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Thread: Can you identify any points in your life that has directly lead to your AB side?

  1. #1

    Default Can you identify any points in your life that has directly lead to your AB side?


    I looked but didn't see what I'm asking...

    I'll just say my experience and see if anyone has similar ones.

    Ok, after high school...gulf war 1990...

    I started out on a track of going to college and fun...

    Well, long story, but, ended up doing private security around the world...I was good at my profession, and kept getting really well paid...

    Being young, in search of the mighty dollar...

    But, what ended up happening was I never ended up getting my adolescent fix of drinking and party's...etc...

    So, after I decided to plant myself when I really noticed the serious AB side that I have and ignored for so long...even crushed...

    Now, I'm not going into specifics, but, I managed to see lots of the very worst of the worlds war mongering durring this, there wasn't any space for an AB in the places I hung my helmet...

    I start seeing what I can do and let this side out a bit...until almost died in a car wreck...

    Well, both comming stateside, and the wreck are serious points that have had major impacts on my both my AB side as well as my ability to open up

    Now, I wear footies, have my favorite fluffy puppy, and try to live day to day and not prejudge myself anymore...

    So how about you?

  2. #2


    Well, if I'm getting the concept of this thread right.. being born physically male and not being able to explain that.. my body wasn't right to my parents or even really understanding it fully myself well... that lead to me missing out on a lot of things. I would spend so much of my time just wishing I was living the life I wanted to, sitting at home sad. Not doing anything, not living. That I was not being able to be a baby girl, and/or little girl, has directly lead to my adamant need to be those things because it started chewing away at my mind for too long.. and I would only get brief glimpses of that happiness in the pretend games with my sisters.

    Over time though, I just became comfortable with being those things. Like.. I can't imagine myself any other way? Sort of happy just being a little girl woman now. It's the spirit that is Angel. So yeah.

    If you are talking any one moment that directly did, well.. pretty much right when I first started exploring it. When my sister came up with the idea of pretending when we were both little that I was the little sister and she was the big brother. Was really happy she came up with that because I had wanted to play that game for a long time. I don't remember, but she probably realized. When I came out to her she totally said she always "knew".

    Anyway, hope I understood the topic.

  3. #3



    Exactly, it's a turning point in your life and what caused you to become the AB you are today.

    When I was far back as I can remember to like 3-4...I was already trying to be the grown up adult one, I feel to overcome my ic issue...I never got out of diapers...and some other things too I thought where not "grown up"

    So yes, you have the idea exactly's hard to put that idea into an easy title to least for me...

    And up through 2000 for me I played the grown up macho man persona...not that it was real...


  4. #4


    So far I've only dabbled with elements of AB. It seems sometimes that my Earthling status is the proverbial "man without a country" - not fitting in with peers as a chronological child or adult. Even today, the people I can call Friends are considerably older or younger than my calendar age.

    Like the OP, I 'graduated' high school shortly before Desert Storm, but I was paralyzed with mortal terror at the prospect of being conscripted. Possibly tying in with that mindset, I was never that concerned with money and somewhat hated the concept. I wanted to drive but my vision was too poor, which in itself barred me from a lot of 'growth' in almost every aspect of life. I suppose you could say I've always been an 11-year-old in a big body, but I imagine that's a common feeling among us all here.

    I can remember being curious and excited at bits like the letters I'd read from "Forum" and "Variations" that I swiped from my dad. 1 thing that did stay with me from those magazines was that CDing doesn't automatically make someone have a same-gender attraction, which was a comfort to me at least. But what pulled me into the Deep End? Downloaded photos of hot women in diapers, naturally. In a sense, if I can't be with them, I might as well try to be like them. But the dressing up was there long before the internet, and lay dormant for a long time between being angrily confronted with a discovered stash and the last few years when it woke up again out of nowhere. Gosh, I could go on forever with my observations on this topic.

    TL,DR: always felt like, and treated like a child. The pattern from what I can tell is; for every 'adult' step like getting a job or starting a relationship, something in me longs for better, less complicated days and I want to 'take back' my ruined childhood, if that makes sense

  5. #5


    It's interesting that people are pointing to different moments in their lives other than toddlerdom. I always took it as given that being harshly potty-trained by an inexperienced nanny brought about my ABDL-hood (she told me off lots and generally put me down about wearing nappies as I recall). I did have a very unpleasant adolescence however and I live with OCD; I'd be interested to know if i'd have developed ABDL behaviour without the tough times in my teens and the problems in my young-adult life. I've certainly been aware of loving diapers since I was very very small however. I reckon I might have been ABDL whatever the case... It may even be linked to the OCD side... I just don't know!

