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Thread: Help after break up?

  1. #1

    Default Help after break up?

    Hey guys, recently I broke with my girlfriend who enjoyed nappies regularly with me. And she threatened to tell but I mean, she can't say anything because she enjoyed them and hosted a tumblr of our pics together [it's gone now so don't ask, you may have seen us].
    But the point is it took some fun out of them for me now, as I remember her and it did put some strain on us.
    How do I get the enjoyment back, my parents will be away for two weeks soon so i'm going to indulge.
    Feel lost all in all.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Pad View Post
    Hey guys, recently I broke with my girlfriend who enjoyed nappies regularly with me. And she threatened to tell but I mean, she can't say anything because she enjoyed them and hosted a tumblr of our pics together [it's gone now so don't ask, you may have seen us].
    But the point is it took some fun out of them for me now, as I remember her and it did put some strain on us.
    How do I get the enjoyment back, my parents will be away for two weeks soon so i'm going to indulge.
    Feel lost all in all.
    Breaking up is never easy. It sucks that it was also a relationship that included nappies in this case because it taints the idea a bit. It's cool though, that you guys hosted a tumblr, though it's good that it's gone because it would just bring back memories.

    My only advice can be that the hurt heals over time, and it's possible that the next person you end up with will be wonderful enough not to threaten with ultimatums. Ever. That is not a healthy way to deal with things not going your way. Making your life as normal as possible (including indulging in the rare nappy) is a great way to get your thoughts focused on something else. Perhaps do things that you enjoy doing on your own and appreciate that you have some time to yourself to perhaps give your own identity a shot.

    In relationships we tend to become intertwined in the other person. So when it is over, a part you as well as the other person gets ripped out. Think of it as two grape vines that wrapped around each others branches over time. There is no such thing as an easy breakup, but the shorter a relationship, the shorter time it takes to recover.

    Above else, become aware of your best qualities, things that you are good at, things that you enjoy and focus on those. They are what make you a wonderful and unique person and also attract other wonderful people to come into your life. A whole person who is capable of liking themselves as they are is a lot more fun to be around than someone who is searching for their identity in someone else's eyes.

    Be good to yourself. Best of luck, and if you need any more advice, or to get your mind off things, there is a whole community of different people who have been on all walks of life and can give support here.

    Cheers.

  3. #3

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    We were together for three years...It just sucks, she was awesome.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Sad to think she won't again even though it made her happy, sad to think we won't talk either...

    - - - Updated - - -

    Really don't know what to do, she started being so mean. Gah, love sucks...why be cruel to someone who meant everything...

  4. #4

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    Ahhh dude sorry to hear, especially sharing this common interest =/. I know this sucks to hear this, but you need some time to heal this off. You should diffidently start hanging out with your friends a lot more and doing something to keep your mind off this. I wish you the best and hope this dark time of yours will past soon .

  5. #5

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    It's been a few weeks, and I know I'm only young but I do just want her.
    I can't be that guy that goes out and fucks girls and starts being a douche to his ex, even though she is to me.
    Im a nice guy, I make an effort to do things that arent cruel, mean etc. And this just rips me up inside, I can't understand being mean.

  6. #6

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    Yeah, I know what you mean. It's been almost two years since my last bad break up, and went through this same scenario as your going through. It's good that you aren't doing anything rash to her and yourself! It's okay to dwell on this... And I know your gonna hate this, but you have to try your best to move on if your relationship can't be fixed.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pad View Post
    We were together for three years...It just sucks, she was awesome.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Sad to think she won't again even though it made her happy, sad to think we won't talk either...

    - - - Updated - - -

    Really don't know what to do, she started being so mean. Gah, love sucks...why be cruel to someone who meant everything...


    It's been a few weeks, and I know I'm only young but I do just want her.

    I can't be that guy that goes out and fucks girls and starts being a douche to his ex, even though she is to me.
    Im a nice guy, I make an effort to do things that arent cruel, mean etc. And this just rips me up inside, I can't understand being mean.
    Wow. Three years is a long time. Was she your first love/girlfriend?

    I think the first one's are usually the hardest to get over if you break up, because you have never experienced anything different, so you assume it's what a relationship is supposed to look like.

    Most of the time: IT'S NOT.

    It sounds like she became somewhat emotionally abusive towards you. She started to take you and your relationship for granted, lost interest, and tried to pretty much make you dislike her. Sometimes in love, one person loses the passion towards the other person, or builds up resentment towards the other and can only release that tension through passive aggressiveness or plain meanness. It's especially common when you are so young, but it happens in older relationships as well. Sometimes you have to let go of the person, to see for one who they truly are in another light and to test the attachment. Sometimes it's not what we wanted.

    The worst part is that the wounds are still fresh, so you still are looking at her through the rose-colored glasses of your withered relationship. You still see her as the person she once was when things were good, but you look past the part where things weren't so good. If she treated you say she did, she was far from awesome. It's hard to see it right away, but believe me when I say, months from now, even years, you might still hold onto the good times but you will also see how bad it was.

