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Thread: I need some advice

  1. #1

    Default I need some advice

    Hi,

    I'm sorry for bringing up this subject, as I've seen so many threads about this issue but I feel like I could use a bit of advice here.

    I've told my wife about that whole ab/dl stuff a few years ago. It was one of the hardest things Iíve ever done. She is the only person in my life who I ever told about it. It took me a few times to reveal the whole truth. At first I told her about wanting to wear diaper out of convenience without mentioning my need to regress and without telling her that Iím turned on by it. Only with time I told her all these other parts. In retrospect, I definitely could have done it better.

    My wifeísí reaction, however, was quite equivocal. She keeps telling me that she loves me and she wants to find a way to be part of this. Sheís also saying that she understands why I want sometimes to regress and she wants to be there for me. On other hand she finds me wearing and using a diaper completely gross.

    After I told her about my fetish we stopped having sex. It took a while to reassure her that we can have our normal sex life and that it should be the same way it always was. We got over it. It took me another few months to make a decision not to wear near her and not to mention it. It didnít feel right to confront her with something that makes her so anxious.

    In the past couple of months something has changed. She started to mention diapers in order to turn me on during sexual acts, for example by saying sheíll diaper me. After an orgasm I always donít feel like wearing and she knows that so it became some kind of a compromise. She also told me that maybe if Iíll wear near her sheíll get used to it.

    Iím writing this post now after I took her advice and put one on. Her reaction wasn't that good. She didn't say anything against doing that but I could see that it repulse her. Iím really confused and I donít know what to do. I know that sheís confused too and I feel like confronting her might only make things more complicated. Should I wear more often, until sheíll get used to it (and maybe even learn to like it like) or should I go back to that awkward situation when we both know Iím wearing occasionally only not near her and we donít speak about that?

  2. #2

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    Whatever she might think about this side of you I haven't seen many relationships that have survived with a spouse being completely excluded from something this central. Sharing this with her at her pace seems like the best option to me, but having just recently accepting this part of myself and not sharing with anyone yet it's just based off what I've seen from other's relationships and not personal experience.

  3. #3

    Default

    I know it sounds trivial, but have you considered going to a therapist about this. Maybe a marriage counselor can help you and your wife through it together. It would give you the opportunity to have a conversation mediated by someone so that you can figure out exactly how to proceed.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by incontinentGM24 View Post
    I know it sounds trivial, but have you considered going to a therapist about this. Maybe a marriage counselor can help you and your wife through it together. It would give you the opportunity to have a conversation mediated by someone so that you can figure out exactly how to proceed.
    This is something to think about although speaking about it with a therapist won't be easy for me.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Cauthon View Post
    Whatever she might think about this side of you I haven't seen many relationships that have survived with a spouse being completely excluded from something this central. Sharing this with her at her pace seems like the best option to me, but having just recently accepting this part of myself and not sharing with anyone yet it's just based off what I've seen from other's relationships and not personal experience.
    I agree but I guess I'm not sure what's the right pace for her. On one hand it seems like she wants me to put it on the table and on other hand when I do that the reaction is not good...

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Cauthon View Post
    Whatever she might think about this side of you I haven't seen many relationships that have survived with a spouse being completely excluded from something this central.
    Marriages have survived much worse. The question is not whether or not your marriage will survive. More important are your relationship with your wife and your relationship with yourself. Both have to be healthy for there to be a strong marriage. If you favor the relationship with your wife, then take her suggestions and move slowly introducing the diapers. She may get used to the idea after a time and everything will eventually work out. If she doesn't grow to accept, then you have to weigh her feelings with how you feel about yourself. If you can't live without diapers, and she will not accept them, there is the impasse.

    I think she is curious and is truly in love with you. She may seem repulsed now but if she has encouraged wearing, then by all means proceed. She either becomes used to the idea or changes her mind. Either way you cannot be afraid to communicate with her and ask her how she is handling it.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by TheChicGeek View Post
    Hi,

    I'm sorry for bringing up this subject, as I've seen so many threads about this issue but I feel like I could use a bit of advice here.

