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Thread: Master's student with a deep dark secret

  1. #1

    Default Master's student with a deep dark secret

    I've come to accept that I am a diaper lover. I am trying to rid myself of it through therapy and counseling but I'm not sure if it will be successful. I'm a prominent musician in the DFW area and have a potentially exciting career in store for me. But I've had to find my inner peace and accept who I am. Music is my passion, and for most people it's just something to enjoy. But for me, it's deep. It's fascinating. Outside of this fetish, I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm straight and I have had many relationships. But this has been my little secret since I was 10. Let's keep it that way shall we?

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by dldrew89 View Post
    I've come to accept that I am a diaper lover. I am trying to rid myself of it through therapy and counseling but I'm not sure if it will be successful. I'm a prominent musician in the DFW area and have a potentially exciting career in store for me. But I've had to find my inner peace and accept who I am. Music is my passion, and for most people it's just something to enjoy. But for me, it's deep. It's fascinating. Outside of this fetish, I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm straight and I have had many relationships. But this has been my little secret since I was 10. Let's keep it that way shall we?
    Hello dldrew 98 and welcome to the site you have come to the right place to get help and to talk to people. As to myself when I worked I always keep my two worlds apart. I worked with a lot of small minded people. The world is not ready for us. (Sad there loss)! As to you keep your two worlds apart too! You can get the support you need from us. Take care.

    bn3baby

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dldrew89 View Post
    I've come to accept that I am a diaper lover. I am trying to rid myself of it through therapy and counseling but I'm not sure if it will be successful.
    Hey, welcome to the site! I don't want to alarm you, but when I mentioned this to my therapist he said that I almost certainly wouldn't be able to rid myself of such feelings, although (since it's a sort-of coping mechanism for me), reducing stress/anxiety should reduce (if not eliminate) by AB/DL urges...

    I'd be inclined to agree with him. I think this behaviour is too "set in stone" to be eradicated... But I don't see that as a big problem. Everyone is a bit weird! Seriously, humans are all nuts -- its just that they try to hide their craziness from everyone else, so no one ever finds out that everyone else is as crazy as they are! (At least... I think everyone's crazy... maybe it really is just me...).

    Anyway, it sounds like you accept it to some extent, so lets just keep this secret under wraps for now and not worry too much about it, eh?

    Hope you have a lot of fun on ADISC!

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by dldrew89 View Post
    I've come to accept that I am a diaper lover. I am trying to rid myself of it through therapy and counseling but I'm not sure if it will be successful. I'm a prominent musician in the DFW area and have a potentially exciting career in store for me. But I've had to find my inner peace and accept who I am. Music is my passion, and for most people it's just something to enjoy. But for me, it's deep. It's fascinating. Outside of this fetish, I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm straight and I have had many relationships. But this has been my little secret since I was 10. Let's keep it that way shall we?
    We are all mostly normal outside of this. I don't know of any therapy to cure this, it's not something that it can just do away with all together. It's like people trying to beat the gay out of gay people. You can suppress your true feelings to a point but it will never leave. You'll always have that side of you get sparked by simple things like seeing a commercial, or walking by the diaper aisle.

    You should change your therapy agenda to accept who you are, because you are only beating your little side of you that will never really let go of you. It's a part of you and will always will be. How it affects you, is all up to you.

    I'm not saying change and wear diapers full time or anything. You can indulge when you feel it come out. Don't beat yourself up because it can lead to other mental problems. Depression, anxiety, will eventually evolve and worsen the more you call yourself disgusting and so on.

  5. #5

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    I wont say that counselling is a bad thing, it truly is not. Many counselors I know personally have enriched countless patient's lives. But, the way in which psychology deals with sexual fetishes is still rather more than backwards. There is next to no scientific research into most fetishes. Additionally, a lot of psychologists are frankly clueless and apply untested methods from other areas of psychology. I've spoken to many people in mental health about this, all who agree on this point. After-all, most fetishists that get hospitalised are on the extreme ends of the psychological spectrum. This provides no decent information for psychologists to treat you and I.

    Psychology is after-all, one of the newer sciences. I think most would agree society's general view on kink is because of a lack of understanding from the general public and willingness to take part in research. Ironically, this leads to a catch 22 situation. A never ending loop of ignorance.

    I can however assure you from my own personal experience, that if you were ten at the time of your first ABDL occurrence, it is more than likely that this part of you is already ingrained into your consciousness - and permanently. Your brain at this age is after-all like a sponge. Additionally, I know no ABDL's who've been doing it for that long and have managed to permanently do away with this part of their lives. I do know a lot of people who've done damage and ended up at square one however. Feeling shame and contempt for yourself, and aiding these feelings by fighting this part of who you are, only temporarily delays the inevitable. I have seen it time and time and again. Not just with ABDLism. Any number of different sexual fetishes.