  6. #6


    I have heard somewhere that it might be a fallacy to assume any fetish or non-sexual diaper comfort / regressive behavior would have to stem from a trauma or from a pivotal moment in development. There was this moment I was sure, positive, shaped me. I was so positive. It was so classic, to the point of being obvious.

    At an age past the point I was potty trained, either age three or four, I was put back into a diaper for several hours because I wet during nap time. Before the diaper was put on me, I was scolded pretty badly in front of the other kids. I remember feeling ashamed of myself for the bedwetting accident. So, of course, many of you might think, of course that was how it started. That sounds pivotal, alright!

    But the truth is that I think I only remember that so clearly because already at the age of three or four, I knew I liked diapers. I have very few memories before that age, but I don't doubt a few were looking on to my un-potty-trained peers with acute jealousy. That's why it stuck in my memory. It was misidentified causation. The truth was the diaper interest was already there and so that one time the daycare/playschool employee put me in a diaper was something my mind thought wow about. Now take someone who didn't care one way or the other for diapers, and I bet he/she would have never even remembered that day, let alone developed a fetish.

    Just about every kid in the western world used to get spanked at some point. That was pretty much how people disciplined kids, historically. But only some people developed a spanking fetish or a fixation on masochism/sadism. Not every kid ever spanked, no matter how traumatically or not, or even how often or how rare, will develop the fetish. The numbers don't add up. There has to be a predisposition, I think, to diapers, or spanking, or whatever fetish one might have.

    It might be a combination of some sort of predisposition with one or more real life experiences. But I myself know of two odd sexual fixations (inappropriate for this forum/discussion) I have that I had never experienced once in my own childhood and can't even remember ever witnessing either happening to a childhood friend. The first time I recall hearing about one of them was actually just in a story, somewhere. Immediately I thought "I love this" and obsessed over this for quite a while, looking up every story or mention of it on the internet I could! This could be, though my memory is imperfect I know, an example of a fetish developing with no history, trauma, or childhood events at all.

    Just my thoughts on the idea of this event=fetish concept, as someone who used to think it was 100% true, myself.

  7. #7


    I don't know exactly what started my fetish, but I do have some very specific early memories (between the age of 2 and 3) that I can remember so vividly that it still amazes me to this day. I don't know if they have any connection to my fetish, but here they are:

    The first memory I have of diapers was probably around the age of 2, probably closer to 2 1/2, I remember I had this play barn that could open up and farm animals could be stored in it. I had just been potty trained a short period before that time, and there were still diapers on the shelves in my room, because my parent's hadn't given them away or gotten rid of them yet. I decided that I wanted to wear diapers again, but I've always been sneaky, so I stored the diapers in the barn and decided to try and get them to the basement, a safe haven. On the way through the kitchen, I was almost to the basement stairs, but my dad and uncles were sitting in the kitchen and chatting while they had a beer. Well, they noticed the diapers in the barn, and teased me about wanting to wear the diapers. It was very humiliating, and it was burned into my brain. I will never forget that memory.

    The second memory occurred around the age of 3, the diapers were still in the house, but my parents had moved them to another spot in the house. My parents had decided to go out for the night, and had hired a babysitter named Allison. I remember I was very infatuated with allison and loved it when she came over. Anyway, back to the story. Allison arrived shortly after supper when mom and dad were on their way out. I was watching some tv, playing with a few toys on the living room floor, while Allison got up to get something for me. While she left the room, I ran for the place I knew the diapers were hidden, grabbed one and headed straight for my room. There was a large wardrobe there, behind it was the perfect place to put a diaper and then retrieve it later. As I was pulling my hand out from behind the dresser, Allison spoke up from behind me and asked what I was doing. She came over and looked behind the dresser, and took the diaper from my possession. I was heart broken... So close...

