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Thread: being hurt by critique of a story

  1. #1
    bigbabyderek2012

    Exclamation being hurt by critique of a story

    i am posting this just to get it off my mind for tonight. i received some good comments today about my story "The Facility" in Stories in progress but now i wish i could have not posted it because i received a rather hurtful comment from someone but I'm not going to be that person who narcs on people but no i am not a narc but i will say this i am really upset and crying about the comment i received and it makes me unsure about my talent as an author maybe i should just give it up because what is the point in being hurt by hurtful comments when all i am looking for is encoragement. i just wonder if i should give up being an author if it is going to hurt me this much to the point where i literally am crying.

  2. #2

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    As an organizer, and having been in leadership positions I can say with clout you should take the time to learn to handle criticism in a healthy manner. If I let every mean, negative, or whatever overwhelm me to such an extent, I would have quit a long time ago. So don't quit.

    I read the comment in question which is rather obvious to find. Though possibly a bit too blunt on the work (I often get at people for sensitivity when teaching/criticizing others), I didn't see that he personally insulted you and he even offered advice on how to improve. So beyond that, it's rather normal.

    The main issue is how you perceive and respond to criticism. Not to be mean, but it's not too healthy to be crying over a forum comment and judging your entire self worth on it.

    The opinions on how to take criticism are varied. I actually kind of like good ol LifeHacker's take on it: How Can I Learn to Take Criticism Without Taking It Personally?

  3. #3

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    All writers will have critique unfortunately and that is the nature of life. If you put your work out to show there will be some people that love it, some people that think its ok and some that will hate it. These people will voice it to certain degrees and you need to understand that. This is the case whether it is writing, or art or anything else in life. However, you have a choice to make from their remarks 1) cower away, hide and tell yourself how bad you are (this is kind of what you have picked at the moment) and the second choice is to take what they have said on board and improve what you have written.

    I know it is hard to take criticism, its not easy for anyone. But i can also honestly say that if you want to be the best that you can at your particular talent, then you need to use what people say (no matter how nasty it may be) and make yourself better. So please, dont take the roll over and die method. try to move on and see what happens if you take on board what others have said and improve your work. You never know, you may just become better then what you thought you could ever be

  4. #4

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    First off, take a deep breath. Think of something happy, something that never finds a way to bring you down. Walk away and do something fun.. come back with a clear head.

    I had seen the comment earlier when it was posted, and had been a tad worried about how you were going to respond to it. Just because it obviously wasn't anything you wanted to hear, and I know sometimes hearing such a blunt opinion can hurt. I totally know how it is to be sensitive and to have someone else's opinion hurt you.. because I know that you want acceptance and encouragement and to hear you've done a good job. Everyone wants that, everyone deserves that.

    So I encourage you to keep writing. I really do. If you have a story you feel like telling inside, something you want to tell.. then you have to do it for you. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure the person who posted the comment really wanted to help you in his own way. If he didn't want to help you at all he wouldn't have posted on it, wouldn't have taken the time to write out that sort of response. He wanted to tell you what he felt would improve your writing and express some honest feelings about your story in a way to inspire effort and change from you. Now, I know it wasn't anything you wanted to hear.. but I promise you do have potential. I think just having the courage to post something you made is terrific.

    Remember we all start somewhere and we have to accept that will need to improve. Even the best authors could use some critique some times, and you are going to be no different. You are still starting, but I'm sure you could prove yourself sooner rather then later if you apply yourself. You take both the kind encouragement and the critique, and just brush away the parts that make you feel bad because you don't deserve to feel sad or bad about expressing your creativity. I'm sure you'll improve if you keep your ears and your mind open to all the voices. You can't shut away from critique or you'll never grow, and you should want to grow! Growing only helps us be better at everything we do. So please don't post, don't give up. This is a part of the process of becoming skilled that we all have to go through if we are doing something worth doing.

