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Thread: Dating age gap? (please don't freak)

  1. #1

    Default Dating age gap? (please don't freak)

    Okay. So this is.. a bit weird. And if anyone who knows me reads this, they'd probably think it very unlike me.. But I have to get something off my chest.. And perhaps an opinion (perhaps a psychiatric one as well, because after reading this I guarantee a lot of you are going to consider me sick/nutty.)

    Well, here goes.

    I've been talking to this girl. I'm popular, she's not. I'm rather outgoing. She's painfully shy. Anyways. We started off just casually talking, and then sitting with each other at lunch (she goes to the same school as me). And we got really into talking and a buncha stuff came out that I never tell people, both AB/furry/whatnot related and non-related. A bunch of interests I had that I swore no one had in the same or similar combination I did. Which was mindblowing. Turns out she's a furry, and she also is quite interested (after me explaining it to her) in dipping her feet in the whole *B/babyfur thing. And on top of that we just have a mindblowing amount of things in common. She is just. like. me. in a creepy amount of ways. And I think I might be starting to fall for her.

    Now, here it is.
    Um, well, I don't know how else to put this.. but she's 14. I'm 18. Yes, you read that correctly. Now, before the judge-hammer comes down and everyone 'splodes, I just wanna say: in my defense, I've honestly never ever ever felt like this about another human being before, and I have quite a, um, dating history. I enjoy a decent amount of popularity and, according to some, a decent set of looks to go with it. But I digress. I. Have. Never. Felt. Like. This. Before. And it's scary. And she feels the same way, but I mean.. I do know she's 14 and has an iota of the dating experience that I do but..
    I just...Jeebus, what do I do? What is even my life.

    Is pursuing this even anywhere in the BALLPARK of acceptable? I mean... I wouldn't ever.. you know, get physical with her...until she's legal. God no.
    We just have this sweet, innocent, cute sort of puppy love that I've always wanted. So many people I've dated have all this heavy baggage and serious emotional problems and lost their innocence ages ago. I seem to attract myself to the teenage/young adult equivalents of biker babes, lol. And I just.. ugh, I don't know. What am I even thinking?

    I mean, I guess what got me really really thinking about all of this is, she sits next to me on the bus. And today, I dunno why, when I sat next to her, she said, "Hi! :3" in her tiny voice, and slowly laced her fingers between mine and rested her head on my arm. I didn't know whether to melt or cringe. And I kinda mentally did both.

    I just really don't even know... what to even like... dammit, guys.

  2. #2


    if it helps, when I was in senior year of HS, I had a friend who dated a 14-year-old...

    the 'ship sailed for a year & was a happy journey while it lasted...

    don't think it's a big deal personally for an 18-year-old to date a 14-year-old

    good luck...

  3. #3


    I'd say stay friends until she is legal. Like you said it sounds like puppy love and if anybody even got a slight idea that you two were having sex you would go to jail so fast it would make your head spin. And people grow up alot at that age by the time she is legal she could be a different person. My advice would be to stay friends until she is legal.

  4. #4


    I have a theory that we who like diapers, have a wide streak of immaturity which runs through us. From my perspective, 4 years isn't a big gap, because I'm 65 years old. But there is a large interest gap from 14 and 18 years old.

    Members who have been on this site for a few years probably know my story. When I was 12, I had this best friend, also my age, and we did everything (normal) together. It was that age where kids bond with their best friend. My parents went bankrupt that year and we suddenly had to move. I lost a whole week of consciousness, and when I realized I was at our new house, and in bed, my mom told me I had a nervous breakdown, now known as a psychotic break. I believe that a part of my maturity, especially the part that identifies with others, stayed fixed at the age of 12.

    When I was in college, age 19, I ran into my parents newspaper boy who was 14, and fell hopelessly in love with him. We had a very tight friendship, and like with my other friend, we did everything together (not sex), though I was very turned on by him. Eventually he grew a little older and had other interests, and I grew up a bit when I graduated college, and eventually married and started my family.

    So I guess what I'm saying is that life is an adventure and it's meant to be experienced. Enjoy this girl for who she is and enjoy your relationship with her. Like me and John (paper boy), I knew I couldn't push beyond certain boundaries. It was frustrating for me, but I still value the friendship we had. If I could go back in time, I would do the same thing over again. It's our relationships with others that may be the most important things we do during our lifespan on planet earth.

    In the bigger picture, girls mature quicker than boys, so her maturity level may be at age 16 and perhaps, yours is as well. And if it matters, as a teacher, I have lunch at school every day with three 12 year old students who are very smart, and hate the chaos of the cafeteria. I feel honored by their presence. We talk about computer games and movies. I'm still 12 on the inside, and life is still a wonderful place to live.

