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Thread: The fugitive life of an LBDL

  1. #1

    Default The fugitive life of an LBDL

    That glorious feeling I got after looking at some desperation scenes from movies and realising that the door to my room was opened for a few minutes. It's midnight, but I might have been seen. It's "only" my parents, but still.

    I feel like the filth I have been watching. I fantasize about my own future suicide twenty years from now, when I will reach that critical point where the outside world would find out I like to watch other guys do it in their pants. This day and age you don't have any privacy. If someone wanted to destroy me is hire some mediocre detective and yes! my life is over.

    Why must I live like a fugitive? Why do I have a secret that if it gets out, people will assume me to be a pervert, a child molestor... Though no legal alligation can be made about me, I must live in fear. The constant fear of someone willing enough to destroying me.

  2. #2

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    Its really how society is set up,, either we are considered incontinent or as you've described above as a pervert. A lot of people relate our type of fetishes to the many cases of sexual offenses. Its not your fault, its just the way sexual activities are seen in todays society.

  3. #3

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    Dark place for a sunny Sunday afternoon. I think I'm as or more private than the next person or ABDL in this case. I would find public exposure to be awful both in the sense of my private life made public and this particular kink that doesn't play too well with the general public. Having said that, I don't think it's reasonable to let that fear run my life. I will be mortified if I wind up on the front page of the city newspaper or TV or relevant blogs (it would take a slow news day, but we're talking some kind of worst case scenario) but I still have a life to live. I'd explain it to those who cared to hear and let the others think as they wish. Being able to share this with others is worth the risk of discovery and what I have gained from it would help me be strong enough to bear it.

  4. #4

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    Wow. You sound pretty uncomfortable with who you are. :-/

    My therapist talked about the "external locus of evaluation"... where you feel that your "value" comes from the way that other people see you.

    "If they knew what I was thinking about, society would be disgusted and horrified! Everyone else seems so normal! I'm a freak! Eeek!"

    I find it hard, but sometimes you have to believe that you should be the one who judges yourself; not other people who don't really know the "real" you. No one knows what it is like to be you, so who are they to judge?

    Not only that, but you don't actually know what people would think of who you "really" are. Sure, some people are dicks who would mock and ridicule others for their harmless choices... but you have to ask why anyone would do that. What do they have to gain...? Mostly, they're so unable to accept themselves and so worried that society would be disgusted and horrified with them (if they could see who they "really" are) that they divert attention away from themselves by pointing out others to ridicule. But those aren't the people to surround yourself with.

    There are many, many people who, although they might think it a bit odd, would be quite relieved if you told them about your little quirks. "Wow! Really?!", they might say, "You'll never guess some of the weird things I like to do!". Try to find these people and share your life with them!

    Not everyone you come into contact with has to know everything about you. I'm sure you don't want your parents finding out about your "secret" interests... but then, you probably don't want to discover your mother's penchant for large dildos and your father's secret desire to be spanked.

    I found my still-happily-married father surfing for porn once (not even slightly pretty ladies! ). Was I disgusted with him? Did I think he didn't love my mother? No. I simply decided that such things aren't really any of my business, that he's a responsible adult that I know and love beyond measure, and his interests that have nothing to do with my relationship with him aren't in any way relevant. Not every person would react the same. But many would. Many people would accept quirks that don't directly affect your relationship with them.

    Be discreet, but don't shut yourself away from the world because you are so scared of revealing your true self. You only need to reveal yourself slowly, only to those who "need" to know (in order to have a more intimate relationship with), and only to people you trust and respect.

    You obliquely talk about suicide. If you're even thinking distantly about such things, it sounds like you're considering just "writing off" life. If that's the case, what have you got to lose? Isn't it best to see whether your fears (that everyone would find you disgusting and ostracise you if they knew what you really thought about) are true before assuming the worst? Please don't act as if not being accepted is a foregone conclusion. Things can change. Places, situations, people, thoughts and fears can change. And maybe things aren't as bad as you thought. Imagine just the possibility of being accepted... Don't throw away every opportunity you have to attain it.

    Maybe... no one really cares what you get up to in private, or what thoughts go through your head. Maybe they're all too pre-occupied with their own disgusting perversions, irrational behaviours, emotional neediness, etc. to have any time at all to even be thinking about your personal secrets...

    Sorry if this doesn't help... I've had a few beers and am rambling a bit... But... please don't hate yourself. I've been there, done (and still do) that, but it's not the answer. Psychotherapy has (despite my pervasive cynical scepticism!) helped me overcome some of my fears about myself and of society's supposed "values". Have you considered seeing a therapist?


