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Thread: Anyone here wish they weren't ABDL?

  1. #1

    Default Anyone here wish they weren't ABDL?

    Does anybody else not want to be ABDL?
    I've accepted it and it gives me pleasure but it also has crippled my romantic life worse than just having Asperger's Disorder (don't you dare tell me it's not a disorder) already did. I'm afraid of intimacy because intimacy means having to trust people with this secret. I'm sick of the burden. I struggle with depression and suicidal thioughts, and my depression often centers around this. In the last 10 years (I'm only 27) I've had ONE girlfriend who manipulated me using her knowledge of my ABDL side and exposed me more than once to her sick hacker friends, who then hacked my facebook (or possibly she did it and pretended it was someone else) and exposed me as an ABDL. Fortunately I was able to convince most people it was a joke. I had a two year and several month relationship with her and it destroyed my trust, left with me with post-traumatic stress disorder, and even more anxiety surround ABDL.

    Does anybody else feel this way about being ABDL? I really hate that it's a part of me; the fact that I also find is pleasurable is irrelevant, since it also brings me so much pain.

    I know I can't get rid of it. I've tried. Aversion therapy. Sex counseling. I just want a normal girlfriend who accepts me and is cool with just keeping it in the bedroom, but I know I'll never find that. I'm too messed up.

    I've never had any luck with internet dating. And I don't want a relationship based on diapers. I just want a relationship. But that's impossible. Because of ABDL.

  2. #2

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    I have struggled with a lot of the same stuff. I figured I was too messed up to ever get into a relationship. Then I met my wife. She loves me for who I am, despite all my crazy. Don't give up hope.

  3. #3

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    Thanks but I already have given up hope. Just because it happened to you doesn't mean it will happen to me. That is a logical fallacy. I don't mean to make light of anything you've gone through. But I have a lot psychiatric issues and the ABDL factor just makes it 100 times worse especially when it comes to women.

    I don't believe there's someone out there for everyone. That strikes me a fairy tale-like platitude to quiet small children. Not anything supported by a consistent pattern of evidence.
    Last edited by Bartolome; 12-Feb-2013 at 03:13.

  4. #4

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    I think rejecting AB/DLism is a stage every AB/DL has to go through. Hell, I didn't sleep a wink my entire spring semester sophomore year. I hated myself because I wasn't "normal". But you know what? Fuck normal. Screw that. Normal is the gray in the world.

    I can't give you much dating advice, but I can guarantee you that most women in the world are not bitchy enough to try and ruin your life like that. You just have to find the right ones.

    It's fine if you don't believe there is someone out there for everyone. I doubt there is a 100% match for anyone. But you can find someone who is god damn close, and I am 100% sure of that. Why? Because there are BILLIONS of people in the world (and half of them are women ). With so many different and unique women, you can (and will) find one that is loving and accepting (which are two qualities ANY human being should have).

    I know my prose is never terribly inspiring, but don't give up on yourself. You are a unique guy with loads of likable qualities. And I'm gonna break your rule and tell you Asperger's is NOT a disorder, it's another unique part of you. It's a part of you like AB/DL is a part of you. Not disorders, just divergences, colors of your beautiful personality.

  5. #5

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    If you're open, upfront, honest and meaning no harm then you have nothing to be ashamed of. If it is something you enjoy go ahead and fully enjoy it, don't make it something to beat yourself up about. Other people are far too busy worrying that you will find out there deep insecurities, secrets and fetishes to worry too much about yours. Idiots may use yours to distract themselves from there own problems for a while but at the end of the day they will go back to fearing your judgement on there cupboards of skeletons. Anyone worth a penny/dime will be secretly admiring you for being open about things if you learn to do that when confronted.

    If you make it a shameful thing, others will see it that way. If you make it something that is merely part of your personality or something you can be proud of then others will view it in that light too. Sometimes humans need a while to let stuff sink in, we often react stupidly from shock, embarrassment or insecurity. Once the initial reaction has passed people are merely curious or too wrapped up in themselves to consider it any further. In the end we all tend to settle down with an 'each to their own' mindset.

    If you have something like being an AB that makes you feel good and happy then you are already better off than anyone who is mocking you or being nasty, they simply haven't got anything in their lives that offers them the same level of comfort/excitement/peace/.... as you have. Pretending to be superior is the only thing they can cling to in order to feel good about themselves and that really doesn't say much for them or the way in which they live their lives.

    If people laugh laugh with them. If people are mean pity them. If someone is quick to judge you go ahead and judge them right back for being a closed minded fool. Then ask yourself, does anyone really care what a closed minded fool thinks?

