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Thread: My gf is showing signs of regression.

  1. #1

    Default My gf is showing signs of regression.

    I need some advice.

    A few months ago, I began dating a girl who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Itís complicated, so I wonít go into super detail on it, but she has constant breakdowns and is largely unable to cope with the real world. She had a very traumatic childhood because of heavily abusive parents.

    Recently, Iíve begun to notice she often ďregressesĒ and begins acting as a 4 year old for long periods of time. She talked about it to her therapist today who said that it happens as a way of coping with the world and going back to a time when you felt safe and comfortable. Sound familiar?

    So my question becomes, should I introduce her to my AB/DL side? I obviously donít want to add any more pressure to her or put more stress on her plate, but I also wonder if finding a way to take it to a greater extreme would help her. I really donít know. I wasnít planning on telling her until we were more established as a couple and she had stabilized a bit more, but what do you guys think?

    Quick side note: Sheís a very open sexual person (as in Iím pretty sure I could get her to try anything once) and Iíve always thought it was important to share this side of myself with whoever I am intimate with. She also knows I have a secret and has not pushed at all to find out what it is because she trusts that I will tell her when the time is right.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2

    Default

    Poke the topic with a stick and see what happens.

  3. #3

    Default

    You know what. As unstable as she is, the way she relates to you /appears/ to be stable, so I think she is more likely to be able to handle it, and in all honesty, if she did actually want to get on the bandwagon, (here's hoping for that) the best case scenario is that this could be something you guys could share together and bring you closer.
    In the worst case scenario, she wouldn't like it and just let you continue being as you are without participating.

    Even if you aren't as established as you like, since she is someone you want to get intimate with, if you feel comfortable enough and are prepared for all outcomes, it might be a good thing to get off your chest.


    And I'm usually not a proponent of telling, mind you!

  4. #4

    Default

    I would tell her. If she rejects you, then maybe she's wouldn't have been the best long-term partner choice anyway. But tell her slowly and softly, don't just show up suddenly in full baby-gear!

    This part is interesting...



    Recently, I’ve begun to notice she often “regresses” and begins acting as a 4 year old for long periods of time. She talked about it to her therapist today who said that it happens as a way of coping with the world and going back to a time when you felt safe and comfortable. Sound familiar?
    I still can't figure out how to quote just one block of text yet without just erasing stuff or typing in /quote myself. ANYWAY - that's the opposite for me. My toddler years were awful. I never felt safe. I never WAS safe. I spent most of my time hiding in closets and stuff. I think I regress back to that age because I want to do it RIGHT. ... See, NOW I'm safe. I'm finally safe. So if I'm little here and now, it'll be okay. No one's going to hurt me. Or it's just that I'm going back there to relive trauma. Someone told me once that the brain tries to recreate traumatic events all the time .... something like a practice test just in case it happens again. My brain hasn't figured out that I won't ever been a helpless toddler with alcoholic parents again, so I guess it wants to keep practicing in case it pops up. I don't know. Maybe these are things to keep in mind, in case your GF's history wasn't awesome at four. These are other reasons for why she's regressing.

    So, if you bring it up, I'd also suggest not bringing up sexuality. It'll be kind of confusing, or possibly you'll get a negative reaction. Traumatic regressions can be far different than typical sexual-AB regressions. If she brings it up and asks you if it's a fetish, then you could maybe tell her? I just think it might freak out someone who's regressing for mental reasons rather than sexual ones. Especially if you don't have an indication that she is an AB herself.

  5. #5

    Default

    In all honesty, if she's beginning to relate to you by showing major signs of regression, it might be a good thing since you might be able to help her through this time and her regression.

    And in the best case scenario as stated above, this could bring you two all the more closer. You never know until you try.

  6. #6

    Default Re: My gf is showing signs of regression.

    I'm a guy with borderline personality disorder. I think if she's showing regression to cope with past feelings or emotions, go ahead and introduce it!

  7. #7

    Default Re: My gf is showing signs of regression.



    Quote Originally Posted by SummerOf1961 View Post
    I need some advice.

    A few months ago, I began dating a girl who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Itís complicated, so I wonít go into super detail on it, but she has constant breakdowns and is largely unable to cope with the real world. She had a very traumatic childhood because of heavily abusive parents.

    Recently, Iíve begun to notice she often ďregressesĒ and begins acting as a 4 year old for long periods of time. She talked about it to her therapist today who said that it happens as a way of coping with the world and going back to a time when you felt safe and comfortable. Sound familiar?

    So my question becomes, should I introduce her to my AB/DL side? I obviously donít want to add any more pressure to her or put more stress on her plate, but I also wonder if finding a way to take it to a greater extreme would help her. I really donít know. I wasnít planning on telling her until we were more established as a couple and she had stabilized a bit more, but what do you guys think?

    Quick side note: Sheís a very open sexual person (as in Iím pretty sure I could get her to try anything once) and Iíve always thought it was important to share this side of myself with whoever I am intimate with. She also knows I have a secret and has not pushed at all to find out what it is because she trusts that I will tell her when the time is right.

    Thoughts?
    I would tell her that you are an ageplayer too, and that you regress sometimes, as well. If she asks what age, tell her "baby" ages. See how she accepts that before telling her what an adult baby is.

  8. #8
    professorbock

    Default

    You never know until you try. Go ahead and transition her into your life.

    Make it into an experience of even deeper trust, and a bonding exercise. Then you will have the answer to your thoughts.

    This is an amazing opportunity. Jump in!

    Best wishes, bro.

  9. #9

    Default

    It might actually be worth talking to her therapist and asking him what's best for your GF, us jumping in with an answer isn't going to necessarily be what your GF needs, get the professional opinion. Worst is he'll say she shouldn't indulge the tendency as it could be damaging, but maybe he'll say immersion might relax the habit and knowing you're ok with it relieves stress, I don't know ask him. Also her regression sounds like an instinctive self protection thing, not a sex thing, so if you want to do it because you think you'd get off better on it you could be damaging her more by telling her.

  10. #10

    Default

    I think HokieAB/DL and DylanK are giving you some good advise. When I saw the movie, "Girl Interrupted" I was in a state of shock because I realized that was me to some degree, when I was in college. The fact that she is open to sexuality and different variations could be a part of being Borderline. One of the symptoms is self destructive behavior, especially through sex. I can't tell you the number of times I woke up in some guys bed when I came to, after they got me drunk or stoned. All I wanted to do was die from an overdose, so don't be too quick to accept her readiness.

    For that reason, I think I might talk with her therapist. You really are treading on dangerous ground from what you have described. She also will be very attached to you, and it won't take much for her to blow up if she thinks you are abandoning her. I used to go through that all the time. It's probably one reason why I got married. I know my wife will never abandon me. Because of that, I'm quite stable and now life a reasonably good life.

    Borderline is something one can mature out of. You have to want to change, which I did. When I graduated college, I simply left it all behind, but it was extremely painful and I dealt with a lot of depression. Sometimes the memories of those times will still hit me with deep depression. You will have to be careful with her, but I think sharing age play is a safe possibility. Take it slowly and constantly assess how she's reacting.

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