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Thread: Life has been treating me like crap lately. I just need to talk. .

  1. #1

    Default Life has been treating me like crap lately. I just need to talk. .

    Ok I have been wanting to be more active when I joined but I had a bunch of things happen in my life. I probably shouldn't even post anything like this but I am. I sort of need to talk about it some but other then my wife theres nobody to talk about it to because they don't fully understand my situation and wont listen. Ok so I joined the military and all this. Anyone who read my introduction probally knows this. So for a while life was looking up. I got a new apartment (was homeless before) and I got one of my dream cars. A Nismo 350Z and I have managed to complete some of my more expensive magic the gathering decks and I even got a gaming laptop that is more powerful then my desktop. Me and my wife got to move to California which isn't all bad but isn't all good either. I love the weather and how laid back a lot of the people are. I don't the bad drivers and how California has some stupid law for EVERYthing under the sun. I gotta laugh at all the signs that express health concern. The words "Known to the state of California to blah blah" ,makes me laugh because of how it sounds to me. Its like California knows stuff noone else does. I have several problems stressing me out. Some I know how to deal with while others frankly I dont. My wifes sister came along to find a job here only shes making almost no effort to find one and her car engine died and she still owes money on it. My wife is getting sick of her eating up all our food and doing nothing to help us. She seems to have some sort of hostility towards her sister which makes being around the both of them stressful because I don't know whos gonna snap. I don't think about that too much though as it will probably sort itself out. In the military if your married you get an allowance added to your pay called BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing)It is supposed to pay the rent. That took 2 months to kick in though so now I got nearly 3000$ of racked up debt because the back pay had to be used to fix my car. Within the first month of owning the car the clutch died. Nissan charged me a whopping 1800 in parts and labor combined to fix it. And let me say that my 850$ a month rent was still due and my chain of command requires me to have a cell phone so that was due as well. At the very same time my cell phone broke and I had to spend nearly 600$ to get a new one. Before BAH I was only making 1200$ a month income so these figures are insane. After the BAH I make an extra 1000$ a month but im still having a hard time managing with having to pay all this off and survive keeping current on bills and crap. 2 weeks after getting the car out of the shop things seemed to be going a lot smoother. Pieces were falling into place and BAM I get kicked in the face by life again. Someone runs a stop sign completely taking the front bumper off my car and wrecking my hood and breaking my head lights. Now I had to shell out 500$ for the deductable and another whole 300$ for a rental car! I am still trying to recover from that and the car breaks again within 3 days of having it out of the body shop. A mechanic who works with me says its either the electronic gas pedal or the throttle switch or the computer. None of these are cheap after what just happened. I don't know I am just not sure what to even do anymore. I have had a never ending blaze of this stuff happening for the past 2 years which is why I was homeless in the first place. This is partly why I havent been on as much as I wanted to be lately. I dont know I just thought Id throw that out there and see what outside opinions I can get.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by abkitty View Post
    Ok I have been wanting to be more active when I joined but I had a bunch of things happen in my life. I probably shouldn't even post anything like this but I am. I sort of need to talk about it some but other then my wife theres nobody to talk about it to because they don't fully understand my situation and wont listen. Ok so I joined the military and all this. Anyone who read my introduction probally knows this. So for a while life was looking up. I got a new apartment (was homeless before) and I got one of my dream cars. A Nismo 350Z and I have managed to complete some of my more expensive magic the gathering decks and I even got a gaming laptop that is more powerful then my desktop. Me and my wife got to move to California which isn't all bad but isn't all good either. I love the weather and how laid back a lot of the people are. I don't the bad drivers and how California has some stupid law for EVERYthing under the sun. I gotta laugh at all the signs that express health concern. The words "Known to the state of California to blah blah" ,makes me laugh because of how it sounds to me. Its like California knows stuff noone else does. I have several problems stressing me out. Some I know how to deal with while others frankly I dont. My wifes sister came along to find a job here only shes making almost no effort to find one and her car engine died and she still owes money on it. My wife is getting sick of her eating up all our food and doing nothing to help us. She seems to have some sort of hostility towards her sister which makes being around the both of them stressful because I don't know whos gonna snap. I don't think about that too much though as it will probably sort itself out. In the military if your married you get an allowance added to your pay called BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing)It is supposed to pay the rent. That took 2 months to kick in though so now I got nearly 3000$ of racked up debt because the back pay had to be used to fix my car. Within the first month of owning the car the clutch died. Nissan charged me a whopping 1800 in parts and labor combined to fix it. And let me say that my 850$ a month rent was still due and my chain of command requires me to have a cell phone so that was due as well. At the very same time my cell phone broke and I had to spend nearly 600$ to get a new one. Before BAH I was only making 1200$ a month income so these figures are insane. After the BAH I make an extra 1000$ a month but im still having a hard time managing with having to pay all this off and survive keeping current on bills and crap. 2 weeks after getting the car out of the shop things seemed to be going a lot smoother. Pieces were falling into place and BAM I get kicked in the face by life again. Someone runs a stop sign completely taking the front bumper off my car and wrecking my hood and breaking my head lights. Now I had to shell out 500$ for the deductable and another whole 300$ for a rental car! I am still trying to recover from that and the car breaks again within 3 days of having it out of the body shop. A mechanic who works with me says its either the electronic gas pedal or the throttle switch or the computer. None of these are cheap after what just happened. I don't know I am just not sure what to even do anymore. I have had a never ending blaze of this stuff happening for the past 2 years which is why I was homeless in the first place. This is partly why I havent been on as much as I wanted to be lately. I dont know I just thought Id throw that out there and see what outside opinions I can get.
    First, you need to have a sit down talk with your wife. You are at a point where you can't afford to have her sister live with you. She's going to have to go unless she's will to get any job and contribute. There are always low paying service jobs that are looking to hire.

