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Thread: SSRIs and self-acceptance

  1. #1

    Default SSRIs and self-acceptance

    I've suffered from depression for a while. It's been successfully treated with a combination of SSRIs and therapy, but I had an interesting experience in changing SSRIs I figured I should post about.

    I was on zoloft. It worked for the depression, and I wanted to stop taking it. Tapering it, even slowly, left me with lots of bad withdrawal symptoms. So after talking to my doctor I decided to switch to prozac, since that's usually easier to stop taking due to the longer half-life.

    Switching to prozac was relatively easy. I did it in early October 2012. Shortly afterwards I realized that it was probably ok that I was an AB/DL. Then I joined ADISC (Oct. 25, 2012, according to my profile page) and started posted, after lurking for a long time.

    Previously I'd never given thought to accepting my AB/DL side - I'd always wanted to stop. I'm still not completely where I'd like to be with the self-acceptance (but that's probably due to not telling my SO yet), but I feel so much better about it than I used to. I find the timing of this sudden shift interesting, given that it corresponds to my switch from zoloft to prozac.

    I realize that SSRIs are powerful drugs, even if commonly prescribed, and that explains my response to some degree. However, the sudden shift is quite dramatic, especially considering I'd been fighting any AB/DL feelings previously, however unsuccessfully. And I don't think it's affected me in any other ways, except that perhaps my anxiety is lower (the zoloft was a little too activating, I guess).

    I'm kind of curious about what would happen if I tapered off the prozac, but not curious enough to find out just yet.

    Anyway, has anyone else had something dramatic like that happen in response to SSRIs, or heard of something similar?

  2. #2

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    hmmmm. Well, I'm on a fairly high dose of Prozac because my OCD just doesn't let up if I'm not (long-term therapy actually made it quite a bit worse)... Going on a high dose was a decision I took in the last 3/4 months. I am more accepting of being ABDL now than i've ever been. It's possible the prozac facilitated my coming on here. I honestly don't know! I plan to stay on the stuff indefinitely...

  3. #3

    Default SSRIs and self-acceptance



    Quote Originally Posted by Jsaur View Post
    hmmmm. Well, I'm on a fairly high dose of Prozac because my OCD just doesn't let up if I'm not (long-term therapy actually made it quite a bit worse)... Going on a high dose was a decision I took in the last 3/4 months. I am more accepting of being ABDL now than i've ever been. It's possible the prozac facilitated my coming on here. I honestly don't know! I plan to stay on the stuff indefinitely...
    How sudden was the change in acceptance for you? It happened over a couple weeks for me, and was tightly correlated with my medication switch.

    I haven't told my doctor about this, since I haven't mentioned abdl stuff to her. I'd kind of like to get her take on it, but don't really want to bring up abdl - yeah, I know, confidentiality and all, but still.

    I also love Prozac. I'm only on 20mg. I wish I had switched to it sooner. I'll probably taper at some point, just not yet.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleAcorn View Post
    I've suffered from depression for a while. It's been successfully treated with a combination of SSRIs and therapy, but I had an interesting experience in changing SSRIs I figured I should post about.

    I was on zoloft. It worked for the depression, and I wanted to stop taking it. Tapering it, even slowly, left me with lots of bad withdrawal symptoms. So after talking to my doctor I decided to switch to prozac, since that's usually easier to stop taking due to the longer half-life.


    Switching to prozac was relatively easy. I did it in early October 2012. Shortly afterwards I realized that it was probably ok that I was an AB/DL. Then I joined ADISC (Oct. 25, 2012, according to my profile page) and started posted, after lurking for a long time.

    Previously I'd never given thought to accepting my AB/DL side - I'd always wanted to stop. I'm still not completely where I'd like to be with the self-acceptance (but that's probably due to not telling my SO yet), but I feel so much better about it than I used to. I find the timing of this sudden shift interesting, given that it corresponds to my switch from zoloft to prozac.

    I realize that SSRIs are powerful drugs, even if commonly prescribed, and that explains my response to some degree. However, the sudden shift is quite dramatic, especially considering I'd been fighting any AB/DL feelings previously, however unsuccessfully. And I don't think it's affected me in any other ways, except that perhaps my anxiety is lower (the zoloft was a little too activating, I guess).

    I'm kind of curious about what would happen if I tapered off the prozac, but not curious enough to find out just yet.

    Anyway, has anyone else had something dramatic like that happen in response to SSRIs, or heard of something similar?

