Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Kinda buzzed and just blah...

  1. #1

    Default Kinda buzzed and just blah...

    For any/all that are involved in a relationship/marriage: How do you deal with a significant other that you thought was accepting/understanding and found out that really isn't the case? I thought my fiancee was ok with me and my dl tendencies but time and our conversations have shown that really isn't the case.

    I'm just so frustrated. Not with her, but with the situation. We've talked about it and she seems to have little to no interest in wearing or discussing. I don't want to force anything on her but long for us to wear or her to change/care for me.

    I know she cares for me outside of that but now it's starting to stand out. I almost feel ashamed for wanting to wear or if I bring it up. Is this common?

  2. #2

    Default

    There is such a world of difference between having an SO accept your wearing diapers, and thinking she/he would want to wear diapers. The fact that we are such a small group out of the population should suggest that one's partner is not going to have these strange and unique feelings that we possess. Sometimes, the most you can expect is acceptance.

    When an SO doesn't share these desires, they're also not going to understand them. My wife says I'm the silliest person in the world, but she treats me very nicely, considering. She'll sometimes treat me like a toddler, especially on days she knows I'm "in the mood". She'll put notes in my lunch that have a stick on picture, often of an animal, and she'll write a little rhyme, such as "little dogboy..." etc, of course, using my real name.

    What I'm saying is that you have to take things in small degrees. Thinking that your SO is going to want to wear a diaper, or ever will, is a very big stretch. They may very well resent the suggestion, and then you're losing ground instead of gaining. For most married or paired diaper lovers, they do their thing on their time, and spouses try to look the other way. That's often the best case scenario. This is something you will have to talk out, and see what's either comfortable for her, or if not that, tolerable.

  3. #3

    Default

    Have to agree dogboy, I think that th OP is expecting too much. My partner is awesome in that she accepts who I am and what I do, heck she even finds it a little cute, but would she ever wear, for that matter would I even consider asking her, nup and nup. So OP be grateful that she is cool about you being DL and look after her.... If anything else ever happens, naturally, kudos for you bro. But you know it will be a bonus.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    My wife says I'm the silliest person in the world, but she treats me very nicely, considering. She'll sometimes treat me like a toddler, especially on days she knows I'm "in the mood". She'll put notes in my lunch that have a stick on picture, often of an animal, and she'll write a little rhyme, such as "little dogboy..." etc, of course, using my real name.
    That's just soooo cute! She sounds awesome! :-)

  5. #5

    Default

    I'm kinda in the same situation. I feel weird doing baby stuff around my girlfriend. I doubt she will ever "baby" me at all which I find upsetting because we both say we want to marry each other. There are some times where I wish I could just give up this part of me and just be "normal" but it's so hard. Since I'm kinda stuck with you in this one I don't really have advice to give. Stay strong and positive.

  6. #6

    Default

    First of all, I want to respond to the OP, and share with him that I understand his concerns.

    Although we often wish that our life could go exactly as we might desire. The reality is that all too often it does not. The primary reason for this is that everyone who exists in our universe has their own thoughts and desires, which sometimes parallels our own, and then sometimes not.

    You cannot wish your desires to be fulfilled by your significant other. I'm sorry, but that is a reality of life. --While there are some who have posted here on ADISC seem to have been fortunate to do so, I would guess that the likelihood that persons who have an AB/DL interest that find this interest to shared by their significant other is relatively low.

    So what should you do? Do you try to seek out someone else who would fulfill your fantasies and share in your desires?

    As one who has been married for over two decades, I want to share with you my perspective. I think you would be foolish to do so.

    Hopefully you will recognize that happiness doesn't just come from wearing and participating in AB or DL activities. What real happiness means is to find acceptance in who you are and appreciate the full experiences of life. There is a lot more of happiness in life than just what is experienced in being AB/DL!

    If you find that your Significant Other (S.O. from this point forward) brings you happiness in many of your other aspects of life, try not to worry about the AB/DL side of things. If your AB/DL interests are a source of contention, then let these things be. If you feel you need to find relief in your AB/DL self, then do so in a manner that doesn't have to involve your S.O.

