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Thread: When Worlds Don't Collide

  1. #1

    Default When Worlds Don't Collide

    I came across an article I thought was interesting and wondered what others might have to say about it: https://medium.com/editors-picks/d96e08176134. I thought the whole story was worth reading but for our purposes, the money quote comes near the end:



    Quote Originally Posted by How To Be an Accidental Pornographer
    And alas, nowhere is the corporatization and commodification of our discourse more evident than in the online commons’ black-and-white treatment of human sexuality. The rise of the privately-held, terms-of-service-governed internet has cultivated a binary view of sex, in which all content is divided into two categories: porn and not-porn. As a result, I can have a G-rated profile on Facebook, and/or an X rated one on Fetlife. But you will not see overlap between those. No one on Fetlife talks about their kids or their day at work, no more than anyone on Facebook talks about putting on a leather pony costume and playing giddyup in the local dungeon on a Saturday night. On Fetlife, you post pictures of your genitals, but not of your face (lest a cousin or co-worker stumble across your profile, presumably), and on Facebook…well, it’s called Facebook, not Assbook.
    This is something that relates pretty directly to my experience, except even more divided than described above. ADISC would fall more into the X-rated zone even though our content is pretty tame. I'd say it deserves its own category, maybe W-rated (for weird). We do talk about life, work, and family here but for most of us, it's a one-way conversation (most of us don't talk to our families much about ADISC), and we may be careful about what we share to avoid being too open.

    I'm not posting this as a problem to be fixed as I don't think it's something with a solution, or at least not a broad one. I'm more curious as to how people have managed the question of balance in disclosure, how it has worked individually and how it hasn't. Any thoughts on the substance of the article are also welcome.

  2. #2

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    I think I understand what they are saying based solely on the info posted (because I am to damn lazy to go look at it.), but I would disagree on a couple of aspects. (Also to keep being honest I have not been on any other sites, but I will be using u-tube as the exemplar)

    Face book is to share with friends, family and 2nd level friends about everything from politics to news or other points of interest. ADISC is a site for people that I will talk to in the realm of therapy, common interest and a secondhand developed friendship that is cloaked in an air of anonymity.

    So I do not think that it is a difference of porn vs non porn, but more of a private vs public acceptability.

    So my point about this is, and like a lot of other things, is there is the things I let be known and there is the stuff that is on a need to know bases.

    Does any one here care if I wear diapers?
    Does it matter?
    The answer to both is NO.

    Do you want to see me dancing around wearing nothing but my diaper?
    It's not going to happen.
    Some people do just that and get judged, which is what they want or are looking for, for some reason. But then it crosses the line of social acceptability, which is a whole different issue.

    Another personal point (and this is all it is intended as)

    Are you Homosexual?
    Does it matter?
    Do I care?

    The answer to the first question is entirely up to you to disclose
    The answer to the last two questions is NO. To demonstrate how much I have changed over the past 10 to 20 years I would even go as for as answering "HELL NO"

    Do I want to see two people going at it on a street corner?
    Do I want you to attempt to persuade be to change?
    The answer to both is HELL NO!
    What you do in private is your business and what I do in private is my business.
    I do not go looking for such images and if I stumble across it. I have to power to turn it off or delete it.

    So I would say there is what I want to tell someone and what I need to tell someone. And it is up to me to decide, just like it is up to "you" as to whether you want to receive it or not.

  3. #3

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    I don't think egor is far off-base from a User perspective: I would never post ADISC links or stories to my Facebook profile (and for related reasons, very likely won't do the reverse, either). On the other hand, Johnson is wrong in her observations, either. From a Creator perspective there is this artificial divide in what is and is not acceptable content that has resulted in a strict division of content types along porn/not porn lines. From a legal standpoint, I can see why Owner's do it that way: the liability concerns alone are nightmarish. But it does create an arbitrary, socially-enforced divide in what aspects of your personality can be made evident in which locations. As I think my way through the reasons such divides began to exist, I think the biggest difference between the dinner conversation and a Facebook post is longevity. If I make an off-color comment at dinner, it ceases to be outside the memories of those who noticed; if I post an off-color comment to Facebook, it's there, always there, until the internet succumbs to heat death my comment will around for everyone to see.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Traemo View Post
    if I post an off-color comment to Facebook, it's there, always there, until the internet succumbs to heat death my comment will around for everyone to see.
    And even then, anyone can always grab a screenshot and keep it.

    Yeah, the divide between clean and not-clean (let alone the porn/non-porn binomy) is pretty clear in my online accounts. In the ones my family and friends know me I am [redacted], in other places I am known as ZodiacPup or something else with Walrus slapped onto it. Maybe my case is more, for the lack of a better word, "special" as in, I live in a zone where acceptation is minimal, and that reflects on the kind of comments my family members express about certain topics (and I have done the same), that and the fact that I'm into many things people, including some people here, are unable to understand. Nothing bad, but also nothing I'm proud of.