    You talk about how good things were going, but I noticed they all involved buying "stuff". This is the pitfall of the young. I've been there and done that. Now the bills are due. Had you bought a newer Honda Civic, it would still be running. Automatic transmissions are usually a better deal financially because there is no clutch and thus, no clutch plate having to constantly be replaced. I've been there too. Your car has become an anchor around your neck. I'm guessing you didn't have collision insurance which would have eliminated the repair costs. All these things are important and something you need to air toward.

    As for the phone, is there a cheaper alternative? I do understand having to have a cell phone in your job because all the teachers in my school have to have one, as the schools have eliminated phones to save money.

    You might consider trading your now wrecked car in on an inexpensive lease car. Something has to give so that you can keep your head afloat. I'm sure there are financial advisers in your area. If your bank has one, use them as they would be reputable. If you go to your bank and explain your financial situation, they will work with you, helping you to spread your debts out. I have a financial adviser provided by my bank, but in my case, it's to prepare me for retirement. They work both ways however.

    Lastly, and this is not to bust your chops. Notice how I've divided my text up by using paragraphs. It makes what I have to say more readable. You will get more members responding to your thread if you do the same way. I wish you well in all of this. Having bills you can't pay is one of the very worst burdens one can have. Go to your bank and explain your case. I think they can help you.

  3. #3

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    I would have gaver sister the boot a long time ago but I dont feel right throwing someone under the bus.

    I had full coverage. I got stuck with a deductable. The actual repair cost was upwards of 5000$ I only had to pay 500 of it. The other 300$ was on a rental because I didn't have full rental coverage.

    I would have seeked a cheaper alternative to the phone but my chief did not give me time to look into it. I was told that I had to come in the next day with a new phone and with the car repairs and everything going on at the time it was way too chaotic.

    I have been considering trading this car in on a motorcycle because it would be easier to fix and find parking for.

    dogboy you have a god valid point with the spacing. I did not think about the spacing at the time I wrote it. I will go through and edit it tonight.

  4. #4

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    Jeepers... I'm so sorry to hear about what happened here, abkitty. Life is really giving you a hard time at the moment. :'(



    Quote Originally Posted by abkitty View Post
    I would have gaver sister the boot a long time ago but I dont feel right throwing someone under the bus.
    Don't think of it as throwing anyone under the bus. She is becoming dependent on you... and that makes life a lot more difficult on you. You'll be doing both you and her a favour if you sit down with your wife and talk about the problem, and then the three of you all sit down and talk about the problem. You'll probably have to be blunt, but if it were me I'd say something along the lines of:

    "It is great having you here, but money is really tight for us at the moment. You're more than welcome to stay here for a while longer, but the sad reality is that you will need to contribute to the rent, bills and groceries. Otherwise, we simply cannot afford the pleasure of having you stay with us."