    --In saying this, I am not promoting being deceiving or anything, as that will likely only result in heartache and other problems. But, the fact is, your AB/DL interests are real and there has to be some resolution of this desire.

    If you find that in having these interests you need to find a release, do so in a manner that may not cause contention between both of you, Then, on the other aspect, try to especially nurture the sensual relationship that you have with your S.O. and make certain that they understand your feelings towards them. Otherwise, you are headed for trouble.

    Being in a relationship myself for over twenty years with someone who sometimes shares in this interest and then other times actually seems to hold it against me . . . I can only all too honestly relate with your feelings. However, I have found happiness in sharing in my AB/DL interests when she is interested herself, and then being more private when circumstances seem that these interests are not mutual.

    Well, that is perhaps more information than you were after, but I hope that in sharing these thoughts it may be helpful to you in your situation. Lord knows that I could have used some of this advice myself many years ago. Thank heavens that things have somehow worked out despite myself.

    I hope that this may help you in your situation. Feel free to PM me if I can be of any other help. Good luck and God Bless you in your situation.

    Sincerely,

    Teddy Bear Cowboy


  7. #7

    Default

    dogboy, thanks for your view on the scenario. We've talked about it some in the past but it turned into an argument.

    - - - Updated - - -

    ozbub and dommy, thanks for your posts. I am grateful that she is cool with me being a DL, I just wish I could be that way around/with her sometimes. I disagree with you on the "normal" thing though dommy. I think there's a reason we all have these wants/desires (who knows how or why though). I know I've been interested in diapers since I was in like 1st grade... it just turned into more over time.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Teddy Bear Cowboy, I appreciate your reply the most. I know that happiness isn't just DL activities (totally agree), but I think sometimes I'd be happier if I could share something so personal and that I get excitement/enjoyment out of with her - it'd be like the cherry on a sundae. If you don't mind my asking, how did you wife take it when she found out? With as many AB/DL sites as there are you think someone would've made a support group for understanding SO's who are AB/DL by now. I think my fiancee would benefit greatly from seeing I'm not the only one like this and having someone in a similar situation to discuss with (I know it has to seem weird/foreign/frustrating to her at times). Anywho, I want to thank you again for your honest insight.
    Last edited by dl1036; 23-Apr-2013 at 12:59. Reason: mistype

  8. #8

    Default Don't accept what you don't feel okay with!



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    Although we often wish that our life could go exactly as we might desire. The reality is that all too often it does not. The primary reason for this is that everyone who exists in our universe has their own thoughts and desires, which sometimes parallels our own, and then sometimes not.

    You cannot wish your desires to be fulfilled by your significant other. I'm sorry, but that is a reality of life.
    While I agree that no two persons have completely the same interests and that there will always be differences, I strongly disagree with the second-to-last sentence. Of course you can wish your desires to be fulfilled by your significant other! That is the entire idea and motivation behind a relationship for me! If a relationship does not fulfill my desires (at least some of them), why would I want it? Why would it be better than staying alone if I was still so unfulfilled, even when I am in a relationship? To be honest, I would never enter a relationship that does not fulfill some desire, even if it is just the desire to be with that person.



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    --While there are some who have posted here on ADISC seem to have been fortunate to do so, I would guess that the likelihood that persons who have an AB/DL interest that find this interest to shared by their significant other is relatively low.
    Looking at demographics, that is unfortunately very true.



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    So what should you do? Do you try to seek out someone else who would fulfill your fantasies and share in your desires?

