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Thread: non abdl girlfriend needing help coming to terms with abdl boyfriend

  1. #1

    Default non abdl girlfriend needing help coming to terms with abdl boyfriend

    Hi Everyone, I really could use some help. I have been dating my abdl boyfriend for over a year now, and have known about this part of his life for around 9 months... It's difficult to understand why I need help coming to terms with this part of his life now, even though i've known for a while but I need help and guidance and to understand what is going on. I love this man with all of my heart...he honestly has the most beautiful soul I've ever seen in a person. He loves me with all of his heart with no expectations, no conditions, just love....and I love him so much as well. This is the type of relationship that I knew would be forever, yet here I am after having a conversation this morning with him about how I'm not sure I will be able to handle waking up next to him in a wet diaper with a soother in his mouth every morning for the rest of my life. I HATE myself for feeling this way which is why I have tried to push these feelings away for the past 9 months and try to be supportive of him. I was shocked at first but told him it was ok, at first the knowledge of his fetish was enough, but I warmed upto it for him...i soon became accustomed to seeing him wear a diaper, use it, and cuddleup next to me in bed and fall asleep. I even participated a handful of times by wearing and on very few occasions I used one as well. It is normal for me still not to be ok with his abdl this far into our relationship or am I kidding myself that I will ever be okay with it? How long should it take before I am okay with this or do I have to let go of the love of my life because I'm too narrow minded to every be okay with abdl?

  2. #2

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    Hi. I have an abdl fiance. I think it's exciting to try new things. Just use that love you have for him to try to be a loving "mother". You should be fine. What about it bothers you? Sorry I'm not more help.

  3. #3

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    one part that bothers me is the why....like why does he associate baby activities with something that turns him on? It just concerns me and seems kind of un natural. Another thing that bothers me is the smell of pee...but more importantly I want to be able to still see him as my man...and when he's in a diaper that sometimes gets lost...i want to make sure i'm still sexually attracted to him 20 years down the line

  4. #4

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    I think the fact that you've been supportive, been around him while wearing, allowed it in your bed- and are now here for help shows there's a fighting chance.

    Are there ever times that you find yourself more accepting than others? You said you participated a few times, so were you curious-or interested? If there's a chance of you being able to take ABDL in small doses- perhaps talk to him about only coming to bed a baby some nights, when you allow it? Could you handle it if it was dictated around you being more 'in the mood' to be his caretaker/whatever?

    Is there any role inside the ABDL world that you seem more interested in? Mommy, Baby, Making him a sissy, a fellow baby with him... there's not a TON of roles- but if you can find one you identify with, I'm sure he'd play your way

  5. #5

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    I see. Well, I'm not sure exactly why, but I don't think that's important. It is a very common fetish, so I wouldn't worry. Sometimes, it's to escape stresses of everyday life. Also, maybe he just wants to be babied and to feel motherly love; someone taking care of him. There are tons of fetishes out there and everyone's a little different. If you still feel weird about it, I would talk more to him about it. Let him know that you really want to get involved, but want to know more about what he likes and why.

  6. #6

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    I fully understand your difficulty coming to terms with this side of him. That's something that even we struggle with ourselves on. It may take some time, but as your relationship grows, you'll eventually be more accepting of that part of him, I have no doubt. It may require a fair amount of compromise for both of you, but mastering the art of compromise is a big part of any relationship. If you love each other as much as you say, surely you can find a middle ground that allows him to enjoy his AB/DL side without impinging on your comfort zone.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by needingguidance View Post
    I love this man with all of my heart...he honestly has the most beautiful soul I've ever seen in a person. He loves me with all of his heart with no expectations, no conditions, just love....and I love him so much as well. This is the type of relationship that I knew would be forever, yet here I am after having a conversation this morning with him about how I'm not sure I will be able to handle waking up next to him in a wet diaper with a soother in his mouth every morning for the rest of my life. I HATE myself for feeling this way which is why I have tried to push these feelings away for the past 9 months and try to be supportive of him.
    I don't think you're being narrow-minded. It's understandable that this is hard to come to terms with - ABDLs themselves go through periods of denial and shame. I sometimes look at myself and wonder how I could like something so weird.

    The part of your post that I cut out here is important, I think. Your acceptance has thus far been admirable. I think you should talk to him about what makes you comfortable and try to reach some compromise, as others have suggested. If you have reservations about waking up next to him in a wet diaper, then tell him that, and try to reach some agreement (diapers every other day, or on weekends, or on weekdays, or something). If he doesn't need them and uses them for comfort, then I think it's reasonable that you should be able to articulate what would make you comfortable, and alternate between that. You've done a good job accepting this part of him but that doesn't mean it needs to dominate your adult lives. Set down boundaries that work for both of you.

    Being supportive of him does not mean that you need to abandon all of your own preferences.

    Good luck.