    Hi LittleAcorn, was the depression directly linked to being ADBL, or a lot of little things?
    Anyways you have been on this medication nearly 5 months so i feel its a little early to come off it.
    However i like Jsaur also have OCD the mental intrusive thought version, and my depression occurred when the anxiety i felt over realizing how much i liked diapers and telling my wife(She was very excepting but i wasnt), was at a breaking point.
    This was 2 years ago and i accepted my DL'ism before going on a SSRI.
    Since i have OCD i personally decided to take half a celexia 20mg per day, and sometimes i skip a day.
    This way i remain myself and not become too dependant on a SSRI.
    With the depression long gone, I remain on my small dosage as a maintenance dose but the OCD remains.
    Good luck LittleAcorn and i hope you stay on the meds at least a few months longer.
    Regards.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleAcorn View Post
    How sudden was the change in acceptance for you? It happened over a couple weeks for me, and was tightly correlated with my medication switch.

    I haven't told my doctor about this, since I haven't mentioned abdl stuff to her. I'd kind of like to get her take on it, but don't really want to bring up abdl - yeah, I know, confidentiality and all, but still.

    I also love Prozac. I'm only on 20mg. I wish I had switched to it sooner. I'll probably taper at some point, just not yet.
    I guess it's been in the most recent month really. Arguably, the two things could be linked. I don't want to jump to conclusions but you could be onto something... I'm on 40mg.

    If it is the prozac, my guess is that it's facilitating my capacity to be more comfortable with my ABDL side; since I can't seem to quit being ABDL, that's probably a good thing.

    Prozac's pretty good in my case. I'd been having problems on/off with OCD for more than a decade and I'd seen all these therapists who made all these sweeping statements about how 'i'd definitely get over it' in time. Well, I was getting closer and closer to 30 and still suffering really badly; I was losing hope and I knew prozac calmed it down so decided to try a course but up my dose (I'd read that OCD responds better to higher doses of prozac). Frankly, it's the best I've felt in years.

    It's hugely misunderstood as a drug. There's often an assumption by the public that it makes you dopey or insensitive - like it's some kind of soma - but actually, for me, it just helps put things in perspective. Now, when I have cause to worry (e.g. for a job interview), I don't put off worrying about that and worry about something stupid instead; I actually worry about the interview. This might sound weird to anyone who doesn't have OCD, but, until recently, I'd get stupidly laid-back about serious things and seriously worried about stupid things. I recently went for a big interview and normally I'd just shrug it off (which makes me great at keeping cool in interviews but means I transfer the stress into worrying about stupid things instead), but this time I was terrified... and for once, I was actually quite glad!

    The way I see it, if it means taking a couple of pills everyday will allow me to control the unpleasant cycles of thought I go through (the obsessive side of OCD), heck, I might as well stay on the stuff. And if a side-effect is I'm more comfortable with my 'little' side, then that's icing on the cake

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyfish View Post
    Hi LittleAcorn, was the depression directly linked to being ADBL, or a lot of little things?
    Anyways you have been on this medication nearly 5 months so i feel its a little early to come off it.
    If the depression was linked to being ABDL it was subconscious. Maybe it contributed, but that wasn't the sole cause of the depression (as much as there is a cause for such things). I'd probably say it was a lot of little things (finding a job, school, money, etc). Drugs helped, but improving my situation helped too. Both happened at the same time, though, so I can't really say what helped the most.

    And I was on zoloft for 3-4 years before I switched to prozac, and "better" for at least the last two years. I'd tried just tapering the zoloft, but got nasty withdrawal symptoms (the worst was that it seriously messed with my memory, which was scary). My doctor's plan was to switch to the prozac and then immediately taper that, but since I like the prozac she's fine with me staying on it for a while - as am I :-).



    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyfish View Post
    Since i have OCD i personally decided to take half a celexia 20mg per day, and sometimes i skip a day.
    This way i remain myself and not become too dependant on a SSRI.
    My doctor suggested that when I was having sexual difficulties from the SSRI. I never found that it worked or helped that much, though, although it's a pretty common strategy. It doesn't worth with prozac, however, since the half-life is so long that missing a day doesn't matter.



    Quote Originally Posted by Jsaur View Post
    Prozac's pretty good in my case. I'd been having problems on/off with OCD for more than a decade and I'd seen all these therapists who made all these sweeping statements about how 'i'd definitely get over it' in time. Well, I was getting closer and closer to 30 and still suffering really badly; I was losing hope and I knew prozac calmed it down so decided to try a course but up my dose (I'd read that OCD responds better to higher doses of prozac). Frankly, it's the best I've felt in years.
    I'm glad it works for you. What type of therapy did you try? I have a close friend with OCD who's tried CBT/ERP, and it's helped a bit, but not that much. That might be because the therapist was more familiar with anxiety and depression than OCD - did you at least see someone who specialized in OCD?