    Oops that turned into a bit of a poorly written essay.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    Does anybody else not want to be ABDL?
    I've accepted it and it gives me pleasure but it also has crippled my romantic life worse than just having Asperger's Disorder (don't you dare tell me it's not a disorder) already did. I'm afraid of intimacy because intimacy means having to trust people with this secret. I'm sick of the burden. I struggle with depression and suicidal thioughts, and my depression often centers around this. In the last 10 years (I'm only 27) I've had ONE girlfriend who manipulated me using her knowledge of my ABDL side and exposed me more than once to her sick hacker friends, who then hacked my facebook (or possibly she did it and pretended it was someone else) and exposed me as an ABDL. Fortunately I was able to convince most people it was a joke. I had a two year and several month relationship with her and it destroyed my trust, left with me with post-traumatic stress disorder, and even more anxiety surround ABDL.

    Does anybody else feel this way about being ABDL? I really hate that it's a part of me; the fact that I also find is pleasurable is irrelevant, since it also brings me so much pain.

    I know I can't get rid of it. I've tried. Aversion therapy. Sex counseling. I just want a normal girlfriend who accepts me and is cool with just keeping it in the bedroom, but I know I'll never find that. I'm too messed up.

    I've never had any luck with internet dating. And I don't want a relationship based on diapers. I just want a relationship. But that's impossible. Because of ABDL.
    sorry to hear that. It sounds like, first and foremost, you've had a series of very unfortunate incidents there. I wouldn't count on everyone you meet being so heartless though. Your ex sounds like she had issues of her own to be honest.

    Being ABDL doesn't make it impossible to have a relationship; far from it. Speaking as someone who is engaged to a non-abdl (who is fully aware of what I'm into), it's all about finding someone with the maturity to approach your abdl side with a level and respectful head. I knew my partner would be very mature about it when I told her and I waited a year before I broached the subject.

    I hope that gives you some hope, chin up

  7. #7

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    ^ How were you able to have sex without her knowing about ad/dl? I'm not able to do that.

    - - - Updated - - -

    It frustrates me knowing that most AB/DL types can still be aroused by normal stimulation and I can't. Makes my situation unique. And hopeless, right?

    Or is this more common than the research I've done led me to believe? Are there others who have romantic feelings for people and sexual feelings for diapers and being treated like a toddler, such that they can't get aroused normally?

    I'd like to hear from those people about just how they go about getting dates or finding someone. If they do.

    - - - Updated - - -

    And about my use of the word "normal": when I say it, I mean "happy, comfortable, secure." I am none of those things right now. I hate myself more than anything else in this horrible world. So I'm going to keep using the word "normal" to describe the state of affairs I'd like to be in, such as not being ABDL or not having it be a barrier to dating. I'm going to use that word to mean "neurotypical" as well, since having Asperger's DISORDER is one of the worst life sentences imaginable. Normal is not "the gray of the world." It's a bright, vibrant world I've love to step into and embrace but crap like Asperger's and ABDL keep getting in the damn way.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    It frustrates me knowing that most AB/DL types can still be aroused by normal stimulation and I can't. Makes my situation unique. And hopeless, right?

    Or is this more common than the research I've done led me to believe? Are there others who have romantic feelings for people and sexual feelings for diapers and being treated like a toddler, such that they can't get aroused normally?

    I'd like to hear from those people about just how they go about getting dates or finding someone. If they do.
    Diapers is my one and only sexuality. My wife is cool with that. Again, it can happen.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    ^ How were you able to have sex without her knowing about ad/dl? I'm not able to do that.

    - - - Updated - - -

    It frustrates me knowing that most AB/DL types can still be aroused by normal stimulation and I can't. Makes my situation unique. And hopeless, right?

    Or is this more common than the research I've done led me to believe? Are there others who have romantic feelings for people and sexual feelings for diapers and being treated like a toddler, such that they can't get aroused normally?

    I'd like to hear from those people about just how they go about getting dates or finding someone. If they do.

    - - - Updated - - -

    And about my use of the word "normal": when I say it, I mean "happy, comfortable, secure." I am none of those things right now. I hate myself more than anything else in this horrible world. So I'm going to keep using the word "normal" to describe the state of affairs I'd like to be in, such as not being ABDL or not having it be a barrier to dating. I'm going to use that word to mean "neurotypical" as well, since having Asperger's DISORDER is one of the worst life sentences imaginable. Normal is not "the gray of the world." It's a bright, vibrant world I've love to step into and embrace but crap like Asperger's and ABDL keep getting in the damn way.
    Granted, my ABDL side has always been like a separate side of me. it's like 2 sides of a coin I suppose. I still have a very strong (and pretty conventional) heterosexual side as well. If it's any consolation, your take on 'normal' isn't all it's cracked-up to be No one is as 'normal' as you'd think. Most people put a face on the things that hurt them in their lives... For example, I've lived with OCD for more than a decade now and - although it's a pretty different experience to aspergers for me - I've had some very very dark days in my young adult life. When I experience anxiety my emotions go out of control and force me into patterns of cyclical thoughts and fears. My compulsion is attempting to control that. My world isn't grey, it's too sharp and too bright and too overwhelming and too fast! I'm on track these days, but that's been very hard fought and very hard won...