    As one who has been married for over two decades, I want to share with you my perspective. I think you would be foolish to do so.
    I must admit, I cannot provide that much perspective as I have not been married yet and not been in a really long term relationship. However, the last relationship I had was great. It didn't work in the end, but that was not because of the ABDL thing. In contrary, this was something that we both liked and indulged in. I must say, I have never before (and after) felt such happiness in my life, as when my little side was not only tolerated or accepted, but even actively wanted and loved! Loved as an important part of me, needed by my partner to fulfill their own desires and thereby also fulfilling mine. This has been such an amazing experience, that I am afraid I am hooked. Right now, I don't see any way I can have a relationship where my little side does not play an important part and is not engaged by my partner. I think, having to put him in the closet and only be little when I am alone would not be good for me. This is a very important part of me and knowing that the person I love most, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, does not like this essential (and even defining?) part of me, would, I think, break me.



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    Hopefully you will recognize that happiness doesn't just come from wearing and participating in AB or DL activities. What real happiness means is to find acceptance in who you are and appreciate the full experiences of life. There is a lot more of happiness in life than just what is experienced in being AB/DL!
    Sorry, but what you are saying sounds too generalising in my ears. Yes, there is happiness in other things than in ABDL activities. However, in a relationship, I draw most of my happiness from knowing that I am loved, that someone cares about me. As I said before, my little side is a very important part of me and a part that can experience happiness much more intensely than the adult part. It might be that this is different for you. But for me, sacrificing all the happiness I can draw from my little part being engaged and taken care of will take a very relevant part of the fun in the relationship away from me. This is an important desire (s. above) that I want to see fulfilled in a relationship to be able to find this relationship rewarding.



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    If you find that your Significant Other (S.O. from this point forward) brings you happiness in many of your other aspects of life, try not to worry about the AB/DL side of things. If your AB/DL interests are a source of contention, then let these things be. If you feel you need to find relief in your AB/DL self, then do so in a manner that doesn't have to involve your S.O.
    I'd make a slightly different suggestion: Do what you feel is right. If you feel, this is an important part of yourself and you do not want to just be tolerated, then get out of there. You alone can make the decision how important this is for you. Don't let people tell you that this necessarily is something that you can just shove on a small time slot of your own time. It's fine if that works for you, but try to find that out for yourself and don't take it for granted.



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    --In saying this, I am not promoting being deceiving or anything, as that will likely only result in heartache and other problems.
    Fully agree with this. Whatever you do, don't deceive your partner about it. Try to work out what will work for the both of you and be open about it. Don't make compromises that make you severely unhappy or that you are not intending to honour.



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    But, the fact is, your AB/DL interests are real and there has to be some resolution of this desire.

    If you find that in having these interests you need to find a release, do so in a manner that may not cause contention between both of you, Then, on the other aspect, try to especially nurture the sensual relationship that you have with your S.O. and make certain that they understand your feelings towards them. Otherwise, you are headed for trouble.
    Sorry, but you make it sound like some sort of embarassing illness that needs to be treated in private and without disturbing anyone. Like telling someone to only pop their pimples when nobody is around. We all know it needs to be done, but you don't want anyone seeing you while you're at it.

    As I said above, for some people this might be an important part of who they are. I would honestly feel rejected and offended by any partner who would tell me to please keep them out of whatever it is that I need to do to find "resolution" or "release". Think about what you find very important or defining about yourself and imagine your partner telling you to do it only when they are not around. How would that make you feel? Would you still think they are the right partner for you?



    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBr_Cowboy View Post
    Being in a relationship myself for over twenty years with someone who sometimes shares in this interest and then other times actually seems to hold it against me . . . I can only all too honestly relate with your feelings. However, I have found happiness in sharing in my AB/DL interests when she is interested herself, and then being more private when circumstances seem that these interests are not mutual.

    Well, that is perhaps more information than you were after, but I hope that in sharing these thoughts it may be helpful to you in your situation. Lord knows that I could have used some of this advice myself many years ago. Thank heavens that things have somehow worked out despite myself.
    As stated above, I don't have as much experience as you do. Maybe it's just my youth, but I am not ready to give up on finding someone who really loves me for who I am. I don't judge people who have settled for being accepted – if you are happy with that, I am all for it! But please don't assume this is the way to everbody's happiness.


