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Thread: Why I will never 'come out'

  1. #1

    Default Why I will never 'come out'

    As an ABDL, I am sad that the only people who are public, are inappropriate 'mascots' and make us, as a community look like either paedophiles or something else not publicly liked (sonmanic) and I feel that if I did (come out ) someone would make a remark similar to what I have just posted...
    id est,


    Blah blah... Stanley... blah blah ... Pædo ...blah blah
    What do you guys think of my (presumably controversial) oppinion?

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheHayleeRaven View Post
    As an ABDL, I am sad that the only people who are public, are inappropriate 'mascots' and make us, as a community look like...
    No one can make me look like anything. I am me. Other people are other people. We may share some interests, but not every football fan is a hooligan; not every gay person is camp; not every black person can dance... (silly stereotypes, but I hope you get the idea).

    I am me. Just because someone does what I do, it doesn't mean that they are me, or that I in some way represent or am responsible for their behaviour.

    But I know what you mean. You don't want to be stereotyped or tarred with the same brush. So... avoid people who resort to stereotypes and don't treat you as an individual.

    Be proud for who you are; not what others aren't.

    If you're embarrassed by other people's lack of discretion... that makes you "better" than them (maybe... sort of... in a way). Just be glad you don't have a massive urge to wear an obviously visible diaper and spend your time rifling through rubbish bins for used diapers (bleurgh!) like some people do...

    Rise above it, my friend! Be the change you want to see in the world!

    (Jeez... these antidepressants must actually be working, huh?)

  3. #3

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    Controversial? I don't think it's controversial at all... it's realistic to be honest.

    Taking this world how it is, or rather how rude, cruel and miserable some people can be, it's better to keep certain things private.
    While I would wish for a world, where you can state your interests and whatever, everywhere without feeling ashamed about it... this idea is delusional.
    It's not that way and it's rather unlikely that it will be that way in the near future... but the hope dies at last, I guess as usual.

    Furthermore private things are private, simply put. People, which are not your friends, don't want to know about things you like in general, especially if they have something to do with something that is sexuel to a certain degree more or less, depending on what you "are".
    Furthermore this case may also be wrong for some friends... so it's for people, which you trust fully. Taking this further, I think honestly, it's wrong to say, that you'll never have a coming out as an *b/dl.
    Someday you will find some person, which you can trust, and which will understand in the end. At least your partner hopefully.... who dares, wins. Though, one should not rush things :p.

    In the end, it's just this way for me. Only my bf, and 2 very good friends know about this, besides 2 other dl's, which I know in private. And I think there's nothing wrong about that.
    The world doesn't need to know about this. It doesn't need to care, also about my IC. And this goes for every other disability, sexuel preferences and everything similar too.
    It's your choice. If you don't want to tell it, it's nothing wrong about it, and I think it's a wise choice, regarding how our world works... so far.

    Surely it's a difference if you need some help, in the case of certain disabilitys, but people have a kind of tolerance level for this... though some tend to make nasty jokes... I can't resist now:
    “If you're really a mean person you're going to come back as a fly and eat poop.”
    ― Kurt Cobain

    In our modern age, people started to accept all kind of different groups, be it just simply if you're homosexuel. However to some degree it's still kinda uncommon to say that you're bi, in my case. People tend to give you a strange look. Furthermore no one from my work would need to know this.
    And in the end, we don't need to forgot that some centuries ago you had big problems, if people knew, that you had a girl or boyfriend from the same gender. In some countries it's still that way, sadly.

    I remember about a thread here on adisc some weeks ago, where someone mentioned, that these are 2 pairs of shoes. They're way too different... I can't tell, I agree to a certain degree, but why couldn't the outcome be the same?
    So that there would be nothing wrong about it, if people would know that you're an *b/dl.... okay now I'm being delusional...

    And now I'm going offtopic... eh. I guess, this is why adisc got a rule against this encouragement for too public stuff, afaik, right? Or I got that wrong.
    On the other side, there always people, which will get this wrong. I had a friend, whom I've been talking about a lot of sexuel related stuff, though i've never been telling him about my ab/dl side, nor my IC. But i've been talking about diapers one time, and he also thought, that this has surely something to do with pedophilia, i.e. the wish, that your partner would be little, speaking figuratively that you're.... together with a kid. It took a lot of patience to state him, that this seems not to be the case, while not telling him, that I'm this way somehow.

    In the end, and the most important thing. I think it's the most rational choice to keep it private, BUT don't cloister yourself. At one point, you may find a person, which is trustworthy and has the right to know it perhaps, if he/she is your girl/boyfriend especially.

  4. #4

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    It depends on what you mean by 'coming out'. There is a world of difference between displaying your little side to the public versus sharing it with someone you know and trust. The general feelings on here are that the former is a bad idea and the latter can be a good thing.