    I was in a similar situation with someone I once cared very strongly about. I was incapable of seeing them in a bad light, even after they did something absolutely insane to me, that caused me extreme pain. I didn't see it like that though. I still loved very much. Even though my friends told me they were emotionally abusive and didn't deserve my understanding, I couldn't hate them for it. It hurt to let go. (They stopped talking to me all of a sudden) The moment they deleted me off their messenger, pretty much signalling there was no hope for them talking to me again, I remember crying my eyes out for over half an hour. It was so incredibly hard to let go.

    Then suddenly it was gone. The pain. I suddenly could see myself, the wonderful person I am, and realised I didn't need them. And months later they contacted me, and suddenly I saw them for what they were. A very disturbed and selfish person. I no longer regretted any of it. I stopped hating them, missing them. I realised how much more I had to give, and that it should go to someone who deserved it.

    The way you talk about it, you obviously have a big heart and are a very caring individual. You don't deserve*someone ripping you apart like that. And she doesn't deserve your heart. Sorry to say.

    You are going to go through some hard times. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope. One day someone will appreciate you for who you are, and love you wholey. Stay true to who you are. Be the best person you can be, to yourself and everyone else. Give yourself time to heal. It will get better.

  8. #8

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    Pad, sorry to read your messages... I think any of us have been there, losing ones we still have strong feelings for. Reading your words takes me back to the emotions I struggled through after the break up of my first long term relationship. She made the call. Made me sick in my stomach.

    This girl will always remain in your thoughts, but you will grow stronger following this experience. Take your time to reevaluate things, and try to spend more time with your friends to help keep your mind off things.

    Respect to you for dealing with it in this manner, it demonstrates your maturity.

    You will be great. You will move on. And regardless of what you think today, you will meet other wonderful girls in the future.

    Wishing you all the very best.
    Andrew

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by JubeyKitty View Post
    Wow. Three years is a long time. Was she your first love/girlfriend?

    I think the first one's are usually the hardest to get over if you break up, because you have never experienced anything different, so you assume it's what a relationship is supposed to look like.

    Most of the time: IT'S NOT.

    It sounds like she became somewhat emotionally abusive towards you. She started to take you and your relationship for granted, lost interest, and tried to pretty much make you dislike her. Sometimes in love, one person loses the passion towards the other person, or builds up resentment towards the other and can only release that tension through passive aggressiveness or plain meanness. It's especially common when you are so young, but it happens in older relationships as well. Sometimes you have to let go of the person, to see for one who they truly are in another light and to test the attachment. Sometimes it's not what we wanted.

    The worst part is that the wounds are still fresh, so you still are looking at her through the rose-colored glasses of your withered relationship. You still see her as the person she once was when things were good, but you look past the part where things weren't so good. If she treated you say she did, she was far from awesome. It's hard to see it right away, but believe me when I say, months from now, even years, you might still hold onto the good times but you will also see how bad it was.

    I was in a similar situation with someone I once cared very strongly about. I was incapable of seeing them in a bad light, even after they did something absolutely insane to me, that caused me extreme pain. I didn't see it like that though. I still loved very much. Even though my friends told me they were emotionally abusive and didn't deserve my understanding, I couldn't hate them for it. It hurt to let go. (They stopped talking to me all of a sudden) The moment they deleted me off their messenger, pretty much signalling there was no hope for them talking to me again, I remember crying my eyes out for over half an hour. It was so incredibly hard to let go.

    Then suddenly it was gone. The pain. I suddenly could see myself, the wonderful person I am, and realised I didn't need them. And months later they contacted me, and suddenly I saw them for what they were. A very disturbed and selfish person. I no longer regretted any of it. I stopped hating them, missing them. I realised how much more I had to give, and that it should go to someone who deserved it.

    The way you talk about it, you obviously have a big heart and are a very caring individual. You don't deserve*someone ripping you apart like that. And she doesn't deserve your heart. Sorry to say.

    You are going to go through some hard times. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope. One day someone will appreciate you for who you are, and love you wholey. Stay true to who you are. Be the best person you can be, to yourself and everyone else. Give yourself time to heal. It will get better.
    She was my first and I knew she had issues but I didn't mind, like it didn't make a difference to me. But I do think you're right about being taken for granted. She said and did some pretty mean stuff, but I can forgive her. She made all these reasons to excuse what she did, and made me feel crap. Dont understand how someone could do that.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Soakingboy View Post
    Pad, sorry to read your messages... I think any of us have been there, losing ones we still have strong feelings for. Reading your words takes me back to the emotions I struggled through after the break up of my first long term relationship. She made the call. Made me sick in my stomach.

    This girl will always remain in your thoughts, but you will grow stronger following this experience. Take your time to reevaluate things, and try to spend more time with your friends to help keep your mind off things.

    Respect to you for dealing with it in this manner, it demonstrates your maturity.

    You will be great. You will move on. And regardless of what you think today, you will meet other wonderful girls in the future.

    Wishing you all the very best.
    Andrew
    It's just times when it all gets too much to handle, this is good advice though.
    Thank you

  10. #10

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    If it took the fun out then count yourself lucky as maybe you can move on with life.

    I sometimes wish I woke up the next day and just forgot all bout my diaper fetish!

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