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Thread: Can anyone relate to this.

  1. #1

    Default Can anyone relate to this.

    I mentioned recently that I finally showed my other half my stash and she knows I sometimes wear nappies in bed with the lights out but I'm struggling to be more open than that and struggling to figure out what it is that I want from being in that situation. I don't think it's that I want to share it in a sexual way, I just want it to feel normal and not, for want of a better word, "strange".

    Part of it is probably because i've spent the last 27 of my 30 years being very very secretive with my little side/DL side; but part of it is... I really don't know; I can't put the feeling in words...

    I'm glad she's accepting, and I'm fine that she doesn't want to be a part of that side of me. That's a shame but I've spent this long keeping it separate from my domestic life with her, Why should it bother me? (I hope I'm not kidding myself.)

    The truth is, there's something I can't put my finger on that doesn't feel right in all this. I've talked to her about it but I really really don't know what the problem is. I should be happy and glad - i'm out, i'm less-and-less ashamed, i like being ABDL, I have a partner who respects that - but ... I dunno, why do I feel like there's something missing in all this?

    Do you think it's just a shock to the system? Everything has happened so fast for me: Joining here, opening up, showing her my stash... Trying to get over the idea that someone non-ABDL isn't ashamed and disgusted by what I do is taking a huge amount of work on my part... The other day I got a cute onesie and I've been aching to wear it but I kept feeling like - no, she'd think I looked like an idiot. I know that that's not what she'd say or feel. But it's hard...

    so! Anyone know where I'm coming from? can anyone speak from a similar POV? Did it take you time to settle into it?
    Last edited by Jsaur; 24-Feb-2013 at 10:23.

  2. #2

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    So totally relate. You're right, having worked so hard to conceal it from other all your life, means it just feels awkward. And no matter how OK she says she's about it, and I'm sure she is, you still can't help but feel that you look silly. At least that's how I feel, but I still do it anyway because it is how I want to feel, and how I need to express myself sometimes. The funny thing is, I get really embarrassed about padding up in front of my partner, but once covered, have little or no inhibitions...It's kinda like, when my little self feels confident, I do. I think for some stupid reason, while I'm in a completely adult state, I still feel a bit ashamed of who I am....but hey, I am working on it, and she is so nice about it. She is starting to really discover my little self and that is helping.

    Perseverance is the key....good luck.

  3. #3

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    This is interesting because I have similar feelings in front of my wife. She even buys me most of the babyish things I wear, like my onsies, footed jammies, plushies. I keep thinking that I'll get in bed and act like a toddler, but I seldom do because I'm too embarrassed. Today I told my wife that my blue plastic pants split. I wanted to say, blue plastic panties, but I said pants. To my surprise she said, but you still have the pink ones, so she did notice. I order my diapers and plastic pants. I felt sort of good because of her response.

    I think the problem is ours, in that we are the ones having trouble accepting this, rather than our SOs. I'm trying to make myself a little more bold, but it's a long road. I don't want to cross that line where she might be repulsed, or think less of me, and again, that reflects my lack of self acceptance.

  4. #4

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    Hi Jsaur

    I think dogboy and ozbub are on the right track. You are out with your SO, meaning you have crossed a boundary but you are still unclear about what those new boundaries are. I think communication is key here. Not just verbal but non verbal. Watch her reactions and continue to talk and you will learn with time what the new boundaries are.

    You've made a lot of changes in the last month or so, so what you need now is time to mentally digest what has occurred.

    I wish both you and your SO the best on your journey thru this part of your lives.

  5. #5

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    How did you tell your SO, if you don't mind me asking? (edit: I did quickly look over your previous threads but didn't find anything - apologies if you've posted about that before)

    My SO doesn't know (yet), but even if everything goes perfectly and she's completely supportive and accepting, I can definitely see myself being awkward about it. Even if she's willing to participate I can imagine feeling strange about wearing diapers in front of her. So I can relate.

    The best explanation I can come up with is that I've hidden my AB/DL side for so long that the guilt and shame are ingrained habits. It will probably just take some time to get used to the idea that it's ok to wear a diaper around her. Does that make sense?

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleAcorn View Post
    How did you tell your SO, if you don't mind me asking? (edit: I did quickly look over your previous threads but didn't find anything - apologies if you've posted about that before)

    My SO doesn't know (yet), but even if everything goes perfectly and she's completely supportive and accepting, I can definitely see myself being awkward about it. Even if she's willing to participate I can imagine feeling strange about wearing diapers in front of her. So I can relate.

    The best explanation I can come up with is that I've hidden my AB/DL side for so long that the guilt and shame are ingrained habits. It will probably just take some time to get used to the idea that it's ok to wear a diaper around her. Does that make sense?
    I originally told her that I was DL when very drunk about 5 years ago. But I didn't really go further than that at the time. As i recall, i burst into tears about it while walking home... Since then It's taken me this long to finally muster the guts to show her my stash. She was sitting reading in bed getting ready to sleep and I just said I finally wanted to show her what I was into. So I got things out and talked about them... Once I set my mind to it, it was amazing how painless the whole process actually was. I was all butterflies for about 30 minutes after though!
    Since then I've felt a whole lot more AB and a whole lot happier, and that's great, but now there's this new obstacle.

    Thank you for all the advice and thoughts folks. It's really appreciated!

  7. #7

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    I can totally relate when I told my now fiancÚ we had been dating for about a year I like you was very drunk and emotional when telling her . She knew something was up because the week leading up to the night I had been distant n not nice and it was all because I knew I had to tell her because I wanted to marry her but after having a god leave me years ago after discovering my secret was too nervous to do it .. Thanks to jack Daniels I was able to come out of the diaper closet

    For me when I told her she was like that's it and I was like wut do u mean she goes that's it it's not a big deal n right there n then she wanted to see my stash I showed her and then the next day she wanted to see me wear one and I was so nervous I couldn't stop shaking n it all felt so weird n scary at the time

    I think the thing for me that got me over that empty feeling where something's missing was her participation in it she slowly got into taking care if me and now I hate wearing without her there to take care of me . She truly made me complete and once she accepted me only then could I fully accept my self and see that there's nothing wrong with me haha at least the diaper part lol

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