    Seriously though, your situation isn't unique nor hopeless however. Have you considered seeking advice? It sounds like you've hit a brick wall right now. Sometimes an objective voice over a period of time can help you find a way out. someone with experience of individuals with aspergers would be especially helpful I think.

    I can understand your frustration, it must be very difficult - especially so with aspergers to boot; I'm guessing you struggle to express/manage/think-through the emotional vocabulary that others associate with being ABDL, I'd have a very hard time dealing with that... Heck, it can be hard even when you aren't aspergers!

    My advice is, try not to hate yourself buddy, life's too short for hate; acceptance is the first step. You are who you are, and that is ok. The fact that you're talking about it on here is a move in the right direction.

    Try sitting down with a pen and paper and planning a realistic life-map from where you're at now to where you'd like to be in the years to come; try and figure out how you'll get to your goal: 'do you need to get some counselling?' 'what do you want to do for a living?' 'is there someone close that you can open your fears up to?' etc. break it all down into little chunks. The worst enemy in depression is inertia: you feel like it's all too much to manage.

    If that seems like too much, try a little micro-management (I have a friend who lives with PTSD and she swore by this): plan your week hour by hour: draw what you're going to do day-by-day. Little steps. Give yourself little things to look forward to - a nice dinner, a funny TV show, etc. and keep your days as full as possible. You might find that, with the help of a bit of stability, the negativity will subside and you can start to think about the bigger problems with a more reasoned and objective mindset.

    Good luck, it'll be tough but you can do it and life can be rewarding and wonderful. Being aspergers and abdl are part of life's rich pageant. They can be bad but, in time, they may bring clarity, and value to your life. I like to hope OCD has made me a very empathetic person and my ABDL side has made me pragmatic (heck, who would I be to call anyone else a weirdo when I like dressing up as a baby and pooping myself haha!) I don't know how aspergers is for you but you might - for example - find it helps you to focus on interesting and difficult academic problems in life where many of us would get bored and lose concentration. Take me, I'm a programmer but I get distracted way too easily! I'd love to be able to drown out all the other things that get in my way (I probably ought to be getting on with programming right now for instance!)

  10. #10

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    I'm glad you all were able to find people who accept and love you. I wish I believed that would happen to me.

    I work in the mental health field. I don't need to be told there's no such thing as "normal." I know that. Doesn't mean I suddenly start liking who I am. I punched a hole in my wall yesterday and thought very seriously about killing myself. I'm glad you people found love... but it makes me all that much MORE DEPRESSED KNOWING THAT IT HAPPENS TO OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT TO ME ARGHUJIKADSFrfgtr5fgtrfgrfvsfrfgv4k iqV=0 DYU\8COV-R,LDFEV

    - - - Updated - - -

    And yes I've sought advice. I've talked about this with people in my life. They all told me the same crap you all are telling me and NONE OF IT WORKS. NONE OF IT HELPS. EVERYTHING I TRY MAKES ME MORE DEPRESSED

    - - - Updated - - -

    And grasping the emotional vocabulary isn't my issue. I've had years of practice at that kind of thing, I've overcome a lot of challenges, but even that doesn't mean I'll ever be loved. I have no assurance of this and I have every REASON TO THINK IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN

    It's overcoming the fear associated with rejection and also with revealing the ABDL side to a person. I'm a loser, alright? I'm a loser and I'll die lonely and early of toxic stress AND I BLAME ABDL:


    I'm supposed to keep it PG 13. Okay, I won't curse. MURDER! DEATH! DESPAIR! HATRED! JEALOUSY! ANGER! LONELINESS! THAT'S ALL I FEEL!

    Work distracts me until I get home. I work to coordinate therapeutic services for kids with Autism. My life is full of intellectual pursuits, writing stories, essays, novels, poems. And my work- I love my work. But it's all intellectual. I don't have the emotional connection with someone else that I want and I have tried EVERYTHING from internet dating to sex therapy! My intellectual pursuits- which DO make a very "full life"- do not fill that hole. I get home and I am reminded of the loneliness and emptiness and get overwhelmed with negative emotions, then I start wishing how I could just kill myself but the thought of having to get rid of all evidence of my fetish first keeps me from killing myself, but I don't know how long that will last, given my mixed feelings about this &****&&&&^&^^^&T^YYYUUU of a fetish I was cursed with some time in my wretched development.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also "can happen" and "will happen" are two different things.

    Just because you got over this doesn't mean I will. I HAVE NO HOPE.

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