  5. #5


    I had a friend who went out with a girl when he was 17 and she was 14 (so not much different). It raised a few eyebrows, but no one had that much of a problem with it. They were quite innocent and didn't do much other than holding hands and cuddling, and they mostly saw each other when we all met up as a group so there was really nothing questionable going on.

    Just remember that you're older and the slightest thing could be seen as taking advantage of her... so... I'd just stay make sure you're on your best behaviour so that no one could accuse you of acting improperly. You say that she's interested in the whole *B/Babyfur thing, which is cool, but I'd avoid any kind of play that involves diapers. That would look extremely dodgy... But if you're 100% "pure and innocent", so to speak, and have her best interests at heart, I don't think there's any reason not to be close friends. After all, you're basically two kids who go to the same school... it's not that strange that you should develop a friendship. Having a crush is probably fine too, but you can't really act on it for now (other than a little kiss & cuddle), even if she wants to.

    Oh, I forgot to say -- the 14 & 17 year old I knew got married after five years and are still together almost 15 years later... the age gap quickly became irrelevant, no laws were broken and everyone lived happily ever after. So you never know... sometimes it's worth the wait...

  6. #6


    I stopped at the age difference. You better check yourself before you wreck yourself. You're treading on thin ice that WILL BREAK. And when it does the entire rest of your life will be affected. Get far enough away from her that your feelings go away. I used to be a firefighter and EMT so now you can say you've gotten a professional opinion. I'm sorry bud, it might hurt, but it's for the best for both of you.

  7. #7


    My Biology teacher had a rule for these situations. Half your age plus seven years is the youngest you should go.

  8. #8


    Age means less and less the older you get, so as long as you keep within the law I see no problem with any of this
    Why is a 18 year old dating a 14 any more wrong than a 80 year old married to a 18 year old (heffner, playboy dude) ?

  9. #9


    It doesn't matter if the feelings are real. There are way too many legal downsides to go any further with it. Just the accusation can ruin your life. Suppose one of her parents get pissed at you for some reason? Suppose someone finds out about her furry/diaper thing and connects you to it? Suppose a teacher imagines they see something.... remember teachers are required by law to report anything looking like child abuse.

    Innocent or not, you of legal age, her underage is an extremely dangerous minefield. It didn't used to be this bad, but with the media induced frenzy over predators, its better to play it safe until she's legal, or at least much closer to it.

  10. #10


    Don't freak? Seriously?

    If some horny 18 year old pervert was seen holding hands with my 14 year old innocent little princess, I'd probably hack his balls off myself...or barring that...have him brought up on any & all charges of which I (and my high-priced lawyer) could think!

    That is what people are going to think when they see the two of you together. It doesn't matter how 'innocent' your 'relationship' might be, you are 18 and she's 14. As some enterprising person has put it (on facebook) "You're 18 and she's 14? That's not dating, that's babysitting!" ,

    Let's look at it from a different angle...two years ago (not that long, really) were 16 and experimenting with sex...she was 12 and playing with dolls!

    Someone mentioned Hugh Hefner who, at 86, married a 26 year old (Crystal Harris-Hefner is NOT 18!). Sorry, that doesn't compare remotely to the current situation. Both Hefner and his bride are legal adults and fully capable of making adult decisions (without any fear of one of them going to jail).

    Once everyone hits the magical age (be it 17, 18, 21, whatever)...then age differences don't matter so much.

    My advice...back off...don't put yourself into a situation which could very well end up with you spending time behind bars.

    Rhode Island

    The age of consent in Rhode Island is 16. Sexual intercourse with a minor aged 15 by an actor 18 or older is third degree sexual assault, sexual intercourse with a minor under the age of 15 by an actor of any age is child molestation. However, there is a close in age exception that allows people aged 16–17 to have sex with a minor aged 15, but not younger.

    11-37-6 Third degree sexual assault. – A person is guilty of third degree sexual assault if he or she is over the age of eighteen (18) years and engaged in sexual penetration with another person over the age of fourteen (14) years and under the age of consent, sixteen (16) years of age.[80] 11-37-8.1 First degree child molestation sexual assault. – A person is guilty of first degree child molestation sexual assault if he or she engages in sexual penetration with a person fourteen (14) years of age or under.[81]

    80.^ "11-37-6". Retrieved 10 August 2012.
    81.^ "11-37-8.1". Retrieved 10 August 2012.

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