    I've been the ear of so many ABs over the years all in your position. While you may be coping well at the moment, age will take care of this. The weight of fighting this part of yourself day in day out, and battling day to day to keep it a secret from all that you love, will take its toll on your character. With each individual, this is expressed in completely different ways. Often, people's character changes in subtle ways barely noticeable over time; however some people's patience with others cracks, others have panic attacks or anxiety disorders, many take it out on loved ones and occasionally something snaps - and things really do go wrong.

    Don't hurt who you are by wrangling with something that doesn't need to be wrangled with. Especially your sexuality. It is one of the few parts of your brain that cannot be changed by will power or psychological counselling. It is primal, and it something you will never have absolute control over. It is something you must accept, and hell enjoy. All sexual fetishes can be enjoyed consensually, legally and non-violently. We all have the great power of imaginative minds, and some of us are lucky enough to have accepting partners to role-play with. Also, we have the wonder of the internet so none of us are every truly alone; an amazing gift this generation has been given. We have forums like this to aid us, advise us and comfort us in times of need. Imagine for a moment what it must have been like as an AB in the 50s?

    You can live with this and be a famous celebrity. I have seen this for myself, more than once. I actually know of one musician, very well known in his genre, who's very much an AB. You can live with this and be a prominent member of society. One of my fur friends knows an MP who's a DL. We are more widespread than you would first think. You just have to be smart about all of this, and learn to accept yourself. Save your strength for secrets. Mental strength spent fighting yourself will do nothing to aid your future endeavours.

    The biggest challenge that you face is to allow yourself these luxuries. To wage battle with societal morals that you've been filled with for as long as you can remember. How bloody that battle is, is completely up to you.

    I was once in your position. I can now tell you with confidence, ABDL is something that I cherish. It's a beautiful, little part of me. Cute and innocent and something that I draw great strength from. It enriches my life, and everyone around me because I can appreciate them better because I allow myself to indulge in fantasy once in a while. Don't let others dictate what is right and wrong. Don't think just because you want to be successful, you have to reject your sexuality. And, be kind to yourself.

    Peace.
    Last edited by Luca; 01-Jun-2013 at 23:15.

  6. #6

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    Hello, dldrew89,

    I so appreciate your post.

    I'm similar in several respects; new to ADISC, an artist type, somewhat internally conflicted about my DL and enjoying therapy.

    I have a therapist who is open and accepting. Much of my therapy has been about other aspects of my life, and I am grateful for my DL parts that allow me to explore, and understand and appreciate my whole self, quirks and all.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by dldrew89 View Post
    I've come to accept that I am a diaper lover. I am trying to rid myself of it through therapy and counseling but I'm not sure if it will be successful. I'm a prominent musician in the DFW area and have a potentially exciting career in store for me. But I've had to find my inner peace and accept who I am. Music is my passion, and for most people it's just something to enjoy. But for me, it's deep. It's fascinating. Outside of this fetish, I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm straight and I have had many relationships. But this has been my little secret since I was 10. Let's keep it that way shall we?
    Hi dldrew89, a very warm welcome from me!

    Tell me more about the music, do you compose? What instruments do you play? What is your favourite genre of music? When you say a potentially exciting career, have you been talent spotted, or something similar, or is there a nice contract looming into the distant or not so distant future?

    Are you studying music or something else?

    DFW, I googled it cuz I'm thick and live in the UK, is that Dallas, Fort Worth?

    With regard to the DL side, I cannot really voice an opinion on the lifestyle itself as I am a diaper hating incontinent person.

    However, with all fetishes etc, it is usually not wise to try and "cure oneself" or to hate oneself for it either.

    You are who you are, and I am guessing you have been so, for at least 13 years, (based on the 89 in your username being year of birth) so it would be very difficult AND detrimental to your mental health to try and "fix it" now.

    I think your best option would be to be your own therapist and try to accept your DLism as a way of life, as being part of who you are.

    I would hate to see you go down the road of ruin by trying to fix what essentially isn't broken.

    Embrace it, enjoy it and LIVE it, you can still do it all in private, no-one ever has to know, unless you become a rock star and dance on the stage in just a diaper, then no-one will know. Even then it will probably be seen as some kind of publicity stunt! Heheh

    I look forward to seeing more of you (not literally) around the forum.

    CV x

  8. #8

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    Welcome! I am post grad, in a kinda important job, and I've been a DL as long as I can remember. Definitely not the end of the world!!

  9. #9

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    I was once a master's student hiding the exact same secret. Welcome!

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