    A big hug for you though, I'm so sorry you cried. I hope you make yourself happy so soon. You deserve to be happy.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbabyderek2012 View Post
    i am posting this just to get it off my mind for tonight. i received some good comments today about my story "The Facility" in Stories in progress but now i wish i could have not posted it because i received a rather hurtful comment from someone but I'm not going to be that person who narcs on people but no i am not a narc but i will say this i am really upset and crying about the comment i received and it makes me unsure about my talent as an author maybe i should just give it up because what is the point in being hurt by hurtful comments when all i am looking for is encoragement. i just wonder if i should give up being an author if it is going to hurt me this much to the point where i literally am crying.
    Welcome to my world. I am a musician and a performer. As a student at Westminster Choir College, Princeton, criticism was often brutal, and it wasn't unusual that as students we would return to our rooms in tears. It was part of the growing process. It did separate the wheat from the chaff. It made us work much harder. My senior recital finished in the top five out of the entire school. I eventually got there.

    I have a story on Nook Book carrying four stars, but one of the comments is that "this story sucks because there's too much detail". I had to laugh as a good writer's stock and trade is in detail. You can't take every critic seriously. Mine must have been from a kid. I had other comments such as, "It was too short. I wished it would have gone on," something a writer loves to hear. Another reader asked if I could turn it into a full length novel. You just have to hang in there. If you need to improve your craft, you do that by reading the great novels, not this nonsense, and keep writing.

    I've been hurt by this site as well, as I know I'm a good, recognized writer in the real world. I'm sure you are aware of the thread, best stories, and I'm never mentioned, even though I have four stories on this site. I wouldn't take the criticism that comes from this site too seriously.

    It would be better to become a member of a literary blog and do some serious writing. You will find much better writers, and their criticism will mean a lot more, though they will be for more critical than anyone from this site, I'm sure. It comes with the territory, and you have to develop broad shoulders. Writing professionally is like being a professional athlete, or a recognized artist or musician. It's rare air, but it can be done.

    I do know that the members who have read my nutty stories for this site, have always been positive and have enjoyed what I've written. It's why I enjoy giving the site my traditional Halloween story in October. Hang in there and keep trying. Notice what the good stories are doing. I have read, critically, countless novels, paying attention to the story line, dialogue, how characters are developed, and the mechanics. This is where you should start. Also, read both Steven King's book,"On Writing" and Annie Dillard's, "The Writing Life". I think I'm correct on her title...not sure. Writing doesn't happen in a vacuum, but rather takes a lot of work and study. And if it makes you feel better, must diaper stories are not going to win a Pulitzer.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbabyderek2012 View Post
    i am posting this just to get it off my mind for tonight. i received some good comments today about my story "The Facility" in Stories in progress but now i wish i could have not posted it because i received a rather hurtful comment from someone but I'm not going to be that person who narcs on people but no i am not a narc but i will say this i am really upset and crying about the comment i received and it makes me unsure about my talent as an author maybe i should just give it up because what is the point in being hurt by hurtful comments when all i am looking for is encoragement. i just wonder if i should give up being an author if it is going to hurt me this much to the point where i literally am crying.
    hey there;
    firstly, you should know that i am not a writer, nor do i play one on TV.... lol
    to be honest, i don't even read the story-section of ADISC... so i haven't read your story nor the offending critique.

    however, i do read just about everything else on ADISC; and along with having noticed many of your previous posts (and the avatar that seems so descriptive of your.... personality?). i couldn't help but respond to your heart-felt plea... (it almost brought me to tears).

    if you are finding your "muse" for witting in personal experience, then i can certainly see how any overly negative feedback might attach to your personal experiences in return. there is an easy "fix" for that. just write under a "pseudonym"..... it's sort-of like disassociating from your self on purpose.
    Pseudonym - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    it would permit you to emotionally deflect the negative side of any criticism while still listening to it and benefiting from it. while at the same time leaving you even freer in your ability to experiment with personal expression....

    just a thought....

  7. #7

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    Don't let the bastards get you down and don't get discouraged!!! As a writer myself who has dabbled years ago with AB stories but retired from them in '05 to focus on more non-ABDL stories- I myself have had bad critics but you know what- I don't get too upset about it cause people are entitled to their own opinions and I decided years ago to not let people discourage me from doing something that I do enjoy such as writing, drawing, et al.

    Don't get discouraged! Don't let the comments bother you. I have yet to read your story but that's cause I really don't care much for AB stories anymore but as a fellow writer, you can't let comments discourage you from doing something you enjoy!

