Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Letting a Partner in

  1. #1

    Default Letting a Partner in

    I'm really curious how those of you who are out to your partners came out and helped your partner come to terms with it. I told the guy I'm with not too long ago and he's probably sick of me asking if he has anything he wants to discuss with me about it. I'm really having a rough time with the whole acceptance thing on my side, because he's entirely okay with the fact and...well I'm not quite, which makes it a little hard for me.

    I know that when I bring it up either accidentally or intentionally it feels really awkward to me to actually out and talk about it. I'm willing to, but I've kept it so hidden for so long that it's really hard for me to come out with anything and I'm really used to dealing with some pretty nasty intolerance for it. We are going to end up sharing an apartment next year with a few friends and at some point I'm going to end up wearing in front of him and that's going to be really hard for me to bring up with him and really hard for me to get comfortable doing around him. I also don't want to make him uncomfortable if the urge arises, although we're both comfortable enough to talk things through.

    I'm curious to know how anyone else has dealt with this, since I'm sure that not all of us were simply able to just pull things out and completely be ourselves in front of other people.

  2. #2

    Default

    When my (now ex) boyfriend came out to me, one of the main things he did was to just leave me to get over my feelings. No one wants to be told something major like that and then be pestered about it over and over again.

    There appears to be two options here

    1. He's genuinely fine with it, and doesn't have anything to discuss with you - you should stop bringing it up until you have something more concrete to go on (I want to wear under my clothes around you, how do you feel about that?)
    2. He thinks it's really weird and is too polite to say anything. He loves you, he doesn't want to hurt you, but by God it IS a weird thing to be interested in and it will make some folk really uncomfortable - you should stop bringing it up until you either have someone more concrete to talk about, or he brings it up (possibly with more questions).

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by nsquared View Post
    I'm really curious how those of you who are out to your partners came out and helped your partner come to terms with it. I told the guy I'm with not too long ago and he's probably sick of me asking if he has anything he wants to discuss with me about it. I'm really having a rough time with the whole acceptance thing on my side, because he's entirely okay with the fact and...well I'm not quite, which makes it a little hard for me.

    I know that when I bring it up either accidentally or intentionally it feels really awkward to me to actually out and talk about it. I'm willing to, but I've kept it so hidden for so long that it's really hard for me to come out with anything and I'm really used to dealing with some pretty nasty intolerance for it. We are going to end up sharing an apartment next year with a few friends and at some point I'm going to end up wearing in front of him and that's going to be really hard for me to bring up with him and really hard for me to get comfortable doing around him. I also don't want to make him uncomfortable if the urge arises, although we're both comfortable enough to talk things through.

    I'm curious to know how anyone else has dealt with this, since I'm sure that not all of us were simply able to just pull things out and completely be ourselves in front of other people.
    Well, you are definately over the BIGGEST hurdle! Having found someone who does not "freak out" and run as fast as they can is the large win. I think, however, that you may be seeking too much affirmation at the start. It is normal to seek affirmation for sure but it will really have to be at his pace. If he feels like letting-on to his likes and observations about your desires then it will be all the more sweeter eventually.

    I have experienced much of this same scenario in wanting to know everything that my GF thought about my interests after she discovered them. I quickly realized that she couldn't share the same heart-pounding effect that I got but (very importantly) was willing to accept them and allow me to be myself without prejudice and even found a role in providing me with such inwardly pleasures.

    Relationships are a give-give partnership. We can only hope to find someone we can support in their fantasies and be supported as well. Give it a little time to sink-in. If you are patient you may just find that you each have something to share behind closed doors. The longer you know someone and the more open the communication is the more you will discover in each other. You may even try asking about his secrets. He may be more open on it knowing yours.

    If you keep it all light-hearted and unbearing he may even ask you a little about it. If you can find a way to be less awkward about it and approach it as a "secret-i-want-you-to-discover" you may invoke the questions to explore the mysterious side of you instead of yearning for a level of acceptance.

    Accidentally this has worked for me. I discovered that the more I wanted to keep it a secret the more my GF was interested in it.

  4. #4

    Default

    Although I've been out to my partner for some time now, and even though she is generally OK with this, it is still just a tad weird....I mean she accepts that this is a genuine part of me, and does not do anything to make me feel uncomfortable, but I still feel a bit embarrassed about it and. find it difficult to have conversations about it. What I have realized though, is that it will be necessary to keep the conversation going so that she doesn't become complacent about my wearing....what I mean to say is that I need her to participate even if it is simply to affirm me by acknowledging my little side. It's a big ask on a partner, particularly if it's not their thing, but I know in my case at least, I can rely on a really strong loving relationship. And so I keep working on it, albeit, gently.

  5. #5

    Default

    I feel like the only way to get over the feeling of being so nervous about these things with a partner is to just.. take that leap. Of course at first you are going to be scared, going to feel like your partner won't really know what it's like.. or about 1,000 other worries. However, I find that if they are really saying it's fine, then just taking the leap and trusting yourself in front of them.. trying it out a few times will do a world of good. The more you do it and prove to yourself with evidence that things will be okay, the more you will find it easier and easier to let them in and just be yourself.

    I don't think there are magical words that will suddenly make you comfortable. Best to just jump off the diving board and get your feet wet!

    Totally just my advice, which could be totally wrong though.

  6. #6

    Default

    I think a lot of us can relate to your experience. For me, just saying the word diaper out loud seemed impossible. It seemed so strange; it was a word I had thought and even typed so many times and yet saying it out loud felt so unnatural. My girlfriend and now wife was also accepting of my fetish (I told her in an email after slowly building her up to the idea that there was something different about me), but it was still difficult at the beginning. The first few times we talked about my fetish we did it by typing out questions and answers on a Microsoft Word Doc. That seems silly to me looking back, because it is now very easy to talk to her about it and she makes little jokes and stuff about my ABDL stuff all the time. Basically, you just need to give it some time. Things take a while to get used to, especially things as strange as this.

  7. #7

    Default

    I think what throws me the most is that he's basically entirely okay with it and...well I haven't figured that much out yet. I'm Trying to, but it hasn't been easy for me for a lot of reasons and everything is basically rooted in my own lack of self acceptance. He's aware that that's the case for the most part so he's understanding as far as that goes, but the fact that he's so...okay with it is just extremely new to me and I guess I just don't know what to do with it. We were talking the other night and he cracked a joke about it, and that's awesome, I just haven't gotten to a point where I can do the same thing myself.
    Once we end up in a position where it's actually a real-life thing (right now we're a couple states apart for a few months) I'm sure it'll be more interesting and there will be some getting used to for both of us for sure. What's going to be the weirdest part is getting around the fact that it's something he's pretty much wrapped his head around while I still haven't. I'm still in a place where I go to buy diapers on amazon and it takes me a few days to get over myself and take the plunge (and be glad of it later) while he's okay enough with it to crack jokes about it (in private, of course). I'm pretty sure I think it's weirder than he does.

Similar Threads

  1. Letting this out
    By zackiepooh1992 in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 06-Mar-2013, 03:00
  2. Thank you for letting me join
    By Ryobaby in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 23-Jun-2010, 07:44
  3. letting go
    By Lexi in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 21-Oct-2008, 19:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.