    The third case took place around the age of 3, almost 4. My cousin came to stay with us for the summer. He was a year older than I was, but his parents were finding it hard to keep him happy during the summer months in the city, you can't exactly let a 4 year old run around in the big city and expect them to be safe, and your friends might not live right next door; but in my small town, there was lot's to do as a kid, and you had at least a bit of freedom to roam. I was potty trained around the average age and had pretty good control over my bladder, my cousin kind of struggled a little bit more than I did. He was a bed-wetter, but also had day time accidents on occasion; as a result, he wore pullups during the day, just in case. I was very envious, those pullups were very similar to the diapers I longed to wear... I remember that one day, during my cousins usual change time, my mom and cousin entered the bathroom together, while I tried to follow. I was quickly turned away and told to wait outside. That hurt me. I felt like my mother was giving her love to somebody else, whereas I was being cast to the side.

    That's just a few of the ones I remember. I can think of another 3 or more off the top of my head, but I think that's enough writing for now. Whether or not these are what lead to my fetish today, I have no idea and cannot begin to argue that case. All I know is the fact that this fetish has been with me since the day I got out of diapers, and it will be with me until I die.


  8. #8


    I don't remember a time when the thought or mention of nappies didn't make me feel 'weird' - years and years before I knew I was DL, before puberty even, nappies excited me in a way that nothing else really did.

    My childhood was fine - enjoyable, but fairly average. Certainly nothing terrible happened to me that I can pinpoint as being a trigger in any way.

    But, having said that, my family did move town when I was two or three years old. I have no memory of that time whatsoever, but my 'little' self seems to be stuck at around that age. Perhaps my parents delayed potty training me until we'd moved house? I think that may well have something to do with the whole thing, but it's so deeply ingrained in my personality that I don't think I'll ever be able to isolate the exact reasons why. And that doesn't really bother me anymore (not as much as it used to, anyway).

  9. #9


    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    ...they noticed the diapers in the barn, and teased me about wanting to wear the diapers. It was very humiliating, and it was burned into my brain. I will never forget that memory.

    ... I remember that one day, during my cousins usual change time, my mom and cousin entered the bathroom together, while I tried to follow. I was quickly turned away and told to wait outside. That hurt me. I felt like my mother was giving her love to somebody else, whereas I was being cast to the side.
    That is extremely fascinating to me Ron since those seem to be an actual trace back to what got you down this path. It is very possible that ABDLism is not something that is triggered but rather something that one is born with. Honestly I think that it is more plausible that ABDLsim IS triggered and I also think that you are a bit of a poster child for this theory (I apologize for making you my victim in this by the way :P).

    In your first example you were only a child that was curious about the nappies and of course potty training can be a strange and difficult time for a child as it requires a lot of self control so the nappies would be a child's solution to the problem of not wanting the new responsibility. Think about the vast amounts of kids that refuse to leave behind diapers when beginning potty training and never grow up to be ABDLs... The fact that you were teased about the discovered diapers and felt humiliated could have triggered something in your brain that associated the potty training as a bad thing since it prevents you from relaxing and letting go of some of your responsibilities, if only for a while.

    In the third example the whole bit about you feeling envious of your cousin only stacked onto what you already felt and you feeling your mom was betraying you made this even worse... Maybe I'm looking to far into this though.

    As for me, I remember always being fascinated by accidents and though I didn't have to many myself I always wanted to see what would happen if someone else did. This was of course very early childhood and the fact that toddlers were having constant accidents in diapers the connection was quickly made. It struck me as odd that 3 year-olds capable of cognitive thought were still wearing and using nappies. This combined with individual events helped pave the way for me to end up where I am now.

    The final thing that pushed me over the edge was probably the end of my childhood and beginning of young adulthood. My childhood was incredible as I got plenty of attention, had a decent amount of toys despite tougher economic times, was in a loving family and yet, it wasn't very childish. I am the youngest of four and I am nearly a decade younger than the next youngest in the family so I was practically around adults all the time. I matured very quickly (mentally at least) and this alienated me from my peers at school leading to a horrible middle school experience that I barely survived. For whatever reason, without ever getting any nappies until 4 or 5 years later, my brain decided that diapers would be what keep me focused, calm, collected, relaxed, and, most importantly, sane.

    God do I ramble...


  10. #10


    My DL side has several events that could have led to it, but I can't really pin it on any one thing. My Furry side however, started when I was in Middle school and My Friends and I RP'ed as Anthro characters in my best friend's game during recess. He still denies being a furry, but his artwork says otherwise. When I told him that I was a Furry, he asked me why, and I told him it was all those years of role playing as a tiger during recess and that the animal side of me just grabbed me by the tail and wouldn't let go. So in essence, he is the reason I am a Furry because he introduced me to the concept.

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