    Be positive about it, don't get discouraged and let the bastards get ya down!!!!

    WildThing121675

  8. #8

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    Reiterating what Geno had to say, one of the most important skills as an author is learning to take criticism well. No matter how skilled you are, someone isn't going to like your work; learn to evaluate the validity of the critique, take the good, leave the bad, ignore the irrelevant. If all you're truly seeking is egoboos, you should put that at the top of the initial post and immediately prior to each update. If you want to improve, learn to take criticism well.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbabyderek2012 View Post
    when all i am looking for is encoragement.
    I'm going to be honest: This, right here, is your problem. When you put your work in a public forum, especially a "stories in progress" board, you are asking for feedback. You cannot reasonably expect that all (or most) of the feedback will be positive; the board does not exist to tell you what you want to hear. People will tell you what they think, positive or negative; by putting your work in a pubic domain intended for discussion, you are implicitly asking others to tell you what they honestly think of your work. This is not "looking for encouragement." You are taking something you've written, and essentially asking others to grade it. It cannot work any other way; discussion is utterly worthless if the discourse is restricted to only what pleases one participant.

    If you can't deal with criticism, don't put your work in a public forum. It's as simple as that. In fact, perhaps more to the point, if you can't deal with criticism, then perhaps you ought to rethink your approach to writing altogether; if you are not willing to give rational consideration to what other people think of your work, then you cannot be an author. Great authors never became great because they received only encouragement. If you are only willing to hear positive feedback, you cripple your own potential; you harm only yourself, and so long as you have this approach you will never improve.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by bigbabyderek2012 View Post
    i am posting this just to get it off my mind for tonight. i received some good comments today about my story "The Facility" in Stories in progress but now i wish i could have not posted it because i received a rather hurtful comment from someone but I'm not going to be that person who narcs on people but no i am not a narc but i will say this i am really upset and crying about the comment i received and it makes me unsure about my talent as an author maybe i should just give it up because what is the point in being hurt by hurtful comments when all i am looking for is encoragement. i just wonder if i should give up being an author if it is going to hurt me this much to the point where i literally am crying.
    Derek,

    I understand that when you post a story of your own work you are often looking for acceptance and encouragement. When this is not given, it can be somewhat discouraging, if not painful.

    I have only attempted to write one story so far, and it is still not finished after over a year since I first introduced the initial chapters. Why haven't I finished this, well, to be truthful, it was because there simply didn't seem to be much interest in the story. A lot of this is because of the genre, which is much different than most members interest. In this case, it is a western love story. Yeah, most people here aren't interested in westerns. There are only a few people who I have come across on the website that are even interested in this sort of thing. However, the western novel genre has a huge following elsewhere.

    So, should I take this as a negative connotation towards myself, or my style of writing? Certainly not! Rather, I have to acknowledge that there are not a lot of others who are padded cowboys and want to read a western love story involving diapers. So, will I finish my story? Yes, but I am not going to be in a hurry to do so. What I need to learn from this is either to write the story as I see fit because I enjoy telling a story that is unique to me, or I need to adapt to the interests of the audience.

    But what I certainly should not do, is take the lack of interest personally and feel that people are attacking me. If I do that, I am not going to become a better writer, nor am I going to find enjoyment simply in the act of sharing a story. I know a lot of people that like to share stories that aren't particularly good at it. However, they find a satisfaction simply by telling the story. It doesn't matter whether the audience likes it or not, they are simply expressing themselves.

    So, I guess what I am sharing is that you should not become discouraged, but rather learn from what others have shared. If you want to do a better job of meeting the audience interest, then try to take what they said and improve your story. However, don't get caught up in whether it is liked or not. Find a satisfaction simply by telling a story that is part of your own creativity. The bottom line, unless you are expecting to sell the story, it is more about the fun of just storytelling.

    My parents used to come into my room at night and tell me a bedtime story. They weren't particularly good at it often struggling at reading certain words and the expression was quite poor. But I loved when they would do this. It wasn't the story that made me happy, but rather the fact that they came into my room and shared this time with me.

    Thanks for your time and effort in sharing your story. I hope that this may help.

    Teddy Bear Cowboy

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