on yourself, keeping yourself occupied/distracted, also for coping reasons... In time you're going to look at this with a smile.






    Quote Originally Posted by MOPaddED View Post
    but also make it subtly clear (oxymoron if ever was one) that you will NOT be anyone's "Plan B". She doesn't get to have her physical wants met with Dude while turning to you to take up the slack emotionally. Nobody gets to have their cake and eat it too. Lest I sound like I'm tearing anyone down: I'm saying YOU (OP) deserve better than a hand-me-down relationship. Don't fall for the LJBF trap
    As hard as this is to... do actually and as much as it hurts, I think too that it's the right decision not to be the second choice.



    Quote Originally Posted by MOPaddED View Post
    I'm living in a parallel situation where someone has become 'my world' online and realistically I can't ever expect it to advance to an actual physical partnership as much as I yearn for. For me there are just too many variables involved; oceans, hemispheres and continents apart. A considerable difference in ages and social habits. Her job in a typically male-dominated field with on-site lodging. Parents pressuring her to meet someone her age and mine pressuring me to meet a Christian girl. Even though my situation is likely to go nowhere I still fear getting Dear John'ed. It's eventually going to happen and I'm more resigned than prepared for it. Sort of like death I suppose.
    I'm sorry... nothing you could do one way or another? At least a vacation or something similar, to meet her (while being sure beforehand, that this may not have consequences somehow)... or in the worst case, since you sound convinced that it goes wrong... How about playing it down already to the point of a friendship?

  10. #10

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