    Quote Originally Posted by Jsaur View Post
    It's hugely misunderstood as a drug. There's often an assumption by the public that it makes you dopey or insensitive - like it's some kind of soma - but actually, for me, it just helps put things in perspective. Now, when I have cause to worry (e.g. for a job interview), I don't put off worrying about that and worry about something stupid instead; I actually worry about the interview. This might sound weird to anyone who doesn't have OCD, but, until recently, I'd get stupidly laid-back about serious things and seriously worried about stupid things. I recently went for a big interview and normally I'd just shrug it off (which makes me great at keeping cool in interviews but means I transfer the stress into worrying about stupid things instead), but this time I was terrified... and for once, I was actually quite glad!
    Your description makes a lot of sense - I have a friend with OCD like I mentioned above, and that seems like an accurate description from what I understand. Although I think other SSRIs can make you feel a bit dopey. When I started zoloft it made me really spacey and relaxed for a couple days. It was actually kind of nice at the time, since it was better than depression, but I'm glad it only lasted a couple days . I've heard bad things about about paxil too. Prozac seems to be more activating.

    There's a book titled "Listening to Prozac" that's fairly interesting. It's by a psychiatrist and his experiences treating people with it - it's a good read, and vaguely touches on the issues in this thread. Unfortunately I haven't found an ebook version, so you have to get a paper copy. I've been looking for my copy to re-read, but I think I lost it in a move.
    Last edited by LittleAcorn; 25-Feb-2013 at 18:16. Reason: typo

  7. #7

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    Well LittleAcorn im just glad you seem to be over the worst of it.

    I wanted to say that OCD is chronic lifetime condition and it is ultimately a form of anxiety disorder.
    So no surprise when OCD gets bad, the pendulum swings to its equal opposite, depression.
    The best advice i ever got about OCD, was just don't care, and if you can do that and mean it, its a battle half won.

    The best teachers are always the one who have experienced and conquered the conditions that people face.
    For many people depression can also be a chronic condition and a persons brain chemistry has been altered or 'imbalanced', permanently.

    Lack of Seritonin in the brain is a chemical deficiency just like a person that needs to physically take insulin for diabetes.

    There is no shame in taking medicine when a person needs it, and is risking losing the balance one has maintained by completely stopping worth it?

    Thats another debate entirely.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleAcorn View Post
    I'm glad it works for you. What type of therapy did you try? I have a close friend with OCD who's tried CBT/ERP, and it's helped a bit, but not that much. That might be because the therapist was more familiar with anxiety and depression than OCD - did you at least see someone who specialized in OCD?
    I've had psychotherapy, CBT, CAT, counselling, I've also seen a psychiatrist and a psychosexual-therapist (hey, if you're OCD, you're gonna worry about wearing diapers at some point!) They've helped, they're not cures however and I'm kind of exhausted at the prospect of seeing anyone else.

    Having said that, i've never seen someone specifically for OCD (I have a format of it known as 'Pure Obsessional OCD' so it's been very hard to diagnose)

    Funnily, I find if I miss a dose of what I'm on I'll usually have a bad day a week or so later... which sucks Now I use one of those pill calendar-boxes!

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyfish View Post
    Lack of Seritonin in the brain is a chemical deficiency just like a person that needs to physically take insulin for diabetes.
    There's no evidence at all that depression/anxiety are correlated with a lack of serotonin (or other neurotransmitters), unlike diabetes where insulin levels can actually be tested. Just sayin'...

    I hope everyone with such issues makes steady progress, though... I'm thinking about getting some antidepressants myself...


  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    There's no evidence at all that depression/anxiety are correlated with a lack of serotonin (or other neurotransmitters), unlike diabetes where insulin levels can actually be tested. Just sayin'...
    :
    Tell that to my Psychiatrist who has been treating patients for 50 years!
    The diabetes comparison is the one he explained to me and it makes perfect sense.
    By proof you mean scientific or group studies with test trials?
    The results are pretty conclusive if not exactly proven how seritonin works in our brains because we know depressed and very anxious people lack that chemical.
    We do know SSRI'S work for patients with depression and for a severe anxiety disorder like OCD.

    Anyways i do not think people with any severity of these conditions should just stop taking these medications because OCD is tends to be chronic.

    I take your point though.

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