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Thread: hi i'm a spouse of a newly outed DL

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    Default hi i'm a spouse of a newly outed DL

    My spouse told me yesterday he is a DL. We talked a long time. We have been together 18 years and was pretty much blindsided yesterday. The idea that he felt he had to hide it from me all this time just breaks my heart. After doing a ton of google searches i landed here. I haven't searched the forums for spousal/friend discussions but wanted to introduce myself as it seems the logical thing to do.

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    Welcome to the community! I'm not completely sure what to say here but if you need any advice or help I'm pretty sure you will be able to get it here. Happy Christmas .

    Craig.

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    Well, let me just say some pointers, some of which he has probably already covered. This doesn't make him some sort of sick creep, Although I suppose you might be able to say it'll add a chance for a bit more variety to your sex-life. And it's not like he told you he had three previous spouses and murdered them all with a spade. There are many reasons why he'd keep it a secret for so long, and I'm sure he told you, or will tell you if you ask.

    But I'll tell you what this ultimately means: He loves you. the fact that he told you, what is most likely, his deepest darkest secret, shows how much he loves and trusts you. Just think if you were him, hated by most of the general public for something you can't help, so you don't let them know, then you find one single person in real life that you feel you can trust this secret to.

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    Welcome to the site. It's really great that you're looking for more information. There aren't many couples here (although as many or more than a lot of other similar sites), but there are people who have gone through the same kind of thing and I think this is a pretty good place to pick up more general knowledge on the subject. The best place for specifics, however, is going to be your partner. Although infantilism seems like this is one coherent thing from the outside, there's a lot of variation, in much the same way as if two people said they like classical music.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HypnoToad View Post
    Well, let me just say some pointers, some of which he has probably already covered. This doesn't make him some sort of sick creep, Although I suppose you might be able to say it'll add a chance for a bit more variety to your sex-life. And it's not like he told you he had three previous spouses and murdered them all with a spade. There are many reasons why he'd keep it a secret for so long, and I'm sure he told you, or will tell you if you ask.

    But I'll tell you what this ultimately means: He loves you. the fact that he told you, what is most likely, his deepest darkest secret, shows how much he loves and trusts you. Just think if you were him, hated by most of the general public for something you can't help, so you don't let them know, then you find one single person in real life that you feel you can trust this secret to.
    thanks for your beautiful reply. it means a great deal to me. I just posted a reply to the "would you tell your spouse" thread. the funny thing about what you just said is the fact that we are gay and have the whole "hated by the general public thing" down! ;-)

    what i find curious is the fact that I cannot find a thread specifically from the spousal/friend perspective. Clearly i'm not the only supportive spouse. im wondering if this forum is not the place for me to be... if not, can you direct me to somewhere that others may not find, i joined this forum since it is the nicest and well moderated one i've found. Thanks!



    Quote Originally Posted by Craig View Post
    Welcome to the community! I'm not completely sure what to say here but if you need any advice or help I'm pretty sure you will be able to get it here. Happy Christmas .

    Craig.
    gosh. i can understand questioning the sincerity of posters due to the sensitive nature of this forum. It never crossed my mind. that said, i can assure you that what we both went through yesterday (see "would you tell your spouse" thread) is very real as is my support for him. thanks for giving me the heads up. :-)



    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    Welcome to the site. It's really great that you're looking for more information. There aren't many couples here (although as many or more than a lot of other similar sites), but there are people who have gone through the same kind of thing and I think this is a pretty good place to pick up more general knowledge on the subject. The best place for specifics, however, is going to be your partner. Although infantilism seems like this is one coherent thing from the outside, there's a lot of variation, in much the same way as if two people said they like classical music.
    thanks trevor! i read a lot this afternoon and have clearly and barely scratched the surface. we talked quite a bit yesterday, but woke up this morning with a zillion questions in my head. he won't be home until late tonight so i more than likely will have to wait until the next night to hit him with the next wave of questions... i posted in the "would you tell your spouse" thread with a better explanation of the situation... thanks for your help, i really appreciate it. ps - although it is the way i am feeling, is my username offensive???
    Last edited by Martin; 09-Dec-2008 at 13:06. Reason: Merging triple post

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    Quote Originally Posted by stunned66 View Post
    thanks trevor! i read a lot this afternoon and have clearly and barely scratched the surface. we talked quite a bit yesterday, but woke up this morning with a zillion questions in my head. he won't be home until late tonight so i more than likely will have to wait until the next night to hit him with the next wave of questions... i posted in the "would you tell your spouse" thread with a better explanation of the situation... thanks for your help, i really appreciate it. ps - although it is the way i am feeling, is my username offensive???
    You can always put up a new thread with your general questions. Bear in mind, we might not be exactly on target with his likes and dislikes or the whys and wherefores, but it might give you ideas. Despite you describing him as a DL, a thread like that would probably go in the Adult Baby section because it's about adult relationship-type stuff or your questions about the whole thing.