    I don't know what your wife's sister is like, personality wise, so please forgive me if I make any insulting assumptions. Unfortunately, you may need to brace yourself for some passive-aggressive response or a straw-man argument or two. She might interpret what you've said as "You're not welcome, get out" or "We're greedy and we want your money", but I think you just need to exercise some tough-love and be firm, yet fair. Fair to yourselves, and fair to her. I can see that money is bad for you right now, and it would help nobody if you all got evicted.



    Quote Originally Posted by abkitty View Post
    I would have seeked a cheaper alternative to the phone but my chief did not give me time to look into it. I was told that I had to come in the next day with a new phone and with the car repairs and everything going on at the time it was way too chaotic.
    That's understandable. I had a manager once who was a real... well... she was tough. The shower in my flat was leaking out of the wall... the pipe had burst behind the wall and it was leaking into my flat and the flat below mine. I needed two days off from work to get it fixed, so I could be home to let the plumber in and out, and make sure that the plumber didn't do anything dodgy (like steal my panties or whatever it is that creeps do). I didn't have any friends in the area except one, and he was really busy at that time and couldn't house-sit for me. I had the neighbour screaming at me, the building management screaming at me, the real estate screaming at me, and a shower that was spraying water everywhere. Anyway, I approached my boss and told her, and asked her for two days off, and her response was: "You need this job, so if you want to keep this job then you'll need to keep coming to this job. Get my drift?"

    This was a long time ago, and I'm well over it now, but I just wanted to share that story. I know what you're going through, and it's not easy. Sometimes you have to make difficult decisions to keep your job, especially when everything is going to heck around you.



    Quote Originally Posted by abkitty View Post
    I have been considering trading this car in on a motorcycle because it would be easier to fix and find parking for.
    So long as you don't object to it, you could consider a scooter (like a Vespa). They're sometimes not so fast if you need to get out on the highway, but for city-travel they're cheap to buy, small and nimble, and they use very little gas/petrol.

    (If anyone thinks any of my advice is bad, please do say so... I promise I won't take any offense. Seeing abkitty's problems resolved with good advice is much more important.)

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Soda View Post
    Jeepers... I'm so sorry to hear about what happened here, abkitty. Life is really giving you a hard time at the moment. :'(

    So long as you don't object to it, you could consider a scooter (like a Vespa). They're sometimes not so fast if you need to get out on the highway, but for city-travel they're cheap to buy, small and nimble, and they use very little gas/petrol.
    I have to drive on the highway to work on a daily basis. Actully very little of my driving is done on city streets since the highway goes straight to base. Its not a bad thought though I have been considering also one of them little smart electric cars. They look stupid but they are very economical...unless they break then Im not so sure.

    When it comes to work in your situation I would probably have lost that job. When it comes to being blunt thats not hard for me. In person actually I have a hard time keeping myself from offending people. Interoffice politics has never been a strength of mine but I cant say no in the military. If I did I could be tried under article umm I think its article 92 failure to obey a lawful order. Then again though im not sure how lawful telling me how to spend my money really is when it comes to orders.

    I will try talking to my wifes sister but who knows. I know im gonna come off in the wrong way. She is a pretty mellow person but inside she thinks shes always right even if she doesn't say it. She sort of lives in this fantasy world and it worries me.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by abkitty View Post
    I have to drive on the highway to work on a daily basis.
    Ah, well... sorry about that. I thought it worth mentioning anyways.



    Quote Originally Posted by abkitty View Post
    When it comes to work in your situation I would probably have lost that job. When it comes to being blunt thats not hard for me. In person actually I have a hard time keeping myself from offending people. Interoffice politics has never been a strength of mine but I cant say no in the military. If I did I could be tried under article umm I think its article 92 failure to obey a lawful order. Then again though im not sure how lawful telling me how to spend my money really is when it comes to orders.
    I'm surprised that the military would expect you to have a cell phone like that. Mind you, I heard about soldiers having to buy their own body armour during the Iraq conflict, so... I guess I shouldn't be surprised.



    Quote Originally Posted by abkitty View Post
    I will try talking to my wifes sister but who knows. I know im gonna come off in the wrong way. She is a pretty mellow person but inside she thinks shes always right even if she doesn't say it. She sort of lives in this fantasy world and it worries me.
    I guess my only suggestion is to try to be as empathetic and as understanding as possible. I really hope that everything works out okay.

  7. #7

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    They require me to have a cell phone so they can constantly get ahold of me. Even though I am of very little importance to anyone since I don't have any special jobs or anything.

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