    There's nothing wrong with staying in the nursery, but you can always invite other people in.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by cgh View Post
    There's nothing wrong with staying in the nursery, but you can always invite other people in.
    Beautifully put!

  6. #6

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    I guess my experience won't be quite the same being a women, but I keep mine well hidden from everyone just in fear of being known as a freak. Since being on here I have opened up to my partner - who's more than happy. And a friend of mine who just shrugged and was like 'whatever floats your boat' and we will have a laugh about it.

    I think most of us can understand that perspective - but as others have said - you got to be who you are, and no one else can change that.



    Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

  7. #7

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    Coming out is a little bit different in the ABDL community than the LGBT. Not being an LGBT, I definitely have no claim to facts. However, this is my take on why it is, in most people's opinion including my own, that coming out as an ABDL, other than your partner or prospective significant other, is a "no-no" while coming out as an LGBT is a "yes-yes."

    Let's start with my take on the LGBT community. If you are one of them, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but coming out is usually suggestible to an LGBT because:
    * It is now accepted in society. (I have to add this even though it is not a valid point because argualby, this was a loooong hard fought road for people of this community, and ABDL's could theoretically make it acceptable in society as well.)
    * It affects whom one can have as a significant other (mostly in the case of LGB), and it is not right to have to hide one's partner from family and friends.
    * In the case of transgender, one may have the possibility of becoming another geneder which cannot be hidden very well from family and friends.
    * There is no respectable reason one could argue that one should avoid a known LGBT in public.

    ... in other words, LGBT affects a significant amount of one's visible life, and one's private self will still be respected.

    Now, as for ABDLs, reason's for "no-nos" are typically:
    * The pedophile stereotype is not something that can be reconciled easily in society, but there could be something to be said about it being benificial for people not to risk losing their vigilence over pedophiles for the sake of their children.
    * Hiding it from public in no way affects whom one may have as an SO in public. Now, it is important for one to come clean with all one's paraphileas and fetishes to the SO at a good time before commitment, but 99% of the time, unless there is a real risk of getting "caught" and discression is in no way an option, which is rare, family does not need to know.
    * One can control one's paraphilia enough and still have quite a healthy amount of indulgence. 24/7 ABDLs are rare, even in the cases of 24/7 diaper wearers. Diapers can be kept discrete, and taken care of reasonably well, so no-one has to know. 99% of ABDLs do not need to be out in public in baby outfits.
    * Most non-IC ABDLs (but not all of us, of course) use diapers voluntarily, and people in general, not just non-ABDLS, do not want to know what one does in one's pants voluntarily, or if it turns one on sexually or otherwise.
    * One person of reasonable character can point to a known ABDL and wonder if they will smell like used diapers, and could understandibly not be comfortable with them in public. Even among us ABDLs, would any one out there be comfortable being near someone who does not care what others in Walmart think, thinking that they might take things a step further and be negligent in their hygene?

    I might get a flame-a-thon as a response and if I am wrong, I appologize and you have my permission to correct me. But I really think it is valid to say that in most cases of ABDLism, there is no "need to know" among non-ABDL friends and family. If you must tell someone vanilla, tell your shrink. That's what I did.

  8. #8

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    Just for clarification, I meant SO, or very trusted friend, and I'm glad that you guys replied, I'm not known IRL for making good decisions!

  9. #9

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    I tend to agree with the general opinion of the thread... there's no great value to displaying one's self in public versus being yourself in private. There is a certain amount of social stigma which, however unacceptable its existence may be to those of more enlightened mind, does unfortunately have to be dealt with. Similar issues exist for transgenders like myself, and to a much lesser extent these days, GLB (also like myself).

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by HokieABDL View Post
    * Most non-IC ABDLs (but not all of us, of course) use diapers voluntarily, and people in general, not just non-ABDLS, do not want to know what one does in one's pants voluntarily, or if it turns one on sexually or otherwise.
    * One person of reasonable character can point to a known ABDL and wonder if they will smell like used diapers, and could understandibly not be comfortable with them in public. Even among us ABDLs, would any one out there be comfortable being near someone who does not care what others in Walmart think, thinking that they might take things a step further and be negligent in their hygene?

    I might get a flame-a-thon as a response and if I am wrong, I appologize and you have my permission to correct me. But I really think it is valid to say that in most cases of ABDLism, there is no "need to know" among non-ABDL friends and family. If you must tell someone vanilla, tell your shrink. That's what I did.
    To me, this is one of the biggest reasons for not coming out to the public, that and looking silly dressed up in a diaper and a baby bonnet. Why would anyone think that the public would accept this. What happens is that they first point and laugh, and then walk away disgusted. We probably tend to do it toward other different quirks that we neither feel nor identify with. Some things are simply not meant to be shared with a public that is not especially capable of understanding that which they don't themselves feel and experience.

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