  5. #5

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    I'll be brief here, but how many people are "all that" that their condemnation means anything! Wearing diapers is not the most important thing we do with our lives. Live a good life, and the little quirks won't add up to very much.

  6. #6
    CrinklySiren

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    honestly, just accept and learn to love yourself, once you do that, this whole thing becomes a part of you and not ALL of you, the more trouble you have accepting it the more you will binge/purge. Also, as life continues, hopefully you can see that people will always have something to say, so the best thing to do is just ignore them and live your life. You don't HAVE to live as a fugitive, you just can't be afraid to live as a free person. Honestly (and excuse my language) FUCK what people think, most people who would look down on you for what you do are either jealous or ignorant and don't want to be educated, and those who do are the ones you have to pay attention to. Honestly, i stopped caring what people though maybe 5 years ago, and since then I have gained so many friend that I can actually call friends, people who care about me and treat my ABDL life as if it were an every-day thing. Life is too short to "pretend" you're normal, and the people who say they are normal and we are not are just trying to be happy with the lie they've created about themselves >_> NO ONE is normal, so be proud that you are who you are and that (unlike everyone else) you arent afraid to admit it

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by some1 View Post
    That glorious feeling I got after looking at some desperation scenes from movies and realising that the door to my room was opened for a few minutes. It's midnight, but I might have been seen. It's "only" my parents, but still.

    I feel like the filth I have been watching. I fantasize about my own future suicide twenty years from now, when I will reach that critical point where the outside world would find out I like to watch other guys do it in their pants. This day and age you don't have any privacy. If someone wanted to destroy me is hire some mediocre detective and yes! my life is over.

    Why must I live like a fugitive? Why do I have a secret that if it gets out, people will assume me to be a pervert, a child molestor... Though no legal alligation can be made about me, I must live in fear. The constant fear of someone willing enough to destroying me.

    Seems you're really not enjoying your life. By my experience, I was in the same (but never think about kid's molestor, just I never seen them as object of my strange vicious) and I thought about rejectd my AB/DL part. The thing is: It doesn't work: No psychos, no drugs, no alcohol... Everything of this doesn't work. Finally I accepted my strange side and started enjoy my life. However, there was something: I was forced to leave my mama's home. And later what: My life ??? Enjoy !!!

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by CrazySmoker View Post
    (but never think about kid's molestor, just I never seen them as object of my strange vicious)
    It's alright, neither have I, but being an ABDL is a thing prone to some explosive misunderstanding. It's not me I'm worried about at all, it's the stupid general public. The general, gossiping public.



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    how many people are "all that" that their condemnation means anything! Wearing diapers is not the most important thing we do with our lives. Live a good life, and the little quirks won't add up to very much.
    Well, I have intentions to become a musician, and it's quite a public thing.

    I'll learn to live with it. In the mean time I shall make an effort to come up with figgin' different usernames for my vanilla life and ABDL life.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by some1 View Post
    It's alright, neither have I, but being an ABDL is a thing prone to some explosive misunderstanding. It's not me I'm worried about at all, it's the stupid general public. The general, gossiping public.


    Well, I have intentions to become a musician, and it's quite a public thing.

    I'll learn to live with it. In the mean time I shall make an effort to come up with figgin' different usernames for my vanilla life and ABDL life.
    I guess you know I'm a graduate of Westminster Choir College, and am a Methodist Minister of Music. Because of this, I have been very careful to conceal my love of diapers. We do have to live in the world and more so, the work world. That doesn't mean that liking diapers makes us any less of a person. Be glad it's only that. I had a good friend who was manic depressive. He didn't chose this condition anymore than we chose to like diapers, but his situation was different. One day he waited until his wife and two children went out for a walk. I had both kids in my church choir. Once gone, he walked out to his back yard with the shotgun and ended his life. He wasn't responsible for the hurt he caused to his family. He was mentally ill. I can't believe God loved him any less. He had little control over his condition.

    I could chose not to wear diapers, but it would make myself miserable. Wearing doesn't hurt anyone. My wife thinks I'm the silliest person she knows, even more silly than my plushies, and believe me, they are very silly. She accepts me and I know God accepts me. He accepts me because I'm a good person, and I try to help others. I'm loving to the kids I teach and I make a positive difference in their lives. So what's more important?

  10. #10

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    Wow Dogboy, what a sad story,but great advice.
    I too have expectations of becoming famous, at least locally.
    I choose to focus on the positive aspects of being DL and use it to cope with the pressures of life.
    Keep it a secret and fully accept it for its strangeness, but remember that's what makes you the same musical genius you are.

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