    Sorry for the long rant and for countering you directly, TeddyBr_Cowboy. These are some thoughts which I have had several times when reading responses like yours. I'm sorry if I offended you, this is nothing personal. You just happened to be the one on my screen when I had some time on my hands.
    Last edited by CaptainFelix; 25-Apr-2013 at 01:26. Reason: apologize to the right guy, actually, fix title, typo

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainFelix View Post
    Sorry for the long rant and for countering you directly, TeddyBr_Cowboy. These are some thoughts which I have had several times when reading responses like yours. I'm sorry if I offended you, this is nothing personal. You just happened to be the one on my screen when I had some time on my hands.
    CaptainFelix,

    No, I am not offended. I respect that others have differences in opinions and have a right to disagree. You also make some very good points of your own and I think that perhaps the way I phrased some of my original comments may have led me to be misunderstood on a few things.

    While I am not going to make a play-by-play analysis of your response to my response, there are a few things that I would like to clarify. Hopefully this will make a little more sense to what I previously said.

    One of the concerns that I heard from you was my comment that "You cannot wish your desires to be fulfilled by your significant other." I think that this may have been taken out of context from what I was actually trying to say. In the statement preceding this, I commented that "everyone has their own thoughts and desires". What I was trying to say was that by simply wishing that your desires to be fulfilled by your significant other doesn't mean that it is going to happen. If your S.O. isn't into AB/DL stuff and doesn't want to participate, simply hoping this to change or wishing it to happen likely will not work (unless you have pixie dust or are a master of hypnosis).

    So yes, I could have better phrased my comment as, "You cannot simply wish your desires to be fulfilled by your significant other and by so wishing cause this to happen " --And as I said, I am sorry, but that is a reality of life.

    However, communicating your desires and providing a give-and-take between both of you might make a difference. As as some others have wisely posted on this thread, hopefully having this communication will at least create at least a feeling of acceptance towards your interest. If it does not, then that is indeed unfortunate.

    I hope that clarifies a little bit better of what I was trying to say. I certainly agree with you that a person should want "or wish" that your significant other to fulfill your desires. As you said yourself,"if not, why be in a relationship in the first place?" But if you are in an existing relationship that you otherwise value, I would hope that you can be cognizant of their desires as well. This could be that they don't really feel comfortable participating in AB/DL activities and they might wish for you to fulfill their desires to not ask them to do so. --Just a thought.

    --One last comment. My initial observation could perhaps have better pointed out what I was trying to say about AB/DL and its involvement in a relationship. While my little self too is a very important and real part of me, there are other things in my relationship with my wife that I personally feel are more important. (In others words, if I can't have everything I desire in a relationship, what is it most that I would want?) These include things such as:

    • How do she and I get along?
    • Do we share most of the same interests?
    • Do we share a mutual trust of each other?
    • Are our thoughts about family and our children the same?
    • Does she make me a better person, and do I make her a better person too?
    • Do we enjoy being together?
    • Are we happy when we do things together?
    • Is she someone I can confide in?


    I'm not trying to downplay the whole AB/DL thing. --And no, I do not think it is "an embarrassing illness that needs to be treated in private and without disturbing anyone" But the fact of the matter is that this interest is uncommon and different. As such, most to not understand it, and many perceive it in a negative light.

    : Hence, I think the relationship where both partners share equally in these interests and/or actively seek to fulfill this interest for their partner is quite uncommon. And, if that partner also meets most or all of those other qualities that you may want in your partner in how you find lasting happiness, this is very uncommon indeed.

Similar Threads

  1. Blah
    By Babykitty55 in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 17-Jun-2011, 20:11
  2. I'm new.. Kinda :)
    By Jessah in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 22-Dec-2010, 19:24
  3. Kinda new?
    By shomurio in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 03-Oct-2010, 17:07
  4. Hello! New... well Kinda
    By pttdw in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 22-May-2010, 21:04
  5. Blah.
    By Boogeyman in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 10-May-2010, 23:28

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.