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Thread: What Am I

  1. #1

    Default What Am I

    Ok don't know where to put this so here and think this is somewhat a mature topic so here it is. I being having a problem to where some people think I may be gay. I don't really know what I am because i haven't really have sexual thoughts about any girls I know really. The only 2 girls i had anything sexual thoughts on was in like 8 grade and around late 10 grade, so don't even thing they were real. I haven't have and thought like that since then. Also I the kind of guy who like lots of girls stuff, like musicals, plays, animals, and romantic movies, horseback riding and other stuff that me be more girl oriented. Also I tend to go towards girls more then guys. So lots of most of my friends are girls. I haven't had any sexual thoughts about guys but I really don't know what going on. I am in college so yea. Don't know who I am.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by wiggle View Post
    Ok don't know where to put this so here and think this is somewhat a mature topic so here it is. I being having a problem to where some people think I may be gay. I don't really know what I am because i haven't really have sexual thoughts about any girls I know really. The only 2 girls i had anything sexual thoughts on was in like 8 grade and around late 10 grade, so don't even thing they were real. I haven't have and thought like that since then. Also I the kind of guy who like lots of girls stuff, like musicals, plays, animals, and romantic movies, horseback riding and other stuff that me be more girl oriented. Also I tend to go towards girls more then guys. So lots of most of my friends are girls. I haven't had any sexual thoughts about guys but I really don't know what going on. I am in college so yea. Don't know who I am.
    Ideally, what would you like to be?

  3. #3

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    The only information here relevant to your sexuality is that you've had sexual thoughts about two girls and zero guys. So far you're either a straight guy or an asexual, and the fact that you like girly things and having girl friends is incidental. My advice would be to go through a ton of porn (alone), until you've got a good grip on what you like and don't like, or whether or not you like anything at all. That's going to tell you more than us.

  4. #4

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    Yeah, your interests in my opinion, aren't really a factor in your sexually. Just liking girly things isn't actually any sign to your sexual orientation, that's just hobbies and interests. I know plenty of guys who like stereotypical girly things but are completely 'straight'. What stereotypical gender role items you are interested in get unfairly mixed with your sexual orientation.

    My first advice would be to just.. not let it stress you out. I think almost everyone goes through a time in their life that they confused about themselves, or whatever they are interested in. You definitely will get your answer, and even if you go out and try to figure out exactly what you are interested in NOW, it might not be what you are interested in later.

    I could drag this on a little more, but my um.. biggest advice to you is to just be to yourself and be true to yourself. Enjoy what you enjoy and keep and open mind, and don't worry about labels for now. It's way more important to find what will actually make you happy, and to be happy now, then to stress about making sure you have a label for your sexuality. At least, that's just how I see things. ^_^

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gaston View Post
    The only information here relevant to your sexuality is that you've had sexual thoughts about two girls and zero guys. So far you're either a straight guy or an asexual, and the fact that you like girly things and having girl friends is incidental. My advice would be to go through a ton of porn (alone), until you've got a good grip on what you like and don't like, or whether or not you like anything at all. That's going to tell you more than us.
    While this is a reasonable step, I'd also say that the absence of any reaction isn't necessarily definitive. There are a variety of flavors to any orientation including asexuality. I would just recommend being as honest with yourself as possible. Find what you like and go with that. For some people, this is pretty mysterious stuff. Keep looking.

  6. #6

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    I think what you are experiencing is perfectly natural. Some people know who they are very early in life and some people take a while. I’ve seen stories of guys that are married with kids and then they relies they are gay. I myself don’t know what I am yet. I just consider myself bi because I’ve seen men and women in a light of not necessarily sexual but wouldn’t mind calling them my boyfriend or girlfriend. Take your time to figure out who you are it will make itself clear in time.

  7. #7

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    You is what you is,
    And what you is needs no excuses!

    I don't know if that explains... but... I have found it unhelpful to try to compare myself with other people's labels and expectations. Labels (such as heterosexual and homosexual and asexual) aren't really important unless they actually reflect who you are. What I'm trying to say is... you can't pick a label until you know how to label yourself (and choose to label yourself).

    Suppose that, after a great deal of thought, you decide that you are heterosexual and then... out of the blue... you get a crush on a male friend. Do you check to see what label you have applied to yourself before you act, or do you try to do what is right (and what feels right) depending on the situation you find yourself in...? Do you turn down potentially fulfilling opportunities because you have already decided to discount them? You see what I mean? The labels come last, not first.

    Labels are only useful as a vague shorthand to explain who you are to someone else (and for that, you already need to know who you are), or as a refuge for those lacking the strength or ability to decide for themselves who they really are and to stand out alone, with no label to back them up. Labels bring a transcendence of existence; a way of living in "bad faith" (to use Sartre's term) and ascribing an external meaning to your life, not because there is meaning, but simply for the sake of finding some meaning in the chaos.

    Imagine that you decide you are gay and that you will join a club promoting gay rights. If you do this honestly and in "good faith" (because you really are gay and want to promote gay rights), well, a tip o' the hat to you, sir... But if you aren't sure who you are and where you fit in and are pretending to be someone you're not... well... How safe it must feel to stand alongside a large group and try to make yourself believe that you are one of them *ahem religion* (because, perhaps you feel that by yourself you are nothing)... And, in being part of this group, you can represent something that will survive your death. When you die, the fight for gay rights will go on... You will have... in a paradoxical psychological way... avoided death (yet, in this case, also avoided a "true" life).

    Any cause can be noble and rightous. And you can follow it for noble and rightous reasons... but you can also latch on to a "group identity" because you feel insecure about showing your own identity.

    Now another example... imagine you live in a small society without media or web access, in which homosexuality is unknown. You start to experience gay feelings and... in your mind... there is no precedent. You don't conform; you are different. There aren't words that explain why you are different from those in your tribe. Who are you?! Can that question ever be resolved? Should it be?

    In one situation, you have chosen the label "gay" to hide behind, to know (and let others know) your place in society and to feel a part of something bigger and transcendental... but it is not an accurate description of who you are. And in the other situation, there is no word for "gay", but... frightened of being "the only gay in the village", you deny the facts about who you are and ask, "Who am I? Where do I fit in when there are no words to explain?"...

    And (please forgive me if I'm wrong, but) I suspect that's what you're trying to do now: to find the right words that explain who you are. But you don't need words to explain who you are. You just need to BE who you are. Let the words come later.

    P.S. Not sure if it helps, but I felt similarly to you when I was at uni. One day I came back from a party with a few friends and... happened to "get off" with one of my close male friends. (Hey... what else is uni for, if not to try everything once?) Anyway... I was open-minded, but... it only took a few seconds to realise that it didn't feel right (and I think my mate thought the same!). Well... it was then that I realised that I definitely wasn't gay. I suppose I've wondered whether I'm asexual (an by "how much"... if that even makes sense)... but... you can't prove a negative (of that sort)


  8. #8

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    A random arrangement of amino acids through procreation

    We are not what we remember of ourselves we are what people say we are, we are nothing but white screens

  9. #9

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    Well, there's no real answer to this. You can't deduce your sexuality based on your behavior or interests. There are gay guys and gals out there, whom you can't tell apart from a cliché, straight family father.

    Get out! Experiment! Whatever works for you, your mind and genitalia will tell you. I didn't know I like girls until I got all cuddly with someone. Your sexuality is not about "being", but rather about what works in just the moment you experience it in.

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