    As for your username, doesn't bother me in the least. Everyone's different, but I wouldn't expect it would upset anyone. Lastly, you can reply to multiple posts in one post with the use of the little button to the right of the Quote button. Keeps things tidy without lots of double and triple postings which the forum mods will clean up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    You can always put up a new thread with your general questions. Bear in mind, we might not be exactly on target with his likes and dislikes or the whys and wherefores, but it might give you ideas. Despite you describing him as a DL, a thread like that would probably go in the Adult Baby section because it's about adult relationship-type stuff or your questions about the whole thing.

    As for your username, doesn't bother me in the least. Everyone's different, but I wouldn't expect it would upset anyone. Lastly, you can reply to multiple posts in one post with the use of the little button to the right of the Quote button. Keeps things tidy without lots of double and triple postings which the forum mods will clean up.
    thank you, trevor for giving me some direction! i am clueless. i'm going to tell him that i've been/will be on this forum in the future and i will find it most funny if he is a registered member here!

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    Quote Originally Posted by stunned66
    what i find curious is the fact that I cannot find a thread specifically from the spousal/friend perspective. Clearly i'm not the only supportive spouse. im wondering if this forum is not the place for me to be... if not, can you direct me to somewhere that others may not find, i joined this forum since it is the nicest and well moderated one i've found. Thanks!
    This is probably the best you will find. I don't believe there are any forums just for the partners of *BDLs, and I think you will find this one more comfortable then most. This forum works on the theory of not being creepy extremists or anything and protecting its members, perhaps shown by the fact that Off Topic and Mature Topics are some of the fasted places on the forum. I actually believe there are a few people on site who are just friends of *BDLs, though most of them aren't active posters.

    Username - offensive - not in the slightest. You are fully in your rights to be stunned by this - it can seem like a big change in the person closest to you. As for not telling you, it can be a very difficult thing to do. Some of us have had bad experiences with friends, parents and other people, and for some they just vow to keep it secret. Not to mention when he married you there weren't things like this on the internet (before I was born - eek!). He quite possibly thought he was on his own, or even crazy. The fact he has trusted you now is a big step for him and he is probably looking for support, and ultimately, for you to love him just as much as before.

    Just because he has a diaper fetish he doesn't love you any less. The fact he trusted you is a sign of how strong his love is. Try not to show how you feel about the fact he kept it hidden, or at least let it go a few days or weeks until things settle back down. He is probably feeling quite vulnerable, and been as he has told you, it'll be you he wants support from.

    Feel free to ask questions, we will be more then willing to answer. As Trevor said, Adult Baby would probably be the best forum. You don't know how good it feels that you felt able to come here and ask us about it.

    Hope things work out well for you and that you can both come to terms with it.

    Good luck!

    --- mzkkbprmt

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    yet again, thanks to another wonderful member for making me feel welcome and, frankly, more comfortable here. as for my SO, its not so much a matter of me being stunned by what it is, as it is that he's had to hide this at all. we're gay and the parallels are not lost on me at all. To have struggled through coming out as a gay man and still not being able (for admittedly numerous reasons) to come out as being a DL is what breaks my heart. Its ironic to be in the seat of the person being come out to with such a big "secret." He's such a wonderful, sweet and caring man. Its just the thought of him carrying around such pain/shame... I'm thrilled for him (and us for that matter) to be able to be his complete self with me.

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    I sent you a message offering to answer any questions, but no reply so i can take a hint lol.


    Ok everyone, remember we can learn something from this! Not everyone will take this the bad way, a secret for 18 years may not had been healthy for this man, so just keep in mind this doesn't always need to be our "secret". So stunned66, glad you were able to come to our loving community and get some answers . Maybe you can tell your husband/partner about the community We would welcome him with open arms!

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