    So, if I published anything private in one of my, uhm, personal accounts, first, I'd have to see if there's someone who accepts it, and then I'd have to explain it, so I think it's better to keep that stuff out of those places. However, in the case of my "fursonal" accounts, explanation is at the minimum, and acceptance is pretty high. But then, nobody there seems to be interested in what's going on in my family and my circle of friends, so it's better not to bore their brains out, and that layer of anonimity is always good to have.

    To me, that distinction between online sites is a non-issue. In fact, it is better if it's kept that way. It annoys me when one of my drunk friends post nude videos on Facebook, and, to tell the truth, those are videos I'd look for in other circumstances.

  5. #5

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    So is this why ADISC doesn't have a self photo thread? Cause I found that strangely lacking when EVERY other forum on the PLANET seems to lack one. :P

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyAshes View Post
    So is this why ADISC doesn't have a self photo thread? Cause I found that strangely lacking when EVERY other forum on the PLANET seems to lack one. :P
    I know plenty of forums that don't including several that would get me in trouble if I linked to them here :P

    Personally, none of the forums I run allow such threads, but then all but one also allows under 18s so it's just safer that way.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyAshes View Post
    So is this why ADISC doesn't have a self photo thread? Cause I found that strangely lacking when EVERY other forum on the PLANET seems to lack one. :P
    It would be a dumb thing to have in a public part of the site since, well, once its out there its out there forever, including five-ten years from now (if that) when facial recognition picture searches will be trivial to execute. It would also be a bit sketchy even in a more private forum (like EC+) since at the end of the day the privacy of those areas are only as good as the least trustworthy member that has access to it. The users are always the weak link of any security measures: takes one person to leak an entire "this is my picture" thread.

    Not that people aren't allowed to post pictures of themselves, we are just not keen on encouraging it. Its also something you have to do at your own risk :P

    I've seen fora where people are just as guarded about their personal lives even though the subject is pretty vanila, though. Some people just like being anonymous-ish online.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Near View Post
    It would be a dumb thing to have in a public part of the site since, well, once its out there its out there forever, including five-ten years from now (if that) when facial recognition picture searches will be trivial to execute. It would also be a bit sketchy even in a more private forum (like EC+) since at the end of the day the privacy of those areas are only as good as the least trustworthy member that has access to it. The users are always the weak link of any security measures: takes one person to leak an entire "this is my picture" thread.

    Not that people aren't allowed to post pictures of themselves, we are just not keen on encouraging it. Its also something you have to do at your own risk :P

    I've seen fora where people are just as guarded about their personal lives even though the subject is pretty vanila, though. Some people just like being anonymous-ish online.
    But that's a matter of personal preference. I actually have fun taking ABDL pics and sharing them, including of others. (With permission) I'm trained for film and television production so I can also take a decent photo with my DSLRs. I think ABDL is a kink that is a lot cuter and more visually interesting in ways that are unique from others and it can make for some great visual expression.

    Not all of us need to be buried in the closet afterall.

  9. #9

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    For me, my online lives stay totally separate, as well. Given that potential employers, family, the randomly curious, the government, and anyone else can see one's Facebook content, it just makes good sense to keep that content non-controversial. When it comes to online stuff, it's probably just as well to keep one's life compartmentalized. Frankly, though, I'm at that exact right age where I grew up for a fair chunk of my childhood without the internet, but it came into being early enough that I understand it and can embrace it without issue. Accordingly, I still tend to be much more based in the real-world than I am in the online world. I understand social networking, but I largely just don't care. My perception is that 1983 as a birth year, give or take, is sort of the separating line between those who understand and value privacy online and those who have never known it and/or understood it and/or cared about it. I can often tell just by the things posted to Facebook regarding news items (e.g. the NSA spying on all of us) or even personal lives when the person was born without having to look at the name.

    Many of my friends know I'm an ABDL, and I used to be much more public and open about stuff like this in general (e.g. I used to wear collars in public frequently, I used to be much more actively interested in ABDL activities and some of fetish scene in general, I used to more often attend fetish events). However, real life is the place where any integration of these dual lives that people are too insistent upon maintaining needs to happen. Randomly posting ABDL content or risque content or tawdry activities to Facebook is not going to present a complete picture. It will just make one look like a weirdo or a slut and require considerable explanation later (if such an opportunity is even offered) to people whose perceptions have already been colored by the content they saw. I have no issue with my friends knowing more of these details about me (if I did, they wouldn't know), but they came to find out in real life, where we could have a conversation about it, where they knew me, where we can interact in real time with full perception of moods, level of receptiveness to new ideas, non-verbal cues, and the like.

    I see no reason to remain barricaded in a closet or sequestered from interaction with others because of fear they might judge me. However, there is a difference between revelation of what's in one's closet and dumping its content across the front yard.

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