  8. #8

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    I think you would benefit from trying to understand which part of you is not happy with your BF ABDL?
    Is it because he behaves in a different way than you expect a man of his age to?
    Is it because you have different expectaions of your partner to what he can give you?

    - - - Updated - - -

    I think you would benefit from trying to understand which part of you is not happy with your BF ABDL?
    Is it because he behaves in a different way than you expect a man of his age to?
    Is it because you have different expectations of your partner to what he can give you?
    Last edited by issaa; 23-Mar-2013 at 16:36. Reason: poor spelling :(

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by needingguidance View Post
    one part that bothers me is the why....like why does he associate baby activities with something that turns him on? It just concerns me and seems kind of un natural. Another thing that bothers me is the smell of pee...but more importantly I want to be able to still see him as my man...and when he's in a diaper that sometimes gets lost...i want to make sure i'm still sexually attracted to him 20 years down the line
    Hey there. I responded to your topic in the Adult Baby forum as well but I also want to comment on some of what you expressed here (and commend you for taking the initiative to work on the things that are bother you rather than casting them away or letting them fester).

    It is "unnatural" and "abnormal" in the respect that this is not how human sexuality usually manifests. It's weird and uncommon, and for someone who does not feel that way, it is certainly difficult to empathize. The human mind usually works like it's supposed to - but sometimes it doesn't. And that usually boils down to some combination of a genetic predisposition and/or life circumstances that cause a fixation on something (and sometimes this fixation is sexual) that people do not ordinarily fixate on. If you read some of the topics on this forum about how these feelings came about (which I admit maybe be strange to you - but also might provide some insight), you'll see that these feelings, for most of us, developed in early childhood as the result of some experience (which vary in gravity from nostalgia to trauma). Those early years are when are brains are most malleable - so sometimes strange associations and desires form.

    It is weird, but those formed habits are not the sum of a person, and they are very difficult to eliminate because we are so permanently impressionable at that age.

    I think your discomfort is valid. Pee smells. You are an adult and in relationships desire an adult partner. Those reactions are not unreasonable. So (as I articulated in my other post in your other topic) I do want to stress compromise. If you aren't comfortable waking up next to a wet diaper, then you should tell him that and work something out so that is not going to be your experience literally every single day. Balance between diapered sex (if you guys do that) and vanilla sex if that's what you want. There should be a give and take in this kind of thing. Balance out the contexts in which he can express his desire to be an adult baby and you get to have "your man."

  10. #10

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    Welcome to ADISC! There are others in similar situations who have joined the site here, but I'm not sure how active they are. You're definitely not alone, however. Also, thank you for being supportive of your boyfriend. I'm still closeted about this with my SO, and when I tell her I can only hope she'll be as accepting as you.

    The best thing you can do is communicate and compromise. Trying to hide your feelings probably isn't the best solution, even if you're doing it out of love for him. It's much better to get everything out in the open and talk about it than bottle things up. I realize I might sound slightly hypocritical because I haven't told my SO yet, but I'm working on that.

    I'll be the first to admit that being an ABDL is a little weird, albeit harmless. Lots of people have trouble accepting it, myself included. It must be tough for someone who doesn't have such feelings to accept it. In short, whatever you're feeling about it is fine. Just like whatever he's feeling about liking diapers is fine. You just need to talk about it.

    I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but hopefully this is helpful. I have some more specific responses below.



    Quote Originally Posted by needingguidance View Post
    This is the type of relationship that I knew would be forever, yet here I am after having a conversation this morning with him about how I'm not sure I will be able to handle waking up next to him in a wet diaper with a soother in his mouth every morning for the rest of my life.
    Compromise! He doesn't need wear diapers every and use a soother every night. It's perfectly fine for you to set some limits. I think most ABDLs would be extremely happy to be in a relationship with a non-ABDL who was accepting and even participated at times, even with some limits on when and where diapers entered the relationship.



    Quote Originally Posted by needingguidance View Post
    one part that bothers me is the why....like why does he associate baby activities with something that turns him on? It just concerns me and seems kind of un natural.
    I don't think you're going to get an answer to that question, unfortunately. More generally, why does any kink/fetish turn someone one? Some people like to be spanked, some people like to be tied up, etc. With a few exceptions I think it's a hard question to answer. It's a fun topic to speculate about, however, so it's certainly a fair question to ask your boyfriend about - just don't expect a definite answer.



    Quote Originally Posted by needingguidance View Post
    I want to be able to still see him as my man...and when he's in a diaper that sometimes gets lost
    So is the role reversal when he's wearing diapers that you don't like? That's a fair complaint. Is there something he could do for you that would help you feel like he is "your man?" Something that doesn't involve diapers. His like of diapers isn't likely to go away, so you'll probably have that role-reversal at least sometimes, but it's totally fair to ask him to do things for you that you like at times too.

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