    I've told my wife about that whole ab/dl stuff a few years ago. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. She is the only person in my life who I ever told about it. It took me a few times to reveal the whole truth. At first I told her about wanting to wear diaper out of convenience without mentioning my need to regress and without telling her that I’m turned on by it. Only with time I told her all these other parts. In retrospect, I definitely could have done it better.

    My wife’s’ reaction, however, was quite equivocal. She keeps telling me that she loves me and she wants to find a way to be part of this. She’s also saying that she understands why I want sometimes to regress and she wants to be there for me. On other hand she finds me wearing and using a diaper completely gross.

    After I told her about my fetish we stopped having sex. It took a while to reassure her that we can have our normal sex life and that it should be the same way it always was. We got over it. It took me another few months to make a decision not to wear near her and not to mention it. It didn’t feel right to confront her with something that makes her so anxious.

    In the past couple of months something has changed. She started to mention diapers in order to turn me on during sexual acts, for example by saying she’ll diaper me. After an orgasm I always don’t feel like wearing and she knows that so it became some kind of a compromise. She also told me that maybe if I’ll wear near her she’ll get used to it.

    I’m writing this post now after I took her advice and put one on. Her reaction wasn't that good. She didn't say anything against doing that but I could see that it repulse her. I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do. I know that she’s confused too and I feel like confronting her might only make things more complicated. Should I wear more often, until she’ll get used to it (and maybe even learn to like it like) or should I go back to that awkward situation when we both know I’m wearing occasionally only not near her and we don’t speak about that?
    This may or may not be helpful input, but I have some similar arcs in my own life. (my wife can't stand it, and after it became an issue, we took a break from sex.) My reasons for my diaper fetish aren't all that common, or I don't know what they are. But I try and limit how much I wear around my wife, for her sake, and then I deal with the fact that she cannot accept my completely, on it's own level. I would try and keep open communication lines, even if you stopped wearing around you wife. I know it's strange and awkward, but it seems to make a difference. That's all I got, good luck.

  7. #7

    Default

    Something like this is always going to stretch a relationship. The truth is that it must be very hard for our partners to balance how and where they see us in the relationship... let alone 'Who' they might encounter at any given time...lol.

    Seriously though, try to advance gently and perhaps talk with her about some signals that let her know how/who you are feeling like at any given time. I know that when I introduced my secret to my partner, things definitely changed in bed. I don't think it's because she's become indifferent to either my adult self or my regressed self, but more that she's often not quite sure. actually, it's hard for me because I am completely satisfied with the intimacy that comes from either an adult encounter or a regressed one .... bottom line for me is the loving interaction.

    Having said that, it's not necessarily the same for her, and having to interact with my regressed self is a big compromise for her. I try to counter this by being a solid and dependable figure in her life generally, doing all the bloke stuff...generally being her man about the place (even though often I feel like a little kid inside ... we have to be creative and adaptable) anyway, I imagine I'll be with her for a very long time and so I reckon we'll just keep working through it.... pretty sure talking is the key though. I know that she definitely appreciates and needs a man hug as much as I need a mommy hug (we're a friggin complicated lot aren't we....)

    Well, good luck, I dont think it's easy for any of us, but if you love each other, keep trying.

  8. #8

    Default

    Thanks all for replying. I have to find a way to bring this subject up without making the conversation too tensed. Obviously if we could communicate about it freely everything would have been much easier. Don't get me wrong, the reason I told her in the first place was mainly that we have a really open relationship and we discuss everything together.
    I guess that's what make it so hard, that for the first time there's an issue that we find hard to talk about.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by TheChicGeek View Post
    Thanks all for replying. I have to find a way to bring this subject up without making the conversation too tensed. Obviously if we could communicate about it freely everything would have been much easier. Don't get me wrong, the reason I told her in the first place was mainly that we have a really open relationship and we discuss everything together.
    I guess that's what make it so hard, that for the first time there's an issue that we find hard to talk about.
    As hard as it's going to be therapy really is the best way to go here. You will definitely be able to express yourself in a good forum. I hate therapy but I have to suggest because it's a reasonable solution. It will Allow everyone to put everything on the table. If you don't work at this now All that will happen is that you too will become more and more distant and you don't want that!! It's a big step but is it your relationship worth it?

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